A Biography

Very long ago, in the distant land of Rhenvia, was born unto the world a mystical lad, with the power to change the world, and indeed, time and space as he so desired. He was born to bring peace and unity to all the peoples that existed in reality. But fortunately, this is not his story.

Raven Darkwind, eldest of the Darkwind brothers, heir to the immeasurable wealth and dignity of the Barony of Lower Vadania, grew up among the great cattle ranches of Listenwald. He trained to be a dragoon, as his father was before him, and his father before him, and on back until some chump in the Dark Ages proclaimed himself to be a knight for no apparent reason, and was hit on the head by a stray skillet. The dragoon was and is the epitome of nobility and power, first in battle and last to fall fighting. Their expert use of the spear was uncanny, and any number of these incredible fighters in an enemy's ranks could indeed cut through even the greatest knights as a scythe through wheat. As a lad, Raven fancied leaping off of his castle's many high towers onto unsuspecting serfs, bashing them on the head and rendering them unconscious as he did so; for the dragoon's jump attack is his most potent and feared attack.

But one day, young Raven, on a task from his father, came unto a wizened old beggar. The beggar accosted young Raven, who saw that the old crone was blind. But this likewise has nothing to do with the story (in fact Raven kicked the man down and stole his hat).

Raven's life was just fine and dandy until he was sent to live with his other relatives in a common town. He was sent to school with the street urchins and the sons of beggars, whom Raven consistently pummeled, and tormented with questions like "What is the land speed of a swallow?", and beating them when they could not answer. His spear, left at his father's estate, was replaced with a spade bought at the local Ace Hardware. He became known as a furious combatant, and was for the most part feared by the entire community, his shovel a symbol of awe in the eyes of those who beheld it. Then one day someone hit him in the back of the head with a stick, and stole his shovel. Woebegone, Raven decided to seal himself inside a massive glacier, not to come out until a day came when people were decent and dared not to assail their tormentors.

On his long journey to the Ice Peaks of Mjillist, Raven learned a great deal of things, such as the lore of nature, the language of the animals, and which berries were definitely going to give you the runs after you ate them. He meditated long and became even more powerful than before, breaking rocks with his hand, and killing small animals by looking at them in a certain way. He almost regretted his decision to seal himself away from a world which only deserved more torment. But fortunately enough an ice cream truck fell off a cliff above him and landed on him, killing him instantly.

The person who owns this page, however, is just some chump who liked that name a lot, and stole it for his own purposes*.

Truth

Hello! I am Brenden, and this is my page of madness. Since all I'm really really good for is drawing, expect to see a lot of fanciful sketches and things scattered about and made praise to on this site. I like eating noodles and sleeping till the sun passes overhead ("wake before noon, that's far too soon"). When not sleeping or eating, I prefer reading, watching anime, and playing games (I'm a loser). As the below fact sheet shows, I'm just a lad who will some day quite soon join the military, so I can make something of my life. Because that's sort of the acceptable thing to do nowadays.

This page is pretty sparse graphic-wise, but just you relax there, pardner. I'll get to it. (This is a lie)

DR's Fact Sheet

Name: Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV
Actual Name: Brenden "No Nickname" Simon
Birthdate: Oct 18, CE 1984
Birthplace: San Jose, California
Residence: ?
Education: Completed high school with chumpy Modieploma; minor attendance of this place
Employment: Enlisted in United States Navy
Interests: Art, Japanese animation and manga, Thornne, role-playing games, fighting games, strategy games, fun games, British fiction, 70's & 80's rock and metal, magic, kitties, snow, steak, tennis, the Simpsons, riddles, noodles, US Air Force, dogs, Starburst, Irritability, rice, shadows, X-Men, cookies, paradoxes, bladed weapons, spears, whiskey, Linux, open source, Dodge Neon, demon slaying, jeet kune do, dogs, ninja, muay thai, money, rabbits, ramen noodles, roller coasters, airships, valiance, sandwiches, Metal Gear, jumping, green, archaisms, calm, tranquility, blue, sleeping, moonlight, precision, crows, The Dark Tower, mechanical pencils, films of Kevin Smith, garlic salt, Dr Pepper.
Disinterests: Raves, pop music, beans, Everybody Loves Raymond, hot hot sun, poop, corporate monopolies, noodle haters, fishing, American animation that wishes it was Japanese, manual labor, fundamentalism, Imperial measurement, nuclear war, deus ex machina, murder, noisy birds, being sociable, pretention, hatred, chili, onions, hypocrisy, Wendy's food, temporal maladies, delusions of grandeur, pop-up ads, artichokes, being stabbed, kitty litter, Wulfram.

*I did make the name up, just like I made up that story.