damnit! I so read that in his voice.

A+++

Shit, you should see Lucas' Halloween costume contests. They do not play around which makes sense being that you've got professional prosthetic, makeup, special effects, and costume makers there.

You guys ever heard of this shit called trapping? If you haven't heard about it, it's when skinny ass little white and asian boys grab their mamma's good church clothes and their gay friend's wigs and go pose like those weird as Japanese cartoon chicks with the huge eyes.

And they do a fucking good job at it!

The scariest fucking thing is, I ain't even drunk nigga! I'd be able to pass any blood alcohol test the police can give me and still think these guys were girls..well unless I was being tested by the LAPD, then I'd just get a DUI and three fractured ribs.

This is like some sort of super undercover "To Catch a Predator Shit" right here. Like they're following these kids with cameras as they go in the city looking for dudes. The minute the spot a boner being popped, I'm expecting some huge ass buff dude to come out with a rusty pair of scissors ready to snip off the unlucky person's balls off. Cause if a black man was caught mistaking a guy as a girl in the ghetto then you might as well give away your testicles as no woman is ever gonna want to sleep with you.

The worst is this stuff called Touhou which is Japanese for, "Men who make you question your sexuality." I mean there's so many guys in skirts walking around you'd think a new Scottish bar was setting up in town. I've seen those pictures, Touhou is a game filled with cute girls then you go see a bunch of hairy men in frilly dresses. That's like opening up an issue of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit magazine and seeing the Dallas Cowboys. Now I'd ask for a refund but all the pages are stuck together.

I love this thread

These are pretty in character. Kudos.

Spot-on Jerry Seinfeld stand-up. It's slightly-grin-to-myself funny, but not ha-ha funny.

Before anyone has negative comments, I fucking love Jerry Seinfeld and his show, his standup is just incredibly unfunny.

>>4831672
holy shit I loled pretty hard at Rodny

Requesting Rodney Dangerfield.

>>4831616
>this stuff called Touhou which is Japanese for, "Men who make you question your sexuality.

Oh lord I lol'd so hard

One of the better threads on cgl.

Lol'ed so damn hard.

>>4831830
I'll tell you what /cgl/, the last convention I went to I was in rough shape. My wife and I had a photo shoot a few days ago. The photographer tells me he has the best looking picture of us a couple, I look at all the pictures and they're all solo shots of my wife.

But that's how it is with my wife, always the center of attention. She once told me that we should cosplay timeskip Naruto, she'd be Naruto and I'd just skip out going to the con this time.

Hey, quick question. How is my sex life the same as the ending of Cowboy Bebop? They both end with a very tiny bang before I fall to the floor wanting to die.

I remember how I had a friend who helped ran Anime Expo. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help his con get more members this year and he goes sure. He later books me a show at AM2.

See that's the problem /cgl/, I get no respect, I get no respect around here.

You folks got a mean streak in you I tell ya. I once posted my face here to ask for good cosplay suggestions and someone posted a datass.jpeg.

Heck it was amazing that I even get suggestions as the last time I posted myself a mod deleted my photo and told me this was a worksafe board.

Rough shape /cgl/, rough shape.

this is the best thread 4chan has ever had on here.

>>4832301
How awesome is it that I can read this with how he talks. This thread is awesome.

We need Patton Oswalt here, too. I know he's not as well known but I love his voice.

Robin Williams or Pablo Francisco next, my kind anon? YOu're making my day here

>>4831561
me to >.<

Oh god can we get some Mitch Hedberg?

I went to my first convention cause I heard there was this thing called cosplay that was going to be there. I bought my badge and got disappointed as there was no playground there. All I saw was girls playing in the sandbox making mountains out of molehills.

I think if we ever have a high speed police chase, we can save money buy having a bunch of photographers block the highway instead of police cars. Not only will they stop traffic but if the criminal is female then we can see high def photos of her panties if she's hot.

You lost the game....see folks, it's not even funny whey I say it so just shut up about it now.

People keep telling me how they only watch the sub version of his favorite series. I watched that same show and I didn't a single Quizmos or Subway commercial during the whole thing. Great, now I don't know what's going on and I'm still hungry.

Pixyteri is like the two girls one cup video. I have them both saved on my computer and every day I wonder why I don't delete them.

They say /cgl/ loves drama, I disagree. I haven't seen a single good drama series being recommended, just people making angry posts. That makes for boring TV and that's why this script can only be read on the internet.

>>4832451
Oh god mitch why!?
I miss you so much...

>>4832327
Wouldn't it be hard to do Robin Williams and Pablo jsut cause of how often they change their voices and use body gestures?

>Pixyteri is like the two girls one cup video. I have them both saved on my computer and every day I wonder why I don't delete them.

>They say /cgl/ loves drama, I disagree. I haven't seen a single good drama series being recommended, just people making angry posts. That makes for boring TV and that's why this script can only be read on the internet.

Hahah yes

>>4832451
>>4832301
>>4831616
>>4831538
Are these all written by the same guy?

>>4832301
You are my new best friend.

>>4831830
>>4832120
>>4832523
OP originally did post a Rodney Dangerfield bit but for some reason the mods deleted it.

The guy really did get no respect.

Why can't /cgl/ have this kind of quality everyday? Someone do Dat Phan next please

>>4832472
had the privlege of seeing him live at the Improv here in San Jose. Shit was so fucking cash.

I love this.

>>4832451

I've seen Mitch Hedberg improv ONCE, yet I was still able to clearly hear that tired sounding voice during this post.

Kudos

I remember once, as a kid, I attended one of these con things; really groovy, let me tell you, So, you have all these kids, a real mixed bunch, who dress up in costumes and play around and whatnot, you know. Some were pretty convincing, but some were looking like they were from the special class, you know. They just kind of show up with cameras, keep to them selves, can't keep their hands off the merchandise.

So anyway, we all wen to the con, me mom, dad, my brother Russell, old weird Harold. There were three acts at this con, and then a fourth just to keep you on your toes.

So, the first act. There were these kids dressed as some ninjas. At least, they said they were ninjas -- never seen any ninjas dressed in bright orange traipsing about, shouting about... Just kind of about really. Had one on the ceiling, another on the stage, and the last kept popping on and off the stage, like that ball of flour that keeps popping to the surface when you make crab. Seems like a bad idea to me, to have three ninjas running about, but what do I know.

