>Um, well um...There's this guy I'm kind of seeing and..th...things are alright now I guess, But it's like...

What is it Drew? Why do we get the tards who don't understand that radio works when you talk!?

Hanako, what Adam is trying to say is that you seem a little timid. Are things alright for you right now?

>Not really.

Not alright how?

>I ha...have burns on over 40 percent of my body.

Oh, I thought I detected the kind of brutally scarred trauma in her voice. It's sexy.

>Yeah, well it's like...he...he's nice b---but I'm worried a...about myself

Well maybe he's into it!

Loveline?

What the fuck is this.

>>59637430
Godly. Pray continue, OP

continue

>>59637160
Fuck dr drew. he's a fucking retard. he doesn't even know what antidepressants do and how they influence other medicines. also he said nobody likes prostate massages when some girl called in asking about how she could do it for her boyfriend. what an asshole.

You may continue, OP

Mahalo, Ace-Man.

I'm having some trouble with my dad. All I want is for him to love me. Christmas was pretty terrible. What should I do?

Go on OP.

>>59637539
only people who have never had prostate massages think they are good

>>59637539
The show isn't worth listening to without Adam on it.

>>59637618
Prostate massages are the best thing ever. I shoot to the ceiling.

>I don't...I don't

Wait. Wait. Wait. Hanako did you say 40% Is it cauterized? Scar tissue? Any infection?

Does it smell of Bacon?

>I...Uh...Mostly scar tissue Superficial burns. No inf...infection.

Well, Hanako, if you are interested in sexual activity and you have a lot of scar tissue like that you have to be aware that tissue that has healed over has different stressing and strength.

I wonder if she smells like bacon.

Hanako, what you need to worry about if you are interested in physical relationships is stressing, tearing hemorrhaging.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hanako: do you think you could handle playing field hockey?

>What?

Field Hockey, do you think you could play field hockey and not bleed from your skin?

>I...I...I guess.

See drew? She's tough. She's not going to rip her skin off to get laid.

Hanako; just personal discretion. If you think physical activity may result in a dangerous situation be sure that you know that could be a danger.

Have a safe word Hanako. You know what a safe word is?

>Huh?

Things get hot an heavy, your skin starts coming off you yell "landing gear!" and he stops. You see what I'm saying?

I want an Emi call but she won't even spill her issues to Hisao, so she's never have something to say to loveline.

>>59637742
>Have a safe word Hanako. You know what a safe word is?

Oh god, this is just so wrong, keep going OP

>>59637742
Go on...

>Well...Well...OK. But...My question is that I was wondering if He...He might be...t...turned off by my burns

Well, Like I said. Maybe he's into it. Get laid. Lick your back, it tastes like corned beef. What's not to love?

Hanako, Hanako, do you have any kind of PTSD? Bipolar? Are you on any medications?

>I see...a therapist, and I...Have ca-catatonia.

OK, well look, Hanako any relationship you get in right now is going to be affected by that. You need to be on the level with him about all of this, and I don't know if you are ready for that yet.

Yeah. Nobody gets out of a car wreck and says they need to get laid, you know? You need some healing time.

Exactly. People also need to appreciate that it takes longer to recover psychologically than anything else. So you really want to be sure you can be open about these things. He is either going to like you or not. Don't be too invested, and beware that any relationship you get into you have to.

You have baggage, Hanako. You gotta be on the level or it won't work. But hey, best of luck.

>Oh...OK.

OK. That was alright. Little trauma, little catatonia, 40% burns on her body. Good times. Good times.

>>59638153
>OK. That was alright. Little trauma, little catatonia, 40% burns on her body. Good times. Good times.

Oh wow.

>>59637742
>Wait. Wait. Wait. Hanako did you say 40%

>>59638286
if I heard someone talk like that IRL, either in front of me or near me, I would go kick their ass

Wahaha~! That was great! But~! I don't know if it really helped her. Oh well~!

Do me next please~! Don't you want to hear out a cute girl who could really~ really use your advice~?

Stupid.

>No "perfectly normal, perfectly healthy"

This is BULLSHIT

>>59638376

You would hate loveline then. Basically all he does is that - takes peoples' deep emotional issues and sums them up in his usual understatements.

