To add on, the plot is somewhat simple. London has somehow recreated the HGW, dubbing it the "New Age Holy Grail War". The rules are still the same, command seals, servants, masters, etc... with the only difference being that there is a shorter time limit to the war. MC stumbles upon this via a letter meant for someone else and decides to check it out.

Okay.

I've already written a little bit of the prologue but it's subject to change and editing when I get some third party opinions.

If any of you would like I could tell you who some of the servants are.

>>64808772
Go for it. I love Fate related stuff.

As far as servants go, the only ones I'm going to reveal are

Archer is Robin Hood.

Caster is of course Shakespeare.

And Rider is Genghis Khan.

I can reveal just a little bit of the prologue if you guys want but be warned that this is still in progress and hasn't been proofread at all.

>>64808927
I think it would be better to just wait until you're finished writing it. Sorry to say OP but I think I'm the only person in your thread. I'll stay with you though <3

YES

>>64808992
That's okay, when you're attempting to write for /a/ you must first be ready to get shot down again and again.

I'll just present a paragraph in spoilers, tell me if it seems good so far.

I slowly open the door to the rickety looking house. Old musty air fills my lungs as I breath in, it almost makes me want to cough but I control that urge by filling my sights with the old library styled floor plan in front of me. Books stacked upon books are filling up the entirety of my vision with a barely visible door behind three big stacks far off to the left. Stepping inside slowly and quietly like a burglar even though my intent isn’t to steal anything, I turn and close the door as natural and as quietly as possible so no one suspects this isn’t my house, methinks I’m starting to get used to the air because I can finally breath normally again. My heart is beating pretty hard, I can feel it knocking against my ribcage as I try to gather my thoughts. Hastily reaching into my pocket to pull out an envelope to reaffirm what I had originally read, on the front of it listed the name ‘Jeremias Theofilus Kaspersen’.

I want a Durarara crossover with Celty as Rider.

Do it OP! Where can i read it? I am gonna go sleep right now

>>64809374
I'm still working on it. I've already picked all of the servants and I have a good idea on who the masters should be, I just need to take some time off to write and I also need to contemplate how much of it I want to write. I'm also a bit iffy on the main character, while I do like him and my friends who are criticizing my work like him--I'm just not sure if /a/ would like him.

>>64809583
If you like him and so do you your friends, I say go for it. /a/ can deal with it.

>>64809583
Just don't make him a Mary Sue

>>64809276
>methinks
That suddenly through me off.
I think that the MC should have modern day English, and Shakespear to be Shapearean.

>>64809678
Hmm alright, it wasn't actually originally methinks. I changed it because I felt like the MC was saying "I" too much. So when it was originally "I think", I changed it to "methinks".

>>64809627
You'd have to try pretty fucking hard to make a worse mary sue than Shirou.

>fighting HGW with a caster

you already lost

Make Saber Beowulf

>>64809754
>Shirou
>mary sue

>>64809754
Don't start this.

>>64808625

HGW in the UK.

I would easily be able to take part in it.

My Servant of choice would be Robin Hood as an Archer. His NP allows him to steal other Servant's NP but it only works if they are alive.

>>64809950
I have no idea what you're talking about

>there will never be a fate work with Brünnhilde as a servant

I'll just give you guys a tldr version of the MC.

He is a young man in his early twenties, he is apart of a Russian mafia family. His real family were in debt to the Russian family and decided to basically pawn him off at a young for the mafia to do whatever they want with him. They gave him a choice to either learn how to become a hitter to knock out rival families or to be a drug mule, he chose the former.

There is more to him than just that, including his eccentric behavior of thinking that the world is just a storybook where he himself is the main character. This is one of the deciding factors for Shakespeare being his servant.

>>64809276
Could you make shorter sentences ? If you're trying to make up a "style" it's not working very well and frankly it's a little tiring to read.

>>64809950
Do you even know that Robin Hood already has NP and such set by Extra already?

>>64809276
uh
a couple things

1. first person narrative
dont really like it but that just may be me
though if you keep it, dont use I so often. its just too much.

2. phrasing
>Books stacked upon books are filling up the entirety of my vision with a barely visible door behind three big stacks far off to the left.
sounds awkward.
try
>Precariously balanced stacks of books piled high obscure my vision, although I can see the outlines of a door behind some stacks way to my left.

>look for some of Shakespeare's work I haven't read before

>check out 'Titus'

>Tragedy set in late Roman Empire

>Rape, murder and incest everywhere

>BETRAYERS BETRAYING BETRAYERS

>antagonist directs her sons to rape and murder the MC's daughter in a scene that goes on waaaaaaaay too long

>MC has antagonists sons captured, tortured, raped, murders and their corpses made into meat pies that he proceeds to feed to their unsuspecting mother

WHAT THE FUCK, WILLIAM

>>64810292
>boyrape

Now we're talking

>>64810062
Hm alright, so I should change that styling up a bit.

>>64810081
The first person narrative is actually going to change after the MC summons Shakespeare(which is at the end of the prologue). Shakespeare will narrate most of the story after he decides that MC is his "protagonist".

>>64810437
That's a really good idea OP, but beware it's potential of going terrible wrong.

>>64810691
Yeah I know, I have to be careful otherwise the idea behind it will be lost in translation.

>>64810437

I think that idea sounds really cool, but tread carefully.

So aside from some issues with the styling of the sentence structure you all would be interested in me continuing this project?

>>64811499
Yeah, I was pretty harsh with the sentences length but that's still a pretty cool idea and if you're bad dude enough to listen to /a/ criticisms, I'm going to go out of my way to support you.

Bood luck with the writing bro.

>>64811753
Thank you for the support /a/non. I'll try to weave a spectacular story while trying to not have as many asspulls and Mary/Gary Sues/Stus in my story.

Also, as a question relating to the MC's magical prowess. The only real gift he has is the power to interact and manipulate shadows(I.E. being able to animate shadows). Is this too DARKNESS.jpg? It isn't really limited to shadows and is more like the affinity of reflections, but he only knows how to play with shadows.

