Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku o!

vol.11

by Akatsuki Natsume

Novel Updates

Translation group: yuNS

Epub: Trollo WN/LN EPUB

Illustrations

Prologue

That day–

At the Japanese-styled room in Belzerg’s royal castle.

“Ahahahaha! Ahahahahaha! Hey Kazuma, look at this! I used the flyers from the shopping street to make that weirdo devil’s mask!”

“Buahahaha! What the heck is this? If you didn’t tell, I would’ve never thought that this was made of flyers! You really are good at this kind of thing!”

After safely escorting Iris back, we were invited to Claire’s reception, where we let loose with drunken fervor.

“Fuahahahah! The devil that sees through all shall hence announce: Thou, who looks soberly looks upon us beholding an amused expression, who is a lady who possesses large biceps; the digestion of alcohol requires protein. If thou shouldst drink more, then the hard muscles that troubled thee may soften somewhat.”

“Buhahahahaha! That’s just like him!”

“S-, Shut up you drunkards! And Aqua, don’t say that I have hard muscles!”

Aqua, who wore the flyer-made Vanir mask, gave a lifelike impression of Vanir. In response, Darkness’ face turned beet red.

“Just let me drink already! I’m already of marriageable age, so why am I still being treated like a child!!?”

Megumin, who wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol, questioned Darkness.

“W-, Well even if you ask me that, Megumin, it’s not a difference of age, but more like, well, a difference of physical maturity or something like that, I guess? Megumin, uhm, compared to other people, your development is a bit… “

I followed after Darkness, who began to trail off.

“Ahyahyahyahyahyahyhya! Good one-!”

“That’s not a ‘good one’! Hey, what’s so funny, you drunkard! Hand over the bottle you’re holding please! …Ah, what are you doing with your hand, give it! Hng, agh, hiyahhhhhhhhhh!?”

I mercilessly used ‘Drain Touch’ against Megumin, who tried to pry the bottle from my hands. Seeing the situation unfold, Aqua began to cackle loudly.

“Ahahahahah, Ahahahahaha! Good one-!”

“There’s nothing good about that! Hey, I said that there’s nothing good about that, you hear me!? And what the heck are you doing Kazuma!? If you take away my magic power then I won’t be able to use explosion magic today, won’t I!? You’ll return it later right!?”

I merely showed a funny smile in response to Megumin’s angry outburst.

“Good one-!”

“This guy!”

Ignoring Megumin who grappled me, I gleefully glanced over the mess of people in the Japanese-styled room.

“Kazuma-san Kazuma-san, let’s drink all the wine they have in this castle!”

“Alrighty then, let’s fill me upper’ then I’ll show you all a ‘Create Water’ where you don’t need to use magic power at all!”

“You friggin scumbag! How dare you say such a dirty joke!”

“Oi someone come here! If you aren’t busy can you please bring these two peeps back to their rooms!?

As Aqua and I listened to Megumin and Darkness’ cries–

“Hey Kazuma, I had a lot of fun today! I mean, this is the first time that our hard work and accomplishments have actually been recognized this well!”

“You got that right! For whatever reason, when we actually got down and did stuff in the past, we would end up with even more debt or in some kind of crazy situation. Even in the best case all we got were some money or awards or whatever!”

Today, I enjoyed myself to the fullest.

Chapter 1: Awakening of this Lolicon NEET

Part 1

It was as though a quake had struck the militant nation Belzerg that day.

The princess of this nation which bordered the demon king’s territory returned home with the title of ‘Dragon Slayer’.

–Having been Iris’ bodyguards during the excursion to the neighboring nation Elroad, we were involved in a variety of events.

It all began with our request for funds to resist the demon king army, which developed into the series of gambles with the prince, and ended with the dragon subjugation.

In the very end, we discovered that the prime minister of Elroad was actually a doppelganger that had infiltrated their ranks, and saved the nation from an imminent crisis.

Although all I did was play with the prince using fraudulent gambles… Well, strictly by results, one could say I have done a great deal.

The greatest problem, Iris’ engagement, was also resolved.

I suppose this would be the time to say ‘and they all lived happily ever after’, but…

“Well done Kazuma‑dono, I have truly misunderstood you! What you’ve achieved this time was far beyond my expectations!”

After returning to the castle with Iris, we were sent to the audience room where we reported the results of this journey. After that, I was greeted by the white-suited lady, Claire, whose eyes glimmered in excitement.

In a rare moment of understanding, everyone else waited patiently behind me.

