Happy is the Bride the Sun Shines On

Wedding Beliefs, Customs, and Traditions

Leslie Jones

CONTEMPORARY BOOKS
A TRIBUNE COMPANY

title | : | Happy Is the Bride the Sun Shines On : Wedding Beliefs, Customs, and Traditions
author | : | Jones, Leslie.
publisher | : | NTC Contemporary
isbn10 | asin | : | 0809234327
print isbn13 | : | 9780809234325
ebook isbn13 | : | 9780071404099
language | : | English
subject |  | Marriage customs and rites--United States, Weddings--United States--Folklore, United States--Social life and customs.
publication date | : | 1995
lcc | : | GT2703.J66 1995eb
ddc | : | 392/.5/0973
subject | : | Marriage customs and rites--United States, Weddings--United States--Folklore, United States--Social life and customs.

Page iv

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data 

Jones, Leslie, 1959- 
Happy is the bride the sun shines on: a collection of American 
wedding beliefs / by Leslie Jones. 
p. cm. 
ISBN 0-8092-3432-7 (cloth) 
1. Marriage rites and ceremoniesUnited States. 2. Weddings
United StatesFolklore. 3. United StatesSocial life and 
customs. I. Title. 
GT2703.J66 1995 
392´.5´0973dc20
95-5084
CIP

Illustrations by Edgar Blakeney

Copyright © 1995 by Leslie Jones
All rights reserved
Published by Contemporary Books
An imprint of NTC/Contemporary Publishing Company
Two Prudential Plaza, Chicago, Illinois 60601-6790
Manufactured in the United States of America
International Standard Book Number: 0-8092-3432-7
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

Page v

Contents

Acknowledgments

vii

Introduction

ix

1
Brides with Their Showers Sweet

1

2
A Weepy Ring Foretells a Weepy Marriage

7

3
With This Ring . . .

11

4
Ring Around the Baby

17

5
The Glitter of Jewels

21

6
Marry in White, Everything Right

25

7
Dress for Success

29

8
The Single Most Widely Known Wedding Superstition in America

35

9
Pass the Veil On

39

10
Lucky Garter

43

11
Stocking Up

47

12
A Lump of Sugar in Your Glove

49

13
A Bridal Posy

51

14
Warming the Threshold

59

15
Jumping the Broom

63

16
Good Housekeeping

67

17
On Pins and Needles

71

18
Awakened by Birds Singing

73

Page vi

19
Lucky Gifts

77

20
Marry Under a Full Moon

81

21
Marry on Monday for Wealth

85

22
When December's Snows Fall Fast . . .

89

23
Happy Is the Bride the Sun Shines On

95

24
Always a Bridesmaid

99

25
Ruling the Roost

103

26
Putting the Right Foot Forward

107

27
Kiss the Bride

111

28
A Weeping Bride Makes a Laughing Wife

115

29
Something Old, Something New . . .

119

30
White Satin Slippers

123

31
Rice Toss

129

32
Perchance to Dream . . .

133

33
Cutting the Cake

137

34
The Food of Love

143

35
First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage . . .

147

36
Delaying Tactics

153

37
Avoiding Hard Labor

157

38
Breaking Glass

161

39
Dance Every Dance

165

40
Just for the Groom

167

41
Good-Luck Pieces

171

Further Reading

177

Page vii

Acknowledgments

Much of the research for this collection of wedding superstitions was done with the aid of the collections of the late Professor Wayland Debs Hand, which form the archives of The Encyclopedia of American Popular Belief and Superstition, edited by Donald J. Ward, a project of the Center for the Study of Comparative Folklore and Mythology at UCLA. These collections cover all fifty states and focus mostly on the superstitions of Americans of European and African descent. Thanks to Professor Ward and my colleagues, Dr. Frances Cattermole-Tally and Dr. Christine Goldberg, for their support and assistance.

Page ix

Introduction

Because consistent logic is not a feature of folk belief, reading collections of superstitions can make your head spin. For each person who swears that something is bad luck, there's someone else who swears it's good luck. So even if you accidentally do something that's supposed to be bad luck, don't worry. Just call yourself part of the group for whom it is lucky.

Of course, if it turns out that it was bad luck, you'll have a convenient excuse: it wasn't your fault, it was Cosmic Misfortune, over which you have no control.

Superstitions invariably focus on things over which we have no controlthe weather, death, the fertility of plants, animals, and peoplebut especially matters of the heart. There's just so much at stake, so much that can go wrong, and so much hope that things will go right. For these reasons, that major rite of passage, marriage, generates thousands of superstitions and beliefs.

Many wedding superstitions are intensified forms of beliefs found in everyday life. It's usually considered bad luck to come into a room or house by one door and leave by another; it's even worse to do so on your wedding day. The idea that it's lucky to get married on some days and unlucky to do so on others comes

Page x

from ancient and medieval astrology, which pronounced lucky and unlucky days for everything, including getting your hair cut.

People getting married are often anxious to ward off the attentions of malicious spirits and the Evil Eye. The Evil Eye is a glance that causes bad luck, either deliberately or accidentally, because the glancer is jealous of the person she or he is looking at. People who are exceptionally beautiful or happylike babies and bridesare said to attract the Evil Eye. You can divert the malignant effect of the Evil Eye by wearing amulets or taking other traditional precautionsmany of which are listed in this book.

Of course, most people don't believe in the Evil Eye any moreor they don't really believe in it, but they don't mind taking precautions just in case! This brings up another aspect of modern-day superstition: cultural lag, a fancy way of pointing out that people who have never been any closer to livestock than their pet goldfish are still passing on beliefs originally meant to increase the fertility of cattle. All these things are supposed to be lucky, and in marriage luck is usually defined as lots of money, lots of food, and lots of children, whatever your personal beliefs about diet and population control may be.

The largest number of wedding superstitions has to do with the bride's clothing. Marriage mythology assumes that people marry only once and forever. This is common in rituals, which take place in a "time out of time." All good rituals require a uni-

Page xi

form. Putting on the gown makes you a bride, and you'd better be serious about it. There must be a complete break between the married and unmarried state. This is why the groom can't see the wedding gown before the wedding. Because by the wedding day the gown is actually on the bride, the groom is forbidden to see the bride before the ceremony. Some people go so far as to say that no one should see the wedding gown before the wedding. (Some people say that no one should see the bride from the time the engagement is announced until the wedding itself, but this seems rather hard on the poor girl.) The practical effect of all of this is that the bride spends the hours right before her wedding cooped up somewhere with a couple of bridesmaids in a situation very much like the ritual isolation that is practiced, worldwide, by participants in all rites of passage.

Some superstitions, of course, are just plain loony. It is easy to understand why it's considered bad luck for the bridal veil to catch on fire. The idea of having a piece of flaming cloth draped around the head will strike almost anyone as being potentially unfortunate. But why is it bad luck to find the best man sleeping under the wedding bed (and how often does this happen)? Why does a rainy wedding day doom a bride to a life of uncontrollable snacking? Why does going to the theater on your honeymoon mean that you'll have twins? Who comes up with this stuff? Tradition truly has reasons that reason knows nothing of.

Page 1

1
Brides with Their Showers Sweet

Page 2

Bridal showers first became popular in the cities of turn-of-the-century America. In rural areas of Europe and America, the local community and extended family contributed gifts to help a new couple set up house.

When those traditional ties began to break down, an engaged woman's friends stepped in to take up the slack, "showering" the bride-to-be with the small items that everyone needs in a new house, but that add up to a lot of money if they have to be bought all at once.

It's because the shower takes the place of family contributions that etiquette writers are so adamant that relatives cannot throw showerstraditionally, it's the maid of honor or the bride's best friend who throws the party.

Everything the bride says as she opens her shower gifts will be repeated by her on her wedding night. Someone should be assigned to write down these comments for the amusement of the others.

The first gift the bride-to-be opens should be the first gift she uses.

Page 3

If single, the person who gives the first or the seventh gift to be opened will be the next to marry.

The person who gives the third gift to be opened will soon have a baby.

It's good luck for a married woman if her present is the first one opened.

The bride should guess what the present is before she opens it, and at the same time make a wish for the person who gave it. If she guesses right, the wish will come true.

Most brides-to-be save the ribbons from their shower gifts and make a mock bouquet out of them to carry at the wedding rehearsal. Just like the real one, the ribbon bouquet is tossed at the end of the rehearsal and the girl who catches it will be the next one to marry.

Page 4

The ribbons may be tied in the bride's hair to be taken out later by the groom, who gets a kiss for each one.

Another thing to do with the ribbons is use them to stuff a special pillow, which will bring the bride luck all her married life.