>>64812041
That's pretty DARKNESS imo, but I'm cool about it as long as no human can wipe the floor with a Servant. Unless it's done very well.

On the other hand, it's pretty difficult to make a weak Master/Caster duo so I'll just trust your storytelling skills

>>64812419
Hmm alright. Also to add on, I would like some opinions on things.

Should the MC have an ally during the war?

How many females are too many females in the story? Master wise, there are only two of them so far.

Should the MC have a romantic interest? This doesn't mean he'll compromise his situation for the romantic interest.

And I'm also a bit worried about one of the servants I picked, I feel as though people will get mad at the idea of it. I already ran it by two people who said they were actually amazed at the concept of it. But still, /a/ is /a/.

>>64812704
>Should the MC have an ally during the war?
You should do as you wish, but if I were to have a say into it I'd go for the EUROPEAN EXTREME and make him solo the war just with Shakespeare. Then again I know it'll be difficult to do it without asspulls

>How many females are too many females in the story? Master wise, there are only two of them so far.
As much as you want. As long as they're not useless, go for it.

>Should the MC have a romantic interest? This doesn't mean he'll compromise his situation for the romantic interest.
I didn't really liked any of the romantic developements in FSN so meh. Wouldn't it be better to have the MC bro it up instead ?

Who's the servant ?

>>64813178
I'll put it in spoilers.

Lancer is the literal Lance of Longinus. The idea behind it is that it's an
anomaly in the system, kinda like how Fate/Stay's Assassin was a
phantom, this is sorta a half-servant. This is related to the fact
that the Roman soldier who stabbed Christ isn't actually well known at
all. The spear is more well known than the actual guy who stabbed Christ was.
Because of this the spear should be considered a noble
phantasm/sub-servant, and that the actual Master of Lancer should be considered
the other half of the servant. Following the tradition of "Nameless
peon uses the spear". If that makes any sense to you.

I think though that people would have problems with it.

>>64813317
The explanation is quite good. Actually it's a nice idea but you know people will be shitting their pants if there is no proper Lancer right? You should make the Master a maximum bro, with a spandex-like outfit to compensate. Make him Irish too.
A poor unlucky Irish guy in London who regularly get shit on by English

>>64813567
Actually the master is a female, a daughter of an old modern-day Knight Templar. The spear itself has properties closely related to mind-control where it'll compel the wielder to seek out those who are incredibly sinful or about to commit terrible crimes. And it just so happens that the most sinful guy around is MC. Also expect mass-murdering of criminals being crucified.

Also her Luck is C with Lancer.

>>64813317

I thought that the Roman dude who stabbed Jeebus was called Longinus and nowadays he's known as Saint Longinus, so I'd say he's pretty well known.

>>64813713
>Also expect mass-murdering of criminals being crucified.
Isn't that a little too EDGY ?

>>64813713
>Spear of loginus

>No Hitler EVA or Nyralathotep Involved.


SHIT NIGGER WHAT ARE YOU DOING

Also summon Ramses the II as Rider

>>64813743
[/spoiler]The guy himself is referred to as Longinus, but it's not even his real name. In fact no one knows his real name or anything about him except that he was a Centurion and that he stabbed Jesus. When someone says "Longinus" no one thinks of the guy, they think of the spear.

Saint Longinus.[/spoiler]

>>64813713
>lance of longinus

The real question is who is saber ?

Make him Sir Kay, make him sir Kay

>>64813871
Picture related.

Though This guy was known for trying to oppose moses from stealing his Jews, thanks to a shitty Catalyst, he has a reality Marble which pretty much turns him into Nyralathotep, and can make use of faith/belief as an alternate means instead of mana/prana.

He's more or less our fate/zero caster for the story.

Y/N?

>>64813786
Wasn't thinking of it being edgy. I mean take for example how crazy Catholics are. No offense, I mean the ones that want to stone people for cursing and what have you.

And I'll give some hints to who the remaining servants are.

Saber will be mistaken for a man.

Assassin will be mistaken for a Japanese Lancer.

And Berserker is from Russia. Also rank D madness enhancement, and Berserker is a girl.

I know they're all pretty vague hints. But I'm sure there will be some of you who guess Saber correctly.

>>64814230

Saber: umm... Mulan?
Assassin: Honda Tadakatsu?
Berserker: Anastasia?

>>64814342
Only Saber was correct.

>>64814230
>Japanese Lancer.
Sanada Yukimura ?

>>64814230

Berserker: Catherine the Great?

>>64814342
not guessing joan of arc
shiggy diggy dooo whop

>>64814494
Sorry, you're wrong.

Also I have been thinking maybe I should change Berserker. I only thought of her because burning an entire city in the name of revenge is pretty crazy. Especially when you're using birds.

>>64814230
>Saber

Jean, or Mulan?

>Berserker

That girl from that christmas carol?

Christ I'd be pissed to If I went around the world trying to give a present to jesus only to find out he's dead.

>>64814633
>>64814654
Wrong as well.

Also do tell me if you like the servants I have picked so far.

>>64814702
Saber is indeed Mulan.

But you're wrong about Berserker.

Would be great to see some Indian servants. They do not get any love.

>>64814731
You need to have someone who is pretty much a goodie two shoes all around.

The lineup you've set is somewhat Full 2nd Grail ar massacre level.

You should also revise the makeup of your grail, they aren't all made the same after all.

And Get rid of berserker, It's a scam remember?

>>64814828
LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS

FOR PRANA RESTOCKING

>>64814658

Got it: Princess Olga

>>64808625
>London

Good Job, I have the feeling that the Pierpoint of where the Crown is seated, the INSTITUTE OF MAGIC and close civilian prescene is a great idea for a Sehai war.

Pick Nottingham instead.

More Country space, A wide variety of schools to choose from, and Killing off Chavs will prove to be a wonderfull venture.

Also, a HGW in London Would Invoke Artuia to be summoned as her country would be in danger.