“No, this was all due to Iris’ hard work. I only did a few things to assist her.”

“Such humility… To be honest, I wouldn’t have cared if the funds were completely cut as long as Iris‑sama’s engagement was called off. With that in mind, for you to manage to get the funding whilst also voiding the engagement, as well as saving Elroad from a desperate situation to get them to owe us a favor is…!”

Moved so much that her voice became shrill , she continued to speak her heart out.

“Claire! Which is more important, my engagement or the nation’s funding!? If we weren’t able to get these funds, then we wouldn’t be able to fight against the demon king army, you know!?”

“Of course the matter of your engagement is more important, Iris‑sama. As long as you are safe, the demon king army can do whatever they—OWOWOW! Iris‑sama, have you become more violent since returning!?”

Iris had pounced her, holding Claire, who writhed in pain, in an iron grip.  As Claire continued to struggle, she said to the four of us.

“Either way, it’s a job well done. You can have whatever you like for your rewards, just name it.”

Claire, who spoke to us in all seriousness, continued to be  constricted by the hold. Her face seemed to redden by the second, but I could feel a little bit of happiness in her expression.

Well then, what about the reward?

Now that I think about it, she’s completely infatuated by Iris, so she could be called a like-minded comrade of sorts.

“Didn’t we already decide on the reward?”

Claire seemed to have a moment of realization as I said that. It seems like she remembered about our agreement before I left previously.

As a reward for voiding the engagement between Iris and the prince, Claire would tell me all about Iris’ childhood.

It was just a little agreement, but…

“Now that I think about it, that is the case Kazuma‑dono… Let me treat you all to a banquet to commend your efforts then . I shall give you your reward then, Kazuma‑dono.”

Claire seems to have understood my intent.

“I won’t let you sleep tonight, alright?”

“Eh-!?” x3

As everyone other than Aqua and I reacted with a surprised shout, I smiled to myself.

“—What’s up with this chick, she can’t drink at all!”

The banquet had only begun for about ten or so minutes.

Despite that, Claire was already teeter-tottering after drinking about half a cup of alcohol.

The venue of the banquet seemed like it would be quite to the liking of Japanese people who had come from another world. Although it was still a bit off, the floor was made of tatami-like mats, and it was decorated in a way that would give the impression of a Japanese room.

“Uuuh, Kazuma-dono, m-, my apologies…”

Claire, who had quickly been brought down by the alcohol, pressed towards me and muttered her apologizes with a flushed face.

Although she may be a pervert that loved little girls, she definitely looked the part of a noble lady.

To be honest, having a girl pressing their  upper body  against you whilst sitting cross-legged was not a bad feeling at all.

If I had to describe it, it would be like having a pretty onee-san fall asleep on your shoulder on the train.

“Since when did Onii-sama and Claire get along so well?”

With a cup of juice in hand, Iris approached the two of us with a hint of irritation in her  .

“Oh, what is it Iris? Are you jealous? It’s alright, onii-chan’s type is beautiful and busty onee-sans. So…”

“………”

Huh, I suppose that Claire’s appearance would more or less be my type then…

Under Iris’ speechless stare, I fell silent.

Before long, Iris pushed to take a seat in between Claire and I, and let Claire doze off on her lap.

Claire will probably regret getting drunk now.

Iris stroked Claire’s hair, and without raising her head, she said–

“Onii-sama, what do you plan on doing after this banquet? Are you going back to Axel so soon?”

Although it appeared that she was muttering to herself, it seemed like she wanted to confirm my future plans.

“Hmm, now that you ask… Recently, I’ve been doing nothing but subjugating evil gods and being your bodyguard. So I think it’s about time to take a good long break.”

It’s about time? Usually, it’d be more correct to say that ‘it’s about time to go on adventure’…

“If you’d like to take a rest, couldn’t you do it here? There are a lot of empty rooms, and you’re also in no rush to head home, right?”

Iris continued to face away from me and look towards Claire, who rested soundly on her lap. Unlike her usual self, Iris was straightforward with what she wanted this time.

In the past she would hide behind Claire and would always speak through her attendant, giving a very mature impression despite being a child.

I’m not sure if it’s due to someone’s influence, but now, she would occasionally act her own age.

That’s not to say that I don’t like the Iris who acted withdrawn and was aware of her surroundings, but personally, I like her natural self much more.

“Well, if you say that, I guess it won’t hurt to stay here a little longer.”

Back when I infiltrated the castle as a thief, I had fought against many of the soldiers stationed here.

