To stir the pot a bit; what do you guys think of polyamory?
I saw a thread somewhere the other day with a bunch of betas whining about how it would leave no women for them, and how only 20% of men would take all the women.

What are your thoughts?

In my experience its hard enough dealing with one emotional women I would never want to deal with multiple. But if the women are fine not being the one and the guy can handle it then I don't see the issue. And its is already that a small amount of guys get the girls no matter what those al the alphas.

I'm
>pretty young
>single
>attractive (but short)
>work at a university

There are pretty girls all around me every day but all I do is pass them on the sidewalk. Where can I hang out to mingle with students and meet some people? Keep in mind I am staff, not faculty.

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>>10684286
I would tend to agree. Personally, I think most people live in polyamory as it, just not consenting. While individuals may feel compelled to marry as a means to "locking up" their partner and ensuring eternal loyalty, it's often not the case. Often the alphas (male or female) are still pursued on the side, while the "betas" are still treated like "betas" unknowingly.

Also, I hate the term "alpha" and "beta" ... much faggy time.

>>10684300
In my experience, university is hands-down the EASIEST place to meet women.
You have classes you can talk to them in, or form study groups in. BS a little bit, get to a comfortable level, and one day say "Hey, we're gunna go get drinks tonight at ____, you should come!" etc
If you're staff (depending on what department) I'm sure there are girls you work with you can talk to. Same process.
I mean anywhere on campus really, library, cafe, study areas, etc.
If you are into the "cold-approach" style of meeting women, then try bars around campus and just saying hi when you walk past them.

That part is up to you, i've never been a fan of "cold-approach" until a person is VERY comfortable in their own skin. Usually networking will grant you much better success.

>>10684300
What outlets have you tried? Also, why don't you talk to the pretty girls you walk past on campus? Have you tried smiling and making small talk?

>>10684316

I haven't really tried anything. I work in an office so when I'm walking around I am either going to work or going home, and students are usually rushing somewhere. What do you say to someone you just saw walk by for 2 seconds?

Alright. My shituation.
So, I'm stuck in a sticky situation. I went from not having any girls interested in me to having like three… So about me, I'm nothing special, 6-7/10 and awfully socially awkward to cover the basics. So there is three girls

1. Jordan- She's like pretty as hell, 9/10 easy, and has shown some interest in me. She and I are set to see a film on the 21st. And she makes an effort to talk to me as much as she can. But she works, goes to school, and college and is affiliated with a billion different clubs, so I'm not sure if it will work. I knew her from freshman year and she switched schools. So yeah..

2. Michelle- Not sure about this one. Feel like she shows some interest but her and I are like complete opposites.. So I'm just kind of leaving her on the backburner right now..

3. Katey- Now Katey is an interesting one. I've hung out with her once, she and I went to middle school together. So it's not like i haven't met her. She's pretty, like an 8/10. She's fun to be around, had a great time when we hung out together but there is some things that turn me away.. She has messed around with other guys, and to me I don't like it, I believe in purity until marriage and all that jazz. And she has major trust issues. I try to care about her but she pushes me away, she had both her father and stepfather walk out on her, so yeah. She also cuts, which scares the living daylights out of me. And the other thing, which matters to me, is she wants tattoos, and no offense meant, i think they are unattractive and I don't like them. But I like her, and she is fun to be around, and Yeah..

So… I'm at a crossroads of not knowing what to do here..

>>10684338
Katey is a no-go. You've already listed a paragraph of things you don't like about her. Not worth pursuing in any sort of long-term relationshit. These "dislikes" will snowball into a mountain of fights and misery. Keep her as a good friend, and entertain the idea of meeting other (more compatible) girls through her network of friends.

Michelle seems like she has potential, but you are scared of her opposing views. Again, this will pan out the same as Katey on a long enough timeline. Again, I recommend keeping her as a good friend and networking more compatible females through her circle of friends. You said it yourself; "Keeping her on the back burner".

Pursue Jordan. If you are really into someone, it takes precedence and you will make time. I'm not saying she'd ever drop her academic pursuits to sit around with you all day, and you have to accept that there may be higher priorities, but if she ends up liking you, she WILL fit you in.
Why do you feel like it wouldn't work? Do you require more time than she'd be willing to give?

Keep in mind that old cliche of "distance makes the heart grow fonder". Often new couples spend every single moment together, move in right away, and completely hate each other -- all in the span of 5-8 months lol.
Embrace some distance. It'll only make you guys like each other more (Assuming this works out for you).

>>10684242 (OP)
It obviously comes as no surprise to you, that many guys haven't dated by their early 20's.

I myself am I that situation, how should one go about getting themselves into, and understanding, the context of dating?

What are some key points you should at least be aware of to help ensure a date goes well? (I'm not talking a step by step guide ofc)

>Backup questions
How do you greet the female at the beginning of a first date?

How do you farewell the female at the end of the first date? Does it depend?

>>10684338
Kinda answered your question yourself, I don't feel I helped much :)
You seem like a guy who is very dead-set in his views, so I recommend that you keep in mind the dramas that will unfold when attempting to force a relationshit with girls who oppose them. Kinda seems like a dead end, doesn't it?

>>10684338

Not OP but, I'd avoid girls with trust issues. I'm currently in a relationship and my gf has a lot of trust issues.
It's not the relationship isn't good, it's just.. The get so clingy, constantly want you to text them, will ask is she prettier than me, do you like my friend etc.
If you can handle it and supply that to them for a long period, isn't will get better. But it will take a lot of time.

Will also post my question in a next post.

What do you think of relationships where... The guy doesn't seem to care about the relationship when it gets away from him?

As in... he doesn't care about breaking up. Doesn't chase at all.

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>>10684349
Here's the thing, anon...
when you view dating and relationships as a strict formula with dead-set schematics and blueprints, you are setting yourself up for trouble.
The human social spectrum is entirely dynamic; there is no catch-all, no formula. Nothing will work on EVERYONE. There are some "good shots" and "educated guesses" at best.
Please keep this in mind during your experiences in dating.

Instead of focusing on "what do I do to make her like me?" "what is the correct way to ____" try focusing on actually (omg) having fun on the date! Try abandoning all formulas (scary, I know) and just getting to see what this girl is all about. Try to act like you were just having a conversation with a friend of 5+ years. Relax. Have fun.

That is the best "outline" I could ever give. There is no outline. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

There are a lot of common sense items to dating when it's brand new... ie; you don't want to talk about ex's, tragedy, misery, your inadequacies, etc.

Your first couple of dates are supposed to be a highlight reel of you as a person. Play up your positive qualities without sounding like a bragging douche, and save your inadequacies or dramas for later on.

In my experience, "dating" is simply a weed-out pool. You garner attention from multiple women, gain some interest, and pool them. you spend some time with each, and figure out which ones suit you the best - you narrow out the "shit".
Then you invest time in the one(s) you find the most compatible and see if they are truly relationshit material.
It's a screening process.
Remember; it's not always about YOU impressing the girl! SHE should impress YOU as well.. or she isn't worth any more of YOUR time.

>>10684349

Having fun and relaxing are the key points. Next to that, It's important to toss in some genuine compliments and light flirting to gauge her interest. Based on the level of reciprocity, either ramp it up, or chalk it up as a loss.
Again, feel her out to see if she's something you'd want to spend more time on.

I think your last two questions are far too specific and representative of someone who is looking for a "play-by-play" outline.
How do you say hi to your friends when you meet them somewhere? How do you say goodbye to them?

>>10684346
See Let's Take a look at it.
Katey- I don't know why. but The cutting, I believe I can help her work through, and grow stronger with her. I wrote the most about her because she is the only one I have actually hung out with. And I have gotten over the messing around. But it is the tattoos that get me. I don't know. I like her, she's pretty smart, nice, etc. And as well, her whole family likes me, she said, Her mom wanted to meet me when I came to pick her up, we went to a film festival, her brother is kind of friends with my brother. And her sister knew me because she goes to a school I frequently volunteer at. And She said to me her sister said we should date, so... I'm confused.

Michelle, Yeah, I don't know, I just, it's kind of fleeting with her. More of a friend, but it is just like everything I like she dislikes, etc. So I agree with you there.

Jordan, well, Yeah, I can see what you mean by, that. I just don't know I mean, I talk to her as much as I can. But I don't feel like she is that interested in really having a boyfriend rght now. Like it isn't just me.

I'm doing something stupid: I'm having an affair with a dude already shacked up with someone else. It started off as a purely sexual arrangement, but since I'm a gigantic faggot, I let my feelings toward him snowball beyond that. Do I have any right to ask for advice?

>>10684369
Thanks, I understand the concept a bit better now. Especially when you referred to the situation as being "dynamic".

