WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?

   It should be painfully obvious by now that the world as we know it won't
last too damn much longer.  And what are you doing about it?  Going to work
or school, coming home, goofing around.  What will happen to your routine
when all the shit comes down on us at once?  Don't you feel responsible for
trying to help this endangered planet?  No?  Good.  The fact is, it's too
late.  There isn't a god damned thing you as an individual can do about
eco-disaster, nuclear death, overpopulation and so on.  Things are going to
Hell on a fast train and about the you, or anyone else besides the
Rockerfellers, can do about it is just sit back and watch the show.
WILL YOU BE READY?  WILL YOU STILL BE SANE ENOUGH TO LAUGH WHEN THAT WHICH
THAT WHICH MUST COME TO PASS, COMES TO PASS?  WILL YOU EVER GET SLACK???
   Study our SubGenius "literature" closely.  Keep it by your toilet and
memorize it.  If you aren't as dense as most people, you'll be quick to
realize that, cheesy scam though it might well be, the Church of the SubGenius
is just about the only organization around that can help you face the
god-awful facts without some sort of ingratiating, sweetness-and-light,
goody-two-shoes, pollyanna, life-is-a-bowl-of-cherries bullshit.  Not only
that, but the Church of the SubGenius is beyond the shadow of a doubt
THE ONLY TRUE RELIGION.  We perform miracles, answer any question, invoke
demons, and have a direct etheric hotline to the space god JEHOVA 1 through
our infra-psychic trance-babbling Personal Savior, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs--who is
actually a pretty regular guy, just possessed by forceses greater than Man.
   The SubGenius material has only recently been made public.  This is your
chance to get in on the ground floor of a huge, lucrative cult--NOW, while
rates are low, so that you will not only recieve the emmediate benefits listed
on our Application Coupon*, but will also be eligible for all the $$$, weird
sex, and sheer power over others that go with highranking membership in what
will probably sweep this unkempt planet in an unstoppable wave of cynical,
dangerous power plays, insanely morbid truths and panhandling, zombie-like
teenage "followers."

The SubGenius Foundation.
"Researching the Public's Fear of the Unknown Since 1953."

Slogans:

   "Fuck'Em If They Can't Take A Joke"
   "Too Much Is Always Better Than Not Enough"
   "Pull The Wool Over Your Own Eyes"
   "You'll PAY To Know What You REALLY Think"
   "If You Act Like A Dumbshit, They'll Treat You As An Equal"