So the first one runs up to the front, arms flailing behind him, and shouts, "I'M A MAGICIAN!" Next thing I know there's this beautiful woman in his place, posing and shimmying and and making faces at the audience, y'know... Then he jumped twelve feet in the air, turned a flip, landed on his head -- thank the Lord it was covered by this spoon looking thing -- and spun around. Everyone cheered and carried on, until he couldn't stop spinning and spun off the stage into the orchestra pit. I had to laugh, so I did, and then we all waited for the next act.

Next act had the other ninja, joined by this shy looking blind girl. Had to admit, my interest was piqued, so I settled down with the rest of 'em and waited. And waited. And waited. the poor girl couldn't even say her lines. So the orange kid goes, "Come on, Hinata, speak up!" And she shouts, "I LOVE YOU NAARRRUUUTTOOO!"

And then she passed out.

Paramedics came, or this weird guy in a mask, really, and tried to shock her back with his bare hands. Puff a smoke, puuf a light, and BWWOOOOM!! she was back on her feet. Then the guy bowed and left.

I still don't know what that was about, but that's okay, because act three was by far the best.

>>4832451
I once asked a friend if I could take a Polaroid of the convention. He says yes and brings me a Miku cosplayer prone to mood shifts.

For a long time I thought Naruto was from Nickleodeon because the show was full of orange colors and annoying kids.

A weeaboo is nothing more than a ghost having fun on a swing set.

Why does God post so much on /cgl/? I thought he rested on the seventh day?

Tripfag is another word for a gay person who can't tie his shoelaces properly.

I bought a really cool sword at a convention but noticed the dealer cheated me out of forty bucks. I got mad and decided to turn to con ops for help. After talking to them, I'm still broke and now my sword has a stupid plastic tie on it.

>>4832732
>A weeaboo is nothing more than a ghost having fun on a swing set.

>Why does God post so much on /cgl/? I thought he rested on the seventh day?

>Tripfag is another word for a gay person who can't tie his shoelaces properly.

Amazing thread is amazing

>>4832451
>>4832732
I fucking love you, Mitch Hedberg.

>>4832746
Comedy night on /cgl/

Why didn't we think of this sooner?

Let me tell you about these cosplay motherfuckers. Now these people know how to live. Let me tell you how they do things.

Remember comic books? The little novellas with guys runnin' around in tights? You remember wanting to be one of those guys? Wearin' a cool costume and beatin' up bad guys? You remember getting over that and realizing the world just doesn't give a fuck?

Well, these fuckers won't take no for an answer. They blow their money on spandex and fabrics, and actually go out dressed like superheroes!

-Pause for laughter-

these are getting less and less funny.....

I think someone imitating OP is not quite as clever.

YHEUHUEAAUEHUEHAUH YALL KNOW ANIMEHEAHUH

HEHAUHUH TOUHOU UHH YEAHEHHH COSPLAY HUHHHEH HAH

If your pikachu costume consists of a yellow bra and ears, you might be a redneck.

I went to a con dressed in Lolita, because I heard it was popular in the con circuit. It was very difficult to tear out enough pages to cover my junk.

I tried to get my Jewish friend to visit /cgl/. He said he couldn't, it was against his religion. I asked him why. "Too many hambeasts."

So apparently, brands are important in Lolita. Unfortunately, most ranches only do that to cows nowadays.

I went into the Dealer's Room the other day. Man, I tell ya, I wish the guy who sold me pot had a nice little booth like that.

One time I went to milanoo. Sadly, their costumes were not that good. Even more sadly, there were no cookies to be found.

>>4832909
>>4832909
Mitch Hedberg, Rodney Dangerfield and Chris Rock have the same tripcodes and maybe it's the same poster as Jerry.

>>4832985
This made me laugh more that I want to admit.

>>4832939
made my day

Ok, now I just got to see how bad Dane Cook would be.

>>4833527
You know what I love most about anime, the fact that the main characters and yell and scream all day without being told to shut up or blowing out their vocal cords. In reality I can barely raise my voice at an old lady pissing off before every gives me the stink eye but in anime land I can shove a megaphone into a coma patient's ear to do my best Super Saiyan yell and everyone would treat me like a hero.

I wish I was Goku sometimes, not that Soulja Boy shit of looking like Goku, I'm talking about BEING the guy. If I was him I'd never stop yelling. I'd walk into the McDonalds and be all.

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

"Can would you like fries with that?"

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Best part is it would take me five episodes to eat one cheese burger, not only do I get to shout all the time but I save money on food as well.
'
I bet you girls love Super Siyan's. I'd go up to a chick like

POOF, Hey baby, I'm a walking Rave club, wanna do it.

Then I'd jump on my cloud and spin around in circles screaming and dropping ecstasy pills.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! (a generic club beat can be heard in addition to the screaming).

I'd be drawing shapes in the sky as I spread my rave goodness to everyone in town. Finally I'd take a girl home to show her my power level and make sure that she loses both her virginity as well as The Game.

/r/ Bill Hicks.

For those of you bot familiar, imagine an angry version of Lewis Black.

>>4832939

>>4833786
THIS.

>>4833609
>rave girl
>virginity

Now THAT is comedy.

>>4833786
>>4833798
When it comes to cosplay, I say fuck accuracy. Now I'm not saying go and wear a hot pink wig and say you're CC from Code Geass cause you'd just look like a morn in two ways. One for being a color blind jackass and choosing to use a pink wig over a green one and for admitting you like Code Geass. If I wanted to see people in long robes play chess I'd go to a retirement home for the KKK.

When I say fuck accuracy, I'm talking about those tight wads on /cgl/ and in conventions who act like you got fucking leprosy if they see even someone wear the wrong shade of gray for a pair of tennis shoes. Half the time I don't notice anything wrong and the other half is just me not giving two shits and a pickup truck to being the walking incarnation of some fictional guy in a Japanese guy's wackoff fantasy.

Now some of are going "But Bill, cosplay is about being as accurate to the source material as possible!"

>>4833949
No fuck you, cosplay is "about" notice I using the stupid air quote gesture here, it's "about" nerds wearing stupid clothes and showing them off in front of other nerds wearing stupid clothes and the sooner you accuracy sticklers understand this the sooner we can all look stupid together and have a good time. It's fun hating people like you that have turned this quirky hobby into some sort of restarted Miss America Pageant. I'd go to cons and say that last part more often but I know how you people think and the minute I mention anything that's related to America, all you Japan loving drones look at me as if I was the one responsible for dropping the atom bomb in Hiroshima.

