i took a green shit this morning

...I'm assuming you left a "at a con" off of that?

>>3537719
Bleh that happened when I started drinking those little teeni/hug things I always had as a kid at college. Still got like, three packages of them left

I had a cat crap in my bed (while I was asleep) while housesitting.

waking up covered in shit = not fun

I had an ingrown pubic hair that formed a pustule and when I popped it the amount of puss that came out was retarded.

And it seemed to have formed overnight since I hadn't noticed it until it was like 'ouch! holy fuck what is that?'

One time I got a giant boil on my ass that I had to drain regularly. Whenever I lanced it it would shoot puss-y blood 3 feet or so. The stuff that came out of it was a similar color of blueberry yogurt. It left me a big butt dimple.

>>3537719

my brother did that years ago. it was after he ate about four bowls of Trix cereal.

Was about 3 am last year when I was living in the dorms. Had just finished a loli skirt and was just going to brush my teeth. Figured I didn't need shoes since i was just going to use the sink. Opened the door and stepped in beer-barf. :I

>>3537734
I had almost the same thing happen to me, but it was my own cat, and just as I was waking up in the morning she jumped up on top of me and took a piss right there on my blanket. Shirt soaked with cat piss + matress, blanket, and sheets smell like cat piss even after washed = worst smelling day ever.

While getting ready to take a shower yesterday I noticed I had gotten bit by a insect or have a rash of sorts between the top of my ass cheeks.

Another time my sister had gotten poison ivy on her vag when she pissed out in the woods, didn't tell anyone and I would up catching it from the toilet and got it all over my (again) ass.

My butt seems to have a lot of bad luck.

>>3537734
Aw man, I got a handful of cat vomit when I went to sit down in a bean bag that mine threw up all over. I didn't see it before I had reached down and it was also on a hand made quilt she liked sleeping on.

In elementary school I lost my retainer. I got braces when I was six years old and got them off when I was ten, so I would have been in the 5th grade. Somehow we decided I threw it away with my lunch, so somebody had me put on rubber gloves and wade knee-deep in garbage (cafeteria food garbage) in the Texas late spring heat looking for it. Never found it. Was out there completely alone. Something horrible could have happened, but fortunately it didn't.

It still haunts me.

Probably lame but a few weeks ago, I woke up with a weird feeling in my lower body, went to the bathroom and... pissed blood. Urethritis out of fucking nowhere.
I FREAKED out and it disgusted me like nothing ever did before. Incredibly painful too
funny how menstruation makes me go 'meh' but when it's real blood I'm like OH SHIT I'M DYING

We had a trip up an hour away to a get away house that we'd visit each summer. I think it was one of our dogs that I was holding, who was scared shitless of the car. I decided to hold them since they were crawling around everywhere.
I heard a couple huffs, thinking they were sneezing so no big deal? Then I woke up 'cause we hit a bumpy spot and figured we were there. I looked down to pet the animal and there was a HUGE pile of pink barf on my arm. Of course, I got out when we did get there, arm extended, and into the bathroom to flush the barf and clean it off. Good thing I wore a sweater but it still was disgusting.

>>3537719
Due to having a chronic bowel disease, I've probably shit every colour of the rainbow at some point in the past two years (except perhaps blue).

Red - I shit blood during flares
Orange - this is kind of common, fuck if I know what it's from
Yellow - usually painful diarrhea
Green - unprocessed vegetables
Purple - beets lol
Beige - from having to drink some kind of barium mixture before an x-ray for my small intestine (which turned up nothing). Looked like I was shitting chalk for days.
I've probably shit black at some point too.

>>3537828
Shittles.
Crap the rainbow.

>>3537831
Rainbowshit anon here. I lol'd, thank you.

>>3537828
That sounds extremely comfortable. I'm sorry.

>>3537739 I had an ingrown pubic hair that formed a pustule
happens to me all the time, I hate my hair/skin

sometimes they're so huge, when I pop them the puss goes FLYING and splashes on the wall or mirror before me. YUMMY~

>>3537835
You're welcome. I've actually been waiting months for a chance to use that joke, so thank YOU.

I had a dream about going to the bathroom, and then I wet the bed :/ I was 16

Pepsi blue used to turn my shit blue.

If you eat purple/blue gushers your shit will turn BRIGHT blue but you have to eat like two boxes in two days.

Its kind of fucking awesome.

>>3537857
This happened to me too :|

>>3537857
This happened to me too anon. I was 15 and to make it worse, at a friends house.

One time I pulled out a giant clod of hair and white stuff out of my bellybutton. It was probably as thick as my pinky. the weird thing about the hair is that it was all vertical. The fuck.

>>3537857
happened to me various times, I think I was 19 the last time it happened
;_;

>>3537860
Thank you for that info, anon, I plan to use it in the future.

>>3537857
>>3537865
>>3537867
>>3537873
I think that happens to a lot of people. Fifth'd, for good measure, although it hasn't happened to me since childhood.

>>3537860
Rainbowshit anon here, guess I'll have to do this so my life can be complete.

>>3537880
welcome bra
>>3537888
yeah doesnt hurt or anything either. goes away in a day or two. complete your rainbow

>>3537888
then something magic will happen, believe me
you will grow a unicorn horn or something
...out of your ass.

Looks like wetting the bed is a normal enough occurrence.
Grossest thing, probably freezing a wart off the side of my hand. I still have a scar there. Those things are fucking disgusting.
Or, once I had a giant blister on my ankle. It popped in my friend's pool and I didn't notice until I came out and it was filled with pool water. I pushed on it and the water and puss jetted out all over my foot.

Doctor had to "pop" a wart on my foot with a scalpel.
It exploded into puss and a bloody mess. I nearly barf'd

>>3537898
I WANT TO BELIEVE

I have two. I have this one pube that grows under the skin and the two times I've managed to get it out (it's in a weird place I can't reach very well) it's like 2 feet long, all coiled in itself.

The other one was when I used to do kendo (former weeaboo here, although I still really like kendo to this day) I got a callous on my foot from the way you have to move on the floor (sliding around sort of). One day it was really humid in the dojo and the entire callous which was on the ball of my foot ripped right off. It was about the size of a third of the bottom of my foot's surface area. I couldn't walk for a few days and when it came off I almost threw up.

tried the unlimited pancakes at ihop one time and got to 12, but kept drinking too much water. and when i was done, i dun goofed and drank a glass to wash it all down. anyways, started sprinting to the bathroom, but didnt quite make it and sprayed red colored puke everywhere. i thought i was dying until i realized i had been using strawberry syrup. red puke everywhere, clogged the sink, all over the floor, to the stalls. cleaned the fuck up as best as i could paid, and got the fuck out of there. it was about 1 am. not the most disgusting story for me, but definitely for the dude who had to clean it all up

Last winter I got this weird bump on my elbow, went to doctor, it was bacterial, so he lanced it and took out all of the pus.
It was maybe a quarter in diameter, boy was I happy when it was gone.

when I was younger I used to have some sea snails in my fish tank at home, and so when one died there was a pink aquarium pebble stuck in the hole where its head would've been. I pulled it out and these weird little black HAIRS spilled everywhere and all over my hand...I cried.

I love this thread.
Mine is probably...going to wipe my ass and there's blood or a bunch of pus. Should probably see a doctor...

Got a nasty blister from an anime con. Walking around all three days in 4 inch platforms. Had a blister that was almost the entire underside of my foot.

Another, had to play doctor for at a party. one guy got hurt while wrestling shit drink. Slices his leg open on piece of sheet metal (Were in a machine shop) Clean cut that opened up an inch wide, exposing the muscle. Pressured and gauzed that shit up.

>>3538020
Rainbowpoop says: go see a doctor. Bleeding from your ass isn't normal! You might have inflammatory bowel disease or something similar. Get that shit checked out.

>>3538025
Blisters suck so bad. I got about 9 when I went to Disney.

>>3537983

OH great, thanks for reminding me. First week working at Pizza Hut back in high school, first "real" job. Like the second or third day some bitch puked EVERYWHERE in the bathroom. Partially digested pizza in the toilet, beside the toilet, on the stall wall beside the toilet, a nice little trail of puke of leading to the sink (which wasn't that far away to be honest), puke in the sink, on the mirror, IN THE TRASH CAN.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It looked like a murder scene with flesh colored strips of cheese, splashes of tomato sauce here and there, a pepperoni or two...