This applies to Francis drake also with his horn thing.

>>64814830
I was actually looking at some Indian servants when I couldn't think of who Lancer should be, but then I had the idea of LoL.

>>64814836
Saber is a goodie two shoes, so is her Master. Archer is too, but it's only because he has his hands full with his Master.

I get what you mean by the makeup of the Grail. But I think I'll leave it the same, besides there is something that the masters don't know about this particular Grail War.

>>64814987
Yeah, you're right. I knew the bird hint was probably too much. What do you think? Good enough for Berserker?

>>64815128
Nottingham yeah? Hmm, alright I'll look into it. I also like the idea of Francis Drake and Arturia being summoned as counter guardians.

>>64814230

is Assassin Musashibo Benkei?

>>64815255
Nope. Assassin still hasn't been guessed. I'll give one more hint for him, he is a master ninja.

Nuada Airgetlám as Berserker, though a female version of the legend because you know how much the Fate series loves genderbending. Her master used a catalyst to summon her as Saber, but was late and ended up summoning her as Berserker instead. Noble Phantasm would be her blade Findias, Third treasure of Tuatha. With a passive effect of preventing fleeing from battle, and a direct effect of causing opponents to yield, though this effect is lost due to being a Berserker class, Shakespears Noble Phantasm could easily tie into something like this.

Just some random bullshit I've thought about before OP. Feel free to consider or scrap it, I just want to see this become a reality.

>>64815238
>Robin Hood
>A goodie two shoes
>Extra he was a poisoning motherfucker who relied on cheap tricks and backattacks to win fights

Extra already made him out to be a dick.

How about Salah al din (Saladin) as rider..


He was a great leader and lead the muslim to victory against the third crusade.

>>64815238

Well, she could work as a Berserker. I would probably use something a bit more traditional like Beowulf or something. Also if you are looking for Indian servants and your Archer slot is still free, use Arjuna

>>64815357
Chaotic Good!

moses as caster

Ivan heartlion as lancer.

>>64815294

So it's Hattori Hanzo

If a servant goes beserk during the grail war. Can he be summoned as beserker at another war later?

>>64815513
No.

>>64815445
But he is still a backattacking asshole, MC would be die if Robin doesn't get Command Spelled into not being a dick at the start of the War.

>>64815342
That's actually a nice Berserker. Also the whole mistiming the summoning because the spot is filled is actually how my Assassin was summoned. He was originally meant for Lancer.

I'll consider the Berserker of yours, though I do want to see what people think of Saint Olga of Kiev.

>>64815357
He is a dick, but he's too busy managing his Master to actually go around poisoning people.

>>64815483
Bingo, you got it.

All of the servants have been revealed.

Saber is Mulan.
Archer is Robin Hood.
Lancer is Lance of Longinus.
Caster is Shakespeare.
Rider is Genghis Khan.
Berserker is Saint Olga of Kiev.
And finally Assassin is Hattori Hanzo.

>>64815595
Berserker is the only one that feels a bit sketchy.

>>64814074
yeah, I'd be cool with that I guess

>>64815238
Made the right choice?

Good.

Well, OP your in luck because it just so happens I am a Nottingbro, So I can give you usefull input if so desired.

Though It's fucking late over here And I'm on the verge of collapse, posting from ny phone, so give me something with a way to contact you and we'll talk.

Also, use google maps to find and initialy get a feel for the enviroment your writing in, and don't forget about nottigham castle for gods sake.

>>64815595
Unless his master is suicidal and rushing headfirst into battle, Robin Hood would still be poisoning and cheating.

>>64815595
Is his Master a sick loli ? Because I'd like that

>>64815680
Yeah, that's the only one I was iffy on. But I was also interested in the idea of Olga being a master planner yandere who is aiming for Robin Hood's Master. Also rank D madness enhancement.

>>64815741
I can dig it. My email is detectivebutler@gmail.com
I very much appreciate your willingness to help me.

>>64815745
>>64815831
His master is a shota.

>>64815831
You do realise this is taking part in Britain right?

The worst we get is Flu, swine flu, Tonsilitis, Or an STD so unless this Loli has pretty much had the Sakura life under abusive family then I doubt she's going to be sick.

And you forget.

FREE HEALTHCARE

Though waiting is a pain.

>>64816015
Don't worry... MAGIC DISEASE!

>>64815917
>master planner
I have a hard time thinking this could possibly apply to a berserker.

>>64815917
A CUTE SHOTA RIGHT ? He's moe and shit and Robin will die an honorable death for him

>>64815917
To add on to Robin Hood's master situation, I suppose I'll reveal some of his mini-plot.

Robin Hood was summoned to an already dead master. Master died while summoning Robin Hood due to the strain and fucking up the summoning process itself, the shota is the child of the dead master. Robin Hood doesn't have a real master and is only in the world via Independent Action. He can't kill other servants because he's protecting the defenseless shota until the war is over or he disappears. Expect some Robin Hood bromance with MC tag teaming together to win the war as fast as possible.

>>64816154
Yeah. Insanity =/= Berserker. Mental Pollution is the skill for mental instability.

>>64815917
A shota with Robin Hood? I guess he won't be poisoning nonstop but what's stopping his Independent Action from taking fuckers in the shota's sleep?

>>64816223
Okay, that's understandable now because MC would be fucked if Robin Hood was proper and mana filled.

Shakespeare is the best part about the existence of Fate/Apocrypha. Jack the Ripper is the worst.

>>64816202
More like Robin will be the cause of his death, and have to try and make up for that during the story

Or go batshit insane over it

>>64816223
>>64816348
It's like Proto rider all over again!

>>64816154
>>64816284
Well the master planner might've been a bit too much. But would it still be good for a crazy yandere woman who is aiming for Robin's master? Because it reminds her of her own son from long ago.

>>64816402
Oh, did Prototype already do that trope? Dammit. I was really liking the whole mini-plot for Archer.