Really, why can't the people with such a hard on for accuracy use their trained eyes and attention to detail for something useful like being an antique appraiser or working in forensics science? It's probably because everyone who works those jobs and that has a descent reputation has the nasty habit of speaking English and we all know how much you folks hate that language.

God, I need a pocky stick and a cigarette.

moooooore

.....I don't know how I feel about just seeing Bill Hicks defend cosplay.....I really don't....

>>4833968
"No fuck you, cosplay is "about" notice I using the stupid air quote gesture here, it's "about" nerds wearing stupid clothes and showing them off in front of other nerds wearing stupid clothes and the sooner you accuracy sticklers understand this the sooner we can all look stupid together and have a good time."

PURE TRUTH FROM THE MOUTH OF A COMEDY GENIUS.
f5
f5
f5555555

/r/ Katt Williams.

>>4834165
Why don't you know how to greentext?

>>4834159
To be fair he's not really defending it as he calls the whole thing stupid. It's more like he's attacking the elitist in a stupid hobby.

>>4834460
Maybe I'm thinking of this thing too hard. I mean one of the great things about being black is that you already have a costume, lifestyle and profession lined up for you...pimp. I went to one of these anime conventions that pops around in my city dressed up as one and let me gotta say, you nerds are loaded. You folks are carrying around five hundred, six hundred dollars in cash and just giving it to people. I don't know how you're able to make that much money while sitting on your asses and watching cartoons and I want in on that action.

Though when I went inside I find out that it's not good enough to be dressed up as a pimp, you need a gimmick as well. I remember one kid came up to me and asked.

"So what's your cosplay"
"I'm a pimp."
"What kind of pimp?"
"What the fuck you mean? There's more than one?"
"Yeah like Pimp Mario, Pimp Jesus, Pimp Ash, which pimp are you?"
"I'm a Pimp that's about to backhand your bitch ass if you keeping asking stupid questions!"

Didn't make much money sadly. My girls told me that there was another hustler in the dealers room that was getting all that nerd money. Never saw his face but all the geeks were calling out for a Moe when they bought stuff. Well, you can't have a hoe on every street corner sadly.

Oh man, when we reach triple digit posts we should archive this thing!

I'd do one with Zach Galifianakis, but that would be a lot of work.

Lewis Black, please?
Or Russell Brand?

mooooooooooore. I need more!

This is by far the best thread I've seen in months!

Nick Swardson please?

IS THIS ALL ONE GUY?

Oh my sweet jesus I am dying MOAR

>>4834562
God I fucking love him.

Anybody here think back to their childhood and remembered making fun of boys who can sew? If you can't I'm able to do so perfectly as I was one of the poor little smucks who was forced to learn how to handle a needle and thread. Growing up in a Jewish family my mom forced me to fix my own clothes on account she was so busy. I remember giving her the usual stupid kid logic like...

"But sewing is for girls!"
"Well Lewis, you're going to look like a bigger girl when you have a giant hole in the crotch of your pants.

I was screwed either way, either I was going to be called a little sewing girl or hear London France jokes all the time so I flipped a coin and learned how to keep the hole in my pants closed for good.

Best decision of my life.

In the cosplay world, nothing is sexier than a guy who looks good in a costume and has made it with his own two hands. That shows initiative, drive and patience. If you're struggling with finding girls in your life gentlemen take up sewing as a hobby cause if you do, you might as well wear a shirt that says "Pussy Magnet" cause that's what you'll end up turning into.

It's just there are so many kids now don't even know how to god damn sew, it's not hard! You run your fabric through the machine and watch the stitches magically form on your fabric! Honestly, you're gonna spend more energy fishing than this stuff.

You see this, this is what we call a needle. You don't use it to pop balloons and shoot heroine, you use it to sew! One needle can work miracles as you can make classy looking suits from a single roll of black fabric. I'm like Jesus but better dressed and more photos of me in convention hallways.

Anyone think they can pull off George Carlin?

Seeing as how Chris Rock was already posted, I don't know if I should post this anime fans v. weeaboos (black people v. niggas) parody that I wrote..

>>4834657
tits or get the fuck out

>>4834657
You shouldn't. It sounds really, really stupid.

go on.

>>4834562
>>4834594
So the new anime season just came out and I just said to myself that I'm giving up on making cosplays of new characters. It's not that I hate new anime or anything like that it's, like, really hard to just stay up to date with all the new shows that get thrown out there.

I mean like, we get about fifteen, twenty new shows each season and if you can watch all of them in your spare time you either really love anime or are a homeless person getting free browsing time at the local internet cafe. It's all too much for me to take in but at the same time I don't want to re-wear my old cosplay outfits as that requires common sense for me to do.

So check this out, anime has done everything with their character designs and let me just say they've made some real crazy stuff. So whenever a new con comes around I just randomly choose a wig, shirt and pants from my closet and by sheer law of probability I will end up cosplaying as someone from an anime, game or crappy fanfic. Girls will be like.

"Are you cosplaying as Nanashi Toko from Magical Bucket Bass Fishing Hero?"
"Uhh, sure?"
"OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"

This is why I respect Star Wars fans. Wow, there's a phrase I never thought I'd say in my life. They have enough common sense, there's that phrase again, to pick one show and just stick with it. No needing to wade through endless shows with crazy plots that number in the dozens. Nope, they just have their three movies...I SAID THREE MOVIES...grab the DVDs from Netflix, BAM they're set in life. Now they can devote all that extra energy to achieving one of the holy grails of nerd achievements...having sex with a really hot Slave Leia cosplayer.

>>4834654
Oh man the cosplayers that are out there. Now before you start cheering, I'm going to let you down a bit and say right off the bat that I'm not going to be making fun of these people. Do I think the hobby is silly? Of course! Do I think it's strange? A little bit, but hey that's the beauty of America. As long as you don't shoot your neighbor and pay your taxes, I'm completely cool with how you spend your free time. In fact when you look at the kind of people we having running our country and holding the national wealth, suddenly those silly little cosplayers are starting to look rather sane.

In fact, this old man is thinking of cosplaying himself. From what I've gathered, the whole point of cosplaying is to dress up as a fictional character. In that case I'm going to cosplay as a middle class American man who loves his job and has plenty of time to see his kids.

Oh you raise your eyebrows now but with the way the economy is going and how America is no longer the land of Democracy but more about the land of the CEOs and the bottom line, people like the guy I'm cosplaying as will soon be a work of fiction. You better hope things change soon before your rich lifestyle changes from an ongoing twenty-six episode series to a two part OVA one shot.