For every ribbon you break while opening shower gifts, you will have a baby. Each blue ribbon broken indicates the birth of a boy; each pink ribbon means the birth of a girl.

If the groom is present at the shower, drape a few of the ribbons around his neck to ward off bad luck.

Page 5

Carefully untie the ribbons (don't break any of them!) and then tie them together in a long string with the bride's engagement ring tied to the end. All the guests stand in a circle, holding their hands behind them, while the bride-to-be wraps the ribbons around them. The person who gets the ring at the end will be the next one married. Every knot a guest gets in her right hand indicates that she will give birth to a girl; every knot in her left hand signifies a boy. Or everyone who gets a knot in the right hand will be married within a year.

Page 6

Don't cut or untie the ribbons at the shower, but untie them all the next day and then retie them into a long string and save it. The first time you quarrel with your husband, untie the knots until you make up.

Save all the ribbons to be untied by the groom before you go to bed on your wedding night.

Page 7

2
A Weepy Ring Foretells a Weepy Marriage

Page 8

A diamond engagement ring's hardness and brilliance symbolize eternal and singular love.

True-blue sapphires are popular, but jealous green emeralds are thought to be unlucky. Opals and pearls are bad luck in engagement rings, but they're bad luck anyway. Opals are treacherous because they change color, while pearls are said to be the oyster's tears, and a weepy ring foretells a weepy marriage.

It's good luck to have your birthstone in your engagement ring, even if that stone is otherwise thought to be an unlucky gem.

The number of diamonds in your engagement ring is the number of children you'll bear.

It's good luck if the first person to see the engagement ring is the bride-to-be.

Page 9

It's good luck never to take off your engagement ring until the day of the wedding, because if you don't take it off, your love will last forever. Some people allow a woman to take her ring off twice, but say that if she takes it off a third time she will never marry. It's also bad luck for the bride-to-be to let anyone try on her engagement ring before she marries and bad luck to the person who tries it on: neither of them will ever marry.

With astute psychological insight, folk wisdom holds that if a woman loses her engagement ring she will not marry her fiancé.

Page 11

3
With This Ring . . .

Page 12

These days an engagement ring symbolizes only the intention to marry, but in the Middle Ages the simple exchange of rings and a promise constituted a legal marriage, even if no one else was present. As you might imagine, this led to innumerable breach-of-promise suits and children of contested legitimacy. The propensity of Renaissance monarchsmost notoriously England's Henry VIIIto manipulate this custom to their own advantage led to the insistence that a wedding had to be witnessed to be legal. (Henry had a habit of suddenly discovering that wives he was tired of, such as Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard, had actually been secretly married to someone else all along. Adultery! Bigamy! Off with her head!) Thus grew the custom of two rings, one to signify betrothal and one to signify the marriage proper.

The ring should be smooth, not engraved, so that married life will be smooth.

Wearing a wedding ring ensures the marriage's success; the round ring symbolizes eternity and love without end; it means that love will roundly flow from one to the other.

Page 13

Since the ancient Egyptians, people have said that a vein runs from the fourth finger of the left hand directly to the heart. Consequently, the wedding ring goes on the left hand. The ring keeps love from escaping from your heart.

The groom should make a wish as he puts the ring on the bride's finger.

It's lucky if the groom buys the wedding ring with money from the sale of something very dear to him.

Page 14

The ring is the most powerful symbol of the wedding vows, and as long as it stays where it belongson your handeverything is fine. But it's bad luck to

try on the wedding ring before marriage

let anyone else try on your ring

wear any other ring on your ring finger before the marriageyou'll never marry

alter the ring because it doesn't fitthe marriage won't last

wear a wedding ring with stones in itthe band must be nothing but gold

remove the ring for seven years; if you do remove it, your spouse must be the one to put it back on

drop the ring during the ceremony

break the ring

lose the ringyou'll lose your husband

Never get married twice with the same ring; whatever ended your first marriage will end the second one.

Don't buy the wedding ring on Friday.

Page 15

It's good luck to wear your mother's wedding ring, because her good luck rubs off on you.

Or from another point of view, have your wedding ring made to order so it hasn't absorbed bad luck from someone else's finger.

If you lose your wedding ring, bury a dishrag. When it has rotted away, you will find the ring.

Page 17

4
Ring around the Baby

Page 18

After the wedding, the luck and power of the wedding ring is put to many uses. For instance, a widespread traditional way to determine the sex of your child is to hang your wedding ring from a strand of your hair and suspend it over your belly. If the ring swings from side to side you will have a boy; if it swings in circles you'll have a girl.

There are conflicting reports about wedding rings and childbirth. Some people say to take off your wedding ring when you go into labor for an easy birth, but Pennsylvania Germans warn that if you take off your ring in labor, you could be vulnerable to the evil attentions of witches.

Lay your wedding ring on your baby's chest when you carry the child to the font to be baptized. This will prevent him or her from crying.

Swish your wedding ring in the bathwater the first time you bathe your baby; the child will be handsome and have beautiful skin.

Page 19

If your newborn has a birthmark, supposedly you can remove it by spitting on your wedding ring and rubbing it over the mark once a day for the first ten days of the baby's life.

Rub a teething child's gums with your wedding ring to ease the pain.

In nineteenth-century Brittany, the traditional French fondness for wine was combined with wedding rings and babies. Breton mothers would dip their rings in wine and give a few drops to their newborns. This was supposed to protect the infant from evil winds and the Evil Eye, and to prevent the child from growing up to be a drunkard.

Wedding rings are also used in folk remedies for styes, jaundice, ringworm, warts, shingles, and erysipelas.

Page 21

5
The Glitter of Jewels

Page 22

Sometimes the bride literally is queen for a day. Many Scandinavian and also Eastern Orthodox brides and grooms wear wedding crowns, which usually belong to the church and are used by everyone in the community when they marry.

It's generally felt that it's unlucky for a bride to wear a lot of ostentatious jewelry on her wedding day. Giving the bride jewelry is a classic way for a husband to show off his wealth. When a bride wears jewels before she's technically married, it is interpreted as a sign of jumping the gun.

Page 23

However, the glitter of jewels and of silver jewelry also distracts that old Evil Eye. Other amulets that ward off bad luck include

garlic

charms in the shape of animal horns, particularly charms made of red coral

amulets shaped like a hand making the sign of horns

red things, such as ruby rings, coral necklaces, or red cords and ribbonsred is the anti-Evil Eye color of choice in northern Europe

blue things, such as the bright blue beads worn by Greek bridesblue is favored by Mediterranean people to avoid the Evil Eye

charms in the shape of the moon, a fish, or a hunchback

Sharp and pointed objects are bad luck for brides and grooms. They signify sharp and harmful thoughts. It's considered unlucky to be pricked and bleed on your wedding day (think of Sleeping Beauty). Pins and brooches are too dangerous to have around a wedding.

Page 24

But then again, some people say the bride should wear three rings on her wedding day: a ring on her finger, a wreath on her head, and a circular brooch over her heart.

It's good luck for the bride to wear pearls inherited from her grandmother.

The earrings you wear on your wedding day will bring you luck and happiness ever after.

Page 25

6
Marry in White, Everything Right

Page 26

The idea that a bride must be dressed in white if she is a virgin dates back to the nineteenth century. The idea that she cannot wear white if she isn't a virgin seems to have arisen only in the twentieth century. One of the earliest white gowns noted was the one worn by Anne of Brittany when she married Louis XII of France in the 1490s. She was the widow of the previous king, Charles VIII, and thus, presumably, not a virgin. But the wedding that really made white fashionable was the marriage of President John Quincy Adams's son, John, to his cousin Mary in 1828and by all accounts Mary was hardly the pure innocent that a white wedding gown has since come to signify.

Page 27

Before the nineteenth century, a woman usually got married in her best gown, whatever color that happened to be, and thus arose the rhyme:

Marry in white, everything right;
Marry in blue, lover be true;
Marry in pink, spirits will sink;
Marry in gray, live far away;
Marry in brown, live out of town;
Marry in green, ashamed to be seen;
Marry in yellow, ashamed of your fellow;
Marry in black, wish you were back;
Marry in red, wish you were dead;
Marry in tan, he'll be a good man;
Marry in pearl, you'll live in a whirl.

Another couplet advises that

Yellow's forsaken, and green's forsworn,
But blue and red ought to be worn.

Page 28

White and blue are the favorite colors for wedding gowns. White symbolizes purity and innocence, while blue symbolizes true love and fidelity.

But Islamic brides wear red, the color of blood and therefore the color of life.