Although my face was hidden and my voice was changed, there was a risk that my physique and habits will reveal my identity.

“I’m glad that Iris yearns for me this much, but this is a dangerous decision to make…”

“If it’s possible…”

As I was lost in my thoughts…

Iris, with her head still lowered, spoke with a lonely soft voice.

“If it’s possible, I’d like to live with everyone…”

Thus, we decided to live in the castle.

Part 2

“Good morning, Dragon Slayer.”

“Onii‑sama, please don’t call me ‘Dragon Slayer’… I know that’s what the residents of the capital have all been calling me, but I wish they would switch to another title too…”

Blushing shyly, Iris lowered her head.

Under Claire’s hospitality, we’re currently staying at the capital.

That’s right.

The time has come for the life of luxury together with Iris that I so dreamed of.

“Look, Iris, even though you say that, the title of ‘Dragon Slayer’ isn’t something you hear every day. Isn’t this worth celebrating on a national scale? Remember how Claire could barely catch her breath out of excitement when she exclaimed ‘I always knew princess Iris was capable of great deeds’?”

“Please don’t mind Claire, she had recently come to me quite a few times to hear my heroic dragon slaying tales.”

Speaking of which, Claire also still visits me every day.

Since Iris killed the so-called Golden Dragon in one shot, I could only tell her that ‘the dragon died after what seemed to be an extremely powerful attack from Iris’, yet she kept coming everyday just to hear that short description.

While Claire had initially disagreed with us taking on a dragon, explaining how sticky the situation would’ve been had princess Iris been injured, she has now been completely mesmerized by Iris’ heroism.

Possibly out of gratitude, she hadn’t complained at all regarding our blatantly lazy and self-indulgent life in the capital.

Furthermore, as I gained newfound respect from her for ruining Iris’ marriage, we had developed such a relationship as to occasionally drink through midnight in the name of Iris’ youth.

“Well then, onii‑chan will get changed now, so just wait in the courtyard for a bit, Iris. We’ll eat together when the maid is done with the mayo salmon onigiri.

“All right! I love mayo salmon!”

Having taken a liking to the junk food we had on our trip, she had apparently described to the maids exactly what kind of cuisine we let her have.

Though at first they shot me cold looks of ‘what kind of junk have you been feeding our princess?’, they still forgave me when they saw Iris happily eating mayo salmon onigiri.

Compared to the boring royal high-class cuisine, the food she’d once enjoyed with friends probably tastes better.

“See you later then, onii‑sama!”

That said, Iris went off in a hurry to order her bento—

—And like this, we lazed through three more days at the capital.

I left the capital today to do the usual business with Megumin.

“…Even you came along? But it’s forbidden for the princess of a nation to enter the dangerous suburbs.”

“Being the Dragon Slayer has earned me certain excursion privileges, worry not. Besides, since very strong monsters lurk near the capital, I’m worried for onii‑sama’s safety.”

Since recently, Iris also started attending Megumin’s daily explosion.

Ever since returning from Elroad, the two have gotten along strangely well.

I’m bothered whenever Iris accidentally says “Big Boss”, but they are the two most affectionate girls towards me I currently have to work with.

So keeping Megumin company like this, could Iris be preventing us from getting any time alone?

Not to be narcissistic, but I’m confident that they would both fall for me with just a little effort from my side.

…No, Megumin aside, I’m not enough of a lolicon to consider Iris a partner.

But to make a prediction, I’d say the chances for the adult Iris to become onii‑chan’s bride are quite high.

Rather, I’ll be permanently residing in the capital and chasing away those men who dare approach Iris.

That way, one day I’ll surely turn from her admirable brother into her romantic partner; then finally…

“Kazuma, we’ve arrived! Here it is: the explosion spot I’m so fond of. Beyond the rock field lies a gathering spot for monsters. A good shot there would also conveniently net me experience points.”

Unaware of Megumin stopping, I was lost in thought when she had turned to me.

Argh, this is no good.

“Well let’s be done with it and go back soon… By the way, what do you two think of me?”

I asked them in as natural of a way as I can, trying hard to maintain a handsome expression in the process.

“What are you saying so suddenly? What do you mean what do we think of you? Have you been a little too bored lately? All I’ve seen of you has been unusual behavior. You better stop going with Aqua to bush-sculpting in the courtyard; while Aqua’s works looked beautiful and were rated highly, Kazuma’s dog-bush was strongly disliked.”

I had been trying to form a bear.