>>4834718
CHEETAH, SIT

Just wanted to say thank you /cgl/ for being a great audience and to those who contributed. Literally I had nothing much to do today and decided to experiment with known comedy styles but to apply them in a convention setting.

For those who are asking, while it is hard for me to prove I did these posts since I kinda messed up on my tripcode I can say I wrote

Jerry Seinfield
Chris Rock
Rodney Dangerfield
The first two Mich Hedberg posts
Dane Cook
Bill Hicks
Katt Williams
Lewis Black
Nick Swardson
George Carlin

I'm gonna take a break and go outside but if people still have requests I'll try to get them out in a timely manner, provided this thread stays up.

Thanks again /cgl/ you guys are just awesome and made me feel so loved when I wrote these.

Dare I request Jeff Dunham?
Preferably he and his older puppets, his newers ones are terribly unfunny.

>>4834849
"newer" was what I meant.
And no, thank you OP. Your banter totally made my evening, work was so crappy today.
I especially enjoyed your Dane, Kat, Chris and Mitch.

>>4834849
...All of them are terribly unfunny.

>>4834868

0/10

>>4834868
Eh, to each their own.

>>4834466
>>4834460
I cant stop laughing...

Do you do stand up comedy at the cons OP? If not, you really should. You have talent.

>>4834847
Thank you entertainment that doesnt involve PT for a change!

/r/ Gabriel Inglesias on the various sizes of cosplayers.

I think this is one of the best threads I've seen on /cgl/ in a LONG time.

>>4835204
THIS THIS THIS THIS.

>>4835204
YES.

we need one more vote to get this archived! go vote!

this thread is magical...

Alright, so I'm at this convention with my amigo Enrique. I'm just sittin' there thinkin' of jokes, and the dumb beaner's all, "Eeyyy, Carlos, check out those putos".

We see these guys all dressed up in gears and shit! Like robots, DOMO ARIGATO SENOR ROBOTO, AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI!

They call it Steampunk, but I call it making suits out of stolen Rolexes! DEE DEE DEE!

>>4835442
>stolen joke

Perfect.

>>4835454
Sure.

>>4835204
>>4835259
It's kinda funny I have my own ranking system for fatness when it comes to cosplay. Let me just get a disclaimer out of the way, you are all incredible and sexy women in my eyes. I often see people all the time buying dolls of their favorite girl characters in the dealer's room and when all you lovely ladies look twice as good. You all look so thin and beautiful that I'm afraid of even waving at you as my big ass hands might break something.

"Hey baby."
"Oh god my hip."

So yeah those levels of fatness you ask? Well it's

1. Anorexic
2. Slimbastic
3. Fantastic
4.Curveastic
5. I feel sick.

I only reserve the fifth level for big girls who don't cover up. Let me be the first one to say I can't judge a cosplayer's size, I mean one time my friends did a whole Indiana Jones cosplay group and made me the boulder. However I do think that it's our civic duty to at least cover up a bit. The only time we should walk around shirtless is if we're working a Jenny Craig booth at the con.

I remember on time I saw a Level 5 girl cosplay from Dead or Alive. The good news was she had just the right amount of jiggle that fans love in the games, the bad news was that her boobs were not moving.

Yeah, I feel sick.

>>4835534
I'm more impressed the OP managed to do a fat joke bit and NOT resort to talking about PT.

>>4835534

>has been waiting for a Gabriel Iglesias levelsoffatness joke

>>4835003
>Do you do stand up comedy at the cons OP? If not, you really should. You have talent.

Thanks anon! I actually do a bit of anime con stand up actually and I was kinda using this thread just to practice in the off time. I wouldn't be surprised if many of you actually have seen me performed. For the sake of the magic of the thread I won't disclose who I am.

>>4834847
Good show OP, good show.

You've made me laugh a lot today.

How about some Doug Stanhope up in here?

I heard Rodney Dangerfield say "Datass Jay Peg" in my mind and completely lost it. Fucking glad I looked into this thread.

>>4832301
I came buckets.

mother fucker OP, you better post your con schedule, because godamnit, i have always wanted to see nerd stand-up.

small diet coke salutes you.

>>4834847
You are amazing.

Would anyone be up for doing a terribly cruel Ricky Gervais?

I kind of want to request some Kathy Griffin. I have the feeling it would just be a bunch of bad mouthing famous cosplayers, though.
Just like /cgl/.

>>4835712
>>4835712
Well I don't know where you are kind diet coke but if you want con standup California has a healthy convention comedy scene with events being held at Fanime, ALA, Y-Con and AX. Meanwhile the East Coast has Uncle Yo.

Hopefully you're close enough to those places

You ever go to one of those anime con things? Yeah, um, buncha kids dress up like Japanese cartoon characters. So it's pretty much everyone you ever made fun of in high school getting together in one place. It's kind of funny, though, you've gotta wonder. These things last all weekend, right? What're they getting up to in there? By Sunday, they gotta be getting pretty pissed. [generic nerd voice] "Hey, anybody wanna see my special edition superman comic for the fiftieth time?"

But some of those girls are hot. Ever see a hot chick dressed in a latex suit? Whoa. See, this is what they meant when they say nerds do better than you. Sure, you were prom king, but they get to spend three days with hot girls in rainbow wigs!
[girly voice] "Hey, you wanna take my picture?~"

Imagine how they'd take that. [imitates breathy nerd]. "A-are you my waifu...?" [squeak]

I once went to a convention dressed as a bottle of Clorox. Nobody was impressed by my Bleach cosplay.

Archive this shitttt

>>4835875
OH GOD STEVEN WRIGHT!

I'm in the shittiest mood and this just put a huge smile on my face

Demitri Martin, please?

>>4835908
For the love of god OP, please do this.

/r/ Louis CK?

God, OP, this just made my crappy night 1000x better, bravo.

Jo Koy or Chelsea Peretti please op. Also, you are probably the best thing I've ever seen on this board. I love you.

Aww, no Jim Gaffigan?

>>4835631
If you guys really want to enjoy a convention and want to cosplay at the same time, make sure to make your outfit out of the cheapest materials out there. Dumpster, Salvation Army, I don't fucking care just make your costume super cheap that way if anything happens to it then you just do fucking care.