Guess who had to clean that shit up.

I snapped up my latex gloves and went to work picking up these piles of puke. You could feel the warmth through the gloves and it smelled..well.. pretty much like a small room full of vomit would smell like..

Ew I'm getting that gag reflex now just thinking about it..

>>3538032
That's what Web MD said. Gonna go for my birthday.

this happened to me as I was reading this thread...

my ass crack was itchy, so without thinking I reached back to scratch it only to pull my hand out and find my finger covered with shit. Forgot that earlier when I had diarrhea I couldn't clean my ass all the way because I ran out of toilet paper, and then forgot to clean it off once I had gotten more.

>>3538050
did you sniff it?

>>3538048
>going to the doctor for your birthday

Why? Parents won't pay for you to see a doctor otherwise? I don't get it.

Damn I love free healthcare :(

>>3538067
Nah. I have health insurance. Just don't feel like it 'til then.

painful cyst full of puss INSIDE THE WALL OF MY VAGINA. There was some tube or what not that got all twisted and startied inflating itself. It hurt so fucking bad I went to the doctor and had her pop it with a needle, then I slowly had to squeeze the puss out over the week. When it came back the second time, I had to get surgery to correct it.

IT HURT SO FUCKING BAD

>>3538054
damn right I did

>>3538073
awsome

-Bird shat in my ear once
-Blue Icee turns my shit blue
-Chunky semen

>>3538072
the gross part is, I didn't know how to explain it to my boyfriend( we had just started doing sexual things) so out of nowhere he started rubbing my panties and was all "OMG your so wet" and then I broke down and told him he was rubbing puss through my panties. 5 years later and we have a winner!

>>3538085
chunky semen? how does that work?
kinda like spoiled milk?

My girlfriend had started hanging out with her friends at a local terrible hick bar. She's a terrible liar, so I'd know if she cheated on me. One day I end up getting this god-awful bump right over my dick that itched like a heathen god's curse. I didn't think anything of it, even though it didn't get better after a week. But one morning I wake up and there are tiny, painful pustules all around my crotch. They felt like tiny lava-filled spikes of terror. I make it a point to take a shower and get to the doctor as quickly as possible. By the time I'm out of the shower, the tiny spikes are now engorged blobs. When I slide on my underwear, they all pop. It looks like I jizzed my pants. I'm too scared to give a shit and drive myself down to see my doc. This entire time I'm absolutely fuming. How could she cheat on me? How could she lie to my face last night and tell me she loved me? I was going to go out of my way to ruin her life once I'm done with this. I talk to the doc and there's already a new battalion of pustules lining up again. He says to me "It looks like you had a nasty spider bite and scratched it too much, causing a bad skin infection. Put some antibiotics on it and you're good".

Fucking hell.

>>3538115
/thread

>>3538115
lol Spiderdick

>>3538115
Shit, owned.

>>3537857
Me too. This happened 3 days ago. I'm 20.

I decided to become a volunteer firefighter in high school and on my first day they made me clean up the remains of a newborn baby off road. Apparently the mother decided she didn't want it and threw it out the car.

My girlfriend vomited on my dick while giving me head. She thought it was hilarious because her vomit happened to be strawberry milk-shake pink.

Ladies, I know some of you get extra horny during your period, but please spare your boyfriend during those few short days. It was my first time doing it during her period, and I guess I somehow plungered a huge cache of blood clots from her vagoo. It looks like I had raped a bottle of extra chunky spaghetti sauce, and I could feel it all drip down my leg. But worst of all, worse than what I just said, was the smell. Fucking HELL the smell of a woman's bare period is the grossest thing in the fucking world. Like burned hair and garbage. This smell breaks several laws of physics and 8 of the commandments. And it still can smell even worse if she works out while she's on the rag. Fuck.

>>3538019
what the FUCK

WHY YOU SHOULD GET YOUR ANIMALS FIXED: my friend's dog had it's period all over my leg when it sat down on my lap, and then proceeded to drip blood across their white carpet.

>>3538166
Dear god, thank you for mentioning this.

Yeah, some guys don't mind swimming in the red sea. They're few. The rest of us hate the idea of having sex in the same hole that's been bleeding for several days.

You might be used to the smell, hell you might even joke that blood makes a decent lubricant.

No. It's foul, the things that come out of your vag during a dicking give me nightmares unlike working in a literal shit hole have given me and the clean up is a fucking nightmare on its own.

>>3538166
My boyfriend doesn't mind this, faggot.

>>3538166
Apparently mine spells like a pair tree in bloom. Like, we walked by one and my BF was all, are you on the rag? And I was all I thought not but it certainly smells like it...

We figured it out our third time walking past.

Still wouldn't even want sex on my period unless it is anal, but I am freaky like that.

>>3538187
lol pear MY BAD.

>>3538191

And "smells". I thought I was reading terrible self-insert fanfic copypasta.

>>3538180
It's abnormal for most animals to bleed on their period. Shedding the endometrium rather than reabsorbing it is a very odd thing.

>>3538181

I don't trust things that bleed for five days straight and don't die.

>>3538196
yeaaah I don't know where my brain is right now. It is running extra slow for some reason....

probably from studying for archaeology -_-

>>3538199
Its normal for dogs to spot during their period but I don't think it should be FLOWING.

when I was in elementary school, it was after a band concert and I was in the hallway with no one around. i pissed myself, while on my period=red piss. my teacher came around and I said I spilled fruit punch that was at the top of my locker. he offered to mop it up OMG.

Okay, enough with the period-talk! D:

>>3538208
OEMGEE YU AR SO KEWL DERP
You don't even bleed the whole time, plus, it's not that much blood really.

>>3538212
I don't know about the girls you hang out with, but mine does not FLOW. If it's actually flowing out of the vagina for that many days, a doctor is probably needed.

>>3538166 But worst of all, worse than what I just said, was the smell.
That sounds REALLY weird
...my period doesn't smell. I had to throw someone else's fresh sanitary pads away (ugh) and they didn't smell either, only old sanipads and tampons do.
Was she sick? Because afaik the only reasons for smelly periods are diseases, or maybe bacteria if she doesn't shower or something. Same for smelly vaginas in general, that shit is NOT NORMAL unless it's really fucking hot outside and you're wearing spandex.

did you know your vaginas are constantly spitting out discharge?
they are full of bacteria, mucus and chemicals that always seep out. pretty gross.

i wore black undies one day and apparently i missed the washing machine when i tossed them. found them a week later and it look like someone spilled bleach on the crotch.

>>3538199
forreal? I've had two friends with unfixed dogs and both bleed during their periods. (One of them at least puts a diaper+pad on it during that time.)

>>3538221
NEVER!

In fifth grade (I was precocious, this was around when I'd just started getting periods.) I suddenly got my period heavy and hard during class. My teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom so I had to sit in it for 3 hours. I left a puddle on my chair and a mess in my (thankfully black) jeans.

>>3538226
you are a fucking idiot. of course periods smell, but i'm sure it varies from person to person.
its basically blood peeling off the inside of your uterus. sometimes you'll get brown clots instead of red because the blood hasn't been receiving oxygen.

just because a period smells doesn't mean you have a fucking disease.

>>3538237

It's normal for dogs...

>>3538231
That's normal, hell, even penises leak a little. Since the panty rubs on the crotch, you have to go commando if you want zero leakage.
Why did I even reply, let's not turn this into one of 4chan's lovely EEEEEW PUSSY!!!1 threads

>>3538237
for real.
my parents dog used to spot before she went through doggy menopause or something. usually it was very light but still it was kind of sad that they cooped up in a tiny room because of it.

I was sleeping over at my very unhygienic friend's house and I needed desperately to take a shower.(If I don't get my shower I start developing strong feelings of self-loathing) I went into the shower and stepped on what felt like carpet. When I looked down, it was a gigantic mat of hair. Had to be at least 7 inches in diameter, a vaguely circular shape. She also kept all of her shampoo and conditioner in coffee mugs. I really don't blame her for only taking showers every other day anymore.