>>59638153
>OK. That was alright. Little trauma, little catatonia, 40% burns on her body. Good times. Good times.

That sounds exactly like something Adam would say.

>>59638468
To be fair, he was usually pretty delicate with people who had some deep seated trauma. He seemed like a dick because most of the callers were retards and he got paid to be funny.

>>59638429
This.

>>59638606

Well I think the whole point of the show was that most of the time when people have relationship problems it's because they're making those problems for themselves, or they're overthinking things, or they're trying to have something both ways, and Adam likes to bring those people back down to Earth. It can be very therapeutic to be reminded that your problems aren't anything uncommon or anything to be ashamed about. It's a message that's not going to reach everyone, but it's still worth a shot, and if everyone else can get a chuckle out of it in the end, who's hurt?

>>59638734
Yeah, but since his callers were retards, they didn't understand what he was getting at, so he had to be a dick.

I'm glad things are looking up for him after all those failed pilots and canceled shows he suffered, though.

>>59638861
Is he still doing radio? I haven't heard him since they got rid of the one talk station in L.A. and replaced it with some shitty top 40 bullshit.

Shiina, 19, What's up?

>OMG, I got through WAHAHAHAHA

Woah. Excitable, feisty.

>By the way, Dr. Drew, you're the best. I love you.

Thank you, Shiina.

You see, chicks dig Dr. Drew. They hear the voice an they think to themselves, this is a man of PASSION. They love that passion.

>WAHAHAHAHA

It's like crack to a hooker, that's Drews passion. So what's up, Shiina?

>Well, I'm a lesbian and-

Wait, wait wait. Hold on here? She's a LESBIAN and she wants drew. Can you feel it? That's the passion.

I am a passionate man.

That's right, Drew. Well, OK, Shiina, you're a lesbian and?

>Well I'm in love with my best friend, but she's in a relationship with another guy.

And are you with her often?

>She's deaf. I'm her interpreter.

There, you see, Drew. She's in love with a girl. He like another guy and Shiina is her only connection to the outside world. Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy.

Wait. She's deaf? does she have any verbal ability?

>No, she's been deaf since birth.

I'm trying to picture deaf lesbian sex.

>>59638955
Oh fuck, keep going. This shit is too good.

>>59638955
>I'm trying to picture deaf lesbian sex.

Me too, man. Me too.

>>59638931
http://www.adamcarolla.com/

It started out rough, but this last year was really good. He gets great guests and he has the opportunity to rant as long as he likes. He also has a car and home improvement podcast.

Fucking bump, need more

>>59639074
Awesome man, thanks.

>Wait. What?

Deaf lesbian sex. What is the universal sign for "Deeper" I wonder?

Shiina, Shiina, has this been going on for long that you've been in an unrequited relationship with someone you're basically speaking for?

>Well, I told her like a year ago, and we fooled around a little. Whatever. But she said no, and it was wierd for a long time. I got rebellious and changed my hair.

Changed your hair how?

>I dyed it pink and curled it all.

Jesus.

Yeah. Shiina, this sounds like a lot of pent up energy, and you're kind of channeling it into maybe some behaviors that-

You're an attention whore, Shiina. Pink hair and curls you've got a goddamn neon sign over you that blinking "Look at me! Look at me!"

>WAHAHAHAHA

Shiina, Shiina. If you can't work professionally with this girl, and this relationship is interfering with your ability to assist her you really have to look at this professionally.

Drew. Drew. She's nineteen. She can't spell professionally. Don't ask her to become a goddamn civil servant.

Shiina, if you can't work with this girl you have to ask her to find a replacement.

>Well that's just it, He's learned sign language too!

Atta boy! Go get, em champ! High school? I had a girl asked me to get a haircut, I dumped her. This guy is learning goddamn sign language? This must be the Olympic gold medal winner for pussywhipped!

>>59639458
>This must be the Olympic gold medal winner for pussywhipped!
Oh Lordy

AGE
ARCHIVE IS IN DIRE NEED

man, i can just read this in their voices. Have I missed Loveline when it was good? It seems you can't really get episodes of it without paying or something, and I dont know how to find episode with Adam in them :x

>>59639458

>This must be the Olympic gold medal winner for pussywhipped!