My backup questions were more or less regarding the appropriateness of a kiss.

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>>10684242 (OP)
OP, I donno if this is your area of expertise, but I've been posting this around /adv/ for the last coupe of days, and have got a little bit of advice but nothing really solid. I shall tell you my story in greentext.
>Get really drunk on Saturday, like black out mode
>send my girlfriend (who is away at school) a bunch of really mean texts for no reason
>next day, she's pissed, obviously
>we talk, she says she doesn't want it to end but it's not gonna be the same
>I tell her I'm gonna stop drinking (I am)
>she says it's gonna take some time to go "back to the way things were"
>fair enough
>we're still texting occasionally for the last few days, very basic, dry conversation
>Monday night, she texts me saying "I think someone changed my relationship status on facebook so don't freak out"
>I check, it's set to "widowed"
okay.jpg
>Yesterday I drive an hour and a half to see her for 25 minutes
>give her a hand-written letter I wrote the night before
>we have a small chat, again she says she doesn't wanna just end it
>she asks for a break
>I say I'm not comfortable with that, people who go on breaks don't get back together
>she doesn't really push the idea
>text her that night, asking her if she can at least change her status back
>says she will when she gets home that night
>she doesn't
>I still text her goodnight and say I love her every night

Am I doing the right thing here? I donno if I should just straight up stop texting her for a week or two? Should I keep with the goodnight shit? Is she just stringing me along until she can find another dude? I'm lost, scared and confused. Help me OP.

>>10684355
Totally agree! Not to be sexist, but I've found that all women are like to this some degree -- your aim should be to find women who possess this trait in minimal amounts.

>>10684356
It depends. Detachment is almost always a form of self-defense mechanism. People disconnect because they can't stand the hurt caused by disappointment, rejections, etc.
If your apathy is rooted in that, then it will be problematic if you plan to keep any kind of long term relationshit (IE; marriage). If you do not, then I guess it's kind of irrelevant, isn't it?

If it's just an issue of letting the girl go when it's break-up time, I don't really see a "problem" to it. You are probably mentally convinced that she is no longer worth the trouble, or that trouble shouldn't exist in the amounts that it does. Many people will rarely ever chase a girl after break-up unless they are hopelessly desperate and inexperienced, or truly in love with her.

It may be indicative that you just honestly did not love the person as much as you may have thought.

running out of shit to talk about.
what do?

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1/2

Let me start by saying I have plenty of experience when it comes to relationships, but I do tend to shoot myself in the foot a lot.

So right now there are two girls I'd be interested in pursuing casually, not really sure on whether I'd want a relationship right now but take that as it comes I guess. I pretty much have no idea how to read either of these situations, so advice on how to proceed would be nice... Both stories are a bit long

So, without further ado

J:
Moderately attractive, maybe a 6 or 7/10, but fun to be around and musical, which is a plus for me. Now we were at a party the other week, where we flirted for roughly 50% of it and then she got distant. At one point we ended up sitting on the bed together in a room with no one else around, drinking wine and joking around. Then my friend walks in and spoils the moment after which she gets up and goes back to the party. I pretty much went off and did my own thing for the rest of the party until close to leaving time when her best friend (also a close friend of mine) comes out to talk to me. She fills me in that J was talking about me for a lot of the night and that I totally should have gone for it. She then tells me that J just gets unsure of things sometimes and says that if she goes and tells J that I'm interested that J would hook up with me. So she goes off to do so and eventually we do hook up, as the taxis arrive, at which point J tells me I have to leave because theres no room to stay (it was her house).

Talked to her a couple times since but nothing major. I initiated each time. Did I blow it here or should I continue trying to talk to her?

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Now part 2.

E:
Two years younger than me. Worked with her when I was in year 12 (was 18, now 20) and she was in year 10 (16, now 18). We also went to school together and talked a fair bit for a while, but she hung out with a really bitchy group of girls so I was always too much of a spaghetti to approach her at school. This girl is now a solid 8-9/10. Basically, she'd been bitching to me that she hadn't found any guys nice enough yada yada, and was mildly flirting with me. I ended up buying her flowers at one point and she told me it was the nicest thing anyone had done, and I told her it was to show her that "guys could be nice". At that point I'm pretty much 98% sure she would have said yes if I asked her out, but instead I let the spaghetti flow and was all "uhh, yeah anyway BAI". Didn't really talk to her again until about a week later at which point she stopped me and said she had a boyfriend now (some guy had literally asked her out an hour earlier lol).
She is single now, but we haven't spoken in two years.

Would it be weird for me to initiate contact again?

>>10684372
Jordan probably isn't focused on getting a boyfriend. That doesn't mean that if you two hit it off she would not be open to the idea.
You may be right, she may use the "I dont have time" excuse. However, it is obvious in your writing that she is your biggest interest, therefore I recommend you pursue your greatest interest :)
Worst case scenario, she says no, you remain good friends. Also, in case you didn't notice, I'm a big advocate for networking. A girl like her will also have like-minded friends more suitable to your beliefs/goals.

You sound like you want to save Katey. Of course her parents like you - you're not a fuck up. You sound like a good kid with strong beliefs and structure. Of course they want that for their daughter - wouldn't you want that for your future kids?
Please, if nothing else, take my advice on this - do NOT try to save girls. You can't. They have to save themselves.
Be her friend, enjoy the time you spend with her, but do NOT try to save her or feel pressured/guilty for not wanting to invite her lifestyle into your own.

I was in a long-term relationship, 10 years plus and now I'm dating again I'm finding it difficult getting back into 'wooing' mode. I don't really feel that motivated to be romantic and cute. I feel this is putting girls off. I'm a pretty fun and straight forward guy, but I'm not really into flirting and other crap.

Am I totally fucked forever now I've had a real relationship because most of the girls I've met have never had proper relationships and want everything to be like a shitty romance film or teenage love fantasy and I just can't be arsed with that?

So I've decided not to pursue a coworker, I'm interested in, but would it be bad if I made friends with him? Or would a friendship be more trouble than what its worth because I'm attracted to this guy?

>>10684373
Well sure. The only people I don't like helping are junkies. Not my area of expertise lol...
Cheating happens. It shouldn't, and it's tragic, but it's a fine example of primal urges taking over rational consciousness.
You have to recognize two things:
1) It may never develop into some luxurious, loving, eternal happiness relationshit. He may wake up one day and be like "WTF AM I DOING?" and cut you off entirely.
2) If he does end up leaving the wife for the "new" girl, it is very likely the process will repeat with your heart being the broken one in the end.

I lol'd when you said you're a gigantic faggot for letting your feelings grow. Basically, yea, but don't beat yourself up. It's hard not to.
Keep in mind that it's easy as hell to fall for someone when it's new, fresh, and exciting...
but those feelings are a different story once you REALLY get to know them inside and out. You probably wouldn't even like him in a year or two anyway. You'd probably hate his guts lol

>>10684356

I was about to ask that because I am the guy.

The girl...she's sweet, but when she's having a bad day, it's an absolute wreck and everything I do is under scrutiny.

I told her straight up that when she is ready to deal with me, we'll meet up and talk, but I'm just gonna do my thing.

I guess the other thing is when she's mad, having a conversation is impossible. She will be incredibly stubborn and will not budge for anything, instead opting to throw a silent tantrum until lets me know every way I fucked up and every way she is perfect.

Basically acting like a kid.

I don't want to break up, but I know that's probably the best choice

This isn't exactly directly relationshit I suppose but it's worth a try.

I'm awful sure that soon I'll be dating an Indian guy. We're in those beginning stages so it's not totally a sure thing, but you get the picture.

My problem here is, uh, our families. My family is white, mostly Catholic, and severely racist. There's no racial slur I haven't heard out of their mouths.
I'm also rather ignorant about other cultures because I grew up in a school system that was 97% rich white kids.

As for his family, I'm pretty sure his parents immigrated here (America) considering they go back to India very regularly. Would their reaction be similar to my family's? Unhappy? I don't wish to strain anyone's family dynamic, so I'm worried.

The main question is, is it even worth pursuing? I think it would be short-term anyhow, but you never know how it's going to grow.
Should I just ignore it all and go for it, fuck tha police?

>>10684384
>It may be indicative that you just honestly did not love the person as much as you may have thought.
T-thanks.. although that was painful for me to read.

>>10684376
If you flirt successfully, and feel there is a good back and forth dialect between you, with minimal awkwardness, then sure. It is appropriate.
Worst outcome; she says no. If she still hangs out, she may just want to go slow. If you feel she's worth it, continue with patience. If she avoids you after the kiss rejection, she wasn't worth any more of your time anyway, now was she?

