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:::::::/------------------------\::::::
::::-=[ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES]=-:::
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:::::::|  WRITTEN BY........    |::::::
:::::::|   COPY KAT'S GIRL      |::::::
:::::::|    THE ONE AND ONLY    |::::::
:::::::|                        |::::::
:::::::|        CHERYL          |::::::
:::::::| TYPED IN BY..COPY KAT  |::::::
::::::::\______________________/:::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

WILLYRAP
--------
THIS IS WILLIE J AND I'ME HERE TO SAY I CAN'T COME TO THE PHONE CAUSE I'ME
NOT HOME. SO LEAVE YOUR NAME AND NUMBER AND A MESSAGE TOO, AND AFTER A WHILE
I'LL GET BACK WITH YOU! DON'T CALL THE OPERATOR THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR
PHONE IT'S JUST WILLIE J SAYIN I'ME NOT HOME!

COWBOY
------
HOWDY PARTNER..SORRY BUT WE DONE GONE TO PLUCK SOME CHICKENS, AND SHOVEL SOME
MANUER, RECON ITLL TAKE AWILE SO JUST GO ON AHEAD AND LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER WE
HALL SOME HAY WELL RIDE THE CARRAGE ON BACK HERE AND CALL YA BACK OKEEDOK.

GONDIE
------
HELLO...DHIS IS MRISS GONDIE I AM NOT HOME RIGH NOW BUT I WILL RETURN IN
APPROXMITALLY 1 HOUR WHEN YOU HERE DE BEEP LEAF A MESSAGE ANT A NUMBER SO I
CAN CALL YA BACK.

NERD
----
YES, THIS IS THE --- RESIDENCE. AT THIS MOMENT WE ARE NOT ABLE TO PROCEEDE TO
THE TELEPHONIC DEVICE PLEASE DO NOT WORRIE WE SHALL OF COURSE GET BACK TO YOU
AT THE SOONEST TIME POSSIBLE. A HIGH PITCH NOISE AT HI VOLUME OR AS YOU HUMANS
CALL IT A BEEP WILL SOUND OFF WHEN IT DOES DO SO KINDLY LEAVE US A MESSAGE AND
A NUMERO AT WHICH WE CAN TELEPHONE YOU WHEN WE RETURN...FAREWELL

PREACHER
--------
HELLO...THOW HATH REATH REVEREND (NAME) BELOVED HOME. PLEASE LEAVEATH A MESSAGE
WITH THOUGH NAME AND NUMBER. I SHALL GETATH BACK WITH THEE AS SOON AS I CAN. GOD
BLESS YOU AND MAYATH THOUGH LIVE FOREVER.

NAME
----
MY NAME IS (NAME) AND I'ME SORRY YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME. I WENT OUT TO CONROW AND
I'LL BE BACK TOMMORROW. LEAVE A MESSAGE WHEN YOU HERE THE TONE, AND SOON I'LL
CALL YOU ON THE PHONE.

KOOL DUDE
---------
WHAT'S UP HOMES. YOU HOME BOYS CALLIN ME AT THE WRONG TIME MAN. I AINT HOME
RIGHT NOW. YOU JUST GONNA HAVETA LEAVE A MESSAGE. YEAH BUDY, WHEN THAT SERIOUS
MACHINE BEEPS YOU GONNA BE TRIPPIN SO CHILL OUT MAN CHECK YA LATER!

SLEDGE HAMMER
-------------
THIS IS SLEDGE HAMMER. TRUST ME I KNOW WHAT I'ME DOING. SON, I'ME GONNA HAVE TO
ASK YOU TO LEAVE A MESSAGE, BECAUSE I'ME NOT HERE. I'LL CALL YOU BACK LATER, BUT
BEFORE I GO I NEED TO TELL YOU 1 THING...DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE,YOU MIGHT
SPILL YOUR DRINK.

                [THE BEST FOR LAST]

L(ITTLE) D(ICK)
---------------
MY NAME IS L.D. AND I'ME A LITTLE DICK. MY MOM IS REAL EUGLY AND MY DAD'S A
PRICK! WELL...I HANG OUT ON MONTROSE EVERY NIGH JUST TO SEE ALL THE GUYS I CAN
PLUG JUST RIGH! WELL...LISTEN REAL WELL TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY I'ME A L(ITTLE)
D(ICK) AND YOU KNOW I'ME GAY! I GET IT, I GOT IT I KNOW IT'S GOOD... CHASEN
ALL THE GUYS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I STUDY ALL THE TIME BEFORE AND AFTER CLASSES.
I'M SUCH A NERD I GOT TAPE ON MY GLASSES. I'ME KING OF THE GAYS I'ME KING OF THE
FAGS I'ME L.D. AND I'ME ON THE RAG. YOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT ME CAUSE IT'S ALL
AROUND, I'ME THE BIGGEST FAG IN THIS WHOLE TOWN! I HANG OUT ON THE INTERACT AND
THAT'S NO LIE. WELL IT'S TIME FOR ME TO GO AND YOU WON'T FORGET ME, CAUSE I'DE
PLUG YOU BOY IF YOU WOULD LET ME! BYE BYE SEXY BOYS!