No kidding, she doesn't even let him on top for sex.

Except maybe once, at her demand no less.

>I'm trying to picture deaf lesbian sex.

now i've lost it

OP here. listening here for inspiration.

http://www.lovelinetapes.com/

>>59639623
NOT UNTIL WE GO THROUGH EVERY CHARACTER YOU BITCH

OP, do Rin next.
Please, please do Rin next.

Can someone put together what we've got so far?

>Well, yeah, I know they've done it and everything. But still.

Well, hang on. Mister pussywhipped, what do you think about him?

>That's just it. He's a really nice guy and they totally like each other and I think he's great, but I'm just like angry with him all the time.

This is a powder-keg, Shiina. You're acting out, you've got mixed feelings and aggression. It's not healthy. I really think you need to accept her feelings and move on because otherwise you're going to do something to sabotage the relationship.

Yeah. It's not fair, Shiina, and believe me it sucks, but I think you have to move on for this.

>I totally thought you guys would say something like that.

Well, then at least you were prepared. So-and let me say this. Lesbians have it hard.

Ironic choice of words.

Stuff it, Drew. What I was saying is that gay guys, they find other gay guys. Might be a straight guy they like, but the straight guy is not going to have sex with him. See what I'm saying? Lesbians, they meet a straight girl, a girls going to be a little more experimental, you see what I'm saying.

You do find a higher percentage of same sex intimacy among straight-Or women who call themselves straight than with men. Yes you're right.

Yeah. That's what I mean. So a lesbian is more likely to get a taste. You see what I'm saying. Like Shiina here, got a taste. That's it. That's your lesbian heartbreak for you. It's always harder after you get a taste. It's not right, Drew, it's not right.

Well, I...I totally see what you're saying.

Yeah, well, OK Shiina, good luck breaking up with the deaf girl, and I know, you got a taste, but that's what happens. Gonna take a quick break here be back with more.

>>59640222
> It's not right, Drew, it's not right.

>>59640222
>
>Stuff it, Drew. What I was saying is that gay guys, they find other gay guys. Might be a straight guy they like, but the straight guy is not going to have sex with him. See what I'm saying? Lesbians, they meet a straight girl, a girls going to be a little more experimental, you see what I'm saying.
>
>You do find a higher percentage of same sex intimacy among straight-Or women who call themselves straight than with men. Yes you're right.
>

Spot on. Exactly a rant he would do rather most likely did at some point, but mad props nonetheless

I HUNGER

FOR MORE

>>59640627
Go back to space, Sinistar.

>>59640677
NOT UNTIL MY HUNGER IS SATED

>>59640819
Don't you eat spaceships?...

>>59639888
how will she make the call?

>>59641329
>How will she make the call?

Hey everybody, Loveline 1-800-LOVE-191. Adam Carolla with Dr. Drew. We're gonna take some phone calls. But first, quick traffic and weather update, it's 9:42 eighteen minutes to the top of the hour. Azusa: 72, Carson: 72, Santa Anna a cool 72 degrees, Beverly hills, 72, Hollywood, 72, Santa Monica checking in at 72 degrees, Glendale a toasty warm 72 degrees. Traffic in lanes on the 710 and the 105 Watch out for break lights. Breaklights on the 405 and the 605. It's 9:43, seventeen minutes to the top of the hour Traffic and weather update.

Will you drop your trau?

I WILL DROP MY TRAU!

OK, good.

Rin, 18, you're on loveline what's going on?

>Would you pose nude for an artist?

She asked you a question, Drew.

What? Me?

>Or anyone you know?

That's an awful frank question right out of the gate.

Yeah. Uh, What do you mean, Rin?

>When I look at the sky I see something I can never really capture, but it's there. It's honest. So I need to find something that just freely makes itself for me. So I want to paint a naked guy.

What do you think drew? Weed?

It sounds like it, but you hear a lot of this difficulty to communicate with some Asbergers spectrum disorders.

Yeah. Whatever. Rin are you high?

...

Rin?

>I shrugged but you couldn't see it.

OK. This is why I love my job. It's night of the living tards night here on loveline. Just great.