>>3538248
i didn't know dicks leaked like that. the vagina does it to clean itself. does the dick do something similar?

>>3538240
Did you fucking file a lawsuit? Shit.
A teacher cannot deny a student bathroom without consequences. You should have walked out or just shat in the chair for lulz.

I get gross plantar's warts on my heel sometimes. Thanks a lot, swimming lessons.

Also until very recently I refused to poop unless no one was on the same floor of the house as me. This basically means I could only shit late at night. Because I held it so often they would be MASSIVE, unflushable and bloody. I'd have to put them in a bag and toss them. Finally I got over my peculiarity and now I shit much more freely, and it doesn't hurt me.

>>3538241

This is /cgl/, home of retarded teenage girls. Scientific proof < What your her once said and she was a nurse < Anecdotal evidence. I'm surprised you didn't know this.

>>3538240
fuck that. i got suspended in middle school because my teacher kept refusing to let me to to the bathroom before i finally told her if she doesn't let me leave i'm going to fucking piss on her desk.

doesn't help that i have an over reactive bladder so when i need to go i'm going to piss outside if i have too. i'm surprised you didn't get an UTI.

>>3538226
Actually I can always smell my period, it smells like blood. Then again my sense of smell is really good at picking up the smell of anything bloody or meat related.
My vagina always has a scent. It's not overpowering usually, and while I wouldn't exactly make a perfume out of it it's not horrible- it's just because of what my pH balance is.
The times when you should worry is if it smells rotten, fishy, or yeasty.

>>3538208
Woman can get extremely sick from their periods, especially with diabetes, so I never got to laugh at that joke, god damnit.

>>3538241
I'm a fucking idiot because my period doesn't make me stink, noted.
The period smells A LITTLE, okay. It smells metallic if that makes sense, but it surely doesn't make you smell disgusting and it's NOT noticeable from a little distance. A tampon can smell though, if it's worn long enough.
"Burned hair and garbage" is just bullshit and that chick should go and see a doctor. And maybe you should, too.

>>3538273
The joke is so over used. I'm anemic and having a period really wrecks havoc on me.
My periods are a fucking murder scene and I go pale.

>>3538272
>while I wouldn't exactly make a perfume out of it it's not horrible
>The times when you should worry is if it smells rotten, fishy, or yeasty.

This. Everybody else, please take a shower.

>>3538273
>>3538224

It sure is that time of the month inhere. Brighten up a bit. =.=

>>3538277
Yes, we get it, your experiences trump everyone else's and your period smells like flowers and pennies. Fuck off.

Pfft, i have had sex with quite a few girls on their rag, it has never smelt bad... though it is a bit warmer and the cleanup is a bitch

>>3538247
>>3538237
I'm sorry, I'm less educated about dogs, but I guess it makes sense for a dog since they're so mutated. But yeah, most mammals re-absorb their uterine lining rather than expel it, but this can still cause inflammation and spotting.

>>3538277
You are an idiot because
>Because afaik the only reasons for smelly periods are diseases, or maybe bacteria if she doesn't shower or something.

Your vagina NEEDS bacteria. Thats why when girls take antibiotics, they get yeast infections because it kill the bacteria in their cunt. It cleans itself, and you don't need to do much else to your vagina besides giving it a simple wash.

Open a book once in awhile, you tool. The fact you don't know these things about your own body is concerning.

Why don't other girls skip their periods? Seriously? I haven't had one in months, because periods are stupid, painful and inconvenient. The pill. It's magical.

>>3538290
>>3538288
umad.jpg

Can we get more disgusting stories please?
Can't think of anything, ugh. Errrrr when I was 18 I pissed myself in school for absolutely no reason, but no one noticed. I went home, end of story

>>3538257
I should have- the shit that I went through in elementary and middle school at the hands of the teachers alone was fucking retarded. Eventually I got kicked out in grade 8 for my "anger issues" because a stupid fuck lazy french teacher wouldn't stop the kid who was harassing me or even let me leave the classroom.

It's too bad most of this was almost 15 years ago and any window of opportunity I might have had is shut.

>>3537857

This happened to me, too, at twenty, and at a friend's house. I had a lot of gin (nothing good ever happens to me when I drink that shit, never again will I), crashed on his couch, dreamed I was in a tank filling up with water and couldn't escape, and woke up pissing myself. I spent the rest of the night trying to be as quiet as possible while I washed down the cushions and blankets and my clothes. So lucky the guys sleeping on the chairs across from me never woke up. Ugggghhh.

femanon here, when I was about 6, I was at school and decided I would try to pee like a boy, standing up, and inevitably pissed on my underwear.

Not a story but a tip for you people who have to deal with cat piss.

Vinegar+Listerine+baking soda(or baking powder i forgot) is MAGIC for cleaning cat piss.

>>3538301 Your vagina NEEDS bacteria.
Well well, since this is common knowledge I thought everyone knows what I mean with bacteria. No, I don't mean the usual stuff that's normally in your body, I mean the kind that makes your sweat stink, if you've ever heard of that.
The next time I should make my posts more idiot-proof apparently, so please forgive me.

>>3538319

does it have to be listerine or could it be any alcohol based liquid?

>>3538301 you don't need to do much else to your vagina besides giving it a simple wash.
uh, okay? that's what everyone was talking about

another puke story
had some day old pasta for lunch one day, felt fine the entire day. went to take a shower, and in the middle of it, started puking my guts out. the kind of puking that burns and hurts bad. shower got clogged, puke all over my feet, but kept on puking. for the next few days my stomach was shit

Doing a lot of physical work, like working out, can apparently cause your blood to smell. Blood-sized clots sound painful and I think that's just exaggerating...
http://www.blurtit.com/q196244.html

The most disgusting thing I had to do was when my rat got his penis stuck outside of his body. I forget what its called but its a serious condition that dogs sometimes get too.

Basically, if I didn't get his dick back in it would get infected, turn black and rot off.
So I had to lube him up, keep his dick moist and for the next few days gently rub his dick to coax it back into his sheath. Thankfully it went back in after a while.

It was pretty gross. He was just a rat, but still no one should ever have to die like that.

would smelly-period-anon please stop raging and take a shower or something.
goddammit /cgl/ why are girls so disgusting sometimes

>>3538328
I have no idea to be honest. I think the Listerine was help a little with vinegar smell and the fact if your cat still smells its own piss on your clothes/bed/shoes, it is far more likely to do it again.

>>3538339
Eric Cartman?

Trust me on this-

Even if they -are- the only things left in your refrigerator, don't eat custard with fish sticks if the custard was made over a week beforehand. You will spend eight hours on the toilet cursing and bored unless you get someone to bring you a book.

>>3538344

ah that makes sense. It would be baking soda btw, baking powder is made using baking soda and some other ingredients like starch, soda is the stuff that reacts and makes bubbles and foam. Though technically you could use either, I guess.
~the moar you know~

I've had a lot of cats in my time. A freakin LOT. And up until my freshman year of highschool, they all would die in mysterious and disturbing ways....

For instance, one day in 6th grade I got off of the bus to go home. I stepped in something squishy and warm, which was odd because it was on the side of the road in the middle of winter. I looked down to see my what was left of my missing cat and the remnants of a fire cracker. It looked pretty fresh.
We had this one fucked up goth kid in our neighborhood so we all thought he did it but never accused him out right because we had no proof. I only knew it was her because I found the heart piece from her collar with her name on it. I still can't say 100% it was her, because it was such a mess. No one remembered hearing the blast, oddly enough.

My dad was out of town at the time, so I got stuck picking up the remnants and burying them. Looking back I should have called animal control, but I'd been growing up with weird shit like that and I wanted to be able to put her in our little pet graveyard so I did it myself. I'm pretty sure the goth kid got accused of child molestation later and that is why his family moved after which all of my cats stopped showing up burnt or dissected and what not. I wonder what ever actually happened to that guy....

Um.

Um.

Earlier this year I had Laryngitis, Bronchitis and the Flu for a month. I got that diagnosis from a doctor after I was coughing so much phlegm that it triggered my gag reflex and I puked phlegm everywhere.

I used used to get tonsil stones. At first like once a month, then every couples weeks, then several times a weeks. It's really gross and smelly to hack giant white balls of bacteria. jjlsdjfqljg.