>>10684383
You hurt her, bro. She's withdrawing from you because of how badly your words impacted her. Before I give any further advice, I recommend you work on your ability to control your emotions when drunk.
Having said that, I am not personally one to believe in long-distance relationships at all, so my advice may be biased. I will attempt to remain unbiased in the sense that you have to factor in that her best friends KNOW what you said, and likely saw the texts.
In addition, they now see you in a negative light (hence why they changed her status, like a big "FUCK YOU" to you for what you did)
They are now making every attempt to convince her to ditch you, and when she confesses to talking to you they are all going "OH WTF WHY".
It's a gigantic uphill battle with distance, friends that hate you, and new cocks fighting against you at every turn.

Is it salvageable? I dunno. That depends on her. Does she love you so much that she can forgive your words and remain faithful? Or will she likely want the college experience, and cave in to her peer pressure to "ditch the asshole" and meet new guys?
you are right to be scared and confused. The odds are stacked against you.
I would continue talking to her and attempting to salvage things (if you love her), but brace yourself for the adversity you're going to face.

>>10684386
Why is it solely YOUR responsibility to come up with entertaining things to talk about?
Why isn't she contributing to the conversation?

>>10684398
Haha! Me too, anon... me too! (well, minus the 10 year part)
Look, it's imperative that you find a girl who shares your attitude towards life and is open, fun, and easy-going. If a girl demands some Twilight romance, you guys are likely going to be incompatible. The best thing to do is just be funny and straight-forward. That way, you attract girls who appreciate funny and straight-forward, instead of bland women who want some unicorn fairytale. You're not that guy. don't pretend to be.

>>10684422
>Or will she likely want the college experience, and cave in to her peer pressure to "ditch the asshole" and meet new guys?
See, I don't think she would hook up with other guys as long as we're dating, that doesn't seem like her. I gave her several opportunities to come clean and say she wants to end it, but she didn't. She still won't talk to me like her boyfriend though. I'm sort of at a loss here. To me, it's completely worth it to salvage things, I love her and want nothing more than to keep her as my girlfriend.

>>10684390
You have more of a shot with E than with J, imo.
Girls often view drunken party hookups as a mistake, or little to no potential for anything more. Girls are just as horny as we are, and like us, often don't view one-nighters as serious potential.
You could try to argue your case and build one in favor of your long-term potential, but why? I wouldn't cut her off, but I wouldn't get my hopes set on being with her forever or anything.
With E no, it is not weird to initiate contact. A simple "HEY! How have you been stranger?! Long time no talk!" would be an easy way to get things going again. I wouldn't spend too much time "spaghetti'ing conversation, I would try to get together with her for something casual after a bit of short BS'ing. I emphasize "short".
Don't be so panicked around her, just have fun man. Treat her like a good friend that is easy to talk to, and just see where things go.

Even if neither of these girls play out how you want, there are millions more to choose from :)

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I tried to cut my ex out of my life because she was poison. I told her I didn't want to see or talk to her anymore.

That was two days ago. Today my best friend came to me and said that she asked him out last night and they're dating.

1. How can I prevent her from being in my life, now? I already told my friend that this is the only issue I have with them dating, but it's still a huge issue. I really don't like her, and I can't fathom why he thinks this is a good idea.

2. Am I crazy to think that this is just to dig at me? Every time I've stopped talking to her, something like this has happened. When I brought that up to her, she flipped out and said I'm constantly thinking of myself. It's kinda true, but I want someone to tell me it's not just me. She used to complain about how ugly, unattractive, and clingy he was. Not even two weeks ago she was saying this stuff.

3. She recently tried to commit suicide (swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills, no prior notifications, nearly died). I don't like her, but I don't want to see her dead. I told my friend that it was selfish of him to take her up on that because she's clearly not in a healthy enough mindset to worry about a relationship, on top of everything else. He got kinda offended and said "of course I thought about that" and left his explanation there. He's been trying to date her since the beginning of the year. Was I out of line for saying that? Honestly the thought of them together bothers me a little, but I'm an extremely prideful person and I'm sure it'll pass.

This girl has texted me a couple times (I usually initiate it) but doesn't really seem like she wants to hang out or even keep the conversation going. What the fuck, texting is so gay I just want to talk to her face to face.

>meet this cute girl with self esteem issues
>she used to do a lot of drugs but quit, used to hook up a lot, but quit that too
>we share a lot of interests, which is rare for me with anyone let alone girls, and I feel like I can be myself around her
>start dating, she's nowhere near as engaged in the relationship as I am
>she told me she slipped up this weekend and did some coke, now I'm afraid she's going to relapse
I don't know what I should do. It seems like this is a train wreck just waiting to happen, but I have grown fond of her.

>>10684426

Will do, the trouble I think is that I'm 30 and most of the girls I've seen since breaking up are in their early 20s. I don't remember being that naive and fucking dull at that age, but I might have been. All the girls my age are batshit crazy, dragging men down the aisles or to the maternity ward. It fucking sucks...

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>>10684400
friendship + attraction = feelings
Although I'm not a fan of claiming concrete formulas to human interaction, this is pretty basic at all levels :)
Your choice.
I wouldn't go cold and ignore him, but I would keep things at a distance if you do not feel it will be worthwhile to invest emotion.
What made you decide not to pursue him?

>>10684469
I'm no expert but it sounds like she's just trying to weasel her way back into your life, or try to fuck up your friendship with your bro.

>>10684466

Would it be weird for me to say something along the lines of "sorry for being so awkward way back when"?

>>10684407
that is DEFINITELY the best choice. Do NOT ever waste your time on childish, self-entitled women. RUN LIKE HELL.
(Yes, that is my professional, clinical advice lol)

>>10684408
Every thing you pursue in life, regardless of outcome, will grant you a valuable learning experience that will enrich you as a person and make you better prepared for future events.
True story.
But hippy shit aside, if you like him, I would say yes.

The problem is I'm not in your shoes. How badly would your parents react? Would they disown you? Or just crack racist jokes? Do you need to live under their roof with their provisions? If you need them as a life-line and feel they would disown you, I would approach with caution, especially for a "short-term" relationship... at least until you are capable of holding your own.

That is the reality side of things. On the other side, allowing other people to dictate who you can and can't love is pretty foolish, and a great way to end up miserable. You said you only know white culture; this is a great opportunity to explore some other cultures with an open mind. It's tragic that your parents have remained so closed-minded to these opportunities for themselves.
His family may react in a similar fashion to yours, you never know. I have found most other ethnicities to be skeptical at first, but welcoming once they realize you are not a racist prick and actually take genuine interest in their culture.

It's not something that can be boldly predicted; you are going to have to take a bold chance based on weighing the risks v. reward circumstances.
I would, personally, and be prepared for the shit-storm from my family when they find out. I'd also just enjoy the time with the person and not bring family into it for as long as possible.
But that's just me, and again, it's not my life to live.

>>10684477
Yeah, I figured that would be a bad idea.

Well he is my assistant manger for one. I just got my first job and I need the experience. I would ask for a cup of coffee/date, but I don't want to jeopardize my job by going out with him. I'm just worried a messy breakup might bring more trouble in the long run.

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Do you know a few good relationshit adive books for women, preferably with torrent?
Or generel advice for girls?

>>10684483
Well the first two times I stopped talking to her were when she

a) Started fooling around with my bro. That, and I found out she kissed another guy while we were dating.

After about a week, she sent me a text at 3am asking if I was sleeping with a friend of hers. After another, she called me at 5am saying she had tried to kill herself. I decided to swallow my pride and try to help out because I'm not petty enough to ignore something like that. Was it an attention grab? Probably, but still, wasn't willing to take the chance. Tried to help her out with her daily life, ask how she was doing, etc. I guess she told my bro that I was trying to get back with her, though she had invited me over three nights in a row and I told her we weren't having sex anymore. Then

b) she made out with my dad when I invited her over to a small party. She knew who he was, he didn't, so I don't blame him. I told her that it was fucked up and that we weren't going to be seeing each other at all, anymore.

Then came the 2nd suicide attempt, which was from what I understand, a much more serious attempt (nobody who was with her that night thought that she was acting oddly. She just went home early saying she had work in the morning and swallowed a bottle of pills [my roommate ran into her at the bar and said that she felt really guilty about my dad]). I sent her a text that simply said that I was extremely angry with her, but I didn't want to see her hurt and to surround herself with people who love her for a while. She apologized for everything, and I told her that we still weren't OK and that I still didn't want to see her.

That was.....Sunday.

>>10684429
Awesome! That is good!
Definitely keep trying. If you love her, you need to exhaust all of your options before throwing in the towel. Nothing sticks with you worse than giving up on someone that meant a lot to you.

She likely does not want to end things either, and is just really confused by your hurtful words and her disapproving friends. there is no doubt in my mind that she is still very attached to you, just hurt and temporarily withdrawn.

