FUN AT THE BOOKSTORE
BY: DIzzIE Ó2000

Here are some ways to amuse your simple little mind at a bookstore:

*Get some books about homosexuality, coping with death, Satanism, overcoming drug abuse, dealing with divorce, etc... Then put the books in the Kids book section. Also put in some Playboy magazines.
*Ask the sales people if they have unique books with titles such as "Bestiality For Dummies" or "Kiddie Porn: The Complete Guide For Pedophiles." Come up with more obscene names and keep asking to "double check" for the books.
*Pick some expensive book and tell the sales person you want to order a hundred copies of the book. Give a fake name, address, and phone number (or the name, address, and phone of someone you hate). 
*Come up to the manager and pretend that you're the author of some book and ask if you can "talk about your book" in the store. You can arrange a date and then either not come, or come and pretend(?) to be drunk. Say that you're some famous author so more people will show up.
*Get some lame joke book like "1,001 Knock-Knock Jokes" and start laughing hysterically. 
*Take a bunch of books and magazines with you and then go and sit in a corner of the bookstore and start muttering things, an occasional scream will help too.
*Make flyers that say the bookstore is going out of business and all books will be discounted 75%. Put the flyers around town and set a date for the sale. Then come and watch a lot of angry people, help start a riot!
*Some larger bookstores also have stuffed animals for sale, like Winnie the Poop or the Telefuckies. Arrange the toys in sexual positions like "69."
*Get a bunch of magazines and take them to the other end of the store, pretend like you're reading them, and then leave, leaving the pile of magazines there. The employees will have lots of fun putting all the magazines back in the right place, especially if you scatter them throughout the store…You can make it a scavenger hunt by leaving vague notes taped on to the magazines that hint the location of others…
*Come in to the store with a big bag, go to the end of the store, pretend to be putting books in the bag and then run out of the store, laughing evilly, boy will they be embarrassed when you show them your bag has no books in it…

Have fun kiddies!
email me: xcon0@yahoo.com