Then I got my tonsils removed about three weeks ago and haven't had a problem since! Hooray! Although on the first day I did puke with such a strong force that puke came out of my mouth and my nose. IT BURNED.

And there you go.

>>3538357
Doctor?!

As a child I tried mixing orange juice and chocolate syrup, quite late in the evening. The next morning I did not feel well, but my parents were of the 'just TRY it' kind of parenting.
I projectile vomited during the morning announcements.

>>3538380

I FUCKING HATE TONSIL STONES
they are the most disgusting things ever, fffffffffff

>>3538379
Honestly? Without proof, animal control would blame you for letting your cats outside because its your fault for letting them get in harms way in the first place.

I volenteer for a shelter and it happens all the time. We get people who complain their animals are getting hit by cars, hurt by kids, etc and frankly no one can do shit about it unless they keep their cat inside.

>>3538397
Get your tonsils removed! That stops it. Insurance covers it as long as you see a nose/throat doctor and it's a super easy process. In fact the drowsiness the medicine gives you is harder than the pain itself after about four days.

>>3538411

I've contemplated it, cause I get tonsillitis quite often as well. Do they put you under general anaesthetic, or a local?

Okay, I have about 2 that are tied.

First one. My grandmother was over and decided to finish off 2 and a half bottles of red wine with my father. She then proceeded to pass out on the couch, but not before puking all over the couch, herself, and the carpet.
Father then asks me to clean it all up. All of my senses were being raped brutally. Smell made me dry heave. Partially digested food and red wine look like solid chunks of blood... it was disgusting.

Second one, I was cleaning up dog crap in the backyard, and I guess I came across a pile from the neighbour's dog that lives exclusively outside, because it had holes all over it and when I picked it up, only the top came off and the bottom half was covered in these small pukey green coloured grubs. It was SO GROSS. The smell, once again, had me about to upchuck... eugh. Luckily I was wearing gloves.

Sorry for that mental image.

>>3538393
i mix my chocolate protein in orange and grape juice
no problem here

I had some delicious macaroni and cheese at school once.... on my way home I felt sick. Luckily, my friend's house was across the street from the bus stop. Unlucky, I shit myself and his floor. Not only that but I clogged his toilet. Never again mac and cheese..never again

>>3538424
I didn't know there were different kinds. D: The anathesia worked wonders though, I woke up feeling giddy. The doctors were laughing and for about four hours after the surgery I was high as a kite and even talking regularly. So whatever it was, it worked very well, haha.

During those hours you're really, really numb too, so it's hard to swallow the ice chunks/water they give you. But it's more like you just put them in your mouth and you automatically swallow, but just don't feel the swalloing motion. So weird.

>>3538397
THIS!!!!

Whenever I get sick with an infection that effects my throat I get them. Little white/gray blogs of crap that feel like you have something stuck in your throat. When they finally do come out they smell so damn bad.

I use an electric sonic toothbrush now though, and found that on the rare case I do get them, the toothbrush does a good job at getting them out.

One time in class when I was young we were watching a video about WW2 and it was my Birthday. I didn't feel good and then I suddenly needed to vomit and I didn't run out like I should have I put up my hand to ask to go to the loo. When leaving the room running I was already throwing up so I left vomit on the door handle and the cubicle (toilets very very nearby by the way) had vomit all over the toilet as it came up earlier. Pretty embarrasing and the class was grossed out by having my vomit on the door. Not being a popular kid didn't help much.

>>3538389

No. But I had just watched The Eleventh Hour beforehand and had a good laugh at the fact that those were the only things left in my refrigerator and ate them. In retrospect, I should have thrown the custard out a few days before.

It was good though. Never eating it again because it took eight hours of my life and three rolls of toilet paper from me, but fairly good.

>>3538411
But you sometimes have to get a referral. My doctor is a whore, and wouldn't give me one. But now I know what to say to get one.
If you need a referral, say you have random sore throat problems and slight fevers.

>>3538450
*early

>>3538435
Yeah but.
This was orange juice from concentrate and the kind of chocolate syrup you add to milk to make chocolate milk.
To my 9 year old mind: I don't have any milk, but juice is fine too.

I threw up all over myself on one of those swing rides at a carnival. I probably hit onlookers too. :3 Pretty badass, plus it smelled like pure sugar and pepsi.

>>3538403
actually she escaped was the problem. After the first few showed up dead, we started making all our cats indoor. Sadly she was an outdoor cat when we changed the policy so she would always try to sneak out. My parents were dumb asses and went and got them all declawed too. Thought it would keep them from climbing the fence in the backyard ( we had a half an acre back yard so we thought they would be ok playing out there instead) and getting out, but she got out through the garage door. She couldn't even climb a tree to try and get away from him :((

Some other people's dogs also vanished mysteriously, but no carcasses showed up in the end.

>>3538468
thats awful. :( i didn't mean to accuse you about it. it just really depresses me when cats get run over, killed/hurt by people/wild animals, get into fights, etc when all of that could be prevented.
understandable she escaped though. keeping a previously outdoor cat in the house can be really difficult.

I get tonsil stones extremely often and feel as if I am constantly coughing them up.

I talked to my doctor about them and she had never heard of them.

...yeah. I really want my tonsils removed because of it but she won't refer me to one because she doesn't know what they are.

not the most disgusting thing, but still pretty bleh.

got my wisdom teeth out like two weeks ago. mom gave me vicodin, and I did the stupid thing of eating a bunch of "piece of cake" ice cream right after that. all the sudden I don't feel good, and as soon as I walk into the kitchen, begin puking and try to run to the bathroom. There was like five piles of yellow and brown swirl making a path to the bathroom and according to my dad the whole house smelled like bad cake.

>>3538476
oh no I get it. I can't watch animal cops anymore because I rage too hard when I see puppies with collars embedded in their skin and horses with babies barely surviving.

>>3538480
There has to be some sort of place to report that to...Goddamn.
I am so tired of doctors that don't know shit. Web MD usually tells me stuff in thirty seconds, where it take the doctor like an hour to figure out the same damn thing.

>>3537707
When I worked at the vets, my job was to throw away animal testicles and organs after surgery. I also had to help with a necrotopsy of a cat, and help remove it's organs to inspect them.

Alternatively, when I went to art school i shared a shower with two other girls. during that time I got what I thought was a bad eczema breakout, and went to the doctor one day specifically to just get out of 3D design class. Turns out, I got a fungal infection from our shower. My feet got sore, pussy, bloody, and then the skin would harden and flake off. They were just a mess.

>>3538497
dude yes! I had a suite style bathroom, and the bitch in the other room ( stereotypical black ghetto girl) was letting her crazy ass boyfriend stay in her room. I reported it after he started trying to talk to us while we peed and I got athletes foot from him using our shower. She of course denied the whole thing and tried to call me racist even though my roommate was black...
I will never live in dorms ever again

>>3538480
>>3538494
A throat/nose doctor that doesn't know tonsil stones? That's... really odd. They leave visible marks on your tonsils, like little dents.

Consider visiting another doctor for a different opinion after asking around, then. I didn't have a doctor, so I went to one under my sister's recommendation and she was wonderful. Getting your tonsils removed is the only way to get rid of them forever, so there's no reason your doctor SHOULDN'T give you a refferal.

>>3538480 I talked to my doctor about them and she had never heard of them.

ಠ_ಠ ... Ask to be transferred to a better doctor.

I sunburn real bad, and real easy:
After some nasty nearly 3rd degree burns on my legs, and having already gone through 3 layers of skin that just melt away...
I decide to brave a shower.
The strangest sensation is when the water seeps into your skin layers and blows up the dead skin like giant waterballoons around your legs and ankles.

>>3538380
!!!! THAT'S WHAT I HAD. Man. I wondered wtf it was. :< I used to get tonsillitis a lot and finally got them removed when I was twenty. Really wish I had it done when I was younger. The op left me feeling like death for a week.

As for me. No real gross stuff I've done. However when I used to work in starbucks the toilets were rank.