Now, Rin you want to paint a guy naked

Just a second, Drew just a second. I'm gonna get an answer out of her. Rin, are you high, that's a yes or no question.

>I'm on the third floor.

Goddammit. I'm going to strangle this effing phone. How much did you smoke?

>No it was Codeine.

Codeine? Are you prescribed to be on opiates?

>Well, I don't have any more so even if I was there's not much that can be done.

>>59641635
>Codeine? Are you prescribed to be on opiates?
>Well, I don't have any more so even if I was there's not much that can be done.
MY FUCKING SIDES

>>59641635
Thank you, whoever you are.
Made my fucking evening right here.

>>59641635
>I WILL DROP MY TRAU!

I always wondered about this, but it turns out it is drop trou, short for trousers. I didn't realize I didn't know how to spell it until I saw it written.

This thread is spoiling me so much, but I just don´t care. Keep the godly work, OP. And leave Kenji for the big finale!

OK, Rin, lets start over, are you taking Codiene? How much have you had?

>Not much but four hours ago.

Not much, like one pill?

>I think it was enough.

Well, OK, Rin if you are not prescribed to them you really can't mess around with opiates. I see a lot of illicit overdoses and a lot of unprescribed overdoses. Opiates are pretty serious. So please don't mess around with them without a doctors consent.

>What makes a guy so that he wants me to paint them naked?

It's become quite clear at this point that we're dealing with an art student. We're dealing with an art student who is high; and just to confirm: I love my job.

So Rin you want to do a nude painting of a guy?

>Only if he wants to.

So you want us to tell you if he wants to?

>It would be helpful.

Well, have you asked him?

>Just a second I have to get to the next window...Emi, there's a cloud.

>>59642196
>Just a second I have to get to the next window...Emi, there's a cloud.

I think I just woke up my entire neighborhood laughing at that

>mfw I'm reading all of this with radio hosts' voice and that kinda out of focus volume static you hear from phone calls

Oh god, this thread.

>This thread

>>59642196

I knew there was a reason I kept coming back to /a/.

>>59642196
>>Just a second I have to get to the next window...Emi, there's a cloud.

I lost it man, hahaha this is too good

I don't get the window joke, is it something I need to play the game for?

Why didn't he pre type these? The wait is killing my.

>>59642886
Yeah, do Emi's route.

i love you guys some times

>>59642886

During Emi's route, after their first h-scene, Rin barges in on Emi's room while Emi and Hisao are naked in the bed, because Rin has been tracking a cloud floating across the sky and she can no longer see it from her own window, so she walks into Emi's room to use her window to view it instead. Rin takes no note whatsoever of the nudity and is shooed away gently, still seemingly unaware that there's any reason for awkwardness. Emi giggles about it afterward and she and Hisao have another go.

>>59642890
The wait makes you appreciate them more? Meh, who the fuck am I kidding. MOAR, DAMNIT!

>Really I just wonder if it sticks up like his hair

My fucking sides
this thread
oh lordy

>>59642981
That....That´s not kawaii at all.

>>59642890

I don't think he was ready for it to be so well-received.

I FUKKIN LOVE /a/!

I don't like this.
They are assholes.

Well, OK, for those of you just joining us I love my job, Rin is 18, wants to paint a guy naked, is high on Codeine, I love my job, and is calling us to talk him into doing it. I love my job. OK, spray-n-wash, now you tell me why you want to paint this guy naked, is that just your thing.

>It might be if I had done it before.

So are you familiar or comfortable with nudity and the opposite sex?

>Really I just wonder if it sticks up like his hair.

I am done with this. I am done.

No. No. No. Wait wait.

Drew, she's high, she's an art student and she wants to paint a guy naked, then go ahead and ask once you clean the goofballs out of your brain. Can you handle that?

>I can't handle anything.

I'm done. I'm done. You want to paint him naked? Go ahead ask him. Be naked while you're doing it too. That might help. My god. My god, Drew.

I know.

Tards. Just coming out of the woodwork. It was like pulling screws out of the bones in my hands. My god.

Well, you have a spectrum disorder, add to that opiate abuse and a kind of wanting to act out on sexual fantasies, it can get a little weird.

Shut up Drew. She's retarded.