>>64816539
Proto Rider is close to the plot you're trying. His master was a sickly young man who used all his command spells to turn Rider into a human before he died.

>>64816539
Proto rider is Perseus who was summoned by a sick dying boy kept alive to feed him, a little like Gil's orphan. He dies later during the story but make friends with Perseus and tells him he's not angry with anyone, and also make him human with his command seals
Rider goes full mad and go on a killing spree to avenge him

I really love the idea behind HGW and wish nasu and co would milk the franchise more with off-shoot wars and similar.

Also, love your idea behind Lancer.

>>64816635
>>64816687
Hmm. I think my plot will still be viable though, right? Does anyone have any problems with the plot I picked out for Robin? It also doesn't require asspulls for MC to be able to participate, because Shakespeare's personality actually makes him not do anything in the story aside from buffing MC up to allow him to fight for himself.

>>64816687
Well, he is only killing to get Prana and maintain his existence as he does not have Indepedent Action.

I don't know how I read through this whole thread, but it's really interesting.
OP, if you're actually going for this, make it so that the MC doesn't have to fight everyone and save everything. Balance that out between the whole cast.

>>64816846
He went Grail tracer on the scientist and swore to kill everyone out of butthurt in the OVA.

>>64816837
I think the Robin subplot is fine, if treated correctly with the right doses of suffering.jpg

>>64816837
If you make the shota moe enough everybody will be fooled.
You better make it a SoL subplot with babysitting though

>>64816837
It's only sort of similar so it's all good in the long run. It branches out from the leftover servant angle so it's jolly. It takes care of the fact that Robin Hood would be shady if summoned normally. Thread is a nice read my comrade.

>>64816908
Of course, he isn't a super hero and he isn't a villain. He's an eccentric hitman who believes he is following his destiny as a main character. His servant Shakespeare doesn't do much except social engineer the people in the story to make connections. Robin will act more like his servant than Shakespeare.

Team Swag incoming.

>>64816941
>>64816995
>>64817005
Alright then. Robin sub-plot get. Now I need to work out Berserker and Saber's master.

>>64816837
The plot for Robin wont be bad unless its a direct rip from Proto-Rider. As long as things are changed there shouldn't be any problems.

On a side note, I'm now wondering what would have happened if Shakespeare had found his way to Soichiru.

>>64817069
Aaaaand I have to go soon so I'm going to be that one guy
Are you planning some mana transfer ?

>>64817146
Not the traditional mana transferring no. If anything MC and Robin Hood will go around killing and eating Templar Knights who are helping Lancer/Master.

>>64817146
Well.. Berserkers DO tend to require a lot of Mana to sustain....

>>64817341
My fetish is tender loving, not BAHSAKAH rape

Sure why not looks interesting

MC should be a kickass mage though because he sure isn't getting help from Shakespeare

It sounds like it could be interesting. I've been reading the thread, and what you have so far is pretty solid (even if the manipulating shadows and mass-murdering could get dangerously EDGY if not handled just right).

But the Holy Grail War premise does allow for a ton of creative potential. I'm currently GMing a tabletop RPG with some friends loosely based on Fate/strange fake. The premise is admittedly kinda ridiculous (a failed attempt at duplicating a Holy Grail War leads to 21 people across the 1960s western US getting Servants, and having to race and fight to the Grail), but it's been a total hoot. Having three Servants of each type has also allowed for both a blend of Servants already used in the Fate mythos and original ones (we have Pecos Bill as a Rider, and Sigmund Freud as a Caster).

Could you have Shakespeare betraying Mc at one point just because "the story would be more interesting with an handicap" and then go back to buff him the second after without giving a fuck ?

>>64817502
>Sigmund Freud as a Caster
"NP is making people believing they wanted to fuck their mommas all along, great at bullshitting others on the spot, sad thing is he's often right too" ?

>>64817606

Pretty much. We also have Josef Mengele as an Assassin and Paul Bunyan as a Berserker.

Also, question for you all. Basically getting some opinions on some more ideas I just got.

Saber's master and Assassin's master are daughter and father.

Templar Knights are setting up many plans to allow their messiah to win the HGW.

>>64817476
MC isn't a kickass mage, but he is kickass due to him sparring his own shadow for many years in his hotel room/living space. Sorta got the idea from the movie Old Boy.

>>64817502
Yeah, I originally wanted to see how a Holy Grail War would be on a tabletop. But I didn't know anyone from /tg/ who knew how to do it, so I decided I'd rather write it novel style.

>>64817543
Technically Shakespeare is going to disappear after the initial buffs on MC, which will lose their effectiveness over time. So it'll just be MC going through town trying to survive being attacked by servants.

>>64817753
>no Shakespeare anymore
No deal.
I'm here for the classy gent, unless you can make an brillant MC

>>64817813
Shakespeare will still be a major character, but he isn't going to be Shakespeare as in the servant standing by MC the entire story. His ability and tendencies to social engineer situations via disguise will play a huge part in the story. I.E. him disguising himself as a Templar Knight and informing Lancer/Master where MC is. Then returning to MC to buff him and disappear again to appear as someone who is watching the fight.

>>64817753
Templar Knights are setting up many plans to allow their messiah to win the HGW.

Knowing what your Lancer did I find this both Ironic and fitting.

>>64817979
Oh well my bad then, carry on.

>>64808480
>>64808480

Only thing I care about in this fanfiction is Shakespeare, other than that my interest is at it's lowest levels.

>>64818013
>>64818031
So you guys like the ideas so far? There is still the main plot that I'm going to keep hidden.

>>64818106
That's fine, as long as there is an interest in it.

I kinda want to see how you do the Robin subplot, but the EDGY and DARK Templar Knights are kinda meh. I think doing crazy people is alright, the Nasuverse is full of them already, but going for the "mass murder in front of the association just because we're mean obsessed christians" doesn't feel right.

>>64818244
Oh don't get me wrong, they won't go on a mass killing-spree. I meant the killings as in hunting in the night crucifying whoever the "Messiah" deems sinful.