+ Some guy shat all over the floor/toilet of the bathroom. Gross.
+ Some woman stuck her used sanitary pad ON THE WALL. I CAN'T COMPREHEND THIS ONE.
+ Fuck people using the baby changing room. They always just leave the nappies everywhere and it's always covered in poop and piss.
+ Some guy came in wrecked, asked for as many espresso shots that he was allowed then proceeded to vomit everywhere.

Starbucks really made me hate people. :|

>>3538643
that happened to me up my lower back and upper butt after we went snorkling in Mexico. Did yours get infected too? I was a dumb ass and I scratched it. My doctor was all why would you dooo thaaat???!!! Felt bad man.

>>3538650
sonic did the same to me. Only we had a ball crust bandit as well as some douche who would shit in the sinks. I do not understand why people want to punish fast food workers so badly; isn't it bad enough to be doing slave work at minimum wage?

>>3538643

I had a sunburn that... Except on both my arms. When I was sleeping, the foot long blister popped. And when I woke up my bed was wet and I was kinda freaking out. Was kinda gross.

Also it is pretty gross the feel the liquid under the blister run down your arm as you life your arm up.

Well, first off, when I was 9, I got burned real bad by a hot iron.
It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't so dark, but a black guy with a 4 inch long streak of solid pink flesh on his cheek looks really fucking gross. Even better was when it began to heal, there were brown SPOTS in the wound.
Next is my first and worst boil. It was on my stomach, and grew to the size of my fist. I assumed it was a pimple and did nothing to it. After a month, I didn't want to breathe for the pain. Then, after swim class, it busted open, and I had a pleasure and relief just short of orgasm as it drained in the grossest pattern of red, white, yellow, pink and black I can imagine.

I was out with friends to a forest at night. We were trying to going to scare some hapless jogger or anyone who came through our bait arena. I was crouching beside two bushes in the dark when some guy decided to come right in front of me. I froze and stayed silent when he took me by surprise.

Long story short, I was pissed on with hot urine all over my forehead. The guy was shit-faced from a drinking party somewhere in the forest.

breast eczema

this is all ._.

I had several very tiny warts around my right eye when I was about 11 or 12.

When I was little I knocked a pot full of hot tea all over my legs, I spent the summer wrapped up in bandages from my knees to my stomach, once a week we went to the doctor so I could get all the dead skin scraped off of my legs. They held up a barrier so I couldn't see it because apparently it was just that gross. My dad told me later when we got into the emergency room when they took off my tights to see the burn, a layer of skin slouched off with it...

I was giving blood in high school, and the shitty nurse didn't put the needle or tube or something in right so the tube popped out of the needle and blood started spewing everywhere. I then threw up on the nurse.

Most recently I supposedly somehow got a blood clot on my face. So then a doctor had to stick a needle in it to drain it. Blood started pouring everywhere and then I puked (this time more gracefully) into a bin that just happened to be near me.

>>3538828
Can you see the scars?

>>3538846
oh and I forget to mention, after the doctor put the needle into my face to get rid of the blood clot, he said "Oh it's not a blood clot, it's just swollen." What the fuck man.

In third year, I got a giant splinter in my butt from a wooden playground. Doctors had to surgically remove it. Now resides in a jar, buried deep in the basement somewhere.

i went to put in ear plugs before going to bed, and there happened to be an earwig on the insertion end of one of the plugs, etc

>>3538480
>>3538397
>>3538380
Ugh, fucking tonsil stones. They smell like death, seriously. One thing that I've found does help is gargling with antibacterial mouthwash morning and night after you brush your teeth. I haven't had one in months since I started doing that.

Before that, I'd have to squeeze them out of my tonsil cavities by cramming my finger down my throat with a flashlight in the other hand, and half the time I'd trigger my gag reflex and wind up puking on my hand.

Also, at new year's this year I got food poisoning and spent six hours with a toilet on one end and a bucket on the other. I went to the doctor and had to sit in the waiting room vomiting into a bucket.

THIS FUCKING THREAD.

One time I got this ridiculously terrible stomach virus that lasted for a mere 24 hours, but it was the worst I have ever felt in my life. I puked at any little movement and even hearing sounds made me barf. During this time, I slept next to my bathroom (which happens to be right next to the stairs) because of how much I was puking.
I also had terrible diarrhea and sometimes, the force of my vomiting made me crap myself. Not fun.
And to make it worse, because of being terribly dizzy, I actually fell down the stairs and started puking, causing me to roll in my own upchuck and leave a beautiful trail of it on the stairs/floor.

My cat likes to sleep with me at night. One night however she was sleeping on my chest and I wake up to find she had hocked up a hairball on me. I don't let her sleep with me anymore.

Two weeks after graduating high school, I came down with mononucleosis. I had my tonsils removed when I was 6, so I RARELY get sore throats. I knew it was something bad when I looked into the mirror and shined a flashlight into my mouth, and could see huge globs of pus in the back of my throat. I went to the doctor two times before he finally diagnosed me. The second time I went in, I had to be wheeled in a wheelchair I was so sick. They admitted me to the hospital and for the next two days, I was in and out of consciousness with a really high fever and dehydration. A few days after I got released back home, I felt some weird sensation in my throat, and went to clear it, and a huge dark brown mass of tissue, blood and pus peeled off of the back of my throat and into my mouth. I thought I had coughed out an alien creature into my bathroom sink.

turns out I either contracted the mono from:

-the local drugstore that I worked at during that time.

-my boyfriend at the time (he never caught the mono from me. After we broke up, he ended up giving some other girl mono. So he might have been a carrier who just never showed symptoms.)

Hmmmm...
Once I decided to jump of a swing (you know, like the cool kids do at recess), and I tripped and fell when I landed, face surfing into a big pile of shit.

Also, when I was younger, I thought I had psychic connections with animals, so I tried to read a Llama's mind by staring straight at it. I also had an issue with my mouth gaping open. So, after a minute of staring, it made a weird noise, and spit at me. Spit in my mouth. D: Thats one of the worst tastes in the world.

Wake up, go out into hall, promptly step in cat vomit.
That's when you know your day is going to be just awful

>>3539057
Oh man, that sucks. I got mono in third grade (no idea how) but it really wasn't that bad. I just remember being sleepy a lot, which sucked because I had it during March break and barely got to enjoy it.

Not as gross as some other people's stories, but it grossed me out at the time.
Woke up one morning at a con, went to the bathroom to take a shower, found a pair of white underwear chilling on the toilet. Since I just woke up, it took me a few seconds to realize this underwear had massive stains of white, red and a nasty color brown in the lining of them. They belonged to a hambeast that my friend insisted stay with us to make the hotel room cheaper. I took the hambeast's untouched toothbrush and moved the panties off the toilet with it.
I later found her used tampon laying next to the trashcan in the bathroom. Guess she missed the trash or something. Called her ass up there via my friend's cellphone and had her pick it up.

Needless to say she's not invited to stay with us anymore, no matter how expensive the hotel is.

this thread needs to liiiiiiiive

I was 18, met this girl who was apparently 17 while I was at my friend's place, got talking, eventually made out.

Found out next day she was 12 or 13. SHE LOOKED 17, FUCK. MY. LIFE. So many showers...

I greatly enjoyed the death threats from her sister's boyfriend.

I had a golf-ball-sized lump in one of my boobs for years. Eventually I got over my fear of telling anyone about it and had it removed. It wasn't cancerous or anything, but my medical insurance did cover the surgery, thank god.

Um, one time, every time I tried to go upstairs to my room, I would vomit.

I had four huge piles of vomit before I just gave up and slept downstairs. I think I barfed up what I'd eaten right before it got in the lower digestive track, because I did not eat that much that day.

The piles were about as wide as a Commodore 64 is long, and they were very thick, about five inches tall.

I felt too exhausted to do anything but pass out, and when I woke up the next morning
MOLD IN MY ROOM
EVERYWHERE
MOLD
AND BARF
oh and I stepped in cat vomit, too. I guess I grossed out the cats...

It was weird because I had eaten the same thing multiple people did, and I wasn't sick or anything, and I had never had troubles with my room before or after that, or stairs. And I wasn't fat or underweight. I don't have diabetes. Just completely uncalled for fits of contracting smooth muscles when I went upstairs. I didn't even get the hiccups first, like they say you do, but then again, I've never gotten barfing followed by hiccups or anything.