Following Megumin, even Iris added,

“Onii‑sama, no matter how bored you feel, I still hope you would refrain from instructing the soldiers in training. I wouldn’t have minded if onii‑sama were skilled, but as it stands, the soldiers are already calling you ‘the strange guest who pretends to be a teacher despite often losing’…”

“Don’t mind what I’ve been doing lately, I was just bored! No, uhm… Look, there must be plenty more to say about me, such as whether you have feelings for me. Just say how much you like me, I want to hear you two say it yourselves!”

By now not a hint of discretion is left. Hearing my request, they shared a glance, and Megumin said,

“Why does it matter? As I said, I like Kazuma. Why ask this all of the sudden?”

“I-I also uhm…l-like…onii‑sama…”

“Okay, I see; onii‑san’s in the wrong. Iris, I’m satisfied with your effort. And Megumin, I’m happy to verify your view of me.”

I comforted them as I spoke, trying to be smooth as an adult.

“What is going on? Did Kazuma hit his head today? As if he wasn’t odd enough already, what he had been saying was even stranger.”

“O-or in other words, onii‑sama has been acting quite disgusting…”

“Iris, shh! Don’t say stuff like that, even if you know it’s true!”

A little unexpected psychological damage aside, the outcome had been within my predictions.

What would happen if they grew up like this.

Would they develop jealousy for me?

“Worry not, you two; I’m a very generous man who would never leave one side out.”

“Iris, for some reason I feel furious right now. Why don’t we knock some sense into him before our daily explosions?”

“Onii‑sama is really quite disgusting today. Did you hit your head somewhere?”

Despite their rough treatment, my new life at the capital was still pretty peaceful; well deserved considering all the work I’ve done—

The NEET of the capital wakes up early.

“Heidel! Heidel!”

In case you wish to know why… When you’re living a luxurious life with butlers and maids at your service, not even a second should be wasted on sleeping.

“How may I help you, Satou‑sama? Is it your morning coffee? Or do you wish to have breakfast in bed? Today’s breakfast is exactly as Satou‑sama had requested: goose liver miso soup.”

As if reading my mind, the personal butler from before, Heidel, immediately answered.

“Breakfast will be in bed. A coffee before that would also be great. On top of that…”

“Tell the maid Mary to put on a shorter skirt before coming, is it?”

I marveled at how quickly Heidel saw through my thoughts.

Is this the level of competence held by royal servants?

“I expected nothing less, Heidel. I’m glad you memorized my preferences.”

“It is my pleasure to have my name remembered, sir. To make punishing Mary easier, I have repositioned the vase so that it would fall over more easily.”

This man is unbelievably competent.

I nodded with satisfaction. Gracefully sipping the coffee that Heidel had quickly brewed, I opened to read the newspaper.

At this point, I’ve undoubtedly become a high-class member of the castle.

“Lots of snow sprites this year; the winter’s gonna be harsh. Will the Adventurer’s Guild raise the rewards for eliminating snow sprites…? Heidel, this will surely affect this year’s harvest of farm products. Make an investment on my account in profitable farm products.”

“Understood, Satou‑sama. Which types of produce shall we purchase?”

“…Erm, just…buy the ones that’d be hit hard. The type that would see less harvest with cold.”

“Understood, I shall decide for you then.”

Nothing but the best from Heidel, knowing when to give his master a way out. Absolutely competent.

“Well then, that’ll be that. So, what are the plans for today?”

I asked, sipping my coffee. Heidel took out his memo in response.

“The events in the morning are as follows. First up is checking out the contents of the treasure storeroom with Aqua‑sama while disguised as the quality inspectors. Later, Aqua‑sama will use her party tricks in the courtyard and pull an Amano-Iwato (TL note: Japanese mythology. Involves throwing a party and dancing lewdly to distract guards.) to preven—…invite Iris‑sama, who would be busy studying, out to play.”

Heidel read expressionlessly as he flipped through the memo.

“—Going in the afternoon with Megumin‑sama to her daily explosion experiments in the suburbs; after that, inspecting armouries around the capital with Lady Dustiness.”

“Gee, today sure is busy. What’s for tonight?”

“The evening is currently free; on another note, Lady Dustiness has been invited to a gala. What do you think?”

Just how competent can this butler get?

“Of course I would sneak into the gala…to foil other men’s flirtation with Darkness.”

“Understood. I’ll make the preparations.”

Heidel bowed politely and left the room to retrieve my breakfast—

“—Good morning Satou‑sama. Today’s breakfast is exactly as Satou‑sama had requested; a miso soup with extra truffle. What do you think of it?”

