No one has stories of stupid shit they did while drunk? Seriously?

...I barfed on myself and told everyone I dreamed it was purple. Plus I was convinced the couch had wheels.
Nothing too exciting though.

I have a few.

I was at a house party in the beer pong room, there was a really long line to the bathroom. I went "Damn, I really have to piss, but there's a really long line for the bathroom." Someone goes "go out the window haha!" but I was drunk, so, I opened the window and climbed out onto the roof and pissed off the roof.

LITTLE DID I KNOW the front door was directly below me. I hear a female voice saying "what the... is it raining?... OH MY GOD" and then "SOMEONE IS PEEING." I realized what was going on and started laughing and screaming FUCK YOU.

Two minutes later a bunch of big dudes come up and go, "Who just peed on us?" Everyone's finger WHIPS in my direction. Luckily my friends convinced them to back of while I laughed my ass off across the room.

Never been that drunk. I just get more amiable.

protip: you're a failure of humanity.

no one cares that you made out with some dude when you were sooooo drunk. actually you shouldn't even be bringing this up. i mean you obviously did it just so you could bring it up at a later date and receive attention for it.

so in closing people who aren't stupid faggots don't do stupid ass shit like get banned from bars when they're drunk. you do though.

Nothing interesting. I've raised commotion in a mcdonald's, wrestled drunkards who tried to mug me although none of us could stand up straight, fended off skinheads on cocaine, thrown up on myself in family parties and passed out on the streets many times but nothing I can make a story out of.

>>2783229
2) Another time we were walking from my one friend's house to another friend's house. It had just rained and I was wasted; I decided it would be a brilliant idea to run on top of parked cars. So I ran on top of parked cars giggling like a little girl, and of course I slipped and fell. I still had the necessary reflexes to put my elbows in front of my face, and I actually went through the windshield and into the car. Being drunk, I was like "That's a 2005 model, they have insurance, I'm not leaving my info." I should have left my name/number, but oh well.

The first time I ever drank, I did so rather stupidly, doing shots of about ten different liquors and then going back for seconds on most of them. By the end of the night, I was curled up on a couch, quietly talking into my phone with slurred speech, drunk-dialing my friend Kyle like I had promised to.

Someone walked up and asked, "What're you doing?"

I glanced up, slightly upset to be interrupted, and mumbled, "Talking to Kyle."

Several people around me broke out laughing. They must've noticed my confusion, because one of them mercifully chirped, "Liz, hun, we took your phone a half an hour ago." I guess my hand just makes a really convincing cellphone.

>>2783239
Oh yeah, and once I grabbed a girl's ass while dancing, but she didn't appreciate it.

there were these 10 or so times i had unprotected sex with ugly sluts because i was wasted. also i've gotten into a few fights and almost drove myself and a friend into a frozen ditch at 2 AM in the middle of nowhere.

oh, alcohol! you whimsical ninnypants!

>>2783237
Nope. Did it for SCIENCE! since I had the chance. I always thought I was bi-curious. Found out I was not.

Barfed 3-4 times in my sleep - Hendrix style.

Revealed random molestation story of when I was young to random stranger (girlfriend of buddy), forever freaking her out. I'm pretty much unofficially not allowed to be around her since she thinks I'm so closet pedo or something.

At a party, I fingered/dry humped a girl while she was asleep. Or at least...I think she was.

Drinking generally just makes me sick. I have been sick:

In my bed, while asleep. It's kind of lucky that I naturally sleep in the recovery position or else I'd be dead.

On my friend's sofa, while asleep. Fortunately was face-downwards that time.

All over my friend's lawn; I tried to move it around spraying water at it from a garden hose but that didn't help, fortunately seagulls ate it the following morning.

In a bread bin in my friend's garage, but that was just green bile after too much absinthe. Apparently that wasn't discovered for 2 days though.

Come to think of it all of those were the same friend, I really should apologise.

On holiday in france (when i was under 18, even though you have to be 16 to drink) me and a couple guys i found on holiday got barred from like 4 bars.

different time:
fucked a 27year old mom when i was 16.. lewl

different time:
drank like 1.5litres of vodka at a party once (friend did the same) i passed out ontop of stairs, etcetc bork nose lol.

