Pretty busy.

Already posted in another thread about it, but I've been actively working at the Toronto International Film Festival, which has been really tiring but a lot of fun. Most of the time I'm dealing with the resevered seating, so I get to see some of the "talent" (like the industry calls it).
2 days ago I sat down Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini) and his guests, along with other lesser-known actors. Pretty awesome at times, but terrifying when you don't know who they are and can lead to embarrassing moments.

During a shift I got an easy job to guard some doors next to the red carpet. I got an awesome view of the carpet, so much that you can see me in the corner of pictures online for a certain gala.

All in all, it's been fun. I'm allowed to watch the movies once all the guests have sat down, which is great. Outside volunteering, I've waited in line for 6 hours for rush tickets, which is actually enjoyable because everyone in the lineups are super nice and interesting to talk to.
It's been a great experience. Just sad that it's over.

Today I imagined my dad was alive and looking for me because when I was little he died in a crash but I deny this in my head...

Day was pretty awesome, thanks for asking! I started to get my materials together for my Halloween costume and should be able to start sewing this week.

As for everything else I started exercising a month ago and lost inches off of my waist, chest and hips. I'm really excited but I'm still going to plug away until I get to my goal weight and measurements.

Starting measurements were pretty bad: 49 chest, 45 waist and 56 hips. Now they're: 47 chest, 38 waist and 48 hips. Still got loads to go but keeping a positive attitude and making sure I stay active and eat healthy I should reach my goal by December or January. Wish me luck!

They don't ship rubber fish to Canada.
How the fuck am I supposed to make my Holy Mackerel?

I just went to an Asian department store and bought a pair of black, leather boots for $5. Woot! Now I need to find the proper materials for modifying them but there's plenty of time for that.

Yesterday I was able to buy the last copy of Mass Effect 2 that was on sale for really cheap. Woot again!

I keep having horrible nightmares, about me getting killed in really eerie ways (no I am not going to tell you and relive that shit)
And when I had art class on Thursday I thought I heard someone whisper some foreign language in my ear, but turn around and no one is there??
I might be stressed out because this is my exam year but I don't know I don't normally get stressed about these things
I'be also been having a lot of fights with my Mum and Step-Dad
And I keep thinking how nice it would be if my Dad didn't go loco coco from paranoia
Or maybe I'm just a fucking nutter
I also need to find a lot of money if I want to buy a certain lolita dress in a certain amount of time
Sighs

/end rant

My day has been a headache. Some CUNT you bought an item from me on eBay is going batshit insane because I accidentally sent her the wrong size (one size too big). Thing is, she's so stupid she thinks I'm scamming her when it was a small listing mistake and is demanding I pay all shipping and refund everything. I'm all for her returning it to get a refund, but due to her nasty attitude about it all, I'm not giving her shit back for shipping.

Well...this all happened a few hours ago...
My friend (who trips as Princess on here) and I went to a comic book store's Sailor Moon party today. They were having a costume contest, so we dressed up in our senshi cosplays. Suddenly, while we were driving down a road on our way there, the car starts shaking violently, and the gas gague drops from a quarter of a tank to below the E. There was a gas station about eighty yards from where we were, and we needed to get to it. Princess and I got out of the vehicle, and had to push the damn SUV. Yes, imagine two girls dressed as Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus fucking pushing a huge SUV. That was so much fun. Not. People were honking at us because of what we were wearing. Pffft, one of the worst and most embarrassing things to ever have happen to us. Thankfully, some nice lady just coming out of her job at Sonic pulled over so her guy friend with her could help us. She even bought us gas. She didn't need to, but what an angel she was!

It could have been worse, I guess. We could have been in our Panty and Stocking cosplays, and have had this happen. MY FUCKING HURTING FEET FROM BEING IN HEELS PUSHING THAT THING, THOUGH. GOD DAMN.

This week has been pretty good Kauffman. I've been losing weight slowly but surely (I've started only two-three weeks ago but I've lost 5 pounds so far!) I'm cleaning my room as we speak so I can start working on my cosplay.