Green is a lucky color for the bride's headdress, though unlucky for the dress itself.

Gray is a lucky color for the going-away dress.

In general, if you don't opt for a white dress, bright and light colors are luckier than dark and dull ones.

For an informal wedding, it's lucky for both bride and groom to wear the same color.

Page 29

7
Dress for Success

Page 30

It's good luck if your mother-in-law makes your wedding dress, but it's unlucky to make it yourself.

If the wedding clothes are made by a woman who is pregnant, her baby will be very lucky.

If you try on someone else's wedding gown before the wedding, you put on all her troubles, too. But after the wedding, an unmarried friend can try on the bride's dress so that she'll get married soon.

Sew a piece of your hair into the bride's gown for good luck and a quick marriage. In 1947 newspapers reported that the seamstresses who made Queen (then Princess) Elizabeth's wedding gown each sewed a strand of their hair into it.

It's good luck to sew a strand of the bride's own hair into her wedding gown.

Page 31

If you sew a penny into the seam of your wedding gown, it will bring you luck all through your life. A Cuban version of this belief says that if you carry a penny sewed into a handkerchief on your wedding day, you'll have a long and healthy marriage.

If the bride wears a gown embroidered with bunches of wheat, she will have lots of children.

Don't whistle while you sew a wedding gownyou whistle up trouble.

If something goes wrong with a dress three times while you're sewing it, you will wear it to a weddingmaybe your own.

The bride shouldn't see herself fully dressed in a mirror before the wedding; someone should take a final stitch or put on the veil after the last look to ensure good luck. It's good luck to be the person who puts in that last stitch, too.

Page 32

It's lucky to lend your wedding gown but bad luck to be married in a borrowed dress. (This is obviously one of those cases where tradition contradicts itself!) The only exception to the taboo against wearing other women's wedding gowns is wearing a gown worn by your mother, sister, or best of all, your grandmother. And once you've gotten married, it's good luck to pass your own gown on to a younger sister or one of your bridesmaids.

It's lucky to tear your wedding gown accidentally on your wedding day.

It's good luck to buy the first gown you try on.

It's good luck to lose a thimble while making the gown.

If the groom pays for the wedding gown, he will be the complete boss in the marriage. In many places, it's traditional for the bride and groom to give each other clothes to wear to the wedding.

Page 33

If the hem of your wedding dress turns up, make a wish before you turn it back down and it will come true on your wedding night.

The brideand the groomshould wear all brand-new clothes, except for their underwear, which should be very old. Though some say it's good luck to get married wearing brandnew underwear.

Don't change your bridal clothes before nightfall.

It's good luck to get rid of the wedding clothes after the wedding; alternatively, your good luck will begin once you've worn out your wedding clothes.

Some women save their wedding gown and make a christening robe for their firstborn child out of it. And if your children wear out their clothes too fast, tie ribbons from your wedding dress on their clothes to make them last.

Page 34

It's good luck to find a spider on your dress at any time during the wedding day.

If a bride wants to make a complete break with her past, she should wait to put on her wedding dress until she's outside the house.

For a harmonious marriage, tie together the arms of the shirts last worn by the bride and groom before the wedding, and wash them together.

It's bad luck to make drapes out of the same fabric as your wedding dress.

If the bride milks a cow while still in her wedding dress, the household will never lack dairy products.

Page 35

8
The Single Most Widely Known Wedding Superstition in America

Page 36

It's bad luck for the groom to see the wedding gown before the wedding ceremony.

Everybody knows this one, and no one ever goes any further than saying it's bad luck. It's as though it's so widely known, there's no need for explanation. Stricter versions say that the groom shouldn't see the bride before the ceremony, or that the bride and groom must spend the night before the wedding apart.

That last version probably holds the key to understanding this superstition. Marriage is a union, and you can't join two things that aren't separate to begin with. There are many cultures where customs require that the groom see the bride on the wedding day before the actual ceremony, but these customs also require that the groom and bride spend the night before the wedding at their parents' houses, so there is another mechanism that sees to it that they are separated. In Western culture, we make a big thing about the gownand by extension, the woman in itmaking sure that the initial separation is noticeable enough that the subsequent union is also obvious and lasting.

Page 37

While women get married in many different kinds of clothes, the stereotypical wedding dress is not an everyday dress; it's a uniform. When a bride appears in this gown, she is transformed into something out of the ordinary; she is a new persona wifeand again, the more striking the contrast with her old life, the better the chance of starting fresh and lucky.

Page 39

9
Pass the Veil On

Page 40

The veil symbolizes virginity and modesty, and signifies that the groom will protect the bride. It also shields the bride from the influence of the Evil Eye.

Wearing a veil ensures that the very first person to see the bride's face when she becomes a married woman is her husband.

As with other pieces of bridal attire, it's bad luck to try on a bridal veil before you actually get married, or to show the veil to anyone outside of the immediate family. If you break this rule, you won't get married at all.

It's good luck if a happily married woman puts the veil on you, but bad luck to put it on yourself.

In Jewish ceremonies the groom puts the veil on the bride, who must not look at him while he does so. Or the rabbi puts the veil on her just before she walks down the aisle, which brings good luck.

Page 41

It's good luck to tear the veil; you can do it deliberately, but accidentally is best.

If you wear your grandmother's wedding veil, you'll always be wealthy.

It's good luck to weight the corners of the veil with coins sewn into the hems.

The one time a woman can try on someone else's veil is after the wedding. If she puts on the bride's veil, looks in the mirror, and says ''Let the next be me,'' she'll be married within one year.

The veil is the last item that should be put on the bride, after she takes her final look in the mirror.

Page 42

It's good luck to pass the veil on to another bride and bad luck to save it. But if you do save it, it can be put to other uses. A folk remedy for croup requires the ailing child to breathe Vick's VapoRub from under his mother's bridal veilan interesting combination of anonymous tradition and name brand.

Most American brides wear white veils, but in Eastern Europe the veil is often red.

Page 43

10
Lucky Garter

Page 44

By all accounts, sixteenth-century English weddings were riotous affairs. Often the bride was mobbed by wedding guests as she left the church, all of them anxious to rip off her lucky garter. Voluntarily throwing it to the assembled masses before they grabbed it seemed a reasonable precaution. Nowadays the garter is tossed to the unmarried males in the wedding party as the male counterpart of the tossed bouquet.

The garter should be the "something borrowed" that a bride wears.

It is very lucky to loan a garter to a bride, and if you're single, you'll be married within a year. Likewise, if you borrow a garter from a bride, count on being engaged soon.

Some people say the garter should be yellow (an otherwise unlucky bridal color). You can of course kill two birds with one stone and wear a borrowed blue garter.

Page 45

A Scottish and northern English custom that probably developed from garter grabbing is a race held at the reception. The bride stands at one end of the room. She holds a length of white ribbon about three feet long, tied into bows. (Alternatively the bride and the maid of honor can hold the ribbon between them.) The unmarried men present race across the room, and the first to reach the ribbon gets to keep it and gets a kiss from the bride.

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11
Stocking Up

Page 48

In England until the eighteenth century, the wedding guests would accompany the newly wed couple into their bedroom and tuck them up in bed. Then the guests would take turns tossing rolled-up stockings over their left shoulder at the couple. If a man hit the bride on the nose, it meant that he would soon be married, and the same held true for a woman who hit the groom.

Another version was that the bride would toss her stockings over her shoulder at the guests, and the person she hit would be married within a year.

In the United States, a bride may toss her stockings over her left shoulder as she prepares for bed. If the stockings fall in a straight line, the bride's luck in the marriage will be good.

A bridesmaid should lay a pair of stockings in a cross on the bridal bed so that the couple will have a large family.

Page 49

12
A Lump of Sugar in Your Glove

Page 50

It's good luck to cut your toenails on the day of the wedding, but bad luck to cut your fingernails.

If the bride lets her hair dry in the sun on the day before the wedding, she'll have three children within five years.

It's lucky for a happily married man to comb the bride's hair on her wedding day.

It's good luck not to bathe on your wedding day.

If you pare your corns on the eve of your wedding, you'll have none after you're married.

Put salt in your pocket while dressing for the wedding and keep it there throughout the ceremony so you'll always be happy.

Carry a lump of sugar in your glove and you'll have a sweet married life.

Page 51

13
A Bridal Posy

Page 52

The custom of tossing the bride's bouquet arose in fourteenth-century France as a more genteel version of grabbing the garter.

As nearly everyone knows, the unmarried woman who catches the bouquet will be the next to marry. But here are a few precautions.

If you catch the bouquet and then see an old man, you have to make him laugh or you'll die an old maid.