>>2783285
That last sentence made me laugh uncontrollably.

- Called many girls from my community college begging for sex at 2-3AM. They don't talk to me any more.

-Told my friend about this stupid shit online. She doesn't talk to me anymore.

-Jerk off until my dick is raw.

-Look for hookers on craigslist.

First time I ever got drunk (14), I passed out half naked in the bath during a pretty big party at someone's house. Makes sense that I never got invited to parties following that...

Apparently some people were having sex next to me while I was out of it too.

>>2783268
Making out with another guy "for SCIENCE" is pretty much the definition of bi-curiosity, so I would conclude that you are in fact bi-curious, but not bi-sexual.

>>2783356
True, but I don't think I'll ever do it again. Boobies and vagina are definitely a selling point. And beards feel really... ugh...

Was in Split, Croatia.
Was hanging out with a few dudes from my hostel, we were playing some drinking game, I was drinking wine cause I am retarded.
Finished the bottle, had some beer.
Later had some jaeger.

Felt sick, puked into the water, it was a warf sort of thing, then passed out right there.
Woke up in hospital, no stomach pump or anything.
Got discharged, payed about as much as a night in a hostel, walked back and went back to bed.

e-stalked girls that I have loved throughout my life

felt horribly guilty and paranoid in the morning

>>2783399
Oh God. Jaeger turns me into a frat boy.
Last time I got drunk on Jaeger I convinced this cute blonde that she was a shallow materialistic prude who would be a lot happier if she actually put out.

Shit wasn't so cash when she stopped talking to me D:

>>2783416
I hate that guilt and paranoia that comes after doing something stupid while drunk. I always say I won't get that drunk again but I end up fucking up. Oh well, like Abraham Lincoln once said: "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."

>>2783429
as this weekend will be my first time drinking jager, I'm looking forward to the results.

Vodka makes me violent, whiskey makes me schizo, beer and sake make me pretty chill. Wonder how Jager will turn out.

And Tequila is usually what I get into long after I should have stopped drinking in the first place.

I have many.

Climbed a church roof and on trying to get back dow, fell through the roof of someone's shed. Fucking plastic roofs. I shat brix and jumped out the window.

Fucked my best friend off my course. Argh

Snogged a male friend for money. Snogged another one for girls to do the same.

Went back to my old halls and destroyed the common room with 2 friends. Bacon, yoghurt and fire extinguisher contents everywhere. We also broke all the tables and the TV (which was property of the uni) and pissed in every corner. Fuck I felt like a cunt the next morning.

The list goes on. You'd think I would learn...

>>2783356
That episode was rather depressing.

When I was four or five, my father gave me a light beer while on a road trip because I was thirsty. That shit tasted like urine, I haven't touched alcohol since.

When I was around six or seven, he used to do things, like kick me into walls, or throw me into pianos, etc., when he was drunk. I grew up genuinely afraid of him.

These days, my brother and sister drink all the fucking time. They're rather annoying to deal with and I usually end up driving them home or whatever.

Made out with numerous friends. Somehow our drinking parties turn into "EVERYONE MAKE OUT WITH ONE ANOTHER".
Slept with my best friend.
I wrote a love letter to one of my roommates. It was typed well, but I kept going in all kinds of different directions. I'm surprised he understood it.
I have written dozens of angry messages to people while I was completely trashed. I get really mean.

I think that's about it though.

Drank 2 fifths of 100 proof vodka. Woke up and couldn't find my shirt or remember any of the last night. From what I hear, I was awake but couldn't move anything but my eyes and my mouth (from which I was making no sound), and my friends were afraid that I might die. But, of course, the assholes didn't want to be caught drinking underage so nobody called anybody or even dropped my nearly comatose body in front of a hospital. I had terrible alcohol poisoning and was sick for over a week.
Also, yes I am a lightweight: 5'10", 135 lbs (61.2 kilos for you Eurofags)
I have more, but that is the most memorable (interestingly, as I can't remember most of it) and scary.

>>2783552
>underage
>es I am a lightweight: 5'10", 135 lbs (61.2 kilos for you Eurofags)

Underage B& detected

I told my best female friend that I loved her. She ended up making out with other guy.