I'm still really sad about friendships as of late, only because I'm afraid I've been forgotten. I stopped being friends with my best friend over issues, and I just hope they're doing well. It makes me sad that I probably think about them a lot (and basically everyday) and they most likely don't.

I JUST FUCKING DIED IN P4 AGAIN

I AM ON LEVEL FUCKING EASY, I HAVE THE SKILL LEVEL AND MEDICINE TO BEAT IZANAMI NO OKAMI, BUT EVERY FUCKING TIME I GET HER TO 1/4 HEALTH, SHE KILLS ME IN ONE FUCKING MOVE

I HATE HER

Not really mad, but this is seriously my fourth time spending an hour on this boss. I just want my true ending.

>>4977769
What a casual.

>>4977758

that sucks, was the party good at least?

>>4977784
It sucked balls, but the people were really nice there.

>>4977758
poor thing, hope you still had fun pantsu-chan

>>4977769
uhhhhh.... is she actually killing protag? because she starts spamming 1 hit kills at the end, its just for dramatic effect

I've been rather busy, assignments in every class since day one. Feeling even more insecure about my art, not sure if I'm good enough to stay in art school... the usual.

Today I'm... pretty well a giddy young child and I don't know why. Prob'ly because of derpy relationship things, it's always derpy relationship things.

Sage because I haven't gotten the chance to do anything cosplay related yet.

Well, bad news is my stalker's back.

Good news is I ate an awesome canadian bacon and swiss cheese croissant and it was FUCKING AMAZING. Best thing I've eaten in... ever?

And also I made a Finn hat.
Therefore, my day did not suck.

I can't remember what happened before today though.

>>4977649
Have you considered looking up casting tutorials, Anon? or, perhaps looking the talking fish on an internet auction site. There are more creative ways to catch a fish, literally speaking.

>>4977691

My advise to you, is to spend some time with your father. Perhaps he may be able to relieve you of your fear, paranoia or not, he is still your father. As for the recurring nightmare , have you been browsing through an image board by the name of Paranormal as of late?

>>4977769
Perhaps you should grind some more.

I've spent every day this week waking up and wishing I were dead. I try and give myself a pat on the back for not doing anything bad to myself and telling myself that things will get better soon, but I know I'm lying in the end. I know that every day I regret making the decision to leave everything I loved behind, and every day I will continue to weigh the pros and cons of taking my life and soon the pros will begin to outweigh the cons.

The only thing I wonder is when that day will come.

Been busy as shit with law school. Ton of reading to do. Getting adjusted living in a new city, went from Toronto to Saskatoon. I really miss some old friends, but am making some new ones.
Started on my weight gain program and hope to gain some weight by next summer.
cosplay, no idea, It's a long way until Anime north. likely going to be someone shirtless.

>>4977914
I'm on a bit of a budget at the moment.
I was planning on dressing up as a Scout for Halloween, but if I can't get the fish, I've got two other weapons (Atomizer and Candy Cane) to fall back on.

Perhaps a more pressing matter is the bag. I can't find anything suitable anywhere, so I'm considering making one. But, it has to be able to have a beach towel and umbrella strapped to it (Lucky No. 42), and be able to support them, yet have the whole thing easily removable. The costume will also be used at Anime North, and my plan was to have a different loadout for each day.

Any suggestions on materials for the bag, sturdy yet cheap stuffing, etc.?

My mother was a bitch..

Dear Diary,
I watched Contagion yesterday, it was pretty good. The science wasn't detailed, and what was took up about 5 minutes of the movie, but I expected that.

The reality of an epidemic is pretty scary in general. It made me realize something. I have to go to the hospital every week - I'd easily get infected. My body wouldn't be able to fight it off either. The biggest scare I lived through was SARS, Toronto was hit really hard. A kindergartener in our school died pretty early on. I'm not sure if zombies are what I should be worried about anymore.