>>64818379
Knowing Europa and particularly Britain is the heart of the association I don't think they could hide their Grail War

>>64818442
It's kind of like trying to hide a nigger in a room full of white racists.

Make the MC play a more normal master role. As in, not charging in with projections. But at least make him useful, unlike the Fate/Extra protagonist.

>>64818442
Not sure what you mean, but the Association are the ones conducting the HGW. The Church is secretly overseeing this war even though they were banned of doing so because of the Kotomine incident.

>Rationally discussing a developing fanfiction on /a/

I am so proud. Good luck OP.

>>64818639
But why would they make it in Fuyuki out of all the places available, instead of the Einzbern lands for example ? It's because the Association has less influence on Asia and it's easier to hide it here. It's a huge scam after all

>>64818624
Well he's not going to charge in with projections because he can't project. And I'm going to try to not make him as reckless as Shirou was, MC doesn't have the super healing Gary Stu powers Shirou had so if he gets hurt he won't be able to get back up as quickly.

>>64818659
Thank you for the support /a/non. This idea of mine is still far from being finished, as I've only done about half of the prologue and I'm still figuring out some of the mini-plots for masters. For example I still need to work with Berserker.

>>64818757
Fuyuki? The war will be taking place in the UK. As an /a/non suggest it should take place in Nottingham.

TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES TORRES

Also taking suggestions for Berserker ideas. Still iffy about Olga, as another choice I thought of a Mr. Somebody whose NP relates with the seven layers of hell and purgatorio.

>>64819282
I still say Genderbent Nuada OP, but would that alternate berserker happen to be Dante?

>>64819478
Yup, wouldn't you go crazy if you had to venture through hell?

Whatever you choose I want a yandere female Berserker, it needs to be done

>>64819715
So I should keep yandere Olga who will chase after Robin's master?

>>64819614
At least his death seeing Beatrice as he imagines he reaches heaven could be cool.

>>64819614
I think I already addressed this... Berserk =/= Insanity.

Berserkers are people who have lashed at people out in a terrifying and deadly rage. Achilles, Cu Chulainn, Hercules for example.

>>64819928
Apologies, I must have missed that. I knew they had to had a lapse in sanity at some point but I didn't know they had to have that on the battlefield. Alright, gotta change Berserkers now.

>>64820085
Lots of Norse heroes naturally qualify. Some greek too.

In fact, going neurotic with rage and killing people is kind common in mythology.

So I'm struggling to come up with a name for a female Berserker. Even checking through some of my mythos books I pull up nothing except gods and godesses. To be honest I really don't want to genderbend someone.

I could always do something I know everyone would love to see. Cu Chulainn as Berserker.

>>64820661
Cu Chulainn might have some of the best compatibility with the Berserker class, he actually even has a name for his battle frenzy. It is known as "Warp Spasm" and turns him into a hideous monster of destruction

>>64820633
Finding Berserkers is pretty easy, but finding female ones are pretty rare. Alternatively I was thinking of allowing someone absolutely crazy strong as Berserker. Rivaling even Hercules.

With a spear of such bloodlust that it moves on it's own.

>>64820877

I've posted this before, but got no comments, how about a beserker with Mad Enhancement EX.

A heroic spirit turned so mad that there's nothing of his spirit left.

Spirit that can barely operate at even instinct and is nothing more than a pure killing machine that kills everything in senses.

I'm sure you can dig up somebody that mad.

I like this idea OP
continue

>>64821019
It would be cool if you actually found someone in mythology who acted like that, but I doubt it...

>>64821019
>>64821133
Give me a second, I need to go rummage through some of my books. I have somewhat of a mini-library of books that might be considered rare. One of which happens to be based on some mythologies.

>>64821019
Its an interesting idea, but the problem is that a berserker that mad would possibly kill its master upon summoning, and then go on a rampage across town until it finally ran out of mana.

Fun fact:
If you go to the wikipedia article for "Rage", Achilles will be in the "See also" section.

>>64821266

I understand the problem, I was more thinking of a magus like Eisenbersm wanting to have a really strong victory card, so they summon something like this, but unfortunately controlling this thing is like trying to steer a car falling down a cliff.

It would have no NP, mostly because it would be far to mad to use something that complex, or maybe something passive?

Most stats would be EX, but even a minute of it in combat would quickly drain the magus to near death.

Possibly a servant with multiple masters with multiple command seals to try to chain it somehow.

It's more of a stone falling on your head than an actual servant.

Achilles fits for berserker

You'll have to give me a few more minutes /a/nons, this almost hundred fifty-year old book is a bit hard to navigate through because the letters are so small.

>>64821447
As amazing as that would be, Alice from /Extra taught us that there can only be one master per servant. Still though, that's interesting to consider. Perhaps after a single magus summoned it three others took and implanted his three command seals into themselves to feed the servant? Interesting to consider.

Arion. This nigga. Went to Sicily to have musical combat and won the tournament, then went on a ship to come back to Corinth and was going to be killed by sailors who wanted his treasures. He begged to play his song once more, and when they said he could he called upon the aid of the gods via his music. A squad of dolphins swam up next to the ship and he jumped on one of them and left. Man I love this book.

>>64821863

You know, the reason why I love fate so much has nothing to do with the actual story in stay night/zero, but rather the concept of holy grail war and heroic spirits leaves the potential for so many great stories, and possibly to learn about so many heroes you might rarely even learn something about.

It's just a shame they don't focus on more spin-offs and similar stuff.

>>64821863
The Fate/ series needs a bard class. Not for combat but just for entertainment during the war.

It'd suck to be the master that got stuck with him though.

>>64821620
Please stop posting sample images, it pains me too much to save the stuff you post even if I like it a lot (like this picture, for example).

>>64822042
>>64822068
I know what you both mean. Regardless, I'm going to offer to servants to pick from for Berserker.

Either Lugh from Ireland or Achilles.

Note if you pick the former, this HGW will be considered the Lancer war considering how many of the servants use spears.