Other night I ended in a bed with the ugliest girl I've ever seen in my life.

I usually just end up saying stupid cliched stuff that sounds good at the time and regretting it later. And hitting on girls i shouldnt

>>2783584
Nope 18 now, was 16 at the time. Except I believe I was a few inches shorter and 10 or 20 lbs lighter.
I've always been a short, skinny, geeky motherfucker.
Luckily for me though, I'm charismatic, have lots of friends, sex sometimes, try new things, and am happy with my life; so I'm not a total loser.

Broke into a place and got arrested.

Spent the next 48 hours in jail. Shit was not cash.

i have done a few dumb things when i was drunk. here's my favorite is when i got drunk and spilled my beer on a huge black football player when i was dancing with some chick.

>>2783625
>Other night I ended in a bed with the ugliest girl I've ever seen in my life.

Did that recently, shit is so not cool.

I met this incredible guy when out on new years eve - he was going home from the pub completely smashed. He had the most incredible west country accent. We ended up talking for hours in the street - he'd been thrown out of the pub because he got in a fight with a vicar. He told me all about this girl he got with when he was 15, then a load of jokes about black people, then about how "everybody fakes orgasms these days. It's an absolute disgrace. I mean, this gay couple down the road, the guy will just pull out half way through, spit on the other guy's back, and say he's done."

...I never asked him how he knew these things. Huh.

Woke up, found a hole next to my friend's wall and door

Woke up, wearing only boxers on friend's floor

Karaoke, got on table jumping and smashed into pieces

>>2783303
I feel bad for you, your life sounds depressing

>>2783641
Oh wow, I thought I was underweight, but according to my BMI (which I know is bullshit) I'm normal.

>>2783745
you actually are.

double your bodyweight with muscle and shit and you'll be normal for most people nowadays.

Drank exactly enough at my friend's party, threw up in the kitchen sink.... which was full of dishes, hehe.

Drunk dialed my sister to talk about how great Mitch Hedberg was.

Threw up fucking everywhere one night, walked home, had a 20 minute conversation with my mom, went upstairs for a shower and realized my leg was covered top to bottom in caked on puke...

The first time I got really shitfaced I puked in some girls handbag while she wasn't watching. Must have been lulzy.

When I was pretty wasted, I decided that everything annyos me and that I have to smash my friends room into a thousand pieces. She hates me since that day.

Fucked a 34-year old when I was 18. Was actually pretty cash, as far as I remember anyway.

Confessed my feelings to the girl I loved, she was like "meh" and made out with another guy later this evening. I broke his nose and scared her for good pretending I'm going to do the same to her.

I wasn't wasted here, but I gave lots of booze to a younger friend who ended puking all over the bouncer. He was in hospital for over a week.

List goes on endlessy since I'm drunk every weekend and almost every time something happens. Maybe I'll write more later.

>>2783128

I kissed a girl once that genuinely liked me
Nearly lost my internet life there

Once I was really shitfaced and got into a knifefight with a another guy I barely knew. Anyway I ended up being stabbed into the abdomen. I was already mostly numb to the pain but it was bleeding heavily and I decided to create some drama by pretending I was dying. The injury was harmless, nothing important was hit and there was no infection. However, it left a scar that makes people think I'm a hardcore badass when I show it to them.

I made out with a bunch of chicks for science. A lot of them. Turns out I'm pretty gay.

But now I think eating pussy is hot so I don't know, maybe I'm straight for pussy like some of the dudes on r9k claim to only want cock and not like men. SO CONFUZ

But I would never want to eat out a pussy attached to a man. Gross.

cigarette burns on my wrist

punched and kicked holes in my friends drywall and he doesn't know it was me. I feel pretty shitty about this.

Fell off a bike and went headfirst into the ground busting open my eybrow.

started crying and telling friends about how shitty my life is or something similar.

had a party at my house and got way too drunk too fast started puking at the time the party was halfway through and woke up naked in my parents bed naked with my dad walking through the door.

I usually hear about the things I've done on a grapevine.
Things like 'You threw the fucking cat out the window' and 'you got arrested' just make me reply "No way did THAT fucking happen! You're kidding, right?"