You see people with these eleaborate outfits made with real metal, silk, expensive gems and even the ashes of dead presidents? Sure they LOOK great but notice how everyone in them looks so miserable. If you wore an expensive cosplay you'd be afraid to unzip your fly without dislodging five diamond encrusted stitches, you folks are nothing more than statues that blink.

Here's how I enjoy a damn con, wear some cardboard armor and carry around a case of booze. It gets me into any room party I want and if I can't find a room to crash in I'd just remove my armor and hang out with the homeless people down the street.

But Doug, I got so many photos of my awesome cosplay, I'm having fun. No you're not moron, you're just a walking billboard for your local fabric store. See I might have only one photo but it's me sniffing cocaine off of a Tifa cosplayer's knockers.

Ask me again who's having more fun at this con.

>>4831538

Dude, are you serious? The vocabulary is far from Seinfeld's.Good effort though.

This is all pretty bad. Especially Seinfeld and Mitch Hedberg. I can think of three people I know that post here that might have done this, and it would figure if they did. You should have your nuts punched until they become a badly flavored mush in the back of your mouth for that Mitch Hedberg shit. Fuck you.

I COSPLAYED AS JOKER FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS!!

>>4835718
Photoshop is a powerful tool that can make any picture look like you want to. You Americans are a strange bunch. Your country has a fine history and a diverse culture but yet you buggers go and change your eyes to make yourself look Asian. Over here in Britain we just make it look like we own toothbrushes.

I say this now to you in private as in conventions I will never admit I'm from Europe on account how everyone just loves Hetalia here. I remember making a remark to a friend that I wish more young people would get involved in international affairs, I must have made that wish using the Monkey's Paw. See that Americans, us Europeans do care about your culture. You can repay the favor by banning every Hetalia cosplayer from your conventions. I have a hard enough time with dealing with REAL Americans, let alone people pretending to be one.

>>4836142

>>4836147
>>4836114
>>4836093
Holy shit you're a kill joy, we managed to get this thread archived with no bad posts until you come in just bashing the OP and everyone who likes him.

>>4836147
>>4836114
>>4836093

>>4836147
Back at ya buddy.

>>4836093
>>4836114
>>4836147
Hey, if you consider yourself the authority on Seinfield and Mitch go ahead and make your own post. See how the compare to the existing ones. If they're so bad in your eyes then someone with your knowledge can shit better ones out in your sleep.

>>4836147
You seem troubled. Dare I say it, perhaps even a little...mad?

Okay, whatever. You guys can have fun, I'm not stopping you. Doesn't mean it isn't bad. It's like the WWE. I wouldn't disagree with you normally but I really love Seinfeld and Hedberg. No I will not post because I don't devote my time to these things. It's a novel idea and it had potential, but still.... UGGGGGGGH. Mitch Hedberg is one of my heroes and Seinfeld is my favorite TV show next to Curb Your Enthusiasm, and not only that I've listened and watched everything they've done many times. I am very aware of their comedic stylings. You can't blanket-impersonate everyone. Stick to somebody you know really well, OP. Obviously not any of the ones I read, though Chris Rock wasn't bad.

Actually now that I think about it, I *do* know who this is. >:D

>>4836192
>omg I won't post because I'm ~better than this~, it's definitely not because I shit on other people's humor because I have none of my own
>my heroes guys!!!!!!!!!
>flounce flounce flounce

Sieg, confirmed for beta as fuck.

>>4835875
>>4835875
>>4835875
this one post made my whole freaking night.

this is the best thread on any board on 4chan right now.

>>4836218

OH U SO SIRRY. I'm not going to play your little game. I'm way too tired to write shit right now., besides the fact I said I would not. I have a job and a lot of other shit I could be doing. Like sex or video games. If you want to find out how funny I am, hang out with me at a con.

>>4836218

Not to mention that rewording jokes to fit cosplay isn't talented or original humor. Ass.

does OP mind if I work my talents and impersonate these comedians for a YouTube audio clip?

>>4836306
>wah wah, I have ~better things~ to do, like whine about shit on /cgl/ - wait shit, I mean have sex with my girlfriend
>uh well you just haven't met her because she lives in Canada
>>4836308
>UH AND YOU'RE UNFUNNY YOU BIG FAT MEANYPANTS

crysomemoar.jpg.avi.TIFF

God damnit people.

OP was doing his own thing and making funny posts, eventually he started taking requests and answering people's questions. All while he was being polite and grateful for the love was given his way.

Now at the tail end of his thread we just get pointless bickering. Can't we all just play nice?

>>4836335
>thread on /cgl/
>not shat upon by tripfags
>youmustbenew.jpg

Blame that bitch Sieg for coming here and wiping his seeping vagina all over the place.

>>4836192

>>4836344
But isn't the OP a tripfag?

>>4836351
As far as I know, this is the first time OP posts with this name, or any of the others. He's (she's? they're?) impersonating someone well-known for this one thread, so that doesn't really count as tripfagging. What Sieg does is tripfagging.

This needs to be archived. NOW.

>>4836306
>>4836308
now if OP could channel another comedy persona and rag on this party-pooper then this would be the greatest thread ever

>>4836448
In thinking Gilbert Gotfried would be appropriate here.

>>4836192
>Mitch Hedberg is my idol
>Someone is doing a parody that DOESNT meet my standards? Zounds!
>I better shit all over the thread!

Oh Sieg. Stay classy.

>>4836854
>>4836448
To my one hater in this thread, I have a special message for you.

THIS IS THE INTERNET! FUCKING RELAX AND STOP TAKING THINGS SO DAMN SERIOUSLY!

How shitty does your day have to be that you are now threatening to beat someone up who attends a COSPLAY BOARD ON FUCKING 4CHAN! Are there any kids retards in special ed school you want to kick around as well because the two of our communities operate on similar wavelengths. Really man what happened to you. Did you accidentally pop in a copy of Devil May Cry 2 in your game system and are now angry with the world?

See, I'm not angry that you think I'm unfunny. Heck I wonder I get laughs half the time I'm up here. I could say the most random shit and I'm bound to get huge laugh from these guys. Watch.

JOOOOOOOCK STRAAAAAAP!

*pauses for laughter*

See! These people are smart, they paid good money to see a man with an unsexy face and irritating voice speak to them and even if I'm not funny they're gonna delude themselves into thinking I am that way they don't feel like I'm ripping them off and as God as my witness I'm gonna deliver on that promise!

