>>1864530
"... I'm pregnant. And YOU'RE the father."

NIGGERS

>law & order
>previously on
>I'm pregnant. And YOU'RE the father.
It's like you guys really don't watch TV.

"Lofi, you are found guilty of public nudity and are sentence to chemical castration."

>>1864538
Yeah, pretty much.

*doink doink*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OlCVNn9ZeY

>>1864542
I srsly lu and everything, but I want to tie you down to a chair and just educate you on stuff you've apparently been missing out on :<

>>1864532
I read that in this voice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EJ4XxB-pb4

>>1864539

>>1864549
*doink doink*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OlCVNn9ZeY

Im just gonna sit on my chair and eat popcorn. this will be great.

In the cosplayers system, cosplay based offenses are considered especially heinous. On 4chan, the dedicated tripfags who investigate these vicious felonies are part of a special elite squad known as the /cgl/ unit. These are their stories.

(oh and it's CHUNG CHUNG)

(now all we need to start this is some kind of jogger finding a bloody victim of cosplay)

That's how all SVUs seem to start out.

>>1864558
(It always starts as though you're about to witness a crime or something go down, and then OH SHIT RANDOM DEAD BODY.)

Male con goer: HEY MAN, I thought I told you, quit staring at my girlfriend's tits.

Perv con goer: It's not my fault she's dressed up as a slut, ain't that right baby, yuh yeah, look at the delicious underboob.

Male con goer: OH THAT'S IT MOTHER FUCKER *throws punch, falls on dealer's table and reveals* ... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Dealer: Oh shit.

DEAD YOKO, CUT FROM STERNUM TO VAGINA.

*cue opening sequence*

>>1864557 (oh and it's CHUNG CHUNG)

*doink doink*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OlCVNn9ZeY

>>1864562
Guess she wasn't...

...cut out for the part.

YEEAAAAHHHH!!!!

Hey buddy, get back on your own damn network.
.....
(CHUNG CHUNG)
2:01pm, CONVENTION DEALER'S ROOM

"It seems like your clear cut fanboy obsession gone wrong.....get this down to /g/. This may have been caused by a broken ramune bottle."

>>1864601

*doink doink*

*doink doink*

*doink doink*


.
*doink doink*

>>1864607

4:00PM OFFICE OF /CGL/

"/g/ labs got an autopsy report for us, it wasn't a broken ramune bottle.....but there were traces of blue tattoo ink..."

>>1864615

*doink doink*

>>1864615
The Kamina Killer strikes again eh?

all these dead girls popping up..slashed to high hell and given tattoos with nothing more than a razor blade and broekn bic pens..

>>1864584
>>1864586
>>1864588

>>1864620

*doink doink*

This is the absolute best thread /cgl/ has had in weeks.

>>1864671
Whoops, forgot my *doink doink*

>>1864620

"Wait a minute, Kamina Killer? Isn't he already on /d/eathrow? If he's on /d/, then who is the one committing these gruesome cosplay murders?"

(silence)

"What if the one on /d/eathrow isn't really the Kamina Killer? .......we better make a trip".

>>1864626

This is the best thing I've EVER seen on /cgl/

Thanks. You made my day and its only 6:25am

I thought this thread was gonna suck so hard.
Then >>1864557 came, and it was good.

doink doink

"Elliot, I just finished talking to the vic's mother, and she told me that ever since she started this hobby, she's been dealing with all sorts of creeps. Apparently, this photographer called Eurobeat King stalked her Akon 2008 and had to be chased off by her friends. Seems to be known for being a total pervert. Should we go check him out?"

OH GOD YOU GUYS. OH GOD. I JUST... I JUST WALKED INTO THE BATHROOM. AND THERE WAS A FAT FANBOY LYING DEAD OVER A MIKURU BLOW UP DOLL. THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE. OH GOD.

http://reidocrime.com/?q=land/fight/2647324
that's better

>>1864784
And nothing of value was lost.

>>1864771
*doink doink*
That Movie Theater Where EBK Works, 8:00 pm
Olivia Benson: Really odd for Stabler to just suddenly come down with the stomach flu, like that. D'you see him eat anything particularly strange?
Fin Tutuola: Well, I *did* see him eat some of that "Pocky" stuff. Don't understand what's so great about it. Hold up, there he is.
[Tutuola and Benson approach EBK, who is busy "training" a new hire in the fine art of ticket-tearing. The trainee, of course, doesn't look a day over 17.]
EBK (to trainee): So, I think the best way to get leverage when you tear the ticket is to hold it about chest-level...yeah, just like that...now, try doing it slower...
Tutuola: They make 'em perforated for a reason, you know. Makes 'em easier to tear
EBK (annoyed that his one-on-one time has abruptly come to a halt): Can I help you [turns and looks to see where the voice came from - spots the badge on Tutuola's belt] ...detectives? You, ah, don't look like you're from around here.
Benson: That line work with the girls you photograph at cons? Tried that on this girl, maybe?
[Benson hands a picture of the victim to EBK]
EBK: Oh, my god. This is horrible. [looks up at Benson and Tutuola] Who did this?
Tutuola: 'lotta people who were there think it was you, said you followed her around all day trying to get her to come up to your hotel room for a "private shoot".
EBK: You've got the wrong idea, I take tasteful pictures.
[CONTINUED]

