The Fifth Column Gets Press

                     by J. Orlin Grabbe

        *Media Bypass* printed up thousands of extra copies of its
September issue, which carries a picture of the Angel of Death (AOD)
on the cover.  But they've already run out, and had to order up 
more.

        An amazing array of congress-critters have been calling up
the AOD and asking him to autograph their copies.  Do we have here
the makings of a new superstar?  Or are they just relieved they didn't
receive Fifth Column packets detailing their financial shenanigans?

        *Contact* has 'fessed up they are not in contact with the
Fifth Column, but would like to be.  In the August 6 issue, Hatonn
notes:  "... it appears Grandma has stated briefly in one of her printed
documents that the "Fifth Column" is giving information and making
contact with CONTACT!  NO, THIS IS NOT SO.  ...[But] if you can get
us hooked up with a contact inside the Fifth Column--we would ENJOY
running all the information they will share with us.  Until then we 
will continue to offer what we "know from other sources" and hope
it is true.  We would rather print an error than to MISS the truth ..."

        If only Brother Bill had the same attitude!  Brother Bill
doesn't want his ex-good friend Dick Morris telling the truth.  He's
afraid Morris may have received a Fifth Column packet, in addition
to droll attention from the *Star*, and will be telling all he knows
to Special Prosecutor Kenneth Starr.

        Aww, don't sweat it Brother Bill.  Have another line, throw a
temper tantrum, order some more troops to Saudi Arabia, and warn your
staff about what information they can, and cannot, put in the WHODB.
And tell them no, repeat NO, extracurricular sex at the Jefferson Hotel.

        There is one thing, Brother Bill.  Remember that day when Dick
Morris, perhaps covered with a patina of post-coital perspiration, 
called you up, and you told him that Hillary wasn't there at the White
House, and to not call when she was?  Remember that day?  Well, where 
was Hillary at that time, Brother Bill?  I've been told you might want 
to look into that.  You might find the answer very, very interesting.  
Before you have another temper tantrum, of course.

August 30, 1996
Web Page:  http://www.aci.net/kalliste/