In the name of all that's Holy, someone please cap this. This...this is just to precious to lose to the vast emptiness of the internets.

>>59643310
Everything is archived dude.

>>59643310

http://archive.foolz.us/a/thread/59637160

>>59643347
>>59643310
>a normal response would be 'gtfo of /a/ newfag'
>that feel when KS brings anon together

>>59643284
Wrong pasta or bumping?

>>59643528

There is only one person who can provide a better loveline call than Rin.

>>59643610
>>59643528
<3

>>59643630
Miki?

>>59643630
Shizune

>>59643630
Shizune

>>59643654
Stop that.

>hellohello HELLO?

>Yeah. Hello I'm calling about some dark shit here... I've got to get word out before it's too late. HELLO? ANYONE TAKING MY CALL?

>>59643284
>I can't handle anything

>>59643706

>>59643706
>>59643718
Imagine if Misha has to come in and talk to Adam on behalf of Shizune

>>59643762
>Didn't we JUST talk with you?!

>>I can't handle anything.
you, you...

Fuck yes more Rin.

>>59643762
>>59643792

At this point, though, Hisao would be doing the interpreting work.

>>59643826
Whoever made this image must be reading my god damn mind.

>this thread

>>59643630
Obviously, Kenji.

i could only imagine what lilly would ask... maybe something about birth control

This thread restored my faith in /a/.

no legs needs to call in asking about butt secks

A screen cap of everything important in this thread with out the other posts.
http://i.imgur.com/DQEuJ.jpg

Adam Carolla has a radio show?

>>59643284
>I can't handle anything.

dohoho

>>59644240
>Adam Carolla has a radio show?

Dude, where the hell have you been for the last few years?

Bumping!

Kenji I know you want to call, bro!

>>59644240

Loveline with Carolla + Drew has been around for many years.

>>59644368
>>59644305

I didn't know, I thought this guy washed out years ago

>>59644163
>reddit filename
Faggot

Bracing for Lilly or Kenji

OP where the hell are you?!?

>>59644606
I couldn't upload it here so I went the imgur way.

OK, well, lets move on We've got Lilly. Lilly is blind...Oh.

Well, that's two in one night.

Yeah, you know. The deaf girls and we've got 40% burns on her body. I feel like we're opening a trauma ward.

Yeah, I'll bet.

I do it because I love you people. That's what I'm saying basically. You're retarded, burned, blind, call in. We're here for you. So, Lilly, what's going on?

>Hi guys, first time caller I was juts wondering about damage to the hymen.

Well you came to the right place baby-doll. Nobody knows more about damaging hymens than me and doctor Drew. Isn't that right Drew?

Yeah, that's right.

Lots of girls in Pasadena walked around funny for a week thanks to Drew in the 70's. Passion pure, raw passion.

>Hahaha. Well, there's this guy who I've gotten really close with, and it's clear that we're going to move in that direction.

Just a second, Lilly. Just a second. Drew, virgins on their way. Lambs to the slaughter. Want to know about their hymens.

OP, you must do Kenji next.
Trust me, it's for the best.

Well, I think we should wait until we hear the question.

Well, you know the question, don't you, I mean virgins, hymens, the jitters. It's a little magical, don't you think?

Lilly, Lilly, just to cut to the chase, are you concerned about bleeding, pain, infection?

>A bit of all of the above. I just worry that I might be too tight, or that it's too strong or.

Listen, listen, listen, Lilly, he's gettin' in there. Don't worry about too tight, too thick, blah, blah whatever. You say go, he's going. You see what I'm saying? He's gonna get in there, don't worry about him. Lets talk about you.

Uh, yeah, Lilly you're feeling just normal anxiety, and it's important to say that you need to wait until you are ready.

>And what about stuff like pain, bleeding?

You get a range of results there, more or less pain, more or less blood. It varies. Some women experience it as a quick jolt and it's done, others say its extremely painful, sometimes even the second or third time.

Drew, stop it, you're scaring her. Don't C-block some poor bastard.

>>59645049

Wait-

Is this some sort of crazy universe where there are five Hisaos, one for each girl?

Like the brothers in those monster girl comics?