>>1864875
[CONTINUED]

[Benson makes a "HA, BULLSHIT!" face. Tutuola just stares EBK down.]
EBK: ....alright. I have a private collection that never gets uploaded, you happy? [Ticket-Tearer Trainee makes a face and tries to go off and find something to do somewhere] But I swear, I never touched her. Ever. Not even to adjust a hair that might've strayed onto her chest--
Benson (disgusted): ugh, enough, please. Is there -anyone- else you can remember spending a lot of time with her?
EBK: I...I remember a bunch of Gothic Lolitas kept tailing her, giggling and pointing at her a whole lot.Probably making fun of her behind her back. There's a picture of their group up, they were really very open-minded about some poses I wanted to try...
Tutuola: Alright, alright, I get the idea.Let's go, Benson
[Benson and Tutuola walk away briskly. once they're out of earshot:]
Tutuola [to Benson, jokingly]: Hey, Liv, don't move, let me move your hair off your--
Benson: Don't even think about it.

>>1864876
>>1864875
So much win so early in the morning!! MOARR~

>>1864902
Iknorite???? This is awesome!!!

this thread needs archiving.
best thread in a looong time

hahaha wow this thread has already made my day.

this thread better still be here when I get off of work, and with a plot twist and epic conclusion.

Man, I miss Jerry Orbach

>:3
win thread is, well, win

OhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhmanOhman!!!

Im damn good at predicting things today. >>1864554


This thread <3

9:15PM /CGL/ OFFICE

GEORGE: *showing the pictures on screen to others* Seems okay, all we know is that this EBK guy's guilty of so far is exposing cleavage of revealing cosplay. Nothing big so far.

ELLIOT: And the lolita girls?

GEORGE: Nothing much. But if you look at some of the other pictures that EBK put online.

*shows pictures of where in the background the victim is talking to a Cammy cosplayer*

GEORGE: We might have found something. We'll have to do a search on all the Cammy Whites at that con and that might take a bit.


(i'd kill for a George doing datass.jpg picture)

>>1864875 and -76 here, glad to see there's a positive response. I'm having sort of a mental block regarding the lolitas, anyone more knowledgeable about them's more than welcome to pick it up from where I left off.

(shameless bump)

>>1865621
8:30AM /cgl/ office

DONALD: You don't look so good Elliot. I don't think you should be working while you're having the stomach flu due to this Pock--ey....stuff.

ELLIOT: I'll be fine....just.....*throws up into trashcan*

DONALD: Anyway, George pulled an all-nighter and told me to give you this. Identities of all the Cammy Whites at the con. Three of them are fatter than a whale, two uglier than that Masa guy. Only leaves one person.

ELLIOT: Who?

TUTUOLA: *wearing glasses and biting lower lip*

It's more of a CONNGK CONG

Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 1 times now.

Arright pervy congoer. Have a seat right there.

>>1865684
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>1865684
DOINK DOINK

9:15AM Convention Center Gardens

Ikuy: I don't get it, just because I was dressed up as Cammy yesterday and today you think I'm the murderer?

Tutuola: Autopsy yesterday reported traces of what was to be believed blue tattoo ink.

Ikuy: So? I don't have any blue tattoos.

Munch: What we didn't know that tattoo ink came from a base ink which is also has the same chemicals in fabric dye....fabric like yours.

Ikuy: it doesn't mean anything.

Munch: We'd still like to take you in for questioning. But for god's sake put on some pants.

Tutuola: No.....*puts on sunglasses* No need.

>>1865958
OH GOD BUMP

awwww, come on guys, this deserves an ending!

>>1865958
DONK DONK
10:45am
Office of /cgl/

Tutola: Well are you gonna speak?

Ikuy: I keep telling you, most of the day I was being stalked by creepy photographers mostly male and a butch female one who kept saying I had "dat ass".

Munch: Checks out....most of the photographers who took pictures of her had a date of time of taking photographers going from 10am through 8pm. Autopsy report says the Yoko was murdered at around 11:30am....which at the time...