It sounds like you are doing the right things, you just have a hell of a battle on your hands. She sounds like she wants to salvage things too, but is unsure of what to do.
Have you talked to any of her friends? Do you know them at all, like even enough to send them a message on facebook or something?
If you do some damage control with the friends and win them over, you will have much better odds.
You might considering talking to one of her best friends about "look, i messed up really bad, I love ___ so much and i feel like total shit for what I did. You know her really well... so can you help me? What can I do?"
She is, of course, going to tell your gf about the message, and show it to her, but you win brownie points for humbling yourself and making an attempt to regain her respect.
If the friends forgive you, she will DEFINITELY forgive you... just something to think about

>meet guy
> develop slight feels for him
>he also has feels for me
>wanted relationship so we saw each other
>lie to him but it wasn't a cheat lie of anything really that can effect relationship
>tells me he can't trust me
Few days later
>make up
>go to visit him
>tells me not to see him because he thinks I'm lying to him again and that he can't be in a relationship
>ask him why he's like this
>tells me he can't trust people and he thinks I will cheat on him because his previous girlfriends did
>explain that I fell out with a good friend for cheating on her boyfriend so I highly doubt I would cheat as I am against it and if things weren't going right I would then tell him and I would try find a way around it
> believes me but then tells me that later he won't due to his mental health
Few days later
>limited conversation
> ask him If he still wants to talk
>gets angry and asks why I would think that tells me of course he does
>logs off
>limited conversation when he comes back online
> still calls me babe, darling etc
> want to talk about relationship but don't want to seem too eager or lose him

What do OP
What do

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>>10684469
Both your friend and the ex sound like poison. Cut them both out immediately, pursue more rewarding relationshits.
Sorry to be brief, but I think that these facts are pretty obvious to yourself and anyone reading this.
People who would behave that way have a lot of personal issues, and ones that you don't need anchoring you down.
Cut them loose and enjoy the absence of drama.
>>10684471
It's 2012, anon. Texting is the preferred means of communication. Each generation gets progressively more and more detached from face-to-face interaction.
If you are always initiating, always "forcing" conversation, and making attempts to hang out that are met with rejection...
WTF are you continuing for?
Delete her number and get someone else's.

>>10684522
>Have you talked to any of her friends? Do you know them at all, like even enough to send them a message on facebook or something

Haven't talked to them, and barely even know them, only met her best friends twice, and that was after a few drinks. Messaging them sounds like it could be a good idea though.

>>10684500
Yeah.. yeah, you're right! I can't stay sheltered forever. I'm in the city on my own now so it's only fair that I should get to branch out and experience new things.

I'd get guilt trips all the way around about how unhappy I'm making my family, but I think they would still love me. I think they would only disown me if my interest were black. But that's not so relevant! So I'll go for it!

Thanks for the pep talk, janky!

>>10684474
It's easy to fall for people right away.
When you first start "clicking" with someone your brain releases all kinds of wonderful feeling neurotransmitters that people commonly misinterpret as "butterflies". This can happen with ANY new partner. ANY.
Meaning ANY partner that isn't a fucking toxic trainwreck.

Do you really want to pursue a relapsing coke-head that sleeps around? Someone so weak-willed that they view themselves as bottom-of-the-barrel value? Do you really want to play savior?
You do know what to do. You said it yourself.

>>10684500

I hate it even more because you are not the first, I've posted about her numerous times on /adv/ and /r9k/ and every single time the advice has been to drop her because she's a ticking time bomb. I didn't even get to the other shit she's done.


...It's painful that it has to come to this

>>10684476
We twins brah?
lol.
You remind me of me :) I'm in your age bracket as well, and I feel the exact same feel. I think we were all that dull back then, but life experience snapped us out of naivety. You live, you learn, you grow.
OR you live, you repeat, you whine about not getting what you want... which is obviously the case with marriage crazy 30 something singles. I had great luck with both age spectrums, but the key is compatibility. Don't attempt to even consider changing your personality, don't lower your bar, and don't give up when you're met with shit-tons of disappointment.
I've met 30 year old women more immature than 21 year olds, and well.. 20 year olds that are... 20. Conversely, I've met younger women that are brilliant, driven, and centered.
You just have to weed out the dipshits and pay more attention to the prospects :)

>ex lardo-neckbeard
>date girl
>she's nice, sweet and pretty cool
>intense conversation about some stuff
>says "lol"
>dump her on the spot
>alpha as fuck

Broke up w/ gf of 3 years due to diff. unis, having a real hard time getting over her (currently 6 weeks after break up).

She was my first gf/kiss/love, and lost my virginity to her.

Always think about her, depressed that I'm no longer with her, that she's probably dating other guys.

There were problems w/ relationship that I try and focus on to make myself feel that this was the right choice, and I've actually considered breaking up with her over these problems before (not the distance), but I always just end up depressed and thinking about her.

I've talked to her a few times, she seems to be doing much better than me, meeting guys, making friends, enjoying college. I'm trying to do the same, and I am making friends and enjoy myself sometimes, but my thoughts always wander back to her, and how I wish I could have her.

I know LDR don't work out.
I know I've just got to let it go and move on.
I know there are better people out there for me.
I tell myself this everytime I think of her, but it just doesn't help.

I don't know why I'm posting, I just need some encouragement I guess.

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>>10684485
No. But I wouldn't.
I also wouldn't spend a ton of time worrying about "saying the right things".
There is no such thing as a magical phrase that will make a woman love you or suck your cock ...

well, outside of "Hi, my name is Bradley Cooper"

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>>10684501
Oh yea. Avoid that shit-storm at all costs! lol..
Smart choice.

Although, if it is your first job and you feel that opportunities for employment are greater elsewhere, you could always pursue him once you leave. I would just press the mute button on your little crush for now.
>>10684512
On what? "Relationshit" encompasses a wide-array of topics. "For women" does as well.
What specific topics are you interested in?

>>10684516
If I were a garden gnome I'd slap your shit.
GTFO son. Stop dealing with this nonsense!!!

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>>10684559
Haha good point. Will say hi to her tomorrow I guess :)

Cheers buddeh

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>>10684534
>Cut them both out immediately, pursue more rewarding relationshits.

I realized that's what I was going to have to do while I was writing it out. I recently started talking to a great girl who told me flat out that she was interested in me, we've been texting for at least 7+ hours a day. She just went off to Uni, but she lives literally right down the block from me, so I think I'm going to try for an open relationship, maybe.

Another one of my bros has been really cool through the whole ordeal. I took her off facebook after shit went down, but I didn't bother blocking her or leaving any shitty messages. He took the liberty of calling her every offensive name he could think of and tank every one of her statuses with "SLUT" and "WHORE". She was too proud to block him. Though I did ask him to stop after the suicide attempt. I really don't want something like that on my conscious. His girlfriend is a huge cunt, but she's going to jail in a few weeks, so I guess it's OK.

It's funny, just last week I told him that I always find a reason to hate my best friends after a few years. It's not something I do on purpose, but it always happens. He got kinda worried and asked what I hated about him. I told him that he wastes his potential, and I wished that he'd take initiative in life. Welp, looks like he took my advice.

Got any advice on how to approach a girl in the University?
There is a lot of boys in my University but a small amount of girls
How can i approach a girl and make her feel like i am special and not like all the other boys that walk over her
How can i make her remember me?

File: 1347470038473.png-(191 KB, 300x411, 1347132497993.png)

>>10684564
Well I want to stay for atleast 6 months so I could put it on my resume. I will probably leave my job because I just wanted the experience for more job opportunities + the hours are kind of awkward. Until then 6 months...

>>10684559
Or "I'm a millionaire, want to go for a drive in my sports car?".

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Lately, I've been struggling with the fact that my boyfriend can and will be attracted to other women. (Long story.)

It just doesn't seem fair. I don't look at other guys. I CAN'T. I have to force myself to check someone else out (with a few rare exceptions,) and if I feel anything at all, it's muted and quickly followed by guilt and sometimes nausea. I don't know what to do. The unfairness of the situation and the fact that he looks at others, that he fantasizes, it makes me feel so insecure and stupid and unwanted.

Maybe I'M just the fucked-up one... I don't know anymore, and that, too, is hurting me.

>>10684523
Cut this shit off like cancer.
1) people who are controllingly jealous rarely ever get better. They are so insecure and spend their days comparing themselves to everyone, worried that someone will outshine them. In relationships they are so possessive that they will nearly cage someone up to avoid them "meeting someone better".