If you catch the bouquet and then drop it, you'll be the last rather than the first to marry.

If no one catches the bouquet, it's bad luck for the bride.

In Wales, after the wedding the bouquet is often laid on the grave of a parent or grandparent of the bride or groom.

Page 53

Greek-American brides throw a pomegranate rather than the bouquetthe pomegranate with its innumerable seeds symbolizes fertility.

Sometimes brides prefer to carry a prayer book rather than a bouquet; in that case, it's especially lucky to carry the one that belongs to your mother.

It's also lucky if you carry love letters from your husband-to-be to the wedding. It ensures his entire, eternal love.

If you steal a flower from the bouquet and wear it in your shoe, you will be the next bride.

If you wear a flower from the bridal bouquet you'll be married within a year.

Page 54

The medieval bouquet usually was composed of garlic, chives, rosemary, bay leaves, and other strong-smelling herbs to scare off evil spirits.

In Elizabethan times both bride and groom carried bouquets of rosemary, which, as Ophelia said, symbolize remembrance. Twentieth-century American brides carry rosemary to ensure luck, to symbolize virginity, and to invoke fidelity. Rosemary is still recommended for decking the bridal bed on the wedding night. And sometimes the bridesmaids give the groom a wreath of rosemary to wear. Interestingly, this herb was renowned in medieval times for its alleged contraceptive properties.

Wreaths made of myrtle, symbolizing love, peace, and happiness, are worn today by American brides of German and Polish descent just as they were worn by brides in the ancient world.

A bag of dried mint leaves, placed around the bride's neck by a female relative, will help ensure lots of children.

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Dreaming of white roses before your wedding is considered lucky.

Hawaiian brides wear seven strands of pikaki flower for good luck.

Orange blossoms represent fertility and everlasting luck.

Red roses will bring a happy marriage.

Mignonette holds the groom's love.

Clover indicates that the bride is faithful.

Ivy and white heather ensure a happy, lucky marriage.

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Basil, wormwood, whitethorn, and geraniums are lucky in a bridal bouquet.

Not surprisingly, baby's breath guarantees lots of children.

Flowering quince promotes love between partners.

Daffodils and daisies in the bouquet ensure a sunny marriage. But other kinds of yellow flowers are bad luck.

Any kind of evergreen is lucky for both the bridal bouquet and for decorating the church or the reception area. Some people plant a wedding treeusually a pine or other evergreenat the couple's new home and decorate it with flowers and ribbons, rather like a Christmas tree. The evergreen tree symbolizes undying love.

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Hungarian brides carry two bouquets; one is for the ceremony and the other they offer to the Virgin Mary as a gift to represent the end of childhood and the beginning of womanhood. This tradition is archaic. Girls getting married in ancient Greece offered their dolls to the virgin goddess Artemis, while Roman brides offered their dolls to their parents' household gods.

The ribbons that tie the bouquet together should be full of knots, each of which signifies a good wish and joys to come.

The bride can also carry a horseshoe under her bouquet for good luck.

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Warming the Threshold

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Carrying the bride over the threshold is one of the few ancient customs practiced in American weddings. The Roman house was not only a man's home, but his temple. The deities of the householdthe Lares and Penateswere located in or near the hearth in the center of the house. When a Roman woman married, she literally was no longer a member of her own family but became part of her husband's, and she also transferred her allegiance to his Lares and Penates. However, there was a dangerous betwixt-and-between period when she had left her birth home but had not yet been accepted by her new family and their gods. Any inauspicious event at this timelike tripping or stumbling as she entered the new homewas very bad luck indeed. Her husband could eliminate any possibility of accident by carrying her over the threshold himself and presenting her directly to the hearth gods. Once she had been properly introduced, she had to stay upright on her own.

When the groom carries the bride over the threshold, she should enter the door feet first.

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The bride herself should carry a small child over the threshold when she first enters her house for luck and fertility.

It's good luck if the sun shines just as the bride is carried over the threshold.

A practice brought over to North America from northern England and Scotland is to pour a kettle of boiling water on the threshold of the bride's house as she leaves for church, or, alternatively, to pour the hot water on the church threshold as the couple leaves. This is called warming the threshold and is supposed to give the couple good luck and ensure that some member of the wedding party will marry within a year. Some even say they'll marry before the threshold driesbut that's probably just a commentary on British weather.

An Italian version of this practice is for the bride herself to toss the water over the threshold, and the first of her unmarried sisters to mop it up will be the next one married.

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Jumping the Broom

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Before the Civil War, southern slaveholders were reluctant to allow their slaves to marry in any legal or religious ceremony. But sometimes slaves were permitted to acknowledge their relationship publicly by jumping over a broom.

The man laid the broom on the floor with the brush facing north, took his bride by the hand, and the two stepped over the broom and back again. Then the bride placed the broom with the brush toward the south and they repeated the process. This was supposed to keep away bad luck and evil spirits throughout their lives.

Jumping over a broom was a feature of some West African marriage ceremonies, so the idea was probably brought over to the United States by the slaves themselves. However, brooms are also featured in many European wedding customs: they are obvious symbols of housewifely duties. It seems likely that in the antebellum South, blacks and whites accepted jumping the broom as a quasi-marriage ceremony because it was well known in both African and European culture.

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The first thing a bride should bring into her new home is a new broom and a box of salt, a head of garlic, or a Bible.

The bride should jump over a broom before entering her new home so she'll have luck there. It also wards off hoodoo spells.

Pennsylvania German brides are tossed over a broom by the unmarried women in the wedding party.

An English custom is for the groom to hold a broom parallel to the floor on one side of the room where the reception is being held; the unmarried men in the party race across the room, and the first one to grab the broom handle is the next to marry.

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Never throw away the first broom you wear out after your marriage. If you do, you throw away your good luck.

Either at the engagement or after the wedding, the groom's mother should leave a broom lying across the threshold of the house and observe how her daughter-in-law reacts. If she picks up the broom, she'll be a good housekeeper, if she steps over it she'll be a lazy wife.

But a more ominous belief may lie behind this practice. Laying a broom across the threshold is a well-known way to keep witches out of the house. So if the bride steps over the broom she may be a slob, but at least she isn't an evil hag.

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Good Housekeeping

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For a happy marriage, don't sweep the floor for seven days after the wedding.

It's good luck to start off housekeeping with an old coffeepot.

Take a little meat and a little flour into your new house so you'll never know want.

When you enter your new house, bring in a hen and make it cackle for good luck.

It's considered good luck if the best man walks backward into the newly wed couple's house.

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This Serbian custom is performed to ensure love, harmony, and luck. The groom waits for the bride at their new house. He has honey in one hand and water in the other. Three times he sticks the middle finger of his right hand into the honey for her to lick, and then he gives her the water three times to sip.

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On Pins and Needles

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A helpful bridesmaid may ensure the bride's happiness by sticking her in the arm with a pin.

It's lucky to throw each pin away as you undress on your wedding night.

If you get a pin from a bride's gown, you will be married within a year, but if the pin is bent you will be an old maid.

The first person to put a pin in the bride's gown will marry soon.

These beliefs date back to at least Elizabethan times, which gives a clue to their meaning for those of us who live in a zipped-up world. Until the nineteenth century, women's dresses were made in separate sections: skirt, bodice, and sleeves, all held together with pins. (Mix-and-match combinations were endless.)

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Awakened by Birds Singing

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It's lucky to see a dove, a frog, a goat, a lizard, or a lamb on your way to the ceremony, but bad luck to see a dog, a pig, or a snake.

It's lucky for a hen to walk into the reception and cackle.

It's lucky to be awakened by birds singing on your wedding morning.

It's lucky for the bride to see a ghost in the shape of a white horse.

It's especially lucky to find a horseshoe on your wedding day.

The luckiest horseshoe for a bride is the one from the near hind foot of a gray mare.

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It's lucky if a cat attends the wedding ceremony. But it's bad luck to meet a cat on the way to churcha good argument for a home wedding.

If you feed your cat well for thirty days beforehand, especially if you feed it from an old shoe, you are assured of good weather on your wedding day. This is very important, since a rainy wedding day foreshadows a stormy married life. In fact, Eastern Europeans say that if it rains on your wedding day, it shows that you just didn't love cats enough when you were a child.

In contrast to all other circumstances, it is good luck for a black cat to cross a bride's path as she leaves the church. In fact, in Great Britain, where this superstition is especially popular, people often deliberately drive a black cat in front of the bride to ensure her good luck.

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It's good luck for the household cat to sneeze at the bride on the day before or the morning of the wedding; in fact, you are even encouraged to tickle the cat to make it sneeze. It's also good luck for the cat to sneeze at the groom. This odd belief goes all the way back to medieval Europe.