Ikuy: I was talking with security about a creepy guy who offered me a chocolate syrup bath.

I could hand-sew to this thread. That's how awesome it is.

>>1866582
I would love to help you, I really would, but every time I try to write something it makes me want to facepalm.

>>1866582
DOINK DOINK
11:00AM Offices of /cgl/

DONALD: Completely innocent and a clean alibi. That marks her out...

BENSON: Not to mention all of our leads and possibilities.

ELLIOT: There's someone we're missing out on...wait a minute. *looking at the picture of the crime scene* Did we question the people who found this body?

BENSON: Yeah including the Dealer. He said....the body was found under the dealer's table.....how could the dealer stand there and....we gotta go.

DOINK DOINK

1:05PM Convention Center Dealer's Room, Dealer's booth.

DEALER: We usually stash merchandise under the tables when we are gettting into a high buying season like this.

BENSON: So an assortment of yaoi paddles and plushies can weigh and feel like a dead multiated cosplayer body?

DEALER: I have nothing to do with it.

ELLIOT: Then explain how and why the body got down there and the fact that your handprints were on places that could used to carry the victim.

DEALER: you got the wrong guy.

ELLIOT: This could run you as accomplice...shut down your operation.....you're looking 25 years.....

DEALER: .....gulp......alright two german---

*BANG BANG*
*Dealer is dead*

>>1866696
I'm glad you at least ended it. I was afraid it'd just turn into a ~tripfag extravaganza~

>>1866724
Who said it was ended....there's possibilities...who were the germans he was talking about? And what if the person on /d/eathrow wasn't really LoFi? *Gasp*

>>1866739
sure, but...that's not the L&O I've come to love.

>>1866749
truth be told, due to work and sewing time changes i can't watch L&O when I sew....and workwell anyway......how should I change it?

>>1866724
That can't be the end, where's the order part?

We only got through half an investigation, I want to see Cabot dammit!

>>1866779
>I want to see dead German lesbians dammit!

Fix'd

>>1866696
STABLER AND BENSON turn around, guns drawn, to see a YOUNG ASIAN MAN in his 20s, dropping his gun. He pulls out a folded-up piece of paper, which he starts to unfold and read aloud.
BENSON signals to STABLER that she has him covered, and BENSON slowly moves forward to apprehend the young man.

ASIAN MAN: I WARNED YOU, YOU FAT DUMB DISGUSTING AMERICAN, TO STOP COSPLAYING OUR ANIME CHARACTERS BECAUSE YOU AMERICAN MOSTLY--

STABLER takes ASIAN MAN to the ground. ASIAN MAN is stunned for a moment, and then continues his rant, this time from memory. STABLER picks up ASIAN MAN's gun and safes it, sliding it over to BENSON, who is now on the radio calling for an ambulance and a squad car.

I knew it was that fucker!

>>1867715
*doink doink*
3:00 PM /cgl/ HQ
Interrogation Room

CRAGEN and A.D.A. CABOT stand behind the one-way mirror, observing ASIAN MAN who is seated inside the interrogation room, all by himself. His mouth is moving, but we can't hear what he's saying. CABOT studies him intently while CRAGEN, clutching a folder, looks on.

CABOT
So, this is the guy?

CRAGEN
It's beginning to look that way. Aside from the gun, we also found a small /kris/ in his backpack stained with the victim's blood. Depth of the cut seem to correspond to the blade's length.

CABOT
We have a name, ID, anything?

CRAGEN
[opens folder] ahh...Muhammad...Patiba. Indonesian, 22. Entered the country on a student visa, then filed for Resident Alien status.

CABOT
Well, with this little stunt, I doubt he'll be sticking around for much longer. If we can't bring him down for the girl, he's going to do life for killing the dealer anyway.

STABLER walks in. CRAGEN is a little surprised to see him.

CRAGEN
You sure you can handle this, Elliot? You -did- just get over your little stomach bug..

STABLER
I'm alright. I'll feel better once we put this guy away.

>>1867733
>>1867733
[cut to a shot from inside the interrogation room]

PATIBA (this name's just made up, obviously; a spin on the acronym for Proud To Be Asian) [loudly]
--THE RACIAL RAPE OF OUR BEAUTIFUL YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS BY PIG DUSGUSTING AMER

STABLER [matching PTBA's volume]
HEY. HEY! SHUT IT. SHUT. UP. [PTBA surprisingly listens to him and shuts up] So, Muhammad. Why'd you do it? Tried to hit on her and get rejected? Did she take a shot at, uh, the size of -your- gun?