2) The old "i think you'll cheat cause everyone else cheated on me!" is fucking childish. Taking out the actions of past (failed) relationshits is a sure-fire way to guarantee that none of your present (or future) ones will EVER succeed. It is NOT the current persons fault that you were involved with shitty people previously. Everyone gets cheated on... it's no one's fault but the person who did the cheating. Drop the fucking baggage!

3) His "mental state" ? RUN. Unless you are an aspiring counselor, such as myself, you will not want to play the role of "Shrink" couple with the role of "girl who gets yelled at and interrogated for everything she does".

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>>10684565
I'm not a beta, I want you to understand. I'm not hung up on her or anything (I'm a little jealous, but I'm like that by nature). I've been trying to work through some serious anger issues lately, and I feel like part of that is learning to swallow my pride and not let the actions of others determine my behavior. When I started talking to her again, I was genuinely trying to be a good friend, not a good ex-boyfriend. I even refused to let her suck my dick as a "thank you" for driving her home from work when her car broke down.

Pride or no, I won't be fooled a second time.

>>10684579
Not OP, but I'm like that too. Probably because you are not physically attracted to random strangers because you need an emotional investment first.

>>10684579
Is this your first relationship? Is it his?

>>10684535
Right? It couldn't possibly hurt. Shoot them a message of humble nature, apologizing and asking for advice on how to repair. Even if you barely know them you could sugar-coat it with "Hey, I know I barely know you but im really confused and worried about _____"

>>10684539
Yeee!
You're good then! Enjoy!
If they claim you are making them unhappy, politely and tactfully remind them of how unhappy their mandatory segregations of your dating pool have made you.

>>10684593
I guess. But even friends I used to have an attraction to (non romantic) don't do anything for me anymore.

I also can't stop thinking that all he does when I'm around is ogle others. It's probably not true, but I hate it. Only he can tell me or re-assure me otherwise, though, so I'm really only typing it out to vent...

>>10684568
Someone?

>>10684579
oh gosh, I know this feeling
I can recignize if a guy is good looking, but nobody is as attractive to me as my boyfriend

and I know that he'll look at other girls and think about how hot they are and check out girls that have what I don't have... I feel like I'll never be good enough

>>10684599
No, it's my fifth. Dunno for him. I'm inexperienced because my other relationshits only lasted two months, at most. (Will be three for this one on the 24th of September)

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>>10684543
If the advice is unanimous then it should tell you something.
Painful, yes. Necessary, yes.
Like I said, it's a learning curve. The silver lining is that you are unlikely to get involved with women exhibiting similar traits in the future.
Here's to progress!!!! Cheers!

>>10684552
haha... funny, but a bit extreme, don't you think?
Were you leaning towards dumping her prior, or did her response just really irk you that much?

Also; doing anything to look "alpha" is "beta" as fuck cuzzz :)

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>>10684608

So how does attraction work? I'll find cute guys, but I end up never doing anything because I don't get an emotional attraction from just a glance. Guys I tend to be attracted to, I have to know for a bit and interact with them. Am I going about this the right way? Or am I missing out on opportunities because I didn't even get to interact with them? I know I shouldn't hit on every cute guy, but when would be the right conditions to pursue?

>>10684557
The rebound curve for women is much simpler due to societal conditioning. Men are the pursuers, women the pursuee. Of course a young, cute girl in college will be meeting guys and making friends; they're throwing themselves at her.
When you are surrounded and bombarded with options it makes things pretty simplistic.

However, you dwelling on it, being gloomy, and wishing things were different isn't doing anything to repair YOUR situation at all.
Stop it.
Stop comparing.
It's not a fucking competition.

Stay busy to keep your mind off of her. Focus on your studies, focus on work, focus on hobbies, focus on the gym, go for long runs/walks with some good music, read more, etc. etc. etc.
Start easing her out of your mind by filling it with more productive things. Take your friends up on invites to go ANYwhere or do ANYthing.

I've been friends with a girl for about 8 months. We talk nearly every day. The past few days she has been acting distant (not responding to texts often) and she also deleted her facebook the other day for some reason. Any idea what might be going on with her? I decided I have developed feelings for her and would like to ask her out, should I just go for it?

The last few times I've asked her to hang out (as friends) she's made excuses or not responded. The excuses were definitely legitimate but I still feel awful when she ignores me. We have hung out a lot in the past and never had any issues between us.

>>10684601
>Right? It couldn't possibly hurt. Shoot them a message of humble nature, apologizing and asking for advice on how to repair. Even if you barely know them you could sugar-coat it with "Hey, I know I barely know you but im really confused and worried about _____"

Thanks for the advice janky, appreciate it!

Girl I like used to be very open, but is now very tense when talking to me.

What could be the cause?

>>10684567
You hang out with some toxic ass people, bro. What are you doing in life that attracts these kinds?? I would evaluate your life a little bit and see if maybe there are some "less than respectable" activities or attitudes you are adopting that invite like-minded toxicity.

Good to hear that your options are brightening up, and that you had a friend sticking up for you! That's awesome!
I would definitely block her and the "friend" both, and erase numbers promptly.
I don't usually advocate burning bridges, but this is me advocating burning a bridge.

>>10684568
No help for me today?

>>10684568
>>10684311
May be relevant to your interests

>>10684611
Then I'd reckon you're just more infatuated with him than he is with you at this point in the relationship. Now that's completely normal, especially for men, so don't be discouraged. If he's had relationships in the past, especially ones that are at least 6 months or so, it'll probably take him a bit longer for the rose-colored glasses to come into effect.

There's also nothing wrong with being attracted only to your boyfriend. In fact, I'd fucking kill for a girl like that, most people would. Since this seems to be sorta new to you, it's normal that you'd move along quicker, emotionally.

I guess you just wait it out and enjoy yourself for the time being.

>>10684639
>What are you doing in life that attracts these kinds?

I met him through my ex girlfriend (different ex than this one), they had been friends for years. Met her, actually, through him.

And to be fair, I was a pretty shitty person around the time her and I started dating, so I cut him some slack. But at this point it's not about punishing him, it's about saving myself.

>>10684640
Sorry bro, I kept meaning to respond.

Try watching some videos by these guys

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3lUzGDAZNM

I found that you don't need to be as outgoing as they are. They do a lot of "trick" pickups, but they also have videos with advice for your average Joe like you or I. I've found recently I'm much better at talking to women just by trying to make them laugh.

how do I stop being "cute" not threatening guy in the eyes of girls and be someone they want to get with? I was told that if I'm: dominant, aggressive, assertive girls will notice and be interested in me?

I have a hard time accepting compliments. The only time I can do it is when I'm doped up on sex and hormones. How do I get over my nervous nature?

(Also, do you think doing camera shows for your bf is acceptable, I do them occasionally and I always feel like I've done something /wrong/ after the fact.)

>>10684677
You were told correctly.

Think of talking to a girl as being a lion on the prowl. It's the hunt. Get that look in your eye and girls will notice.

>>10684678
Start eating better and exercising. I'm serious. I have no idea if you're heavy or not, but you will honestly start feeling better about yourself. People WILL notice, too. You have to believe what they're saying, and the only way to do that is to learn to love yourself. That's how I did it.

(And yes, it's just sexy fun. Sending sexy pictures / videos to your boyfriend is a great way to keep his interest)

>>10684574
Ive found that women are often skeptical and deterred by superficial statements like this. It'd probably work well on cheap club sluts, but when you walked outside and said "BITCH GET IN MY CAMRY" it'd be game over. lol

>>10684579
Aww. It means you're a good person. Women build a different attachment to guys in relationshits. It is purely emotional base with (usually) visual enticement muted, or directed solely at the object of their affections.
The problem is that they expect men to reciprocate verbatim.
Men do not build attachments in this manner. Men are entirely visual. (Doubt it? Porn.) They are fully capable of building emotional investments, but they do not "Get off" on them like women do. It is not an all driving force like it is for many women.

Unfortunately, all men everywhere will always "look" at other women. Women everywhere will always feel "in competition" with other women. It's a vicious cycle.

Knowing this, the important aspect is your relationship with your man. Does he hold you to a higher priority? Is his focus centered on you, but only occasionally distracted by some bombshell in a tight dress and 4" heels?
Keep in mind, us guys are only human. If there is a total slut walking around with cheeks or tits poking out of her dress we physically are incapable of not looking. It's not possible. That doesn't mean we hate you, or want you to look like a slut, just that it's instinctual.

I will spare you the details of evolutionary biology and the male/female dynamic therein, but trust me - it is NOTHING personal against you. It is purely instinctual.

>>10684579

Also, one of the beefs I've had with women personally is that in the beginning they're ALLL about heels and slutty dresses, then 5 months into a relationship they're shitting with the door open, wearing hoodies and sweats with their hair up, and leaving messes all over the place.

MEN ARE VISUAL. If you disregard it, don't bitch when we look at something else.