>>64822219
I vote for Achilles, Lugh should be Lancer if he ever sees a use.

>>64822219

>Lancer war

All that suffering...

>>64822182
Use iqdb to get the full size images.
Yes, I am a wizard.

>>64822182
Sorry /a/non, didn't mean to give you rank E Luck.

>>64822219
Does not Achilles mostly use a spear too?

Also, the Achilles Heel thing is fanfiction of the Iliad from Statius, please do not include it, just follow the Iliad. He even gets injured once in the poem.

>>64822288
>>64822294
>>64822530
To be honest I'm really interested in making Lugh Berserker if not only for the whole fighting from two fronts thing. The bloodthirsty spear attacking from one side while Lugh hulk smashes from the other.

>>64822530
Well, if you go that way, then Lancelot shouldn't exist also....

>>64822649
Technically, Lugh is a god too, which is kind of an issue.

Captha: Archibald typtati

>>64822530
Achilles Heel will always be incorporated because that's one of the thing's he is best known for.

>>64822649
Lugh as I see it work work in the same fashion as Lancer as the other too, being suffering.

>>64822695
The difference is that Statius added the Heel thing one thousand years later while Lancelot comes from the same period in which most of the established Arturian legend comes from as well.

Seems interesting enough, OP.
I hope you succeed. I'm still trying to write my story about the 3rd HGW.

>>64822530
Lugh is a god and is therefore disqualified from being summoned as a Servant. Don't cite Fate/Extra, because that's not canon.

>>64822219
Achilles' weakness being his heel is the best-known part of his legend, regardless if it was in the original or not. Ignoring it because it's a later addition is like trying to understand the development of Arthurian myth without looking at anything related to Percival or Lancelot just because both of them weren't in the original Welsh legends, which is to say that it should be included. As a general rule, you should incorporate things that are interesting and leave out the things that are incongruous or uninteresting.

>>64822732
Yeah, I was thinking of just chalking it up to him being called a god because of his apparent powers and mastery over several fighting styles.

>>64822880
Well, the heel thing IS uninteresting. As in, he's unkillable until you hit his heel, but when you do, he dies immediately.

>>64822988
you can take the heel thing and spin it in an interesting direction. Have MC or someone else try to stall him and have Robin Hood clip at his heel.

So, I should use Achilles and incorporate his heel?

>>64822863
>while Lancelot comes from the same period in which most of the established Arturian legend comes from as well

Uh, not quite. The first guy to write about the hero that repelled the Saxons for twenty years after defeating them in twelve great battles did so in the 6th century. The guy who added embellishments to the story like Caliburn and Avalon, but who was still nevertheless British, did so in the 12th century, as did the addition of original characters like Percival, Lancelot, and Galahad sidelining the actual cast by the French.

>>64823168
Even if it's fiction, it's so wide spread among the ignorant masses that it would be attached to his legend as a weakness.

>>64823168
The Heel would be incorporated regardless, just like Siegfried's clover weak spot is.

>>64823163
I just do not like that people include it because "it's what he's known for" when it contradicts lots of things in the Iliad. Most people think the Sword in the Stone is the same as Excalibur, but that does not make it right either.

>>64822868
But the 3rd War is fucking boring.

>>64823265
The 12th century is when most of the established Arturian legends come from.

>>64823366
It's just like the Apocrypha's Vlad getting vampiric powers just because of legend. The Heel is what he's most known for so it has to be incorporated just for that fact alone.

>>64823466
>boring
>2 Sabers
>Avenger(that died like a bitch, but still)
>Midget assassin that can turn your brain into a bomb
>Edelfelt sisters
>Awesome Tohsaka that conquered one of the sisters

I'm sorry Mr. Histori/a/n. While I do understand where you're coming from the servants in the Fate are based around stories and different accounts relating to them. So Achilles would have his heel. I promise though I'll try to make him and his fights as entertaining as possible.

>>64823573
This. Also, it's not like you need to say "If his heel is hit, then he'll die".

You just need to write something like "Every attack that hits his heel gains a ++ bonus multiplier""

>>64823163
>>64822988
Regarding the heel thing--didn't Achilles only die from it because it wasn't a normal arrow but one that was blessed by a god? The same god that was in charge of sending down pestilences with his own arrows, no less?

With a little bit of creativity, you could easily re-interpret his death as "Achilles succumbed to a foreign disease while on campaign" and the story of his immortality coming into existence as side-effect of him being the greatest badass among an entire race of badasses or something to that effect.

>>64823682
Do this
>>64823694


Remember to think of your story with some RPG elements. The A, B, C++ shit.

>>64823573
>Apocrypha
>Canon

The fate/EXTRA servant is also stated to not be a vampire.

>>64823764
The shit I remember about his legend was that his mother, when bathing him like a god asked to, didn't washed his heel, so everything else was invulnerable, except for it.

>>64823764
All accounts of Achilles death are extremely different.

>>64823694
The Heel being the weakness is the only important part. The one-hit isn't so you can twist and turn that to your liking.

>>64823816
I never said it was canon, just used it as an example. Extra is an iffy subject just because Moon Cell is a different beast than the Throne of Heroes.

>>64823764
Different accounts

I do plan having the RPG elements and Achilles' heel will not be a on-hit KO.

What elements are included/excluded from each hero's myth are pretty much up to you (the author). The most important part is probably to explain deviations from the most popular version of the myth, so people don't get confused.

It might even be a GOOD idea to deviate, really, because keep in mind that in the Fate universe these heroes are REAL. They EXISTED, and transcended humanity. It's entirely possible the legend came down through the ages in a garbled form, or missing details. As long as we can maintain our suspension of disbelief, all is cool.

>>64823929
What I meant was, that is the only reference to something that was made up due to later superstitions. In fact, most servants in fate seem rather different from how most people perceive them.

Example 1: Iskandar mentions how the history books mis depict his height.
Example 2: Medusa mentions how history mis depict Perseus as a hero, when he was actually a coward (In F/HA).