*3'', I suck at typing numbers, guys.

faggots clogged the toilet for a couple of days

woke up in the middle of the night to throw up

hand slipped and my face fell into the toilet

face covered in piss shit and barf

I came

> 8 years old, running around sisters backyard barefoot, slip and slide in a huge pile of fresh dog shit. Fun times.

I've had many dermotological issues over the years.

I once had a boil/cyst thing on the back of my neck. The diameter was about the same as a golf ball. I t hurt so much that I couldn't turn my head. I had to turn my whole upper half of my body to check behid me when changing lanes on the way to the dermatologist.

the doctor had to stick it with a needle of anti-biotics. Shit was unreal.

>>3538454
SECONDED!

Fucking Kaiser. Just because they take your money doesn't mean they'll do anything.

I'd rather die than be treated at Kaiser. I'll get the same end result only cheaper.

Okay, so im in the indie market area of my city, getting drunk in the park nearby.
I have to piss, so we go to a restaurant. I was way too drunk for my own good, and couldnt hold my liquor at that point in my life.
I projectile puked ALL over the walls and floor in the basement of the restaurant (where the bathroom was located.) My friend comes out of the bathroom, notices, and we ran away as fast as we could.

Planned a meetup with maryjane at a con, hung out at a cafe and ordered some food, she ordered quite a few things, watched her take out a small pill bottle out of her purse that was some sort of medicine called valatrex or something, then after she ate she told me shed be right back that she had to go to the bathroom, waited for her for 15 minutes and when she can back something smelt very foul, and then I saw what looked like vomit on her knee. Pretty much an interesting experience...but also gross.

Back when I was around 8 or so I faceplanted off a scooter and tore up half of my face. I looked like Harvey Dent for a few weeks. I still have a minor scar from it.

>>3539762
3/10

story 1) Got a job as a stockroom worker/sales clerk/general go-fer boy in a new pharmacy that opened near me. 2 months in, when we established some loyal customers, one nice granny that I liked more than others asked me if it's alright to use the bathroom. 'Ah, what the heck, go ahead." She finishes her business, but I notice she turns off the light as she leaves. This is usual, but the electrical wiring of the light is tied with that of the vent - no light means no funky air is being sucked out. I open the door wide enough to fit my arm through to turn on the light/vent, and I am met by a hellish odour from this small crack in the door.

No biggie, I try to ignore it as best I can. The light/vent is on now and the smell will be gone in 10 minutes max.

Then I notice the shit on my lab coat. On the hand that reached through the door to flip the light switch. A expedient inspection of the bathroom revealed that there was SHIT EVERYWHERE. THE LITTLE, NICE OLD LADY SOMEHOW MANAGED TO COVER A FLOOR, A DOOR, 3 WALLS AND A CEILING IN SHIT. I shit you not...bad punt....but there were fucking STALACTITES of shit hanging

I had to clean everything.

Story 2) Clinicals started less than a week ago, and I already met a patient with c.dif. The hellish smell of the essence of grandma that covered a pharmacy's bathroom, floor to ceiling, in fecal mater is a field of roses compared to a patient who has clostridium difficile.

Did you know that when a patient dies under the direct supervision of a physician (say a family doctor) an investigation is required by law on premise where it happened. Meaning a body can be quite ripe before it gets to a morgue, as many doctors just don't have the means to preserve a body on their premises of practice, and can't relocate it either. TO make several long stories shot, rotting corpse smells better than a little 8 year old girl with nearly asymptomatic c.dif. Haven't had a rotting corpse where the cause of death was

>>3538085
>Chunky semen

Fap less

>>3539762
lol MJ's bulimic
which isn't that surprising, she's chubby which alot of bulimics are lol
I saw her at anime evolution

I walked into the womens bathroom at my job and it was covered in shit. Five mins before that, an Indian lady with her three year old child hurried out of the restroom. I am made to believe that she and her son were the ones who shat all over it.

>>3539777
You... You can't possibly be telling the truth...

>>3539777
How...how does this even happen?

Well, once I busted my shin open so bad that you could see the bone. Really irked me.

It's nothing compared to stalactites of shit, though.

I had a zit on the inside of my nose. I couldn't pop it and i felt it getting bigger and bigger. It kept bothering me. So I finally sterilized a needle, juiced it, and thought all was well. A week later it comes back. So I repeated it and at this point my nose is getting irritated in the front and I was getting a blotchy spot. So I'm staring at the mirror and I just start squeezing it and splat. It was an ingrown nose hair all along and what really grossed me out was that I squeezed it out through the front.

>>3539203

I have read that mono is easier to handle if you are a kid.


>>3539777
>>3539840
>>3539880
>>3539895

women are foul foul creatures when it comes to using public restrooms.

I worked 3 years at an upscale consignment store, and during those 3 years, I had seen some awful awful stuff happen in the woman's restroom. Only ONCE did a similar incident take place in the men's restroom.

I also worked at a large midwest chain grocery store when I was in the 9th grade. Some old lady managed to have explosive diareha all over the restroom, then SLIP and FALL into it and crawl to the exit. There was shit EVERYWHERE. She even tracked it out into the store and left shit footprints. My supervisor at the time knew better then to ask me to clean that up. Some other poor girl ended up having to do it. All she got for it were 3 free meal vouchers from the deli in the store.

>>3539950

>>3539762
atleast you didn't kiss her....I hope you didn't cause if you did bro, you are screwed.

>>3538183
nether dose mine. though we do it in the shower to save the mess. plus i let him cum in me.

>>3538277
mine smells like that too. but only at the end of the day when i have been working. other wise you cant smell it.

>>3539999

Shit is getting too much information

>>3538277
>>3539999
It's the iron, as that is what's in blood. Just a heads up.

>>3539777

Jesus. Maybe her colostomy bag exploded?

I was working at my store about 830 in the evening when I heard a loud bang and then horrible screaming. I grabbed my phone and keys locked the door and called 911. I could see up the street some smoke and at firs I told the 911 operator that someone had been shot, as the smoke cleared I could see a car smoking I started running toward the scene and realized a car had struck two boys age 16 while they were loading a truck.
One boy was missing his leg from the knee down and the other had his foot dangling by a piece of skin.
a small crowd had gathered and everyone was staring and some were laughing and eating tacos. I started screaming for someone to get me a belt. finally a young man took off his belt and handed it to a young man I later found out was a marine, and he tied a tournequet.
I spent the next 15 minutes getting Ice and looking for the one boys leg. I had a severe panic attack.
The driver turned out to be drunk and chronic alcoholic with 6 previous dwi . He died before the boys could sue him from liver failure. Both boys permantently lost there legs. I still have nightmares. The blood and gore and smell, the one boy begging me to take him to the hospital, having to tell him no wait the ambulance is coming.
TLDR: please don't drink and drive

had surgery for a pilonidial cyst except the doc fucked up big time
so now instead of having one of these fuckers, I have 4 right along my asscrack, and it just stops right above my asshole

>>3540103
sue their asses off (haha get it?)

Anyways, nastiest thing that has evr happened to me.... well, I had a baby some months ago, via c section. Anyways after it was all over and after I rested (like 8 hours afterwards) I had to change from the bed that I had the surgery on to my room's bed. Since it was a c section I was required to move , with help of course, but still. My stomach was open and they wanted me to move? bullshit. Anyways while trying to move from one bed to the other I raised my pelvis and splaaat! all the leftovers of the placenta, liquids and blod clots well from my vagoo into the floor. The nurses acted like everything was fine (they probably see this shit happening EVERY day) but I was so fucking mortified. Of course at the end it was all worth it :3

>>3540517
Forgot to say, after you give birth you have your period for 2 to 9 weeks. Nonstop. so ladies, be ready, its going to be a fun ride.

>>3540095
6 DWI's....wtf, I can't even phantom this.

>>3539061
oh god I lol'd so hard at the llama story, I'm sorry
>>3540095
:( That's so sad.

A puppy shit on me once. Right on my shirt where I had been cuddling it against my chest.

Another time I ate a ton of gummy bears. My poop had little rainbow chunks in it, as my body probably gave up trying to process them. It was actually kind of cool.