Struggling with my diet, wanting to shoot myself in the head MULTIPLE TIMES just to end the FUCKING BACKGROUND NOISE OF ALL THE BITCHING AND COMPLAINING AND BLAMING THINGS ON MY ASS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!! I'M SICK OF THE BITCHING AND SELF-PITYING!!!!! I'M SICK OF BEING USED AS SOME FUCKING EMOTIONAL WHIPPING POST!!!! I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST TO END THE NOISE!!!! DAMN IT! DAMN THIS FAT BODY!?! WHY CAN'T IT GET TO 110 LBS!?! DAMN FAMILY, WORTHLESS PIECES OF WHITE SHIT!!!! IF I HAD THE SELF-CONTROL, I'D STAVE MYSELF!!! I'M SICK OF NO ONE ACKNOWLEDGING THAT I HAVE ANY RIGHT TO GET PISSED OFF!!!!!! ACCORDING TO THEM, THE ONLY EMOTIONS I AM SUPPOSE TO FEEL ARE "HAPPY, GIVING, EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTIVE, LOVING, KIND, SWEET AND PATIENT" WELL FUCK.YOU.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worked from open to close at work today, then went out to eat by myself. My waiter asked if there was anything else he could get me and I jokingly went "yeah, get me her name and number" while pointing to a cute waitress on the other end of the restaurant.

Later I saw them talking and she pointed at me while saying something along the lines of "him?!?" and laughing a bit.

I wasn't really serious about it, but felt bad man.

>>4978151

WE LUV U AND YOUR FABULOUSLY FAT BODY ANON<3
>>4973690

>>4978151
If you don't feel better after looking at this cats face. I don't know what will.

>>4978128

Go on. I'm listening.

Good so far.

It feels awkward to be in a program where most the people seem to be at least 10 years older than you. Everyone else seem to have a Master's, or a lot of experience. While I'm just a college grad...

Home for the weekend and surprise surprise, my grandmother is drunk again not to mention my brother and one of his friends walked in and saw her. It's just so embarrassing. Growing up, I never had any friends around because I didn't want them to see her drunk. I never joined any clubs because she would cuss out everyone. I was always the one who had to take care of her and she would cussed me out, call me worthless, etc. Now that I'm in college and away from her, my self-esteem has grown some but not by much.

>>4977529
counselor, I implore your wisdom.
I hope some female /cgls/ will help me with this as well.

I don't know what I am doing wrong but I have asked 3 girls so far on casual dates to get to know them better and all 3 times I got rejected.
I am beginning to wonder no matter how confident or forward I am, I will not be able to get a girlfriend.

Working all day on a research paper. Feels pretty good to be writing my first research paper, but it's also pretty boring. Also nervous that my boss won't like it.

>>4978216
wow fucked up my noko.
this aint my night.

>not a sage.

Hi Counselor.

I had a fight with a friend of 12 years, and as a result decided I can no longer trust them (not that they did anything to mark them as trustworthy over the course of those years, but w/e). It makes me really sad, because I liked her a lot.

I think it's been affecting me psychosomatically. We had the fight two nights ago; I've had digestive troubles (where I'm usually regular as a clock and have a cast-iron stomach), and have felt feverish and like I had the flu all day.

My biggest regret is that I'm expending so much emotional energy on someone who doesn't deserve it, while my boyfriend (who is the best in the world and being ultra-supportive) has to deal with my depressed, emo self.

:(

>>4978241
I also apparently have a serious problem with parenthetical statements.

>>4978117
The Scout's bag? Have you considered buying a tote bag, and repainting it? Otherwise, I would suggest using a canvas fabric.
>>4977872
You should tell your stalker to get out of here, literally speaking. Hahah. Sounds like your week wasn't that memorable though if you cannot remember past today, perhaps it flew by quicker than you intended it to?
>>4977834
"Derpy relationship"? Well, Omen Machine, to feel good about a relationship is purely natural. You don't want it to interfere with business though, some of my clients have a natural "high" over feeling loved. Tends to make them go, well, irrational when it's not as proportionately received on their end. But that's a client-confidential case, so I will say no more.
>>4978153
A bit daring, are we Anon? was that "Him?!" out of shock, or perhaps infatuation?