>>59644881

He might be done for the night.

it begins again

>>59645144
nope, this is school days version of hisao, hes all up in them bitches, swimming in pussy

>>59645079
> Don't C-block some poor bastard.

Goddamn I lost it.

>>59645049
>hasn't done Lilly's route
She has a health adolescent sex drive if that helps

>healthy
fucking keyboard locking up when I don't want it to.

>>59645079
I love you OP

>>59645064
>>59645064
>>59645064
He better save the best for last, we still have to do slut i mean emi

I would give anything to have Adam and Dr. Drew do a reading of this thread.

>>59645390
do you really want them to read this thread, learn of a bunch of anons' obsession with a game about fucking cripples and talk about it to the general public
take my money indeed

Now, Lilly, best advice is to just play it safe your first time. I'd recommend not only condoms, but lubricant would be a good idea. Maybe some anti-inflammatory pain killers; aspirin, Tylenol.

Just a second Drew, I got a question. Hey, Lilly are you hot?

>What?

It's your voice the way you talk you sound like you're hot. I don't mean like your voice is sexy, but it is kind of, I mean like the way you talk. You talk like a hot chick.

>I'd say I'm pretty attractive.

Yeah. Yeah, you see, Drew, even the blind hot chicks know they're hot. Amazing. Just extraordinary.

Yeah, well the point is Lilly, there may be some pain there may be a lot. There will be some bleeding, be ready for that. Towels will do fine. Again, the most important thing is to wait until you are ready.

>OK, guys. Thank you so much.

Blind hot chicks, Drew. I swear. I always thought I could slip that by. Like, you meet a really hot blind girl and act like she's not that hot. Then, you know what I'm saying.

I see what you're getting at.

I'm in there! What you? Yeah, well you're not really all that baby, but you know...maybe we can get together. Not true. She knows she's hot. Can't get around that. Sad. Ok, we're gonna take another little break come back with more after this.

>filename

I fucking love this thread.

OP i would just like to personally thank you for taking your time and making this thread.

threads like these are the few gems in this shithole.

Lily's speech seems a fair bit more casual than her normal style.

You're gonna have to do it for every character now OP.
I'm not gonna sleep till you do.

Bump

OK. Loveline. Back on the phone with Emi, she's 19

>Hi guys. Really love the show.

Alright, well, thank you. You have a question for us?

>I was just wondering about Anal intercourse.

Oh, boy.
Ooooh.

>HAhaha. Yeah. I have a friend who is gay and he tells me about how much he loves it. So I'd like to try it with my boyfriend.

So this will be your first attempt at anal intercourse?

>Yeah.

You have a boyfriend?

>Yeah. But it's not my first time, first time.

And how long have you been dating?

>About four days.

Oh, boy. Drew.

Yes. You get a lot of this rebellious acting out.

Cornholing in four days. Yeah. That kind of stuff.

>>59646408
Oh boy

>Cornholing in four days. Yeah. That kind of stuff.

Just when I'd finished the Hanako route and needed a little pick me up, I find this thread.

OP, you are a magnificent bastard.

OK, Emi?

>Yeah.

I'm mandated by Loveline regulations to ask you this: Where's your dad?

>I really don't want to talk about that.

Well, OK, he's there and it's a problem or he's not there and it's a problem?

>He's not there.

Listen, Emi, we see this a lot. Girls with strained relationships with their parents for whatever reason compensate with acting out-

>Chirp

Oh, god. Drew did you hear it?

I heard it.

Emi?

>Yeah?

Is there a smoke detector in your house?

>It's a dorm.

Is there a smoke detector somewhere in the immediate vicinity?

>Yeah, it's in the corner.

Could you go stand under it please? Do you have the time, Drew?

Twelve seconds.

>>59646741
I smell Rin

i love you OP

>>59646408

>And how long have you been dating?

>About four days.

>Oh, boy. Drew.

>Yes. You get a lot of this rebellious acting out.

>Cornholing in four days. Yeah. That kind of stuff.

Lost it.

I don't play the game...but now I kinda want to. Just so I can re-read this thread...

>>59647002

Do it already, there's no reason not to.

>>59646741
>God damn it, Rin! The one day I invite you and Hanako over, you have to go and do this!