The connection of cats and weddings is probably due to some circuitous logic. Traditionally a successful marriage is marked by lots of children, and the drawings of the uterus found in classical and medieval anatomy books look remarkably like drawings of a cat's head. Cats also are linked to fertility because they are very domestic animals that give birth to many kittens at a time.

Even before you are engaged, if a bunch of girls toss a cat in a newly completed quilt, the girl the cat jumps toward will be the next one to marry.

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Lucky Gifts

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It's lucky to get wedding gifts wrapped in red and white.

Salt and pepper shakers are a lucky gift.

It's lucky to give your spouse a Bible as a wedding gift.

A gift of something old will bring you luck, and so will a gift of a new broom.

It's lucky for the bride's mother to buy the couple's first set of everyday dishes.

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Forks are a lucky wedding gift, but knives are not. If you get a knife, you must give the donor a penny or the knife will cut your friendship.

Wineglasses are also a lucky gift.

The number of towels you get as wedding presents indicates the number of children you'll have.

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Marry under a Full Moon

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For a morning wedding, it's good luck to wait to get married until after everyone has eaten. Marriage should not be undertaken on an empty stomach!

It's good luck to get married before sunset, but it's also lucky to marry after 4 P.M.

Do get married when the moon is full or waxing so your happiness will grow. When you marry under a full moon, you will always have enough of everything.

It's good luck if the wedding rehearsal, the ceremony itself, and the reception all begin exactly on time. It's bad luck to be late for your wedding.

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It's good luck to get married exactly on the hour. But some believe that the ceremony should take place ''when the hands are moving up,'' that is, after the half hour and between 6 and 12 (A.M. or P.M. doesn't seem to matter). This belief obviously depends on a traditional clock with a face and hour and minute hands, because the idea is that as the hands move up, so the couple will rise in the world or otherwise prosper. This doesn't really make sense if you use a digital clock.

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Marry on Monday for Wealth

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The idea that days of the week are innately lucky or unlucky derives from classical and medieval astrology. People would have their horoscopes cast so that they could pick the luckiest days on which to get marrieda practice also followed in China, using a different astrological system. In fact, astrologers could advise courting couples on not only the best time for marriage and the compatibility of the couple based on their birth charts, but also on the most advantageous time to pop the question and get the desired response.

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Marry on

Monday for wealth,
Tuesday for health,
Wednesday the best day of all,
Thursday for crosses,
Friday for losses,
Saturday no luck at all.

This rhyme obviously predates the modern concept of the weekend. Sunday is not mentioned because the rhyme first shows up in the mid-sixteenth century, when Puritans frowned on any activity, especially weddingswhich implied that people were having sex and having funon the Sabbath.

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A different rhyme, reflecting different opinions on the days of the week and a more relaxed view about Sundays, goes

Wed on Monday, always poor;
Wed on Tuesday, wed once more;
Wed on Wednesday, a happy match;
Wed on Thursday, a plenty catch [i.e., a rich spouse];
Wed on Friday, poorly mated;
Wed on Saturday, better waited;
Wed on Sunday, cupid wooing.

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When December's Snows Fall Fast . . .

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Marry when the year is new,
Always loving, kind and true.
When February birds do mate,
You may wed, nor dread your fate.
If you wed when March winds blow,
Joy and sorrow both you know.
Marry in April when you can,
Joy for maiden and for man.
Marry in the month of May,
You will surely rue the day.
Marry when June roses blow,
Over land and sea you'll go.
Those who in July do wed
Must labor always for their bread.
Whoever wed in August be,
Many a change is sure to see.
Marry in September's shine,
Your living will be fair and fine.
If in October you do marry
Love will come but riches tarry.
If you wed in bleak November,
Only joy will come, remember.
When December's snows fall fast,
Marry, and true love will last.

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All months are not created equal when it comes to marital bliss. It's widely thought that June is the best month for weddings and May is the worst. One explanation is that in Roman times June was the month of Juno, the queen of the gods and the goddess of marriage, while May was the month of Maia, a goddess of spring who symbolized fertility but not, alas, fidelity.

Throughout preindustrial Europe, May was the month when everyone threw off their winter clothes and frolicked; if a liaison begun in May lasted into June, then it was perceived as serious enough to formalize as a marriage. June is also propitious for weddings because it contains the longest day of the year, which promises a long and happy life together.

January, the month opposite June in all ways, is not a good month to marry unless you marry on New Year's Day, which is very lucky indeed.

Those married in February will "tread in time together," but a wedding on February 29th is not recommended (you'll only get anniversary presents every four years!).

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A couple married in March will be restless, blown about by March winds; they will live in a foreign country and never settle down.

April is a lucky month; May an unlucky one. If you marry in May, you will be surrounded by strangers, and the marriage will decay. Some people say that you shouldn't even cut out the wedding dress in May.

June is lucky, promising a life of sunshine, romance, and prosperity; your life will be one long honeymoon.

July weddings promise a life of sweet memories to look back upon. On the other hand, some say that July-wed couples will meet with bitterness, disappointment, and trouble.

Those who marry in August will be good friends; those who marry in September will have a rocky life.

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October couples will have a lot of money or a lot of love, but not both.

November is a month of great fortune, and December marriages promise increasing love.

June is the luckiest month for weddings, followed by October, then December. Oddly enough, these are statistically the most popular months in which to get married.

Christmas and New Year's Eve are lucky times to get married, but Lent is unlucky; postpone the marriage until after Easter.

The Irish warn that if you marry during harvest time you'll never have rest from worry and work, but other people say that if you're married then you'll have lots of children.

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It's good to marry when either the sun or the moon is in the sign of Scorpio, which rules the reproductive organs. Though some people warn that if you marry under Scorpio, known colloquially as the Crayfish, your life will go backward or sideways just like the crustacean.

It's lucky to marry on the groom's birthday, but not on the bride's.

Don't get married on the birthdays or anniversaries of other people in your family (it's bad luck, as well as impolite, to steal their day).

In general, it's bad luck to get married on an odd-numbered day of the month, especially the 13th. People who marry on Friday the 13th are just asking for trouble.

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Happy is the Bride the Sun Shines On

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The weather on the wedding day determines the course of the marriage. In simple terms, sunshine equals a sunny life, long and happy; rain equals unhappiness, bad luck, and tears to be shed. But life is rarely simple. In desert climates, sun means unhappiness, while rain promises prosperity and everlasting love.

Standing in sunshine makes the bride pure.

If you look at the sun when you leave for your wedding, your children will be beautiful.

It's good luck if a single ray of sunlight falls on the bride as she leaves the church on an otherwise cloudy day.

To ensure a sunny day for the wedding, place a rosary in a bush for the week before the wedding. Or if it seems that a storm is going to blow up at the last minute, place the rosary in a tree on the day before the wedding.

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Rain falling on the bride rains down good wishes and washes away all the couple's troubles.

If it rains on her wedding day, the bride will not have to shed tears herself.

The bride will one day have $1,000 for every drop of rain that falls on her dress.

Rain falling on the bridal veil foretells a happy marriage.

A rainbow turns the bad luck of rain to good luck.

If it rains on your wedding it will rain on all your anniversaries, too.

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If it rains after the wedding ceremony is over, you'll have lots of children.

If the wedding party gets caught in the rain, one of them will marry within a year.

Snow or hail on your wedding day is good luck, and you'll have lots of money.

The day after the ceremony is the bride's day, the next is the groom's day. The weather on these days foretells how each one will experience the married state, and the weather on the third day tells how they will live together. So, for instance, if it's sunny on the bride's day and stormy on the groom's day, but clears up on the third day, the bride will like being married better than the groom does, but the marriage itself will be a good one.

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Always a Bridesmaid

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The wedding attendantsbest man and maid of honor, bridesmaids and ushersserve several functions. Given that most people lose their minds to a certain extent as their wedding day approaches, the bridesmaids and groomsmen make sure that everything runs smoothly. They are witnesses to the fact that the wedding actually happened, in case there's any question later on.

The flock of nearly identically clad men and women is supposed to confuse evil spirits so that they can't pick out the bride and groom for special mischief. That's why it's lucky for the bridesmaids to be dressed identically.

It's also considered lucky if all the bridesmaids are shorter than the bride.

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In some cultures, the wedding is orchestrated like a mock kidnapping, where the groom's friends pretend to carry off the bride, and the bridesmaids try to prevent them. It used to be thought that this was an actual survival from prehistoric marriagethe notorious Neanderthal dragging his chosen mate off to his cave by her hair. In truth, these customs offer the bride a chance to express her ambivalence about leaving her family, and her family a chance to show her that they regret losing her.