>>4836996
Ok we get it, you love Mitch Hepberg but is impersonating the guy that big of an insult? You're acting as if I dug up his body, fucked his skull and pissed in his coffin! I'd never do something that attrotious to the guy. Not only do I have a great respect for his work as a comedian...I'm...uh...banned from the cemetery he was buried in. I...kinda was caught dry humping the corpse of a recently buried eighteen year old girl. I was horny after watching Sucker Punch and my usual hooker couldn't find a babysitter that night.

Maybe you're just hard to please, maybe that's it. I could find one of these comedians, shove my hand up their asses and work them like a shock puppet where they will speak every line I want them to and you'd STILL be angry at me. I dunno. If you hate this thread that much, just do your best Brock cosplay, close your eyes and walk away from this whole thing. I'm a random asshole who posts jokes on /cgl/, if I look like the cooler person in this whole exchange you KNOW your priorities are fucked up.

>>4836996
>>4836998

>>4836998
>>4836996
Justice has been served

>>4836996
>>4836998
Fucking glorious!

Someone PLEASSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE do Patton Oswalt?

>>4836192

Dave Chapelle pretty pwease?

Stephen Colbert.
Please for the love of God.

Can we please see Kathy Griffin?

I love you OP.

>4837245
This for the love of God this.

>>4837245
Recently it has been brought to my attention that a sizable chunk of the viewership stems from the nerdy internet crowd. While it is true that a majority of my fans fall under the category of "Sexy, good looking successful people" it seems I have, unintentionally, become the champion of the geeky and socially awkward. I'd show you the pie chart if I could but it's on lone to CNN's twitter fan poll which is just as intransigent.

What makes this nerdy crowd so strange, outside of their pimply faces and love of all games that involve dice besides gambling, is their participating in a hobby called "cosplay" which is the act of dressing up as fictional characters. If you ever been to a screening of Captain America or the last Harry Potter movie then you'd been acquainted with these people because we all know that is reasonable to wear elaborate costumes to a theater where you sit in the dark and watch a movie screen.

>>4837407
The one thing I didn't understand was that there's very little playing going on when you see these people. I went to a cosplay gathering and I did not see a single pog set, jump rope or even a sing game of tag. In the cosplayers' defense they did start a game of hide and seek with me where they all walked away and if you're watching this show right now you are free to return to base. I simply got bored looking for you.

In an effort to understand these people more and to bring the play back in cosplay, I too donned a costume of my own. I was no longer Steven Colbert, successful TV personality but Steven Colbert, successful TV personality who is now wearing an oversize Sonic the Hedgehog outfit. With this ill fitting and smelly ensemble I went to the local park to find children to play with me and encouraged them by handing out candy and asking them if they wanted to ride in my Sonic Van. I was nearly arrested on the spot and if it weren't for my charismatic personality and a few hundred dollars in the patrolling officer's palm I was free to go. The only reason why I was harassed by "The Man' was not because of my interaction of the kids but because, and I'm gonna try to use your nerds' slang for a bit, they were "Baka Gaijins who did not understand the superiority Nipon Culture." As well all know Steven Colbert can do no wrong when it comes to his journalistic research.

I'M GONNA READ THIS THREAD IN THEIR VOICES AND NO ONE IS GONNA STOP ME!

>>4837412

>I'm gonna try to use your nerds' slang for a bit, they were "Baka Gaijins who did not understand the superiority Nipon Culture."

Hahaha. yes.

OP is my favorite.

Yeah... so, recently my sister took me to this thing called an anime convention, have you guys heard of that? I hadn't either, it's like, where all these kids gather together at a hotel and dress up in these articulate cartoon character costumes and stuff, and they all share a mutual interest in smelling like dirty cunts and doodie, it's really cute, yeah... and so, we're walking around the convention and I see just the, the most adorable kids in these, I guess like outfits all representing different countries, and there's one girl and she's dressed as a nazi! And, as you probably already know, I am THE biggest fucking Jew in the world basically, so as I was scoping out her costume I was like... this is offensive. So, I go up to her and I'm like, hi, hey, I was just passing by and I just wanted to let you know... your swastika is backwards. Her eyes got really big and she was like, really? She was SO embarrassed! I would be too, I mean these weirdos put all this effort into making these outfits, and she just makes herself look like, like a fool by not even being an accurate representation of a jew-killer... what a fucking dickhead.

Can you do any of our Brits? :3
Some include; Russel Howard, Stephen Fry, Michael Macintrye,Lee Evans, Jack Dee, Dylan Moran etc~

>>4837536

You forgot to talk about your vagina!

>>4837575
Her vagina is the one speaking the monologue.

>>4835605
OP, perform at katsucon. please.

>>4836996
>>4836998

Honest question, can we really believe that most of these comedian posts are done by one guy? I mean the OP says so but it seems like all we can do is take his word for it.

>>4838033
People are going by the fact most of them have the same tripcode. The ones with the same trip are the same person.

>>4838041
Ah that makes sense, I just asked cause some of posts the OP claimed didn't match the tripcode he normally used.

The level of humor does seem rather consistent.

Eddie Izzard!

>>4838229
Heck yes, seconding this

>>4838229
Be like Nike and do it, Faggot.

>>4838229
THIS

>>4838229
>>4838399
>>4838470
>>4838706
There a lot of posers in the cosplay world,, heh cosplay...posers...now that's an unintentional pun if I ever saw one. My my my.

No, I'm just talking about how it's so easy to just claim you gender and sexuality at a con. Now I know you people are going "But Eddy you call yourself a transvestite all the time!" I that I do person who sounds like me but with a real nasally voice. The only difference here is that I've done the necessary paperwork and gone to the Tranny DMV or whatever you Americans call it.

It just gets my frilly lolita panties in a knot when I see people treat their sexuality like their browsing McDonalds or something.

"Hmmm, should I be bisexual or bicurious this con?"
"Can I take your order?"
"I'll have a double order of hetero with a large, hunky man to help was me down."
"Would you like him super sized?"
"Depends which part."

>>4839708
Beautiful. Now I want to watch some Eddy Izzard.

>>4839708
OP strives to make /cgl/ happy once again.

uhhh...hey guys...(looks down)
Do you like um...anus, uh, I mean animes?!
(long pause)
I like...anime...uhgggghhh.
you ever see the one and its like whaaaattttt?
OH GOD!!!!
(pisses pants then runs offstage)

Okay G, I'm gonna go ahead and be the bigger man here. I'm glad that you can entertain a group of our peers on an imageboard. That's cool and all, I just think it's lame because it's not quite doing justice to them. I never threatened to beat you up, but it sounds like it's a concern of yours. I'm sorry? Anyway, have your fun. Obviously there's nothing I can do if you've got all of these supporters and you only have to deal with me via posts. It's alright though. You have fun. I guess I was being a party pooper but it was rather appalling to me.