>>3540517
Sorry to be off topic, but do C-sections scar quite badly? And can anybody who's given birth via C-section AND vaginally compare the pain please? Morbid curiosity here...

>>3540747
My mom's c-section scar is still quite visible and she had me 21 years ago. Don't know about the pain, but I'll answer that if I remember to ask later.

>>3540768
Thanks :3 Just asking because I'm 3 months pregnant and doctors are already saying it might be better for me to have a C-section because I'm exetremely petite.

>>3540777
I'd get it, My mother wasn't able to have any of the four of us vaginally, so she had no choice really, but after the fourth, she gained a TON of weight, so the scar was at the same level it was just after she had 'em, so if you get a c section, work hard not to gain too much weight.
and the pain, I cant help you with, but you get frozen as fuck, apparently.

>>3540777
Wow, sorry but you are seeing some fucked up docs there. Get a second opinion, hon. Cesarians are pretty useful and occasionally life-saving, but in a lot of countries, especially the States, doctors perform way more cesarians than they should according to the World Heatlth Organization. If I were you I'd talk to some midwives or docs with more experience in vaginal births before I decided who to trust and what to go with. Going for a c-section just because of some speculation that you *may* be too petite for birth sounds like BS. C-sections have all the risks that major surgeries do and are not to be taken lightly.

>>3540820
I think it's mainly due to the fact that they don't think a baby could psychically force it's way through my vagina without causing immense pain and damage. I'm a catholicfag, been with the same guy for five years, only got married about three months ago, first had sex three months ago on honeymoon, got pregnant on honeymoon. So I've had sex a staggering three times, not much stretching room down there. Sorry for TMI.

>>3538445
>>3538397
>>3538380
OH MY FUCKING GOD. IS THAT WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE?! God I had NO idea what the fuck was coming out of my mouth all the time. Shit PISSES me off, it smells so bad.

My birth lasted four days.

Four whole days.

Then I was removed with a caesarian. I feel so sorry for my mother, nobody should have to go through that much pain for so long.

When I was in high school mom caught the stomach flu.
I then caught it from her.
I got my period at the same time.

I didn't know if i wanted to sit on the toilet in agony of simultaneous cramps and painful diarrhea -OR- crouch over the toilet to hurl again.
I hacked up SO much I saw green liquid. It had to be bile as I had not eaten in 2 days and I couldn't even keep advil down to help with the stupidly bad cramps.

Such bad luck to have both at the same time. On the bright side when I get ill I think to myself "Yeah this sucks but at least it's not like that one time in highschool"

>>3540848 So I've had sex a staggering three times. got pregnant on honeymoon


I cannot be the only one who think that really really REALLY sucks.
Dude you get like NO time to be with your husband at all.

>>3540671

Phantom this? I think you mean Fathom...

Eight years olding, eating a chocolate chip brownie.
Spy a chocolate chip on the floor and pop it in my mouth.
It was a chunk of dirt and dogshit.

When I was even younger, my mom decided she wanted to take up gardening, which was just a terrible idea. I was eating out of a box of Whoppers. A worm had crawled in the box and it made it to my lips before I realized it wasn't a Whopper. To this day I can't eat anything malted without vomiting.

>second day on a new job
>have to go to the bathroom really really bad
>super high pressure pee
>somehow sit at an angle that makes it hit the ring instead of the bowl
>can't stop peeing
>piss in pants, floor, everywhere
>spends half an hour trying to clean it up
>I smell like piss for the rest of the day

>>3541008
BLAST IT WITH PISS

This past otakon, i got really really stupidly drunk on 99 proof peach schnapps. the only thing I had eaten beforehand were buffalo chicken taquitos from 7-11. Vomited violently all over the hotel room. The taste and smell was absolutely horrid, and I felt so bad for my roommates having to clean up after my disgusting drunk ass. I woke up on the floor wrapped in a hotel bathrobe with very little memory of what happened the night before.

Later that day, due to a combination of how much I vomited the night before and the heat, I ened up passing out from dehydration. Best part? It happened right as they were evacuating the con center because of the fire drill.

I am never getting drunk again.

I feel bad for this but I can't stop laughing at half of these, especially the piss/vomit/drunk ones

And this didn't happen to me, but one morning in high school some friends of mine were getting off their bus and one of them put their hand on a seat. When they pulled it back the hand was covered in menstrual blood. The seat had a large puddle of it, and the girl who had been sitting there must've been wearing a skirt or something.

This happened just a few weeks ago. I was at a bar seeing my friends band play and I was just chilling at a table with some other friends and all of a sudden this bro slams past me and VOMITS on me. At first I thought he sneezed but then i saw CHUNKS in my hair and it smelled soooo bad. I wad shaking I was so furious and grossed out. I followed him to the bathroom and freaked out on him but he was so wasted he didn't even know what happened. I spent the next half hour washing my hair in the bathroom sink and then drinking whiskey to numb the pain :( soooo grosssss

So my brother and mother both got sick with a terrible virus one right after the other. When both of them got better I got the virus....

First I was throwing up every five minutes for an hour...I was so weak all I could do was lie on the floor. Then the fun started. I started getting the runs. And this lasted for three hours. My asshole was burning but it wasn't over yet, nope not even close. Just when I think everything is over I started shitting and throwing up at the same time. And this lasted all fucking night. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat or drink anything, because even the smallest amount of anything would make me vomit.

So I got better three days later. I weigh 131 pounds, after that episode I weighed 120. My father was the only one not sick. But that's only because he stayed out of the house as much as possible.

One time, I had a really bad cold, and I was coughing like my lungs were going to burst. I had a really important exam that day, and decided to go anyway. On the bus there, I cough so hard I threw up. I had no time to go home and change, so I stuffed the vomit-y scarf into my bag, went to a bathroom and rinsed everything. I still smelled like vomit though.

>>3541140
Every exam Ive done, Ive vomited. I'm a nervous wreck on the daily, but exams just make me puke.
Only once did I not make it to the bathroom, and disrupted the whole exam.

I was on a romantic trip to Egypt with my boyfriend. The third day, I got food poisoning. We were going to go to some boat ride thing, and took a cab there.
Diarrhea in the cab's leather seats. Yay.
To make everything better, I had to stay in bed for the rest of the week we were there, occasionally rolling to my side to throw up into a bucket we had to place there.

Then, this other time, we were in the Andes. We were in this little village for a day, and went into a restaurant to eat. My boyfriend is dumb enough to order a dish with lots of different kinds of seafood IN THE FUCKING ANDES. So, there we were, at the hotel, with him throwing up like crazy, clogging the sink and the toilet, and me trying to gather it up with a soup ladle into a bucket.

Good times.

>>3541001
I too have had a worm-in-food experience. I was really young, like kindergarten young, and I was at my babysitters house. My babysitter was in her seventies which I think was the reason she had no fresh food because she would rarely leave her house to get groceries. But one day she gave me some of those Mothers Cookies, telling me to not chew too fast but not too slow because I'd choke. Her science of eating slow didn't make sense to me until I look down into the cookie I just took a bite of and start sobbing. There's this worm hanging out of it and that's when she tells me I should've been eating faster [because I wouldn't have noticed the bug].

I had wonderful sex with my boyfriend one morning.

It ended with him peeing inside of me because evidently he didn't have the heart to tell me he had to go to the bathroom bad.

>>3541274

what...the......spaghetti

Today, at college I went into the girl's washroom before class.
They always smell bad, but today it smelled particularly ripe... I was sitting on the toilet when I glanced downwards to my left. Shit on the floor. Legitimate. shit. on. the. floor. Not a pile mind you, it looked like someone had it caked on their shoes and pranced around.

Shit's gross man.

Vomit doesn't really bother me much. I went to a friends house and the poor thing had gotten sick and vomited on her bedroom carpet. She, and her mom didn't want to clean it up(because they couldn't handle the odor) so I decided to be a friend and scrubbed it out of her carpet for her.

There's also the classic food poisoning. After eating some fish at Claim Jumpers(only time I've ever had problems with their food), I ended up on a toilet with puking and shitting at the same time.

