jammitch! presents
  Merry Fucking Christmas by Mr. Garrison (Trey Parker)
    (for DDRExtreme.co.uk Christmas Mix)

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| the song |
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"The Hanukkah Song" is from the South Park episode (and album) "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics." Mr. Garrison, voiced by Trey Parker, introduces Christmas to the international community.

I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say

Hey there Mr. Muslim 
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
And fucking celebrate

There is no holiday season
In India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd

They've never read a Christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink egg nog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
And fucking celebrate

Now I heard that in Japan 
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas 
God is going to kick your ass 
You infidelic pagan scum

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus 
Merry fucking Christmas to you

On Christmas day
I travel 'round the world and say
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists
And all you atheists too
Merry Fucking Christmas to you

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| the artist |
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Trey Parker's songs are usually funny. See my "America" from /Team America: World Police/.

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| singles |
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The part everybody cares about.

Light
Generally sporadic quarter notes.
Rating: 2 feet
Groove: 0.20 stream / 0.26 voltage / 0.05 air / 0.08 freeze / 0.00 chaos
Steps: 167 tap / 10 hold

Standard
Three-step eighth runs at worst. Fairly simple.
Rating: 5 feet
Groove: 0.33 stream / 0.34 voltage / 0.19 air / 0.10 freeze / 0.00 chaos
Steps: 274 tap / 12 hold

Heavy
Some sixteenths in the eighth runs. The speed changes make it a bit harder.
Rating: 8 feet
Groove: 0.48 stream / 0.49 voltage / 0.36 air / 0.10 freeze / 0.08 chaos
Steps: 401 tap / 12 hold

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| all charts |
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Speed: 110 to 160 BPM. Not steady at all.
Pauses: Only once, during one of Garrison's drawls.

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| the graphics |
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Banner uses a picture of a snowy scene that my roommate took. Background uses a production still from South Park, found on southparkstudios.com.

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| the author |
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jammitch! is an award-winning simfile author and Stepmania theme designer, among other things. jammitch! began playing DDR in May 2003 and began messing around with the various simulators in August (settling on Stepmania 3.0 Final before daring to try the CVS builds). He first seriously entered the DDR sim scene in February 2004. No one seemed to notice. In DDRei TournaMix 5, his "Green Hill (Euroclub '95 Mix)" simfile advanced to the semfinals on the strenth of judging, and was massacred by the public in later rounds. However, in DDROSC3, his "Los Angeles is Burning" simfile swept the competition, proving that rock music can and does make for good stepcharts in capable hands. Other fine jammitch! originals include Beyond Electric Dreams, Himawari, Red Zone, and t.grey; other not-so-fine jammitch! originals have been buried and will never see the light of day. When not wasting his time on DDR simulation, jammitch! wastes his time programming useless crap no one wants, and attends college to learn how to program useless crap no one wants. Another interesting fact: if you capitalize the j, jammitch! will hunt you down and sell your organs on the black market. However, the exclamation point is strictly optional.

You can (probably) find more of jammitch!'s simfiles at his Bemanistyle Sims Database page:
http://www.bemanistyle.com/sims/author.php?id=369

Contact jammitch! at
nintendo64force [at] hotmail [dot] com - it's a dump box, but I do check it -
or PM me on DDRManiaX or Bemanistyle. No, I will not make an SM theme for you.

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| special notes |
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Thanks to the ChristmasMix people for not disqualifying me for flaunting the rules.