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11/08/11(Tue)04:17 No.56941555>>56940844
You
know, I thought I still had 'it' in me, the ability to socialize and
all that. You just don't realize how far you've fallen until you
actually try and socialize again, or just be in public. That's how it
was for me. I mean, I'm fine in my house, saying the occasional words
every day to my sister and parents, but you just don't realize how
dependent you've become.
You guys might find this pathetic, but I
was unable to function in public for little more than a few hours, it
was my 21st birthday last month, and I went into town to cash a money
order some relatives sent me as a present. Even catching the bus in, and
seeing other people, some my own age, I couldn't help but feel
increasingly anxious. Suddenly, even though I'm not overweight, I felt
like I was, I felt hot and self-conscious of every tiny aspect of my
body, all I wanted to do was get off the bus.
And when I did, it
didn't get much better. In fact, I was only walking around for about 20
minutes before I was feeling so awful and depressed that I actually had
to force myself to hold back tears, but for no reason at all. In the end
I had to go into a cubicle in a public toilet, wipe my eyes with toilet
paper, and just try and breathe. It was like another 20 minutes before I
had even started to calm down.
And on the bus ride home, I had
to continually force myself to hold back tears, there was just this
massive rush of emotions I couldn't control, and the second I stepped
off the bus I breathed a sigh of relief. |