The most vivid one I remember though, is when our pet tortoise died(back when I was a kid) my dear oldest brother decided he wanted the skeleton for himself, to display in his living room(he lived somewhere else). So I have no idea why my parents agreed to it. But they basically set her body on top of the shed to rot away. So our backyard stunk for weeks of tortoise corpse, and finally when she degraded enough, he checked and saw that the bugs had eaten away at some of the more fragile areas, so the skeleton wasn't going to stay complete.

So he makes me hold a garbage bag while he's going to dump her body in. But I'm freaking out. "OMG it's gonna touch me" and he misses the bag and it crashes to the ground. Turtle bones, broken shells, bits of carcass, and bugs go flying everywhere.

Never again. :[

>>3541439
ah, the classic taxidermy tale.

Im in the middle of treating a mole skeleton (boiling water, dry, repeat X 3) and the bitch smells awful! I'd better work in the end!!!!

Didn't happen to me but it's gross nonetheless.

Ate cat barf thinking it was spaghetti-o's.

>>3541130

>>3541439
>I ended up on a toilet with puking and shitting at the same time.

Ugh, that is the worst. Once got the urge to vomit while I was on the toilet, decided to prioritize vomiting and ended up hurriedly cleaning shit off the walls before anyone saw it. So embarrassing.

I've seen so many dead whales washed up on the beach in my life-time.

They've been attacked by Sharks and what-not, and their bodies wash up on these beaches out in the middle of nowhere where I used to live. Once a rotting whales intestines and guts ran up and down the beach like a trail leading to the carcase. Then if you climbed a certain rock and looked down, you'd see it's munched off tail just floating there, stuck between between other rocks. The smell of festering Whale is one of the most awful stenches i've encounted in my life-time.

You go to these old whaling places that are now museums and you can still smell Whale blubber in the old boiling decks.

>>3541274

years ago, I went and saw Cats and Dogs when it was still in theatres and I decided to buy a shit load of gummies from a candy shop in the mall. I eat the gummies throughout the movie and I feel totally fine until we start heading home, then I felt kinda gross. I thought I just had to shit, so I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet waiting to feel relief. I didn't have to shit. Instead, I vomited up blue and green with chunks of partially digested shark and coke bottle gummies all over the bathroom rug. Fun times.

Once fell asleep on a 12-hour plane journey to New Zealand. I woke up after around 5 hours, in a daze, to find that I'd projectile vomited all over myself and the seat in front of me.

No spare clothes, no spare seats on the plane, another 6 hours of flying to go.

I used to get HUGE tonsil stones. They made my breath stink like morgue and my mom yelled at me for not brushing my teeth properly. At the same time she was worried that I'd choke on those revolting, appalling chunks of rot. GEE, WOMAN! 1+1, too hard for you?

I've also vomited all over myself while being too drunk for my own good. At a party nonetheless, with several witnesses. I had to walk back home like some stink-zombie and hide my clothes (still living at parents', underage at the time). Wasn't feeling too hot the next day.

When my little sister turned 18 (legal drinking age here) I once again drank too much and woke up only to find out I'd puked in the bed.

Now that I think about it, I have tons of puke stories, all of them involving me, my friends and alcohol...

>>3541509
Yes it is. Thankfully when it happened. I felt the need to poo first, and when I sat down, I started feeling the urge to puke rise. I had a small trashcan at arms lenght, so I grabbed that had puked into it before I made a mess.

I was getting oatmeal out of the microwave and spilled it over my left arm (kind of slipped). Had to walk around with my arm bandaged up because of blisters (three of them an inch wide in the shape of an M). That kind of sucked.

another one: I was at a friend's house at a party he was having for like the five of us, and this one kid who's Puerto Rican gets drunk off his ass and starts crying about this girl, making no sense. Then he pukes all over the carpet and couch and a bit over myself. It was kind of gross. He was on some acne medication or something.

Another time I was at a group campsite with people from church and this 9-year old kid in my tent who is usually a huge troublemaker gets sick with something (some girls got sick too, but they left). So I took him out to some rocks and told him hot to make himself puke. He felt better afterward.

When we were on a hike that same kid asked me what a cameltoe was because someone else was talking about it. When I explained what it was he got super grossed out, which was kind of odd to me because he's the kind of kid that captures garden snakes for his terrarium and doesn't care if he's dirty or not.

>>3541649

fuuuck, I would eat it. no lie, your throwup sounds delicious...

Just remembered a story. So it's New Years and me and my drunken amigos drive back from a party. They passed out right away but I had some energy drinks still running their course. Buddy A is asleep on his bed and buddy B is passed out on the ground. Buddy A then proceeds to get up, still more than half asleep and kneels facing buddy B. He then proceeds to undo his jeans, whip it out, and pee on buddy B's feet. Both woke up in the morning and had no recollection of the events.

Another friend had just gotten really drunk at a party and puked all over himself. He cleaned up as best he could but couldn't get it all out, nor the smell. He's driven home and there's some fresh skunk roadkill by his house. Needless to say vomit went everywhere and it was a bitch to cleanup.

>>3541274
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WTF!!!!!!!! This can't be happening. Its just isn't logical
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>>3541799
Should I feel bad that that's something I wouldn't mind partaking in?

>>3541812

Femanon here, I'd absolutely love to be able to have someone piss/shit inside my cunt without the horrible infections involved.

So naw, don't feel bad.

>>3541821
Urine is sterile, but can be irritating to skin and eyes.

Also once it's out of the body, bacteria and what not can grow in it.

>>3541860

Yeahh, I figured as much, however I'm more worried about any residual semen on the penis or anything of that nature. I'm so scared of getting pregnant that I won't let an uncovered cock within two feet of my vagina.

>>3541868

Oral contraceptives.

>>3541915

I take them, but in addition I have to take two doxycycline antibiotic pills every day which pretty much makes the birth control ineffective.

Even if I wasn't on antibiotics I'd still take the pills and use condoms. Why take more of a chance?

>>3541936

Not only can antibiotics cause BC pills to become ineffective, but also vice versa. Both drugs bind for protein sites in the blood, usually causing a "toxicity" effect of one, and a "subtheraputic" effect of the other.

>>3541958

Is that why the antibiotics I have taken for 6 years have done absolutely fucking nothing for my acne?

>>3541964

It's possible. Instead of the BC being ineffective, the antibiotics could possible be the ones not working correctly due to the BC. D:

>>3541964
>take drugs for 6 years
>they are ineffective
>continue taking them

>>3540095
Oh wow.... I was laughing my ass off at this thread until I came to this story. I was on the verge of tears, man. Actual tears. Dammit.

Anyway, grossest thing that ever happened to me that I can recall was when I was about four or five. I was sitting below my sister who was feeling sick so of course, being the wonderfully kind and loving younger sister that I am I look up and ask if she's feeling okay yet.

Next thing I know, vomit. Vomit everywhere. It even got in my eyes. I cried so much and since we were in the car and my parents were delivering papers I couldn't get home for another two or so hours. Luckily my mom had an extra pair of clothes for me and cleaned me up a bit but.... I was never the same since then.

whenever i eat sugar smacks, my pee and period blood always smells like it.

A few summers back I spent like a month at my friend's place (about 3 hour away).

Story A: one night after partying I called it a night. My friend always lets me sleep in her loft bed because she prefers the couch (sleeps there even when she doesn't have guests) so i crawled up the latter still pretty buzzed and then I realized I forgot to spit out my gum. I got lazy and just put my gum on the side table thing that was attached to the wall. In the morning I couldn't hold the gum in my hand while climbing down the latter so I had to put it back in my mouth for the duration of the climb. tasted like old booze and smoke. so bad.

Story B: at same friend's place I would listen to my ipod before going to sleep so I went and placed my ipod on the side table thing attached to the wall. In the morning I went and grabbed for my phone and I thought I was pulling on the wired for my ear plugs but it just ended up being the wire for my friend's vibrator.

>>3542039
You might have diabeetus. Get yourself checked out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycosuria

Sometimes it's good to talk about this kind of stuff because you might not think it's not normal if you've lived with it all your life.

On that note, if I eat buckwheat or drink an energy drink, my urine will smell like the thing I ate. (Caffeine is a diuretic, btw)

>>3541274
As in he peed instead of ejaculating, or he just couldn't hold it anymore?
Because it's not physically possible to pee while ejaculating unless there's something seriously wrong with your boy parts.