A Welsh groom and his friends had to win the bride by answering a series of riddles set by the bride's father when they came to take the bride to the church.

While it is an honor to be a bridesmaid, you can do it too oftenas they say, ''always a bridesmaid, never a bride.'' Three and seven times are said to be the fatal numbers. Still, some say that if you go to three weddings in one month, the next wedding you go to will be your own.

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It's also said that none of the members of a wedding party will ever marry each other.

The maid of honor and best man should be the godparents of the newlyweds' firstborn child.

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Ruling the Roost

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In ceremonies where the couple kneels at the altar, if the bride steps on the groom's coat as they rise, she will dominate in the marriage, while if he steps on her gown or train, he will rule the roost.

If the bride is wearing a long veil, the maid of honor or the bride's mother may surreptitiously drape it over the groom's feet so that the bride will predominate; the best man in turn will try to throw it off in defense of his friend; and spectators report that sometimes the tossing of the veil goes on through the whole ceremony.

The first to rise from the altar will be the one who has to get up first every morning.

If the couple stand while taking their vows, the one who manages to step on the other's foot will be top dog.

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If the bride crooks her finger when it comes time to put on the ring so that the groom has difficulty slipping it on, she will rule the family. But if the groom slips the ring on easily, he'll head the household.

Whichever one makes the first purchase after the ceremony will be in charge of the household money. Sometimes the bride makes the symbolic purchase of a pin from her maid of honor as soon as they're out the door just to be sure.

The first one to wake the morning after the wedding will be masteror mistressof the house.

An Indian custom from the Punjab takes place on the first day after the wedding. The bride and groom sit down in front of a bowl full of flour in which is hidden a small stone. The first one to find it will rule the household.

The one whose wedding clothes last longert will be the boss in the family.

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When the couple gets undressed on their wedding night, the one who manages to put his or her clothes on top of the other's will dominate the marriage.

Whoever speaks first after the couple has gotten in bed will have the say throughout the marriage.

The first one to kiss the other in bed on the wedding night will command the union.

Whichever one first sees the other, takes the other's hand, leaves the church, drinks a toast or even drinks at all, or falls asleep first on the wedding night, will wear the trousers.

In fact, it's suggested that just before going to bed on their wedding night the bride and groom should try on each other's pants; whichever pair fits better shows who will wear the pants in the family.

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Putting the Right Foot Forward

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Jump out of bed on your wedding morning and land on both feet to be sure you don't start your married life on the wrong foot.

It's good luck to walk to the altar without any hesitation, but bad luck to stumble while walking up the aisle. This bad luck is overcome if the groomand no one elsecatches you.

Start the wedding march with your right foot forward for good luck, and leave the church on your right foot as well.

The bride and groom should stand with their feet parallel to the direction of the floorboards when they take their vows; standing crosswise to the grain will produce a cross marriage.

It's lucky to marry standing on a white fur rug.

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Smear soot on your feet the night before the wedding so that you'll always be rich.

Keep your feet dry on your wedding day to ensure good luck.

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Kiss the Bride

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The bride must be kissed in order to have a lucky marriage, and the groom must be the first to kiss her.

It's good luck to be the first to kiss the bride.

Everyone must kiss the bride for her to be lucky.

The first man to kiss the bride will be the next one to marry.

Make a wish while kissing the bride and it will come true.

It's good luck for guests to kiss the bride before they kiss the groomso be careful how you set up the receiving line.

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It's good luck to be kissed by a chimney sweep on your wedding day.

When you kiss a bride, you will reconcile with someone you've quarreled with.

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A Weeping Bride Makes a Laughing Wife

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Folk etiquette requires the bride to show at least a little regret for the loss of her single life. As they say, ''A weeping bride makes a laughing wife.''

It's good luck for a bride to cry on her wedding daysome say she must cry bitterly, others that she must shed exactly three tearsand it's bad luck if she laughs.

If you cry on your wedding day, you'll cry away all the tears you would have shed during marriage.

If you cry on your wedding day, you'll have a long marriage.

It's good luck to cry at a wedding, unless you are the bride's father. If he cries, it's bad luck.

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A Dutch tradition carried over to New York is for a friend to give the bride a special handkerchief to carry on the wedding day for catching the tears she sheds. The handkerchief is kept and given to the bride's eldest daughter for good luck.

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Something Old, Something New . . .

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Wear something old, something new,
Something borrowed, and something blue.
And a shiny penny in your shoe.

Wearing something old transfers the good luck the bride amassed in her single life to her new life; something new symbolizes her new life as a married woman. Something borrowed connects her to her community, family, and friends. Finally, the color blue symbolizes fidelity and purity.

The person who lends the borrowed item will receive a proposal within six months.

The more borrowed items you wear at your wedding, the more luck you'll have.

It's also lucky if the bride takes something borrowed along on the honeymoon.

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Some people say the bride should wear a silver dollar in her shoe, or a nickel or dime, a silver sixpence (even in America!), or a four-leaf clover.

Putting a silver or gold coin in the bride's shoe ensures that the bride and groom will have plenty of money.

Often it's said that the bride's father should give her the coin "to pass on the love." Otherwise, the groom should give it.

It's twice as much luck if you can find a penny with your birth year on it.

If you wear a penny in your shoe at your wedding, you will control the money in the marriage.

If the bride gives the groom a penny before the wedding ceremony, they will always have money.

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The bride should wear a penny in her shoe during the ceremony, then give it to the groom to wear in his shoe for the remainder of the festivities.

While the bride has the penny, it's also suggested that the groom wear a borrowed nickel in his shoe.

More often, though, the groom will carry a charm shaped like a horseshoe, or for even more luck, a horseshoe charm wrapped around a lucky penny.

All of these practices are to ensure that the couple will have plenty of money all their married lives. Some people say that the discomfort of walking on a coin alleviates the pain of walking the rocky road of marriage. Others say that carrying the coinwhich is silver and shiny, two characteristics that ward off the Evil Eyewill counteract evil spells.

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White Satin Slippers

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Supposedly, an Anglo-Saxon father would whack his daughter over the head with a shoe to indicate that he had transferred ownership of her to her new husband. Although this was a ritual that took place when transferring property, hitting a horse or cow, a wheelbarrow, a piece of jewelry, or even a person with a shoe was supposed to prove that they had no malicious demons in them, or to knock the demons out if there were any. It had nothing to do with ownership rights.

It's good luck to marry wearing old shoes.

Don't get married in black shoes.

It's good luck to marry with your shoes untiedit ensures that you will give birth as easily as you slip off your shoes.

Put honey in the sole of your shoe for a sweet life.

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Write the names of your unmarried girlfriends on your sole before you walk down the aisle. The first name to rub off will be the next to marry.

It's good luck if your wedding shoes last through the whole first year of marriage.

For a lucky marriage, Russian and German brides wear pieces of palm in their shoes the night before the wedding.

Placing salt and dill in the bride's and groom's shoes protects against witchcraft.

Wedding guests should wear flax seed and feathers in their own shoes so that the couple will always have feather beds and good linens.

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During the wedding reception, mischievous guests sometimes steal the bride's shoes, which the groom must buy back from them.

So that the couple will always be healthy and wealthy, the groom should drink a champagne toast from the bride's shoe at the reception.

After Russian weddings, the bride used to take off her husband's boots, and he would hit her gently with the bootleg to indicate that from then on he was her master. But the bride in Slovenia would take her husband's boot off and hit him with it to indicate that she was taking his boots off as a favor and he shouldn't think she was going to do it all the time.

For farming couples, the bride should carry a piece of hair from every animal in the farmyard in her shoes, and the groom should have seeds from every kind of grain in the fields in his shoes. This will help make their farm prosperous.

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Tie white satin slippers to the newlyweds' luggage for luck.

Throw shoes after the couple so they'll always have clothes. This also helps drive off evil spirits.

Throw a shoe at the gueststhe one you hit will be the next to marry.

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Rice Toss

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Tossing rice as the newly wed couple leaves the ceremony is a time-honored tradition that symbolizes fertility and the growth of a new life. The custom of showering the couple with grain or other small, confetti-like bits is found throughout the world, from Asia to America.

Wheat, bread crumbs, mustard seed, cotton seed, hemp seed, hops, peas, barley, dates, candy, and sugared almonds are all traditionally tossable.

It's even more potent to mix the rice with raisins and coins.

In a reversal of the usual practice, the best man may throw wheat and small coins over the guests waiting outside the church so that the bride will have many children.