>>4978216
Stop thinking about your failed attempts. Be more confident. Dont let your insecurities get the best of you. Try to be more social and act more extroverted. Sometimes its just better to keep things slow and just be friendly to all the girls you know.. Eventually a girl will want to fuck. You will see it in their eyes.

Finally got the straps and bodice sewn for my Splicer cosplay, working on hooks this week. Yay for progress.

>>4978252
But that it just it, I don't have any insecurities. I guess maybe I rushed it a bit. It was after all only 2 weeks into the semester.
whatever, ill see how they act come another 3 months of lifting and im decently jacked.

I'm starting to improve at this whole being alone thing. At times I still find myself indulging in useless thoughts though; like wishing I hadn't taken that small detour into a short-lived relationship at the height of my newfound self-impowerment this past summer. Since then I'm undoubtably far stronger, but I lost a summer's worth of progress and a really good friend that I miss. I'm striving to be good to myself and emotionally self-sufficient. But. At night I still get lonely at times. Is it impossible to rid oneself of romantic and sexual attachments entirely or are we all just fucked?

>>4978249
Not daring, just desperate. I'm convinced I just generally don't fit in here so I'm just taking potshots at any women I consider cute. It's not like it can get much worse.

And I think the laughing and general avoidance afterwards says everything.

>>4978252
I agree.

I started having nightmares again about two nights ago. I had them every night for a good two weeks straight, then they took about a week long break, now they're back.
They seem to color how I feel the rest of the day, and it's really bothering me. I hope they'll go away again.
Also we have almost no food in the house and my parents owe me over $1000 and keep borrowing money to buy weed. It's hard to tell them no when they're miserable without it. But we get paid friday so...

op has abandoneded us.

>>4978266
Now, now Anon. There's no reason to feel insecure, you are on the internet of all places. Why take pot shots when you can just go for it? Talk to the person you're interested, it's much better to know, than to admire from afar. What's the worst that can happen? rejection? being branded a 'creeper' on the internet? Now I do understand that there is an emotional barrier that comes with asking a girl out, or perhaps just talking to her, but nothing that humans in general can't hurdle over. It was good that you asked for her number, you just have to show some confidence is all.

>>4978265
Ah yes, being romantically attached.. I am a personal firm believer of burning the crops and salting the fields, so to say. But you seem to admit the one at fault here... but can you really admit it? I want you to reflect, not on the good times, but on what caused the issue between you two. Think of it objectively, as difficult as that may be, there is the possibility that the detour may not have been the issue..

>>4978241
Interesting case we have here... You realize that your friend was not really a friend the whole time, but you are suffering from stress? My hypothesis here is that you had an attachment to the friend, after all, 12 years is a long time. Your boyfriend is doing what he can for you, if he begins to doubt himself, I want you to reassure that it is not his fault. He is a good man for putting up with your depression, make him feel appreciated when you're up to the condition.

>>4978269
Your nightmares reflect your guilt on your current actions. Doing drugs is a form of escapism, so I must ask you ... Do you support in your parents habit? The depression seems like a case of withdrawal, if I were to assume, but there are much healthier ways of battling depression than relying on soft drugs, now.

>>4978330
My parents have been smoking pot my entire life, and yes my father does have serious depression - my mom is undiagnosed but not happy with our current situation. I support my parents habit because it is the only thing that makes them relax, and to my mom that means the only thing that can make her sleep. I myself do not partake in it.
The main problem I'm having with it is about the money. I would like to be saving that money, and I am saving some, but I know with the way things are now it's going to take them forever to pay me back, and I hate being owed money - it makes the whole relationship feel weird.
I just wish there was more than just a quick fix, that I could make all three of us happy, but I know that's not going to happen if we keep this up.