PTBA
Let me ask you a question, detective. Do you have a daughter?

STABLER [glares at PTBA, and with a firm voice]
I have three.

PTBA
Well then you should never let them cosplay, for they are fat dumb americans. Cosplay is meant for asian peoples, and all americans are just jealous of our...

PTBA goes on. STABLER, relaxing a little upon realizing PTBA wasn't making threats against his family, turns to the one-way mirror.
[cut to other side of mirror]
STABLER makes a face that says "for god's sake, fuck this shit". CRAGEN and CABOT have been listening in on their conversation over the intercom, but CRAGEN now turns it off, tired of hearing PTBA's tirade as well.

CABOT
He seems almost obsessed with the idea of not letting anyone but asians cosplay. Has he lawyered up, yet?

CRAGEN
No, he's just been ranting on and on, it's pretty hard to stop him once he gets going. Said he'd die before he submitted to "disgusting american judicial system that propagated the racial rape of thousands of young asian girls".

CABOT
Have George evaluate him. We need to make sure he doesn't get away on an insanity defense. Should be easy enough, what with George being Asian himself.

Yo yo. Dis be a federal investigation motha fucka. what yo b doin impedin' on my mutha fuckin co-riminal investigatin'.

I walk up t'mutha fuckin' local mutha fuckas and pimp slap that ass secretary daaayum she b' sumthin hawt. Holla at me bitch.

I grab tha' mutha fuckin crackas who b' impedin' on my pimpin ass investigatin' I say

Yo dawg dis be feds high up in yo tier nigga back the fuck off yo bettah ride out befo I cap sum tush werd.

They say yo yo Federal Pickle what u be doin and I say yo yo wat is up with this sass dawg? so I handcuff tha motha fucka Stabler and take him to my sweet ass ride tinted windows lights'nsirens on the inside not like tha pig ass mutha fuckin' car with all the bullshit my shit is real up here. Werd.

I walk back in and slap dat ass secretary daaayum gonna gett me some later. Holla at me baby.

I go back to the interogatin' and bitch slap tha' mutha fucka Cragen and pop a cap in that mutha fuck Cabot. OFF MY SUSPECT DONT BE FRONTIN O' HATIN. Werd. Holla at me.

So I pick up PTBA and say yo yo I hear y' like some of them asian bitches and he says werd and starts ramblin' about all this bullshit and I say shut the fuck asian boy where the fuck can I get me some asian pussy.

Tha mutha fucka go on ramblin' about how Americans b taken dem asian hoes and I say dawg shut the fuck up I want some mutha fuckin asian ass and pussy and titty.

Werd. I punch that dumbass in the face and blat blat him right int he mutha fuckin thigh and take him to my otha patrol FBI fed car while slappin dat ass secretary. Werd.

I shove him in and ask him fo' his girlfriends phone numba so she could bail him out werd yo know why I be gettin them digits not fo his ass but fo mine.

I get dem digits and call tha hoe and have her meet up with me. I fuck dat ass and tap tha shit right infront of that dumbass mutha fuckin PTBA and pimp slap those mutha fuckin' local detectives werd, made them watch me blow muh shit yeah holla.

I get bored with the bitch and give her a five dolla for her time and tell her to fuck off. dont need that ass anymore hoe my curiousity on tha tight asian ass is gone fuck off biatch. Fuckin hoe, but holla if yo' want more. Werd.

Take all those mutha fuckas to the fuckin' lake at the park. Listen here crackas PTBA yo mutha fucka sick of yo ass I'm federal agent gonna deal wit you my way there is no otha way werd.

So I handcuff those mutha fuckas again and blat blat some mutha fuckin bustin caps on them haters and put dat car in neutral and drive it into the lake. Werd. Holla at me mutha fuckas if you live!

So I go to my otha patrol car werd I got like 20 of them cause I am federal agent FBI Pickle Guy highest authority in the nation dont be hatin.

Drive back to tha police station and finally tap dat ass werd. Tapped that mutha fuckin hawt ass secretary right infront o the chief of po-lice said hey pig fuck off mutha fuckah I'm FBI.

He said yo yo I be reportin you (AKA he be hatin and frontin) so I arrest his ass and throw his ass in his own pig jail cell word. Dont be frontin if you cant take the heat mutha fucka.

Aneway mutha fuckas long story short wrap dat shit up now I got to pay for some motha fuckin asian girl and tha mutha fuckin' secretary blew my shit in both of those hoes and got them pregnant. But they better not be frontin' or hatin' any more I am FBI Federal agent pickle, werd, gunna arrest them and maybe bust some caps. Yo hear me dawgs?

Holla.

>>1867810
>>1867818
>>1867820