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>>10684586
No judgment here friend, purely concerned with your best interest. :)

>>10684593
>>10684603
>>10684608
>>10684614

Repeat after me;
"Love is not a competition, and even if it were, I already won him."

>>10684616
You answered your own question;
>Guys I tend to be attracted to, I have to know for a bit and interact with them.
So do that. It is appropriate to pursue whenever you feel it is warranted. If you see something you like, speak up. Feel them out. If it's a good match, pursue, if not, discard.
You got it down just fine. Don't stress.

How did you get a job as an advice columnist?
Been thinking about doing that myself

>>10684627
Friends with a girl for 8 months tends to cement you in her mind as the "buddy", not the exciting new "bf potential" or sexy "one-nighter" potential.
You've created one hell of a typecast for yourself and good luck destroying it - especially if she's already blowing you off.

Look, don't delude yourself; excuses are excuses, and they are given to you because you are not high enough priority. If David Beckham texted her to hang out, would she really be like "Oh my grandmas on fire and my cat is pissing on the carpet, sorry.. cant" ???
NO.
She just said that to YOU because you don't hold enough priority in her life for her to drop what she's doing and spend time with you.

Don't stress it man, just work on getting over this crush and pursuing any number of the millions of other women available.

As an added bonus, friendzone HER. Ask her if she knows any sweet, cute, funny girls you could hang out with. Talk to her about your wanting to meet new girls to date. Put her ass on the "buddy" system and network it for something worth your time.

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>>10684616
I'm 6ft tall, 190lbs of muscle, bald with a beard, and one of my biggest turn-ons are women who aren't too intimidated to approach me. Seriously, I'd rather take home a 7/10 who piqued my interest than a 10/10 who I had to chase around the bar all night.

My best advice would be to hold yourself high and make your interest known clearly. We men sometimes can't tell if you're flirting or just being nice.

>>10684637
That's pretty vague. Any more details? Anything happen recently in her life, or between the two of you that could cause it? Any new bf potential in her life? Any fights?

>>10684650
Excellent advice, anon! Thank you.

>>10684656
Perfect mindset. You've got this.

>>10684677
I've found that usually girls who say that are either placating you because you're in the "friendzone" or they are referring to your style/looks. Do you have a baby-face, slight chub, roundish face, etc? It could be an appearance thing. Post yourself on /fa/ and ask these questions. I'm not disregarding you, just giving you a starting point.
"Aggressive" can be a turn off if applied incorrectly. Nothing worse than a wanna-be "alpha" douchebag scaring girls away. Assertive is wonderful - pursue this. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Do not stand for people who can not.
Also; don't read too far into "getting girls interested in me". YOU are the MAN. YOU pursue. Girls are the "pursuee" and rarely ever approach ANY man, no matter how hot/alpha/confident/assertive/etc.

I've got to get going... time for a jog and then work. A couple more and then I'm calling it quits for today!

>>10684678
LOL because you're a girl and girls are always insecure about appearance/body? I don't blame you... that's what society endorses. I've never found a woman who was genuinely confident in her own skin (or person for that matter).
YOU are your own worst critic. Trust me, no one else in the world gives a happy gay shit that you have split ends, or think you "look fat" in some shirt and changed 20x before leaving the house.
YOU are the only one that sees that. No one else thinks it. I promise.

Cam shows are fine. Own your sexuality. Why is it wrong to be sexual?

>>10684723
I created it. :)
Start your own blog, or work forums and places like this to build a name for yourself, then direct your 'fan-base' towards your blog.
Working for a nationally syndicated paper or mag? I dunno.. journalism degree and connections?? *shrug*

OP,
So my situation, haven't had a real gf and i'm 20 years old. I'm a athlete and that's were most of my time and energy goes. I'm mainly a nice guy. I have few close friends. I go out rarely, but every time me and my mates go to a bar or a club I'm disapointed what sort of women there are.
So what is the best place to meet nice and smart girls? And how must I approach them? I must mention that for me making new acquaintance is hard.

>>10684768
I think I have a pretty decent name (atleast here).
The blog could work, but that is a hobby not a job for me.
I wish I could have a journalism degree, but allready got kicked out of journalism university one. Grammar to hard in my language.

thanks anyway

>>10684749

>>10684637 here

Nope, nothing, really. Just didn't see each other during the summer break.

No fights, definitely no new romantic developments.

But I have to say that she's generally very shy and reserved, but sort of opened up to me. Told me how she rejected shitloads of guys and how her relatives are pressuring her into getting a bf and stuff like that, so naturally, I thought I might have a chance.

By the end of the school year though, she was acting a bit paranoid. Last time we talked was the day before I left for my vacation and she mentioned that "some people are easy to read" and that the way I was talking to her was "selling myself".

Which led me to think that she knows I'm into her and is creeped out.

>>10684775
What is challenging about making new friends to you?
(not saying that it's easy, I just want to hear your take on it)
It's ok to be disappointed in bar skanks; I think every guy has that moment at least once or twice, where he's out with friends and goes "damn these women are GROCE".

There is no "nice and smart" girl store you can just walk into.
There are good girls and trashy ones mixed in every venue; uni, clubs, bars, supermarket, library, church, mall, etc.
YOU have to be capable of singling out the crap and focusing on the worthy. Don't focus so much on the venue, or the trashy patrons, but focus more on your interactions and whether THOSE leave you feeling impressed and intrigued, or empty and dull.

>>10684776
That's why I quit. I'm not in it for money really. At least until I finish grad school :D
I just did it for fun, to learn, and to help others. A blog is fairly cheap to set up - - I paid $75 for hosting and a domain name, and that's a once a year fee.

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I think I may have ED.

First time I had the possibility of having sex was when I was 16, I had a long distance relationship and flew over to texas to see her for 2 weeks. First two days couldnt get it up, then she went on her period. Several girls later, same shit happens, and now im 21.

Exes tell me that I might have made a pattern of expecting sex out of situation, rather than "letting it happen". Even if this is true, im not sure how to switch gears.

What the fuck fucking do OP?

>>10684777
Stop being afraid of human interaction. Practice holding eye contact 2-3 sec with everyone you see. Do that for a couple weeks, then progress into making small talk and saying hello. do that for a couple weeks, then progress into having conversations... etc
Practice this on everyone; old people, hot girls, people in line at the grocery store, etc.
Just practice. It's weird as hell at first, yea, I know... but when it becomes second nature in a couple of months, you will run up to that 10/10 and be like "hey! hey! Excuse me!! You are really gorgeous.. what is your name??" without even having a doubt in your mind.
Trust me on this.

Her "looking" doesn't mean anything. People look at people, that's what it means. She could have been interested, but you'd never know because you did not interact with her. Lesson learned.

>>10684814
Yeah. I dont think money is in there for that many people, but if I could advice people for money, that would be awesome.

Probably gonna try a blog. Any tips for runing a succesfull advice blog?

S-so, how do you know if a guy likes you?

>>10684844
unless he is an social idiot like people here on 4chan, he asks you out.

And if you like him, ask him out yourself.

>>10684782
Sounds like a fair assumption. I wouldn't say "creeped out", but maybe "not interested".
I dunno, you can never really predict what someone is think - only make educated guesses, and you know her better than I do.

Have you flat-out asked her wtf is up?
>>10684831
Have you tried any "supplements" like extenze, viagra, or even cheap "boner shots" ? The dollar store around here has little 5-hour energy looking "enhancement" shots.

Let's look into what's creating the problem though, so we can solve it...
What is going through your mind when you are unable to get it up? Are you panicked? Feel pressured?
All of these feels will mount up and create a mental avalanche of pressure that ensures you remain flaccid. It will take some cognitive behavioral therapy to undo the thinking patterns that you've adapted to and dissociate pressure from sex.
Or do you think it's from porn? If you fap a lot this is common. Some men become so attached to pornography and the feeling of self-pleasure that they are unable to be aroused by others attempting to pleasure them, or the scenario of one woman in bed with them (as opposed to clicking through tons of them doing nasty stuff).
If it's a porn-addiction, there are sites that will help you - I can't list them here because I'll get banned for it (weird, I know) but they have to do with "your brain" and what happens to it "on porn" (google quoted terms)

>>10684866
>have you flat-out asked her wtf is up?

Nope, not yet. Planning to next time I see her though.

Ugh, is there any way I could be wrong in my pessimism?

>>10684841
Network. Both social and other blogs in related topics. Spamming. Building a name for yourself. Having quality content worth reading. SEO, and keyword optimization.
Be prepared to honestly just do it for fun. Bloggers don't make bank lol.

>>10684844
Did he talk to you of his own accord without ulterior motive?
If yes - he likes you
If no - probably still likes you but you talk first.