>>2783976

Pussy feels nice and warm man.
Delicious pussy, you must eat it!

smashing beer glasses on the floor to get thrown out of places i didn't like.

obviously stealing things.

>>2783976

Get mad pussy!

0p9

>>2783990

JOHN!? Get off the internet, mom said dinner's ready!

After a concert once i was full of adrenaline and kinda drunk so me and a friend ran though peoples properties, schools and industrial sites to get into town it took a couple of hours but damn was it fun. I have to do it again sometime

Let's see, what are some of my greatest hits:

-Stole a bicycle because I thought it was too long a walk home. Wrecked it, stole another, wiped out again. Sprained both wrists trying to land on something that wasn't my face.
-Fell off a roof I was trying to take a piss off of, lay on the ground dazed with my cock out as a crowd gathered around to see if I'd killed myself.
-Shat in a bathtub.
-Walked into a convenience store and stole an entire sunglasses rack.
-Burnt down a gazebo.
-Literally THROWN out of a McDonalds for very graphically molesting a Ronald McDonald statue
-Arrested for being nude in public
-Used the emergency exit window to leave a moving bus, almost hit by a car.

>>2783247

I lol'd

I hate letting people take my phone when im drunk
i scream and shout and make a big scene

I was at some lame basement party one night, pretty epically drunk, and I saw a motherfucking NES. With the Mario 1/ Duck Hunt cartridge. And the fucking lightgun!
I don't normally steal, but there was no resisting.

lol, one time I had just finished watching the episode of Kenny vs Spenny where whoever blows the biggest fart wins, and Kenny puts surgical tube in his ass to blow it up like a balloon.

Anyways, I got piss drunk and found some strange tube int he shed, so I tubed my ass and laughed so hard I puked after blowing the most enormous fart of my life.

I collapsed vomiting blood in the gutter.

Beat that you sad lame-ass cunts.

I've lost my memory more times I can count and know immideately that last night I did something stupid when I wake up. I go to some sort of auto-mode, lose all my contact to the real world, act like an asshole and can't stand on my feet. My problem is that I don't pass out but keep on going and going.

I've counted that I've lost about ten could be friends and three girlfriends because of king alcohol. I'm thinking of switching to better drugs because I'm afraid of liver damage.

Some of my achievements:

-Spending the night in police sobering cell when I left my jacket at club and it was -15C.
-Trying to hit on my friend and yelling her she was a whore when I luckily got rejected. We don't speak anymore.
-Breaking a toilet with my head by fainting over it (I'm actually proud of this one)
-Falling through a glass door almost breaking my head.
-Taking 7 hours to travel a 22km trip. This was on mother's days eve and I had to go see my mom the next day. I didn't have time to shower or anything.
-etcetc

>>2783128
I'm banned from so many bars I can't keep track of them all. I once walked into a place I thought I had never been before and the bouncer was like "Hey I remember you, you better not cause any trouble tonight because I'm watching you." I asked him WTF and it turns out I had been in there like 3 years before and caused such a scene he remembered me. I don't remember it at all.

Another time I was once at a wedding where the bride was a friend of a friend. I was introduced to the groom who says "Hey I recognize you... where have we met before?" I honestly couldn't recall ever seeing him before in my life and later during the reception we're talking and he says "Oh shit! You're the guy I fought with at that bar last year!" Again I couldn't remember getting into any fight at a bar but when I questioned him about the date/location I remembered a particularly nasty hangover where I woke up bruised and found a shit load of rose thorns in my leg. I mentioned the rose thorns to him and he said "Yep we were tossing each other through rose bushes out in front before the cops showed up and you ran off."

Then we laughed our asses off for about 5 minutes. I have no idea how I ran and got away from cops while stinking drunk. He couldn't remember either.

So yah, I don't really ever remember any of the stupid shit I've done. I'm the king of blackouts.

>>2784894

Jukka is that you? I didn't know you lurked you faggot

A girl said she wanted part of a fence. So I took it for her.

I ran headfirst into the street once. Got some good scars on my knees.

Did not even notice till a friend told me I should go look at my legs down at the local hangout.

Another time, I woke up in a pool of blood due to some cuts on my face.

Also, I am now missing a tooth for some reason.

>>2785097

Jani?