Sicilians toss both barleyfor male childrenand wheatfor female children.

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Gypsies toss almond blossoms over the couple for luck.

All kinds of nuts are lucky to toss or to have around a wedding. Acorns, hazelnuts, almonds, walnuts, and chestnuts are all symbolic of fertility but also of concentrated sweetness and goodness.

To ensure lots of children, give the bride a plate full of hazelnuts as she leaves the ceremony. Or put a basket of hazelnuts in the bridal chamber for fertility.

If the rice tossed at the bride sticks in her hair she'll be a mother within a year.

Throw salt at the couple for long life and luck. The couple themselves should throw salt over their left shoulders for luck.

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Onions have also been thrown after brides for luck and fertility.

In parts of England, it was traditional to strew the pathway from the church with something that symbolized the groom's occupation, such as sawdust and wood shavings for a carpenter, leather scraps for a shoemaker, and scraps of iron for a blacksmith.

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Perchance to Dream . . .

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Sleeping on a piece of wedding cake to dream of your future spouse was first recorded in seventeenth-century England. Medieval bride cakes were little spicy buns studded with raisins and nuts. Then bakers began to cement the buns together with icing to form a single cake. Around the same time, it became fashionable to have two cakes, a bride cake and a groom cake. These confections have evolved so that in America the bride cake is the traditional white tiered cake with fluffy frosting, while the groom cake is a fruit cake with a hard icing. It is the groom cake that you sleep onmuch more pleasant to place under a pillow than the soft, slippery bride cake.

The core of the belief is that if you sleep with a piece of wedding cake under your pillow, your future spouse will come to you in your dreams that night. But here are a few variations.

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The piece of cake must be drawn through the bride's wedding ring three (or nine) times to produce a truly prophetic dream. (In this case, the cake is always the groom cake, cut up into chunks beforehand and drawn through the ring, then wrapped in paper and ribbon and distributed to the guests as favors.)

You must sleep on the cake three nights in a row and dream of the same person each time to know that this is your future spouse.

Rather than dreaming, sleep on the cake and the first person of the appropriate sex you see the next morning will be your future spouse.

Write the names of six people and the word stranger on pieces of paper and put them in a stocking along with the piece of wedding cake. Sleep on the cake for six nights, drawing one piece of paper out each morning without looking at it and throwing it away. The name remaining is your future spouse.

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You can also dream on the cake to ensure good luck, to have happiness, or to have a wish come true.

Some people say that if you sleep on a piece of wedding cake three nights in a row, the dream you have on the fourth nightwhatever it iswill come true.

Sleeping on wedding cake is also supposed to guarantee long life and good luck, whether or not you dream at all.

A Mediterranean variant is to sleep on a Jordan almond given to you by the bride or stolen from the bride's plate.

And the bride herself is not left outshe should put a piece of cake under her pillow on the wedding night to ensure a successful marriage, happiness, and prosperity.

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Cutting the Cake

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Since wedding cakes were originally more like breads, their symbolism draws on the ancient idea of breaking bread as a ritual of union. Sometimes a bread-like cake was literally broken over the bride's head to symbolize her break with the past. In Scotland, they break good Scottish shortbread over the bride's head. A modern American version is to cut the cake into little squares and throw them over the couple's head for luck.

In Eastern Europe, especially Poland, the bride's mother gives her bread, salt, and wine when she returns home so that she will never want for the necessities of life.

It's also lucky for a friend to give the bride a little bag containing a piece of bread, a penny, and salt on her wedding day so that she will never know want.

In Russia, two blessed loaves, called dora, are given to the bride and groom. One is eaten immediately, and the other is kept to ensure a happy and prosperous marriage.

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In the Middle East, the bride slaps a piece of yeast dough on the door as she enters her new homethe rising dough mimics her hoped-for pregnancy.

If you bake your own wedding cake you'll work hard all your married life. And if a pregnant woman makes your wedding cake, you'll have lots of children.

Carry a piece of stale bread in your pocket and throw it away as you go out the door of your home on your wedding day to throw away your troubles and start your married life with a clean slate.

Take three bites of a piece of bread on your wedding day and keep the rest of the sliceyou'll never go hungry.

On the eve of the wedding, the couple should share a piece of bread with honey so that the marriage will be sweet and smooth.

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For good luck and lots of male children, stick three coins in a round piece of bread and give it to the first young boy you see on your way to the wedding.

Bake a ring in the wedding cake; the guest who finds it in his or her piece will be the next to marry.

Save the top layer of the wedding cake for either the christening of the first baby or the first anniversary.

Some people say that if the bride keeps a piece of her wedding cake, her husband will always be faithful.

After the first wedding in a family, keep a piece of the wedding cake in the house until all the unmarried daughters of the house are wed.

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Cutting the cake is the first task the married couple undertake togetherand one that is inevitably caught on camera. In fact, in Japan brides and grooms married in traditional kimonos change into Western clothes and pose for pictures while cutting a big Western wedding cakeoften a prop cake made of cardboard.

It's bad luck if anything goes wrong in cutting the cake, so most caterers mark off a slice, or even preslice it if the cake is of a difficult consistency, so that all goes smoothly.

The bride will be childless unless she cuts the cake herself.

If you make a wish while the couple cuts the cake the wish will come true.

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Eating a piece of your wedding cake ensures a happy marriage, and it's even better luck for the couple to eat the first piece of cake together. In fact, the oldest wedding ceremonies known to man were nothing more than a couple sharing some kind of ritual food to signify that they vowed to share everything else for the rest of their lives.

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The Food of Love

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Eat something small while you dress for the wedding to ensure that you'll always have plenty of food.

A head of cabbage should be served at the wedding supper so that the couple will always have money. Another version is that it's good luck if the mother of the bride cooks silver dollars in sauerkraut on the day of the wedding.

The couple should share a drink out of a cup with both their initials on it to symbolize their union.

On their wedding day, the bride and groom should eat rice together for fertility, drink wine for the pleasures of life, and sip vinegar so as to share all bitterness and trouble together.

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It's good luck for the bride to cook the first meal the couple eats together, especially if she bakes bread for them. But it's bad luck to eat bacon on the first morning as a married couple.

In Russia, brides and grooms used to be given boiled bear testicles to eat, a delicacy believed to promote fertility.

Here's a truly American belief: It's lucky for the couple to spend their first Thanksgiving alone, and for the new wife to cook them a dinner of roast duck and wine.

Share a quince with your new spouse to promote love.

If a man eats sweet potatoes every day for the week before his wedding, he won't be ''embarrassed'' on his honeymoon.

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First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage . . .

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A little boy should sit on the bride's lap at the reception so that her first child will be a boy.

The groom's mother should sew the cork from a wine bottle into his belt so the first-born will be a boy.

Put an axe under the wedding bed so that your firstborn child will be male.

If you leave your veil lying on the wedding bed, your first child will be a girl. If you leave your slip lying on the bed, you will have more girls than boys.

The sex of the first child you see as you leave the ceremony will be the sex of your firstborn.

If you marry someone with the same last name as your own, all your children will be of the same sex.

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If a flock of birds flies over the bride's car as she's on her way to be married, she'll have many children. If she can count the birds, she'll know just how many.

If you eat eggs on your wedding day, you'll be very fertile.

The groom should eat fruitcake on his wedding day so he'll have many children.

The mothers of the bride and groom should make the bridal bed together so that they'll have plenty of grandchildren.

Fertility is also assured by letting a lactating mother make up the wedding bed.

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The number of people sitting at the bride and groom's table at their first meal as a married couple is the number of children they'll have. Likewise, the number of children a couple will have is predicted by

the number of seeds in an orange eaten by the bride on her wedding day

the number of dresses the bride wears on her wedding day

the number of stairs the bride can manage to climb backward the day before the wedding

the number of stars the bride counts on her wedding night

the number of birds that feed in the morning on a piece of wedding cake the bride threw outside on her wedding night

the number of clocks the couple receives as wedding gifts

the number of ribbons broken while the couple unwraps the wedding gifts

If you go to the movies or the theater or go swimming on your honeymoon, you'll have twins.

If you want curly-haired children, sit on a piece of lambswool while wearing your wedding gown.

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If you sing on the way to the wedding, your children will have beautiful voices.

If you want children with small mouths, eat tiny pieces of bread and butter at the reception.

Put three pieces of bread under the bridal bed so that your children will have good teeth.

If the bride is brought into her new house in silence, she will have quiet children.

For quick conception, sleep with heather or pictures of babies under your pillow, or put a tree branch in the bridal bed.

