I was planning on going to live with a kid I met on the internet, actually the house he say's "is surrounded by forest", and apart from the room at his parents house, we would have an entire place to ourselves nearby, because his parents are supposedly rich. I have a lot of interest in experimenting with music and making something carefully, to make it worthwhile, but I lose my patience all of the time. I lose my patience with my art, and I decide to stop working on a song, when that happens, it's pretty much over forever because I never get back to it to see if I can fix it. AND DO NOT GET ME WRONG, I may just be saying this and talking a load of shit, because I tend to do that a lot, but I'm trying to figure out if what I have done artistically up until this time has any value to me, or if it's just plain shit..Should I just leave it alone and not worry about it? Should I share my work and say that it is complete? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!! My musical tastes are actually very good I'd say, I listen to many different artists and can find peace listening to so many different styles. Also, as for my relationships with people, I will elaborate more on that: I do not see anything going on with me and other people. NOTHING! I have people that I have started things with, but I really am not optimistic at all about it. I know a kid who said he would get some coffee on Saturday, and he contacted me on Craigslist after a musicians wanted ad I put up.

. I do not know him at all, and I get the feeling this can be very awkward. He told me that he gets depressed when he talks to depressed people- implying I am depressed. I told him I am not depressed, and he said "we'll see.". We share a few common interests, but what's that good for? Don't we all share common interests? It doesn't matter does it?...................
A girl I know, I really really like her.....She likes me too, but now things have gone a bit bad.. We had an ok converstion, something I haven't had in such a long time... We drank together with a friend of hers, and after her friend left we were alone and had a very intimate conversation, we kept looking each other straight in the eyes and it was a precious moment for me, something I am scared I will never have again. I liked her very much, and she told me that we could go places together, (if you know what I mean). She told me we could do really big things. And I know that I can.. I have it in me, but I cannot find it right now!!! So, she told me that she wanted to have a relationship with me, that I could call her mine. But I rejected her, and I told her that I did not believe in commitment or morals. I also told her I cared about nothing, and she told me she was going to help me, but she has not fucking done shit!

Nothing's going okay, I need help, I need her to get me the fuck out of this hole I have dug myself into...this hole is slippery and muddy.... it's quick sand. But then, I also feel strange, because though I like her very much, I imagine myself with another girl who I like in a different way. This girl I like in a different way, seems to have some sort of potential that is infinitely difficult to let loose. I want this other girl too, so fucking bad. I imagine dancing with her, to some sort of waltz? In a room alone with her, rowing in a canoe with her through a lake in the middle of the night, complete silence, and looking at each other occasionally, straight into each others eyes, with a look of complete honesty, optimism, and understanding. But why is it that I have not brought this into my life, why is it that this is not happening? Why must my mind plague me with these daydreams????????????????????????????????
I wish that I could just do what I pleased for eternity, and not turn back after I do them, but just keep on walking...and now, I feel like,----OH MY GOD.!@#! It's HAPPENING!!! Now it feels like things are turning to the better, because I have explained so much, so maybe I will show all of this text to a friend, and maybe I will show it to a shrink, maybe to my mother. Maybe nobody will read it and understand...

bump, I am finished writing this, let the advice flow, fucking please!

Get older.

>>7604537
thank you for the advice, I will not take it lightly.

please help

Let me elaborate a bit more, that person I was going to go live with was to form a circle with me, meaning a circle of artists. This actually is something I would look forward to, living at a place with a few friends, or a flat in the city, and having a great relationship with them...

OP, I think you need to see a mental health professional before you make any life decisions like the ones you're considering.

>>7604793
thank you, I've thought of doing that and maybe I will

Jesus fuck why did you make me read all of that. You know you could've just thrown it into like 6 lines of pertinent greentext, if you weren't a moron. Withholding advice out of spite.

I want to see your artwork, OP.

You're a loser OP you think you're special ,but you're no different than a hipster.You deserve your fate.I hope you enjoy being a hobo.

>>7604813
Do it. You sound like you have some issues you have to talk out with someone actually qualified to give advice. You also remind me of my cousin who has a personality disorder.

>>7604819
it is my way of explaining myself, and you didn't have to read it all.
>>7604831
Maybe i can post up a few paintings/drawings, but i think that my music is the best that ive done, so i might upload a song or two on soundcloud for you to check out.
>>7604837
I know that I am special... as for being no better than a hipster, I have no interest in that..


here's one of my paintings

>>7604887

>>7604866
i know that a friend would be much better though, which is what i really want. to just spill out a huge talk with a girl that I know.

this is another painting of mine, and ill tell you that im actually not proud of these..

Maybe you have to try another perspective.
Through art people try to show how smart they are, how deep the messages they portray are.
Get this out of your head. Seriously get it out you never want to prove to someone else how smart you are, you only alienate them like this. You want to show them how nice you can be.
Showing you are smart will get you nowhere in life. Trust me, I was there before. I mean the discussion with the girl about your beliefs on morals and stuff? Change it, you can't change the world so change yourself, what if they are stupid, what if the movie's unrealistic, what if the music is same shit over and over again. Get over it, like it, deal with it and be accepted.

>>7604908
It's easy to think that way, but trust me. Therapists are way different than a friend who you can trust (those are pretty great though). Good therapists ask the right questions and notice things you don't even notice yourself.

Your friend can't do much more than listen. That's great, but you sound like you need some real help.

>>7604908
actually, its not that im not proud, i am. I just have had these thoughts of all of my "art" just being something that ive done because im bored, not with any care at all, and not with any wanting to make it something truly valuable to me...throwing away all of my paintings and sketchbooks, im not sure if i regret that sometimes.

>>7604941
That's good.

If you're satisfied with your own art, you will NEVER improve.

>>7604924
thank you for the words, I don't want to show anybody how smart I am, I just want to be honest with them, and being nice is what I want. Being nice to me basically means being honest. I do not believe anybody deserves anything at all, but I want to be honest anyways, it is the only way for anybody to live.

>>7604926
i will definitely not dismiss that from my consideration, a professional would definitely be something to give some thought to, but they ARE doing a job, and if i cannot be completely honest with somebody, i.e. tell them that i am going to do LSD or something after i leave that session, then, there is nothing for me at a psyychologist, but I can imagine that the honesty can be given without mentioning some words, if you know what i mean? Like, not saying that I am into drugs, but having a hidden knowing that I am.. kind of difficult to explain

>>7604979
that is so true...

another painting of mine incase some of you art still around, this one was digital