+-------------------------------------+ !The Columbus Pirate's Union Presents:! ! ! !----> The Adventures Of Bandana <----! ! Part II ! ! ! !----> Writen By: Lord Python <----! ! of: C.P.U. ! +-------------------------------------+ Continued from part 1! PART II: ...but before we get into part two, let's look at where we left off: "Wha...?" queeried Bandana, in disbelief. "Cave in?" questioned the electric bird. "Ouch!" exclaimed Legroom. "Thoop!" said a fifty foot thumbnail. If you are a great stupid idiot and didn't figure out what the previous dialogue was for, it was this: Legroom had fallen through the roof of the Bandanamobile. The unexpected surprise of all of this had caused an overflow and traffic jam in the cilia of Bandana's small but tremendously warped brain. His special ability had, though not by a subconscious force of habit, unwillingly activated itself and, by a stroke of good luck, gone straight through the side of Legroom's nose and pierced both nostrils. To abbreviate: Bandana lost control of himself for a brief moment, but somehow, subconsciously, he did the correct thing. To summerize the abbreviation of the summary: Bandana panicked. Dr. Lotsa Legroom escaped from the evil stab of Bandana's fingernail, for almost the sole reason that it didn't feel very good. He went back to his lair, which was an underground unused spot beneath a large car park, which was at 1599 W. 12th Avenue, in case you might want to send him fan mail, junk mail, suggestions, or whatever fancies you. At the moment, however, Dr. Lotsa Legroom had been almost completely defancied by a piercing shrill coming from his nose, which was now making an embaressingly loud whistle because of his new mutation. "Shoo!" said the penguibot to the canine specimans that had gathered as a result of the supersonic sound from the nasal area. After much debating between a flightless bird-robot and even more flightless dogs, the latter left the lair. "Oh, blast that devil Bandana!" the bird exclaimed. "I tried, but he nailed me first!" Legroom retorted, and grasped his nose in pain. "We've got to organize a plan. A huge one. One that is just so vast that I can't reveal it here, thusly not exposing the entire plot in this one paragraph. One so immensely complex that you, Doctor, will probably never grasp the full intensity of this whole operation, which is not saying much for you, Legroom. O damn, I just ruined a good speech..." "But where do we start?" Lotsa queeried. "What do we so?" he requeeried. "What can we do to keep Bandana from beating me accidentily EVERY time?" duorequeeried the Doctor. "We need to keep him from eating, obviously. But what do we do? Send him to Asia in hopes that he forgets to pack a lunch?" Lotsa asked in his best triorequeeryism. He stopped at this, since he had just made a perfect usage of an impossible literary non-existant. "How did you do that?" said the Penguibot in his even better rebuttlequadrarequeeryistical manner. "Oh, never mind," he continued, "I've beaten you. Let's get to work on the plan." Faction 3: NOTES FROM THE BIG CHEESE: It would be easy to say at this point that the penguinoid is a traitor, working on both sides. Well, I can't have this; I like the character too much. Let's just say he has a twin -- no, that's too easy. Sister? Nahhh.... Mother? No, no, no; I'm on the wrong track, relatives and all. What I need is something obscurer..............All right, here we are: the penguinoid once took the 7:12 from East Croyden and accidentily fell into the Twilight Zone, so he could hava a double existing at the same time, and due to an amazing flaw in physics, would never know about the other. Yes, yes... I like that much better -- Ed. #3.5 It was now about a day later, and Bandana had finally gotten a tow truck to take his vehicle to the tailor's, to have it fixed. Bandana walked in empty handed with the penguinoid beside. "Yes sir. May I help you?" said the head tailor, a man of about 40. "Well, ah, gee.... this is kinda hard to explain..." "Well, TRY," persisted the tailor. He didn't appear very impressed by Bandana's immense wishy-washiness. "I've got this car and it needs mending..." "I do not do bodywork, framework, mechanical repairations of any type, or windows, SIR." "No, you don't understand... uh, you see..." The penguinoid, of course, was fed up by this time. "Youseetailorit'slike