>>4840155
nice backpedaling

>>4840177

I ain't backpedaling, I just know when it's useless to keep arguing when everybody enjoys this drivel. I forget where I'm posting sometimes. You guys read/write fanfics about tripfags. Nuff said.

>>4840183
could you be any more buttmad?
if you hate so much of what this board produces, don't visit it.

no one is forcing you to come here.

>>4833002


OKAY HOLD THE PHONE. THIS GUY DID IT RIGHT. GOOD JOB. THREAD SAVED. WAY TO GO FOR READING THE WHOLE THREAD, HARRIS.

>>4840186
THEY ARE. THEIR NAMES ARE SAM AND JOE. THEY HAVE GUNS. THEY'RE REALLY MEAN. :(

>>4840155
>Implying G is half as funny as the OP.

I don't think it's him man.

>>4835948
So I've done stand-up, for years and years, about raising my kids and, you know, every time I clear one hurdle I reach this new stage in my daughters' lives that just... challenges me in a way I never though possible and- slowly reminds me why my childhood sucked so bad.
What? It happens.

I mean I mean, take for example... my oldest daughter. We have a family computer, and she's... in high school now, you know, kids are into sex, not gonna come down on her for, you know, "pursuing a natural human impulse", but I...

You know what? I'm going to break this experience down into the rings of sexual deviance HELL, that's what I'm going to do, because I... I just found this so... I have to BREAK DOWN each and every thing, just because it is so weird and frightening and depressing all at the same time-

YEAH, FUCK YOU YOU PIECES OF SHIT GIVING ME FUNNY LOOKS, YOU FIND CARTOONS OF WOMEN LAYING EGGS WHILE GETTING RAPED BY SQUIDS IN SCHOOL UNIFORMS AND TELL ME THERE'S A GOD, FUCK YOU!!

>>4840676
Ok, so in case that little outburst didn't clue you in, I... I found my daughter's porn collection, which... ok so let's call this the... man's ring of hell, first ring because...
well, all the guys in the audience can attest to this, GUYS NEED PORN! We do, that's... that's a vital part of our development is containing this limp, sweaty, meaty... monster that lurks between our legs and forces women to accept lower wages, whatever.

Girls don't have that problem! I mean, maybe they have trouble getting laid, but, you know, where in the world is the shortage of guys who are not desperate to get their dick wet?! When have you ever heard a girl say "well gee, if only some guy could come along and hump me 'til my hair falls out?" Seriously!! NEVERMIND the fact that my teenage daughter, who, I'm not trying to sound creepy or narcissistic, my daughter is beautiful, I mean, yeah...

So I'm getting off-track here, the first point I'm trying to make is that my TEEN AGE DAUGHTER has been keeping PORN on the FAMILY COMPUTER

>>4831538
Sieg, bro.

I think you might be taking 4chan a little too seriously. If someone not impersonating comedians to your standards is what personally offends you to the point of making angry posts...it's time to take a break.

>>4840694
Ok, so we've gotten past the first ring of sexual deviant hell, and that's... you can argue against that, you can say it's normal, that's like... the Taco Bell Beef Ring- is it real or is it not? who knows-that's why we have multiple rings of... perverse, you know, whatever the hell I called it...

So THE SECOND RING... the second ring, well I guess I'll talk about what I immediately noticed, the second ring is... let's call it delusion. Because first off, it was cartoons!
*My daughter*
*masturbates*
to *cartoons*!

...

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

And it was that weird... cartoony... Japanese... anime shit... I don't know what they call it! I mean I should have seen this coming, when she got into the really violent one where the people all scream and shoot lasers out of their nipples and shit, I dunno, but... but I'm a father and I have to be supportive of my daughters, and you know, who am I to make fun of her when growing up I wished the... Banana Splits would have a reunion and go on tour with Led Zeppelin, fuck...

>>4840155
Sieg, dude, even if he isn't meeting your standards of impersonation this is still some good shit. And the impersonations may not be absolutely perfect but impersonations are almost never completely spot on, if ever. OP and anybody else that has taken up these is doing it for fun. We all understand that you are not pleased with the accuracy of it, but I don't think anybody gives a care.

Remember. This is the internet.
If you take it too seriously, like you are doing right now, you need to take a break. Go for a walk or something and chill the fuck out man.

>>4840738
Ok, ok, that's just bullying her, I mean this is her choice and I'm not judging... I'm just... confused! Is all, I mean it's like somebody... running up and cockslapping me in the shins, like...

But ok, the files were all named... "husbandu”... Like ok, that's not weird or creepy it's just... odd..

Because you know what, do you remember *the names* of pornos when we were kids?
They were AWESOME, it was things like... “Dimpled Dicks 6”, you know, shit that didn't make sense but rolled off the tongue easily, or... oh, you'd have the play on some famous movie or a book like... “JAWS”.

...ok yeah, you know like sometimes it didn't even need changing! Like yeah, MY FAVORITES, my favorites were the ones, you'd have something... it sounded normal but in context, in context! It was just sooooo perverted-sounding, like... “CHECK ENGINE LIGHT 5”, like... I don't even know what the fuck that's supposed to be but the next time my alternator goes wonky, I'm gonna... I'm gonna drive home, and take a cold shower, that shit is SO fucked up

>>4840192

>>4840652
It was just a speculation. There's no proof on who the OP is. Most likely just an anon that loves standup.

Why is /cgl/ so interested in who's posting this stuff.

>>4840758
But yeah, this is exhausting... let me catch my breath... So this, this next level of hell... her cartoon character stalkee, like half the pictures...
WERE WITH OTHER GUYS!

...

Well I guess that's not so weird... I mean, guys like girl-on-girl... Yeah you know what, this is like that one circle of hell where it's like “huh, I guess I didn't know that!” I did NOT know that girls could, get off on guys... sitting on a couch together, or, washing a car together, or... cuddling... or... taking baths with one another...
Hey, I did not know.

>>4840781
Ok, so... I'm coming up on this last circle of hell... I'm just going to lay it all out for you, because there was some CRAZY SHIT there, like it was SO CRAZY that *I* started jacking off to it-
I did, I was... jacking off to my daughter's porn collection, because...