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Delaying Tactics

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In the days before modern contraception, there were a number of practices a woman might carry out that were supposed to prevent an early pregnancy. For instance, on the way to the wedding, she could count chimneys to represent each year before she wanted to become a mother.

During the wedding ceremony she might stick a finger of her left hand under her belt for each year she wished to put off pregnancy. She also could count the number of pages read by the priest in the wedding service to discover how many years it would be before she gave birth.

At the wedding dinner she could sit on her spread fingers to count the years she would be childless.

To delay pregnancy, she also could clip a buckle off of her husband's pants and sew it onto her nightgown. Or she could wear the groom's shirt tied around her abdomen on the wedding night.

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Placing under the wedding bed a needle used to sew a shroud is also supposed to delay conception.

To limit the number of children, a bride can have an old woman tie a knot in a string for each child desired, then wrap the string around three pins that are placed in the wedding gown for that purpose.

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Avoiding Hard Labor

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The Bible says that labor pains are woman's punishment for succumbing to the serpent's wiles in the Garden of Eden. But that hasn't stopped women ever since from looking for ways to ease those pains, and it's never too early to start taking preventive actionseven at your wedding.

All over the world people loosen their clothes and untie all available knots to ease labor, but some people even advise loosening all ribbons, belts, and strings on the wedding clothes so that whenever the bride does get pregnant, the birth will be easy.

When crossing over a bridge on the way to the wedding, say ''I have crossed over the water, I didn't step in; give birth to a child, don't feel pain.''

After the wedding, the bride should put on the groom's shoes, and he should adjust her garter; this will ensure an easy labor.

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If the bride and groom are both wearing untied shoes when they marry, childbirth will be facilitated.

Giving birth is said to be easier if the mother-to-be wears the gloves she wore at her wedding.

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Breaking Glass

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In addition to flinging things at people, one of the most popular wedding activities is breaking things. In Germanic tradition, the night before the wedding is the Polterabend, or "Noisy Evening," when friends and neighbors show up at the bride's house and break dishes on her doorstep. (Polterabend comes from the same root that gives us the word poltergeist, a noisy spirit that tosses things around.) In another version, all cracked dishes and glasses in the house are tossed out and broken on the doorstep the night before the wedding.

The ceremony of stomping on a wineglass reminds Jews of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, but there are many other explanations as well. It means that the marriage will last until the glass is put back together, that is, forever. The number of pieces the glass breaks into indicates how many years the couple will live together, or how many children they'll have.

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For good luck and to seal the bond of marriage, Greeks break champagne glasses at wedding receptions. Generally, people break glasses after making a toast to indicate that their good wishes are so heartfelt that they would never desecrate the glass by drinking another toast from it.

If you accidentally break a glass on your wedding day you'll always be lucky.

The couple should drink wine from a glass together and smash the glass on the floor. The number of pieces it breaks into shows how many children they'll have.

Plates also get smashed on the wedding day for good luck. The couple may break a plate or a vase to symbolize their break with the past, or to find out how many children they'll have or how many years they'll live together.

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In a Gypsy wedding ceremony, the fathers of both bride and groom smash a pot together to predict how many grandchildren they will have.

The more dishes that get broken at the wedding banquet, the happier the marriage will be.

In England a bride sometimes throws a plate full of cake crumbs from an upper story of the house; the more pieces the plate breaks into, the better her luck.

When a girl gets married, her mother should break a plate filled with candy, rice, and money at her feet as she leaves the church.

In a Midwestern tradition, a plate full of bones covered with another plate is placed before the groom. He must break the top plate with his fist; this is said to symbolize the breaking of the bride's hymen on the wedding night.

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Dance Every Dance

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A very common Eastern European custom is for wedding guests to pay to dance with the bride. Sometimes the money is put in a plate on the dinner table; it's considered very dashing to toss silver dollars into the plate with such vehemence that the plate breaks. Sometimes bills are pinned onto the bride's gown until she's covered with them. This custom is meant to help the young couple get started in life. Especially when the family is already well-off, generosity is a way for the guests to show off their own wealth and to show their respect for the bride's father. Conspicuous consumption is the hallmark of weddings the world over.

The bride should dance every dance at her wedding, the first and last with her husband and all the others with guests. In this way, people will only come between them before the marriage has really started.

If a younger sister gets married first, her older sisters must dance barefoot at the wedding or they'll never get married.

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Just for the Groom

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The groom should carry a lock of the bride's hair in his pocket to keep away evil spirits, or a piece of iron or bone to ward off the Evil Eye.

The groom should wear odd socks to his wedding for luck. They should be new socks, never worn but washed or rinsed out once.

The groom should keep his wedding pants, because it's bad luck to throw them out or cut them up.

Some say that if the groom makes a wish as he puts the ring on his wife's finger, his wish will come true.

The last bachelor to touch the groom on the night before the wedding will be the next to marry.

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Before the wedding, the groom should walk seven times around the bride for luck.

The groom should not carry his wallet to the wedding or he'll never have money.

It's lucky to pay the person who performs the wedding ceremony an odd sum of money.

If the groom serves the bride at the wedding dinner he'll serve her all his life.

It's good luck for the best man to share his bed with the groom the night before the weddingpossibly to make sure he doesn't get cold feet.

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Good-Luck Pieces

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If you dream of a death or a funeral, there will be a wedding soon. (Dreams traditionally work by opposites.)

The bride and groom should break a gold coin in two and each keep half as a good-luck piece.

It's good luck for a couple to quarrel at the wedding rehearsal. This is analogous to the theater superstition that a bad dress rehearsal means a smooth opening nightget all the bad luck over with while it's just a rehearsal, not the real thing.

It's lucky for the marriage if the bride is home before midnight the night before the wedding.

It's lucky to find a horseshoe on your wedding day.

It's good luck if a child lies down behind the altar during the wedding service.

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If you get married at home, make sure to leave the house by the front door for good luck.

Friends should give the bride a large white candle to burn during the wedding ceremony. Then the candle should be relit every year on the anniversary for good luck and happiness.

To ensure a long and binding marriage, the couple should carry a knotted ribbon between them at the ceremony.

It's a good omen if a bell cracks while ringing a peal for a wedding.

It's lucky to have an even number of wedding guests.

Carry a small pair of scissors with you at the ceremony to cut any curses or bad wishes from jealous guests.

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A pound of Limburger cheese spread between two towels and laid under the new couple's pillows on the wedding night gives good luck and many children.

If the bride walks over hot ashesa traditional rite of purification around the worldon her way to the wedding ceremony, it will drive evil away from the marriage.

Drive home from the wedding by the most direct route and on main roads so that your marriage will be smooth and straight. Drive home first so that you don't take your luck and happiness somewhere else. And don't put the car in reverse as you pull away from the wedding!

It's good luck if the bride doesn't drive on her wedding day.

Wear an old nightgown on your wedding night so that you will be as happy and carefree as you were when you were a child.

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Sleep with your heads to the north on your wedding night and you'll always be happy; sleep so you'll wake facing the rising sun and you'll always be healthy; sleep with your heads facing each other and the marriage will be peaceful.

For a long and happy life, during the first seven nights of the marriage the bride should get into bed after her husband and sleep with her back to him.

Some people say it's lucky to sleep somewhere other than your permanent home on your wedding night, but others say that the bed you sleep in on your wedding night will be your bed for the next ten years.

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Further Reading

Baker, Margaret. Wedding Customs and Folklore. Totowa, N.J.: Rowman and Littlefield, 1977.

Cannon, Anthon S. Popular Beliefs and Superstitions from Utah. Wayland D. Hand and Jeannine E. Talley, eds. Salt Lake City: University of Utah Press, 1984.

Cattermole-Tally, Frances. ''The Dangerous Bride.'' International Folklore Review 5 (1987): 4851.

Charlsey, Simon R. Wedding Cakes and Cultural History. London: Routledge, 1992.

Hand, Wayland D. Popular Beliefs and Superstitions from North Carolina. The Frank C. Brown Collection of North Carolina Folklore, vol. 6. Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press, 1961.

Hand, Wayland D., Anna Casetta, and Sondra B. Thiederman, eds. Popular Beliefs and Superstitions: A Compendium of American Folklore from the Ohio Collection of Newbell Niles Puckett. Boston: G. K. Hall, 1981.

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Hyatt, Harry Middleton. Folk-lore from Adams County Illinois. New York: Alma Egan Hyatt Foundation, 1965.

Laverack, Elizabeth. With This Ring . . . 100 Years of Marriage. London: Elm Tree Books, 1979.

Monsarrat, Ann. And the Bride Wore . . . The Story of the White Wedding. London: Gentry Books, 1973.