this:hehasthismachinehecallshisbandanamobileyouseebecauseitoshisandhedrivesit aroundeventhoughitonlygoestwelvemilesperhourmaxyouknowthoughIsuuposeyoureally wouldn'twhichisn'tthemainpointbecausethemainpointisthathewantsyoutoyixitforhim andforapriceandhecan'ttakeittoamechanicbecauseit'smadeofcloth," the penguinoid said in one breath. Because he didn't breath, this wasn't remarkable. ".................................. ..................................Oh," remarked the tailor. He had thought this remarkable, because he was mundane. Reluctantly, the tailor took on the task of ordering bolts of exotic cloth, starched polyesters, and more negligees; since the chances of one arriving accidentily would be slimly tiny. With great care and interested blahness the tailor, named Jacques, eventually completed the great boring task, and heaved a great sigh. "Sigh," he heaved. "Now, don't you go heaving onomatopeias at me," Bandana said indignantly. He snatched the keys of his reborn car and strutted out in a huff. Outside, the Bandanamobile lie in a finished heap. Everything had been fixed: the roof, the two flat "tires", the windshield; -- EVERYTHING. Bandana and the penguinoid hopped in and Bandana turned on his favourite country-western station. The penguinoid threw up. Jacques unintentionally imitated the penguinoid. "You two make me sick," said Bandana, and the three of them made a chorus line out of it. All of a sudden, Bob and Doug popped in. They took a look of the unisonic three and then turned to each other. "Hey, hosehead, whaddya think of that?" "Beauty, eh." FORGET THIS. THE NEXT CHAPTER FOLLOWS. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- THE NEXT CHAPTER! "If you do not talk, we'll have to do something uncalled for," exclaimed the incredibly evil Dr. Lotsa Legroom. Bandana was trapped. The Big B brandished many chains, manacles, handcuffs, and various sorts of captivating devices around places he never before though they could be put (around hooks in the floor, of course). He was in a small cage in a dark, damp, dusty, dingy, drab, digital, dank, dirty, dumb, doorknob, durable, disorderly, dowry, ding - dong - the - witch - is - dead, DUNGEON. This dungeon was previously owned by the Wizard of Drobozz and had many magical instruments of torture left over. Needless to say, the penguinoid's plan of capture WORKED. Bandana replied in an undignified manner, "Do your worst! You VILLIAN!" Well, so much for expletives. "Alright, Bandana! Your days are numbered! Give it up! We know your secret! But would you mind telling us what it is just to make sure we have the right one?" The evil penguinoid sunk his bill and the rest of his head into his arms in utter shame and disgrace, for this was not what he had in mind at all. He excused himself to the bathroom. A tense moment made itself known. Many things were thought about during this particular moment. Then, the moment was stung by this incredible statement on Bandana's part: "..............What?" Legroom was taken totally off-guard by this. "Huh?" asked Legroom, in stupendous disbelief. "I said, 'What?'" "What do you mean, 'What?'?" "By the spoken phrase of 'What?', I merely meant for you to repeat your previous statement of importance." "Oh." "........" "............" "Well? What was it?" "Um........" "WELL?!?" "Uh -- I've forgotten it!!" Bandana couldn't believe his chubby little ears. "I'm leaving," he said in disbelief. It was this disbelief that cuased the chains and such to release themselves from everything upon Bandana's standing up "I'm leaving now," he repeated. "Goodbye. I've had a really nice time and all, but I've got things that must be attended to. Bye." Legroom wasn't all too happy about the situation at hand either. He wasn't one to flub up a situation deliberately but often involuntarily by reflex. This, of course, was just one of many. Bandana was just outside the door when he realized he had no idea what to do in this unknown place. To be continued... !-----------------------------------------------------------------------------! !-- A Columbus Pirate's Union Release ----------------------------------------! !-- (C)opyright 1985, Lord Python. -------------------------------------------! !-- You place your life in others hands if you edit this file! ---------------! +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+