>>4978314
>What's the worst that can happen?
She lets me take her on two dates where I pay for her meals because she conveniently forgot her wallet, only for her to admit she's a lesbian at the end of the second date (which clearly is a date) and that she hid it because she was afraid I wouldn't want to be "friends" with her in that case.

Shortly after someone will make a comment about us being a "perfect couple" so she can interject that she's a lesbian, and she'll talk about how if she was straight I'd make the best boyfriend ever.

But yeah, I suppose things could go worse than that.

Eh, not bad. Much better than last semester, all things considered. Can't really complain about anything. I have friends. I go to a great college. I never have to wonder where my next meal is coming from. My plague doctor costume is almost done.
I hung out with the fella I like today. We watched two episodes of Fullmetal Alchemist, and then I asked him out. To put this in perspective, we've hooked up twice since April, but both times he later told me he didn't feel comfortable with the randomness. I didn't think he was going to say "yes" to the prospect of dating me, but I'm still sad. No one's ever said "yes." No one. I'm lonely. Don't get me wrong, I'm genuinely glad that I'm friends with a cool guy like him, but I can't help feeling like there's something wrong. My friends keep telling me I'm fine and I should just be myself, but no one wants me. I'm twenty years old and I can't get a date.
I just want someone to spoon with and watch cartoons. I don't know what to do anymore. When I make the first move, it goes up in fire and smoke. When I wait for the guy, he goes with someone else. I don't know what to do. I'm so lonely.

>>4978371
No anon, you're over thinking it. But if you're mentioning it in that manner.. perhaps you were scarred by a woman? Given your low self-esteem towards the subject.

>>4978420
It seems like life is going quite well for you, but you're at the point in your life where you want to seek companionship. I'll give you a tip though, don't mistake lust, for love though, it's a mistake most people who do not date that much, often make. My advice to you, if you really wish to pursue this man, improve yourself, but in a creative way. No one, I repeat, no one is important enough to change who you are as a person.

>>4978354
My only suggestion to this, is to goad towards rehab. There are many ways to skin a cat. I'm no medical expert though, so I won't go on about methods on how to make a person fall asleep.

I finally did it. My insecurities got to me and I've started forcing myself to throw up food after I've eaten it (In private of course). I don't really feel guilty about it, it's just become something that I do; eat something, chuck it back up again. I pretend to love the way I look, but I despise the way I am. My best friend is stick thin, I just want to be like her. Is that so much to ask? I want my clothes size to be in single figures, that's not too bad, right?

>>4979388
Your clothes size in single figures won't mean shit when people are distracted by your terrible teeth, eroded from digestive acids, and your face, bloated and full of burst capillaries from the increased blood pressure that results from vomiting. Knock that shit off.

I mean you know you're sick, and that what you're doing will kill you, but it sounds like you didn't know that it will also make you ugly. Ugly in a way that screams I THROW UP MY FOOD, I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER to anyone who knows what they're looking at. Lots of people do.

>>4979550
Realize that your mother is abusive. No joke, seriously child-abuse abusive; psychological abuse is real and it's what you describe. Realizing this will help you take what she says less personally. What she says is not because you are a bad person, it's because she is an abusive person. That's important.

In the meantime, begin to arrange your circumstances so your time with her is limited, and ideally has other people with you. Other family is all right, but friends and other supportive people are ideal. This isn't to protect you physically, it's to keep her in check (abusers usually prefer private settings) and to give you less exposure to her abuse overall.

As soon as is feasible, move out. It will be easier if you're able to discuss what's going on with other family members (Aunts? Uncles? Grandparents?) beforehand, because they may be able to help.

Talk to your friends about it. Do NOT keep this a secret. Keeping it a secret gives her more power to fuck with your head.

Oh, counselor! It's been a lovely week after a pretty hard one last week.
But me and this guy clearly like each other and he lives on the other side of the country from me. I'm moving there next year but I'm worried he won't want a long distance thing and he won't wait for me. There's plenty of amazing girls there.

Sorry this is such a teenage drama story but I swear I'm not a 18-year-old weeaboo and I needed to say it somewhere since all my friends are friends of his too :(