>>64823764
Some say the arrow was poisoned, others say it was blessed. I don't even know if there's any general consensus over which one is more "true" than the others.

>>64823847
That sounds very similar to Siegfried whose skin became impenetrable except for the spot on his back that was covered by a leaf.
Which now makes me curious, which of those two even came first?

Alright. For a tldr version of the servant list, it's now.

Saber is Mulan.
Lancer is LoL.
Archer is Robin Hood.
Rider is Genghis Khan.
Berserker is Achilles.
Caster is Shakespeare.
And Assassin is Hattori Hanzo.

Now, here comes the problem with debatable things I could. Is anyone interested in hearing the masters?

>>64823929
>>64823894
>>64823847
What I remember is that the arrow that killed Achilles was blessed by the god Apollo, who, if you'll remember, is also responsible for showering the Greek camp with divine arrows taking the form of a pestilence at the beginning of the story as retribution for them carrying off the daughter of one of his priests.

>>64824192
Achilles heel (100 AD).

Sigurd's myth's date is very uncertain. There are reference to his tale in older sources, but the place where most of his exploits come from is in the Völsung Saga from the late 13th century. The ramsund carving (I have been there, yay!) is from around 1000 AD.

So the heel myth is probably older.

On the other hand, there are other sources with the same kind of anatomical weaknesses in mythology older than it, like Duryodhana's thighs in the Mahabharata.

It is not something uncommon.

>>64824138
The Heel is what he's most known for, it would be similar to Gawain's Numeral of the Saint. It may not be exactly be like the legend but it would likely need to be incorporated. Rider's height and Rider's story aren't as big a deal as the Heel is for Achilles.

>>64824340
Some say it was a poisoned arrow; some say it was the arrow guided by Apollo; some say it was an arrow fired in an ambush. Most people say it was Paris. Only Statius says it was in the heel.

>>64824255
>Mulan
I'm not sure this would work. For a hero to qualify as a Saber, they have to be a master swordsman even by the standards of other heroes. It's for this very reason that someone like Emiya, whose skill with the sword is well-above that of any human, would nevertheless be unable to be summoned as the class. This is also why Joan of Arc, who was summoned as a Saber, also has the addition of (Ruler) to her class title; the historical Joan of Arc was a standard bearer that never actually did any fighting.

>Hanzo Hattori
How do you plan on explaining Assassin being someone other than Hassan Sabbah? The class name itself is a catalyst for him.

The ideas for masters I have are still up to be changed.

Saber's master is the daughter of Assassin's master, who is a kung-fu master who is looking to return honor to his dojo which has been abandoned after he stopped practicing. She is fighting for her dojo to be reclaimed to it's former glory.

Assassin's master is a kung-fu master who has quit practicing his martial arts, he attempted to summon Hattori Hanzo as Lancer but is instead summoned as Assassin. He too is fighting for his dojo to return to it's former glory, he and his daughter are working together.

Lancer's master is a female who is apart of the Knight Templar group. She's is pretty hardcore religious and intends to bring about the second coming of Christ, rest of her Knight Templar group believes she is the second Messiah.

Archer's master is nobody. His original master died in the process of summoning him due derpery. Left behind a son who Robin feels will be killed unless he protects him, he is only in this world via the Independent Action skill. Will eventually team up with MC.

Caster's master is MC. He believes that the world is a huge story-book specifically made for him because he is the main character. Sort of like a delusional form of Solipsism. A hitter for his Russian mafia family, he doesn't fight for any other reason except to prove that he's the main character.

Rider's master is an illegal drag racer who is basically an adrenaline junky who prides himself for going as fast as possible. Summons Rider because no one else is suited for the job. Except Genghis Khan drag racing bromance.

>>64824878
H said it was someone using a catalyst to summon him as lancer, but assassin being the last spot available. I guess that would work.

>>64824640
Arthurian mythos is such a clusterfuck that it is far more hard to tell what is and what is not in that. From what we know, Nasu's version follows the 12th century expansions to the tale.

On the other hand, the Iliad is well preserved and a very good source for everything known about Achilles.
It does not help that we KNOW that Statius made the heel up.

>>64824947
The dojo thing seems to be overused.

>>64824947
Sounds interesting, and good equal opportunity, like has cute girls, cute guys, bromolust, etc.

>>64824947
Are Saber and Assassin's masters even Magi? Kind of important.

The Heel is most important, most people remember only the Heel part of the story and nothing else, whether it came later isn't the issue. It's like most people only care for the Excalibur part of the King Arthur myths and remember that only. Caliburn and Clarent are often not spoken of when King Arthur is bought up.

>>64824975
Most people by the Statius and Heel but I understand where you're coming from. Most people aren't as versed in it to be at fault here.

Interesting stuff OP. Godspeed.

>>64824947
The Saber and Assassin thing seems to be a bit on the dry side, it needs a tad bit of spice or a reworking.

>>64825120
But it is, because Heroic Spirits actually existed in the Nasuverse.

It should be as accurate as possible. The heel thing was made famous by the goddamn romans, who did things like rename every Greek god and change them completely.

>>64824878
Not much is actually really known about Mulan except that she suited up like a man, was never figured out, and returned home alive. Also concerning the master swordsman this Holy Grail War is NOT a copy and paste of the previous one. I refuse to elaborate further because it concerns the main plot.

>>64825010
>>64825106
>>64825246
Yeah the Assassin/Saber combo team was kinda pulled out of a hat. I really need to polish it up. The father isn't a full-fledged magus but he does have the blood of a magi, his daughter also has the blood. They don't practice magic except in the form of chi.

>>64825407
There is no reference to chi existing in the Nasuverse. I guess you could make that up... but it seems a bit iffy, considering how strict the magic aspect of the Nasuverse is.

>>64825477
Yeah I know, but technically it could be inferred that chi is like magic in the same way they both need to be controlled internally and induced by sounds or certain motions. I can only explain as rationally as possible considering Nasu wasn't exactly a genius at planning and plotting things out before his writing.