Seriously though, Ask.
Guys (and girls) often don't go out of their way to talk to people they don't know unless they find them attractive or interesting (this is, of course, barring if you need something - like "excuse me, you're in the way.." or "hey pass me the homework handout")

All right anons, I'm out for the day. This was fun! I'll probably be back tomorrow AM or later in the week and do it all again.
Have a great day!

>>10684875
Of course there is. You won't know unless you talk to her about it though. Put it out there, get an answer, move forward with your life. :)

>>10684866
ED guy, I think its both.

Im not very sure how it first started with the girl in texas, but it wasnt biological. Any other time its easy as hell to get it up. Now though, I definitely do feel that panic and its mainly, "what if I cant get it up again".

Id very much appreciate some thought strategies to get over it. And im guessing I should just quit porn? What about masturbation?

>>10684878
Yeah, I'm been coming here and giving advice for almost a year now and while trying to remain humble I thinkn my advice is one of the better ones here.

I allready did a blog once, but I had the problem with running out of stuff to say without sounding like I'm saying the same thing all over again.

Any advice on that?
Also, what is SEO?

>>10684882
Alright.

She's not avoiding me though.

AAAH. Paranoia, paranoia.

Thanks though, I appreciate your input.

>>10684885
Quit jerking and porn. Slowly taper down. google the site I recommended - take it seriously and commit to this.
The strategy behind cbt is slowly undoing negative mental patterns by proving them wrong one step at a time. You have to disconnect pressure from sex. How you do that is up to you; but the ultimate goal is more to focus on the feelings, the foreplay, the girl getting off, how fucking horny she is, how wet she feels, how shes moaning, how shes grinding her hips, how good that pussy is going to feel when you first slip in, etc.
Focus on the feelings of sex and how awesome it is. Force your brain to redirect if thoughts of "oh shit what if..." creep in.
It'll take a while and some practice, but you can do it. Attempt that same mindset with the no-fap concepts ... congratulate yourself when you get hard and give yourself a mental "hurrah!".
Sorry, out of time so I can't get much more into detail.. I really hope this helped a little. Definitely look into that site. It will help you!

Even though I don't have a massive problem speaking to girls, I can never actually close with any of them. Like I'll take it to the point where they'd say yes to a date/a night in, but then don't do anything about it. I think this might be because I like this girl who doesn't even live in my country, who I've known for about three years now or something. I was supposed to see her this summer but I was in hospital so couldn't.

What should I do? I'm going to try see her this year or next year whenever I scrounge up some money for a holiday, but until then I feel like I'm just missing out on opportunities because of my strange version of oneitis.

>>10684938
you should take action instead of passivity.
you know that yourself.

>>10684928
thanks meng, will do

>>10684942
That's the thing though, whenever I do get to the stage where I need to make a move I just lose interest.

It ends up being her much more interested in me than I am in her. I mean right now I have this one girl speaking to me but all it does is irritate me now since I'm trying to do something else (like watch a film, play games, etc.).

I just feel like this is obviously a bad way to start any relationship. Am I just not meeting the right people? Or am I only acting this way because I want something I don't have? (The girl in another country)

File: 1347475591082.jpg-(146 KB, 506x338, 89689584.jpg)

How do I flirt on a guy when he is in a fortress of friends?

>>10684242 (OP)
My boyfriend has Borderline personality disorder and autism, so he has massive rage fits where he attacks me personally and gets very defensive over anything I say. Last night he accused me of one day going to betray him, and that he is trying to distance himself because he doesn't deal with betrayal well. I try to assure him that I wouldn't do such a thing but nothing works, its just constant attacks against me.

Last night when he was freaking out I also started breaking down, I had to BEG him over and over to call me because I was crying my eyes out, and after he called he barely spoke to me, He asked if he could go now after I had calmed down, so we got off the phone only for me to be flooded by texts of him once again saying that this is damaging him.

When he's not having fits hes the most amazing person, and he tells me to try and not take things so personally when he has these fits, because he doesn't really mean them. But everytime he goes into them I overreact because I get so scared that his normal, happy self won't come back and he'll be stuck angry forever..

>>10684963
the same way like if he is alone.

Why the hell would flirting change?

File: 1347476083982.jpg-(11 KB, 228x221, shortfrog.jpg)

>>10684963

Flirt with the guy who's sitting alone. Yeah do that.

>>10684978
Because it's harder to grab their attention when they are preoccupied with friends.

>go to rave
>guy comes up to me, we exchange numbers
>we text, we hang out a few times more
>we get along really well, he's constantly complimenting me and making me feel wanted
>stay at his house overnight a few seperate times
>notice he speaks with his ex like theyre still together
>"i love yous" "im scared youll find someone else" all this weird shit
>notice he's doing this with several other girls too
>go out last night, he tells me he cant have anyone over that night
>he sees ANOTHER ex of his there
>"we can be friends, but i REALLY like her"
>he dotes on her all night, affectionate way too much, goes back to his house with her and they have sex
>finally decide he has way too much baggage to continue talking to him
>delete his number, i don't even expect him to text/call me any

The real thing I'm asking is: is there a "certain type" of guy (psychologically) that prefers exes/cant stop interacting with/get over them? He must have been texting at least 3 diferent ones not including the last one I mentioned. Feels like it's going to be really easy to detach myself from him, though. It's just a curiosity question since it was so farfetched seeing it.

File: 1347476430489.jpg-(25 KB, 600x450, mfww.jpg)

Okay here goes.

Been friends with this girl for about a year now, recently just got closer after her and her boyfriend broke up.

Initially red flags went off and I just assumed I was here because I liked her all along and she needed someone to talk to/confide in.

But we text everyday, about pretty well everything. I hung out at her apartment with her on the weekend and spent the night. She let me sleep in her bed, undressed and redressed in front of me etc.

Didn't make a move on her because I'm beta and she just broke up with her boyfriend.

What do? How do you know when a girl likes you again? I'm having a hard time figuring this one out and I don't want to blow what we do have.

>>10684987
nobody said it's easier.
But it doesnt change, you just have to try harder.

How do I meet gay guys to date? Being gay just seems shitty, the potential dating pool is so much smaller and you can't just go up to a guy and ask them out because 99/100 times it ends terribly.

I literally don't know any gay people or how to tell if someone is gay. All my friends are straight and the ones I have told that I'm gay never seem to care and basically forget about it. I don't want to go to gay bars because from what I have heard it's basically just casual sex places, which is really not what I'm looking for.

I really don't like to think of myself as one of those foreveralonefags, but I'm kind of bitter over being single my whole life. What's even more frustrating is reading all the threads on this board by straight men who literally have no balls at all and can't ask a girl out.

For fuck's sake you're a man and she's a woman, society is practically begging you to ask her out. No one will care if you do, your chance of failure really isn't that high and there's no real stigma to it. And better yet, I can guarantee you that at least 95% of the people you check out on the street are sexually compatible with you. I just don't get how heterosexuals can think it's hard to find someone to date.

>>10685013
Cus' girls are the devil man!

But I feel sorry for your situation, really I can't imagine how hard it is for you. You've given me insight and motivation.

File: 1347477479809.jpg-(73 KB, 507x337, guys-at-bar.jpg)

>>10684994
Which brings the question again, how do you flirt with a guy in a fortress of friends? I don't need a difficulty reading, I need a game plan. You can't flirt with someone if their attention is directed to someone else.

>>10684338
Sounds to me like you already have made your decision man. Jordan.

>>10685041
again. The same way you'd if he was alone.

By creating sexual tension.

Wanting a gameplan for anything where unpredictible humans are involved is dumb.

Sup /adv/ I was getting kinda close to this girl recently and it went from "Don't be a stranger! :3" to a very tetchy sounding "I only want to be friends" in the course of dropping her off one day and dropping in a few days later.

Theres a girl in some of my lectures who seems REALLY friendly towards me but some of her language suggests that she may already be with someone so I'm gearing up for a rejection there too.

Anyway, what is the general procedure for when a girl shoots you down? I've been going for the leave with spaghetti and dignity intact then never going out of my way to see them again but then again I'm a social retard so I have no idea what is the norm.

bumping for halp

How can i form a better relationship with someone who is shy and had lots of trauma in his past? He doesn't seem to be confident in himself, and beats himself up a lot. I'm worried about offending him in some way or scaring him off. I am doing what i can to just be there as a listener, or to boost self esteem, but i'm worried that it might be overbearing to someone so sensitive.

>>10685098

>beats himself up a lot

Sorry, but I got the mental image of some girl making a guy hit himself and saying "WHY DO YOU KEEP HITTING YOURSELF?"