I don't know how many of you in the audience have been through marriage or a divorce and just... You lose your arousal at ANYTHING, you're just so exhausted and thought you'd seen everything there was to se...
I DARE YOU to look at pictures of girls being ravaged by tentacles and robotic... bomb-dildo machines and NOT want to rub one out, I dare you! Really...

Hey, my daughter jacks off- I'm sorry *jills* off to it, she's... half me so you know, I can get into it. She had some really FUCKED UP stuff saved there too, it was guys cross-dressing and people getting raped, I think my favorite was the porn of people being tickled. Yes, I masturbated to people being tickled.

>>4840808
...so... I found this... maybe a month or two ago... didn't say anything, almost forgot about it, and just this past week my daughter comes up to me while I'm making dinner, she says, “dad, I'd like some money.”
And I'm like, “well you've already spent the money from Christmas... what do you want money for exactly?”
She says, “well I want to make a costume so I can go to this thing called Otacon...”
and she goes on, to explain that this is a weekend-long convention, for anime and.. other things... and you know, this isn't my disappointment or resentment, disapproval of my daughter for anything, just...

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
(I'm sorry I posted so much so late to the party, just I want to write shit for a living and got on a roll with this thing, haven't written so much in a while, thank you anyone who read, sincerely Whiteboy)

OP, if you're still in here, would you mind doing Dave Chappelle?

Stupid mod deleted one of the two Katt Williams posts.

>>4841149
One t too many in that Kat! Hyuck hyuck hyuck!

>>4840727
>>4840746

Listen, I'm calm. All I'm saying is that I don't like it when people get praise for doing stuff badly. Like Justin Bieber.

So there we were, at this “Akneemay” convention, when the mescaline began to take hold.
Apparently this was a gathering of people who enjoyed these weird Jap cartoons… I was there to write a story about “cosplay” (whatever the hell that is), along with my attorney Mr. Lazlo. I remember thinking, “I thought TWO bombs were enough.” Apparently it wasn’t. There was a whole jamboree of kids, adults, fat kids, fat adults, girls, boys, girls dressed as boys and boys dressed as girls.
For once in my life I was scared for what was left of my own sanity.
Suddenly, I was approached by fat a woman with pink hair (to my knowledge it was a woman) who tried to hug me. As this colossal beast attempted to hug me, everything began to slow down. Its squealing voice came to a deep growl and her eyes became redder than hell itself. At that point I knew that these are the type of places you DON’T want to be high while walking around.
I jumped and ran out of her view as fast as my feet could carry.
Sweet Jesus ,that must have been the worst trip of my life.

>>4841527
Too literal. If you want to sound like HST, use metaphors everywhere and a lot more internal dialog/social commentary. Example:

What's that?! A overweight female, brandishing Nazi regalia and a homemade cricket bat, has locked eyes with me, seeing fit to charge at me with some ecstatic warcry...
What's come of this fair nation, who won the second Great War?! Go ahead, call our tactics unsavory, but by gum we won! WE have exclusive privilege of imperialistic growth through the next half-century, until the grimey sweatshop gooks who pieced together this cow's uniform rise through the sewers and relieve us of our heads!!

>>4841495
but you like MCR. lmao

>>4841495
>I don't like it when people like what I don't like.

You know what I do when I see people praising Bieber?

I ignore them and get on with my day.

>>4841564
I hate you a lot because you can't keep to yourself on anything, always respond to trolls, and turn every thread into an argument about YOU. You're like another, less intense Masa.

>>4841495
>I don't like it when people have fun
God you're a faggot.

>>4841495
>me me me me me me me let's make everything about me

>>4841556
Thanks dude. I'll keep that in mind.
I tried my best.

>>4840898
jap we definitly need dave chappelle

>>4841562
Yep. :)

>>4841564

Cool. If they try to talk to me about it or present it to me, I will call them on how Justin Bieber is absolutely awful. I'm not going to walk up to a person that I can overhear listening to him or with a shirt of his on and say "OH GOD YOU SUCK YOU SUUUUUCK" See, this is the internet where I can do things like that and it not be considered socially unacceptable. I am able and willing to post my own opinions on this board.
>>4841574
>>4841575
It depends on what it is. If people are having fun setting a dog on fire, I do have something against it. That's an extreme, but you get my meaning maybe?

>>4841595

Pretty much, yeah.

>>4841574


Nah, not really. I'm pretty intense. Masa is one of the bros, though, for sure.

>>4841654
Ever look at yourself from a third person a think
"Jesus christ im being an asshole and should stop posting"?
You don't like it.
We like it.
Big whoop.
Go away.

>>4841654
You should stop sucking your own dick for a minute and take another look at who I actually quoted, because what I said has absolutely nothing to do with you.

>>4831538
>See, this is the internet where I can do things like that and it not be considered socially unacceptable.

Even on the internet, people won't like you if you rain on everyone's parade.

And this is where I shut up, because I'm thinking you just don't get it.

>>4840676
>>4840694
>>4840730
>>4840738
>>4840758
>>4840781
>>4840808
>>4840816

Oh my God, that was spot on! Hilarious! Thanks anon, you've made my day!

I think these dumb foreign cartoons should be canceled. I mean Wak Fu? More like “Fuck You,” am I right? What? Oh no I don't mean those Japanese cartoons. I love anime. First of all it's pronounced "anime," okay it rymes with "man you're gay" get it right "jocks." Second I love that shit from Japan. Take any anime and you're in some lame-ass school watching some lame-ass character with a squeaky voice go about her boring day, next minute her double Ds are flopping everywhere and she's got some demon tiger dong up her ass and I'm like "yes! What took so long, I almost went 2 minutes without popping an underage rape boner! Oh my god, I haven't been this turned on by the trembling voices of children since the Michael Jackson trials.

Because anime is all about sex, lets be honest. That's why you nerds all show up to conventions thinking that you'll finally score with those hot vocaloid twin cosplayers like you deserve. Oh yeah, society may not get you but oh man, those cartoons, they are made just for you and the people that cosplay them get that. That's why they entered into the secret contract in your head by cosplaying as your favorite body-pillow whores. It makes perfect sense right? So why didn't they get the memo? Now it's sunday afternoon and you're feeling up a two hundred and eighty pound Yoko cosplayer with her booty shorts disappearing up her ass because these two sluts were too full of themselves to submit to your non verbal imaginary agreement like they were supposed to.

>>4841835
Thank you! :3