>>64825358
Artistic liberties can be taken since this is a discussion about an artistic liberty, known as the Heel. It just depends on the mythos dear OP chooses to take. It's just that the Heel is what he' most known for and that makes this topic somewhat fascinating.

>>64825407
I would love to see the polish in an upcoming update from you.

>>64825477
Extra had something about chi but I totally have forgotten how it was classified.

>>64825623
He's actually pretty good at that in my opinion. It's just that the Nasuverse is so expansive and full of ideas that it is hard to grasp it all by just reading Fate. Mahoyo explains a lot of the strange things only briefly touched upon in Fate.

We do know that you need magical circuits to summon a Servant.

Besides, England is home to the Clock Tower branch of the Mage's Association, surely there are plenty of proper magi around for the ritual.

>>64825623
It could also be that they ARE using magic, but only know it as Chi because they lack that formal training which makes you a magus.

They can strengthen themselves (reinforcement), heal (a spell that might require an chant or perhaps simply using gestures), etc.

You could make their "discovering" their magic a plot point, or just leave it aside entirely.

>>64825668
Oh yeah, you're right! Then again, Moon Cell is quite weird.

I don't think it is explained exactly how "Qi", as it is called, work though... just that it does.

I'm not sure if this was already covered, so when is this War taking place? I was reminded from this post in another Fate thread: >>64825043

>>64825769
Actually regarding the proper magi for the ritual...They were going to have a certain magus act as a representative for their association. The problem is MC took him out via orders from his family and noticed that among his person there was a weird flashy envelope. Upon opening it there is an invitation for Mr. Representative to partake in the New Age Holy Grail War. MC decides to take a leap of faith and say this is destiny calling to him. He goes to the UK and to Nottingham and finds a spare house with a lot of different books. Which was part of the prologue I showed earlier in the thread.

>>64825990
Even in Fuyuki the Association has two members involved in the 4th war (Kayneth and Waver), surely there would be tons more if the actual war took place in England.

>>64825850
Yeah, that's what I was gonna do. Eventually making that part of the character development.

>>64825947
I don't believe anyone asked. It takes place a few years after the UBW route where Rin and Shirou go to London. I don't really plan on having any characters make cameos. Though I might depending on what the demand is.

>>64825880
Moon Cell is a different beast but the chi idea from it might be pretty solid.

>>64826125
Sssh, don't ask about that. There is still Berserker's master who I haven't revealed yet.

Why the fuck are you going with a Disney princess for saber? If you want a female saber who is chinese, you have plenty of other choices.

>spent a large amount of time in this thread

Well I hope I helped even an ounce my comrade, it was a fun read and a nice discussion away from my usual norm. I hope to read whatever you're planning. Jolly good show, I should take my leave.

>>64826263
Could you not merge Saber and Assassin's master into only Assassin's master and then assign Saber to someone else? The two of them seem so similar in goal that it feels more interesting to get someone else as Saber's master.

>>64826351
Don't listen to him, I love the story of Mulan! Plus, what other iconic swordswoman heroes are there that aren't in the real Fate series?

>>64826351
You do not like Mulan? I kinda liked her legend. What Chinese swordswoman would you suggest?

>>64826467
You did help. Enjoy yourself mon ami.

Would be nice if I see a Satsujinki there. But he'd probably be overpowered as fuck, being able to kill top tier DAAs in mere seconds.

>>64826520
While their wishes are the same it doesn't mean they will be done the same way. For example, think about who Mulan is and then notice I never said her master actually practiced kung-fu. Get what I mean?[/spoiler[

>>64826594
Oh god please. Yes I am a faggot. But in a cameo. Or maybe he has contacts with the MC's mafia family?

So is there anywhere other than /a/ that we could keep updated on this, since this thread will eventually die?

The Shield and Armor of Achilles are actually rather famous by themselves.

The shield especially, read about it on Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shield_of_Achilles)

The armor seems to actually be one of his sources of power, as when Patroclus and Hector don the armor, they become stronger and fiercer in battle. (Source: http://portfolio.byjoemoon.com/achilles)

Just some tips on his Noble Phantasms.

Cheers!

Um, I don't know how adverse you guys are to sandnigger tales, but I love the tale of Rostam and Sohrab. So if you need to change or add any servant, maybe consider Rostam, it would be unique. But the servants as they are listed now are fantastic, so maybe for another project. Or if you guys just want to learn more about hero tales, I recommend this tale to you.

>>64826594
>>64826718
So you guys want a cameo of Satsujinki?

>>64826786
Actually I didn't think this thread would be that successful, another /a/non from a few days ago suggested I make a blog or some way to keep up to day.

>>64826827
Ah thank you very much! I actually forgot that I need to spend hours on some research for NPs...Ugh.

>>64826904
I'd say that it's best to avoid that. Because it will brew shitstorms about wether or not Shiki can kill Servants

>>64826998
What if I made a very good explanation of how he can kill servants?

>>64826904
A cameo would be awesome, but you'd have to be careful not to have him in any fights with servants.

I don't know what he'd be doing up there in London, except if he was working on an assassination job, which could be how you'd introduce a link to your hitman MC.

>>64827107
While I would be fine with Shiki killing servants, just don't. Shitstorms everywhere. Have him kill regular people, mages, or vampires.

>>64827107
No, that would just be more shitstorm material.

Maybe just a mention of Satsujinki's exploits is mentioned by some Church member. That kind of counts as a cameo? Right?

Have Shiki ripe apart some Templars, that should be good enough.

>>64827325
>rip
I have become addicted to this thread

>>64827211
>>64827230
Alright alright. If he were to make a cameo at all, it'd be a reference to him.

>>64827325
Hello, mister-I-had-a-formal-farewell-just-some-20-minutes-ago.

>>64827353
Hi Woli!

>>64827380
I wanted to leave but I just couldn't, at least until I know where I can get an update on this.

>>64827410
Greeting comrade