>>10685059
General procedure is to accept their answer without pushing. If they want to be friends, if YOU genuinely are okay with just being friends even if she never jumps you one day, then be that for her. If you ONLY want them for romantic/sexual reasons, don't waste their time. That's it. It's simple. Be your regular self to another human being.

>first day of under grad school
>went to lecture hall
>dont know where to sit but end up in the middle row next to the wall on the left side
>nobody sat beside me for 2 different course
>whole lecture hall is full and some even sat on the stair way

wtf am i doing wrong? i groom myself i wear nice casual clothes the only thing is i am asian and 3/4 the hall is blondes. sry this isnt relationship question, worse case scenario is you ignore my question and move on with life

>>10685130

But I could never cope staying friends with a girl when I'm interested a romance, shit would just feel too horrible and I'd get stuck in that friendzone trap.

I guess I have been doing it kinda right then, the only problem is I can't just turn around and be friends with them after completely cutting off contact until the feelings wither and die.

I have a GF who's weird about a lot of things. We very rarely go out and she absolutely will not partake in public displays of affection (apart from holding hands which is kinda gay anyway) This means that in my mind every time I meet her it's like meeting a stranger again, I just happen to be allowed to make out with this stranger provided we're alone. We have a shitton of awkward little moments too, like not saying goodbye when walking opposite directions due to embarrassment.

However she talks to me a shitload on MSN and via text. She's also managed to drag out of me loads of personal shit about my crushing depression etc.

Another weird facet of this is that we've been going out for 6 months now and there's been barely a hint of sex, we've made out and done a bit of foreplay but that's it. The creepy part comes now; she explained to me after one night where I made a pass at her that she has some sort of 'ladder' system that she wants to work up before losing her V card, and it has to be done exactly in that order.

I don't know what my question is really; just what the hell do you make of all this?

>>10685145

>ladder

Well, I guess I wouldn't have sex with a girl until I felt very comfortable with them.

Is she autistic? It seems like she is trying to rationalise feelings of safety and put them on a scale.

I am assuming the rungs of this ladder are relationship milestones, activities you have done, shit like that.

>>10685158
No, they're explicitly sexual, she wants to kind of move up the ladder of foreplay and then have sex.

Not sure about the autistic part, she seems to socialize fine except for with me. What you say makes some sense but it might just be a leaning for control and as you say, staying in the safety zone. Honestly m8 just don't know what to do in this situation, can't really explain this shit to her because I'm apathetic and going through therapy, and she's providing the fam and friends with an explanation for where I'm going (she's aware of this.)

Some fucking Jeremy Kyle shit right here

I dunno if this is the right place for this question. How does one go about finding a male brothel in the States? By that i mean a safe place with male escorts that will take female clients. Obviously they don't just advertise in the phone book. I have zero social life so i can't find a place by word of mouth. Would anyone here even know where to begin?

>>10685190

I'm an, uhhhh, male escort.

I'll fuck you for $10, a bottle of malt liquor and a large hawaiian pizza.

>>10685195
I'm sure the pineapple slices would come in handy

>>10685195
[Perception 4]You're not really an escort, are you?

>>10685207
[Karma Sutra] I'll give you the time of your life for 20 caps.

>Start talking to a girl before summer
>Didn't really think much of her for most of the time, only a friend
>She starts flirting loads
> Eventually start liking her, the feelings not mutual
>Don't force anything, she knows I like her but we just act like we did before. She still flirts
>All the time I've been talking to her, she's been doing stuff with her 'guy best friend'
>They lost their virginity to each other, and sex doesn't seem like a big deal for them, so they keep doing stuff although everyone says its weird.
>She tells me she 'fancies' me (likes)
>Ended up making out at a party on the same night, made my year.
>She leaves suddenly
>W-where you going?
>I'm sleeping at ----'s, don't worry- nothing will happen. Love you
>Oh god no
>They fucked
>Turn all weird and depressed and being a dick to her (although she deserved it)
>Meet her a few times more, don't do anything more than make out although I could have.
>She continues doing stuff with him
>Everytime I find out it worsens our situation.
>Ask her out
>No, she can't commit to anybody
>Continue being a dick with her
>Sort it all out before she goes on holiday, tell's me she loves me and all
>Comes back and she says after being on holiday for a month, it doesn't feel the same.
>Uni starts again, try talking to her.
>'---- Said I can't speak to you, sorry- bye.'
>What the fuck
>See them together everyday together, she won't even make eye contact with me.

All of my feels.

>>10685232
[Black Widow]How about you show me that you're worth it, hun? Then we'll think about 10 caps.

>>10685264
[Lady Killer] How about you come with me and show me that sweet ass?

>>10685254
Maybe, i dunno, it was being a dick to her and thinking she deserves it just because she has a fuck buddy and doesn't want to commit to one person?

>>10685268
It's a deal.

>>10685275
She literally sent me a picture of him holding her tits while she was laughing in the picture. That's when I started being a dick with her, she says it was 'just a joke' wat.

I ask for brothel advice and two (one?) people use it to flirt. Goddamn, how do male hookers ever get work. Why can't i bing this shit.

how do you tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you?

>>10685276
[1/5 Charisma] C-c-can I stick it in your ear?

>>10685284
Oh. Damn, that's cold. Sorry, man. Her bitch card has been stamped.

>>10685286
Tip for you honeybun, never pay for what you could get for free. If you're fat or antisocial fix your shit up and then get a BF or just have casual sex, 90% of boys won't turn you down.

If you're attractive already then just ask men to have it off with you, they'll accept.

>>10685307
Didn't seem like something she'd do though, I knew they were together that night but randomly sending me that picture out of the blue then acting surprised when I was pissed off just did it for me. Still l-love her.

>>10685308
My shit doesn't need to be fixed. I want a safe place i can go in, experience something, walk out. Like i'm paying for a haircut. It'll be that emotionless. No worry about assault, no worry about needy guy stalking, no worry about asking a stranger to do EXACTLY what i ask and have them be offended or change it up.

>>10685314
Hey, if a girl had a taken guy friend who randomly send her a picture of his girlfriend jerking him off, she'd be just as upset. A dick move is a dick move and some people don't know the line between what's a joke and what's offensive. They either mature or they stagnate at fratboy level.

one year ago...
>Highschool
>Have a thing for a girl in my homeroom for a long enough time
>Bad shit keeps happening to me, can't find the feels to accommodate this girl into my life
>Ask her out 3 weeks before I leave the country, hoping to go to prom with her (lol)
>She refuses (she's now going out with someone else) and we have a gentle falling out
>End of highschool
>Go travelling for a year and I become 10x more confident and at ease with people
>Me and her now go to the same uni
>Tonnes of classes together
>We walk around..
>She's showing a little interest....

Do I date it as soon as possible? Or try the 'steady' way and study with her and slowly work towards it? Can you offer a hypothetical course of action?

I want to try and study with her for a day, then ask her out. Her friends will probably approve too (which makes a huge difference IMO)

Also, is there a way to avoid infatuation? Or does that tendency hopefully slide when confidence comes in.

Couple of days ago this girl said something like this to me: "I feel like you're out of my league, I mean you're so smart. I can't stand dating guys who're smarter than me".
Is this basicly her "asking" me out, or am I delusional?

>>10685343
You can study with her a day then ask her out by the end. Nothing big, maybe a snack at a cafe/bakery or whatever you like.

In my experience, everyone gets infatuation at first with a new bf/gf. It makes you annoying as fuck to everyone around you but it'll hopefully fade sooner rather than later.

>>10684814
I think that for me the hardest part for making new friends is that I don't open up myself to every stranger. And mostly not finding things in common or something to do. I'm not very a chatty person either. One of the factor may be the fact how many times I have got burned by girls and those past experiences have made like an impenetrable castle and made me pretty much stone cold.

>>10685358
Pretty backhanded way of asking someone out. Is she English?

>>10685380
Yeah I see now rereading the post it seemed quite backhanded in the way i wrote it out
. Note she was constantly smileing and saying it a in joking manner

>>10685398
It's possible. The "out of my league" thing sounds like she'd go there but is maybe intimidated. At the very least it was flirting. Whether she hopes anything to come of it or not, i can't say. Ask her out if you like her, or flirt/flatter back.

Im an extremely shy girl. never was until i transferrred schools. There is an older guy in one of my classes, and it is his last year. I know me and him have a lot in common just cant talk to him D: especially since all his guy friends are around. please help me :3

>>10684601
janky, I know you left a long time ago but I'm bumping just to thank you again. Hopefully you'll see it.

I went to the one class I have with him, and I dumped spaghetti everywhere when he approached me of course (hopefully he won't change his mind about me).. but because of your words, I don't have any excuses to run away from this one and I have the drive to keep trying. And I will! I'll try again next week and the next if I have to.

Thanks a mighty lot, janky, I appreciate it.