“Tastes like miso.”

“Is that so. I’ll go prepare your coffee then, please enjoy your soup.”

We’ve been staying at the capital for a week.

I’ve gotten used to the noble lifestyle, living my days busily yet eventfully.

“Heidel, the plans for today are…?”

“The itinerary for today is as follows. Going in the morning with Megumin‑sama to protest at the capital’s newspaper bureau and force them to publish a special documentary on Satou‑sama and Megumin‑sama. After that, Aqua‑sama invited you to participate in her Axis sermon. In the afternoon, Iris‑sama and Lady Dustiness wishes to go on a monster hunting quest with you around the capital. Finally, attending a night sky explosion show hosted by Megumin‑sama in the evening.”

Heidel swiftly answered as he made my after-breakfast coffee. I nodded as I drank the coffee.

“Let’s cancel the afternoon quest. Tell Iris I’ll show my true abilities starting tomorrow. Instead, let Megumin do her explosion show earlier, in that time slot. Darkness will likely be invited to another party tonight, gotta be there.”

“Certainly, as you wish. By the way, Lady Dustiness wants me to tell you to not sneak into her parties…” Though he’s competent, he still has work to do when it comes to women.

“You’re not getting the point, Heidel. It’s something called pride, to say ‘hate’ when they really mean ‘like’. In other words, by telling me to not go, Darkness in fact wants me there.”

“Is that so? I indeed lack experience. Heidel respects your guidance. Since going unarmed lacks shock value, I’ll go prepare a party-sized cake and make this a surprise for Lady Dustiness!”

As expected of Heidel, self-correcting in an instant. Now that’s what I’m proud of.

“Not bad, let’s go with that… Wait, no, we could still make this more interesting. Let’s do it this way; you make me a hollow cake big enough to fit me inside, then I’ll be delivered to the event unnoticed. Just as everyone ponders who had brought the cake, it would crack down the middle and I would emerge spectacularly. How does it sound?”

“Genius indeed, Satou‑sama! I could already picture the guests standing there dumbstruck. I’ll start the preparation at once.”

Having said that, Heidel left with a respectful bow.

—Two weeks since I’ve become a noble.

Even though I’ve completely integrated into the castle, something still bothers me slightly.

“Good morning, Satou‑sama. Today’s breakfast, by Satou‑sama’s request, will be caviar miso soup.”

As he spoke, Heidel pushed the overbed table (TL note: a sliding table that hovers slightly above the bed) in place with the breakfast.

“Heidel, thank you for all you’ve done for me. I truly am grateful… However, I am dissatisfied with but one thing in everyday life.”

Hearing my complaint, Heidel lowered his head with a face of realization.

“My sincerest apologies, Satou‑sama. Heidel had actually been aware of Satou‑sama’s annoyances.”

Heidel is still competent as ever.

Did he really notice even my dissatisfactions?

“Were you unhappy with the quality of your miso soup?”

“Not that, not at all! Now that you mention it, the miso soup did indeed taste strange. I only asked for food made with high-grade ingredients in general, not to have them all be added to my miso soup! When I say I wanted saltier soup, I didn’t ask for caviar!”

I exclaimed while staring daggers at Heidel.

“I’d say… Have people here been seeing me as only trouble?”

I told him what I’ve been always thinking recently.

“…………I do not believe that is true.”

“What’s with that suspicious pause? Why couldn’t you answer more decisively!? Don’t avoid my sight, what are you implying!?”

At first, everyone in the capital were grateful and admirative for assisting Iris.

But after two weeks, I felt their looks gradually fade into ones of “how much longer does this guy plan to stay”.

In response to my questioning, Heidel seemed reluctant to speak. Nonetheless, he answered,

“Does Satou‑sama have a clue?”

“How should I know? Was it from that time when I snuck into Darkness’ party in a cake? Didn’t that end with the cake being returned with me still inside due to no one being willing to eat such a shady cake…? Other than that, I could only think of Iris.”

At that moment, someone knocked on the door, and the familiar maid Mary entered.

“My apologies for interrupting, Satou‑sama. Lady Dustiness wishes to see you. Please hurry to the reception room—“

Part 3

“Let’s go back.”

“Rejected.”

I went to the reception room at Darkness’ request.

With her were Aqua and Megumin, who had already packed their belongings; the former sobbing about not wanting to leave and annoying the latter speechless.

I knew what Darkness was going to say the moment I was called here; therefore, I answered in a flash to her unilateral demand.

Darkness sighed deeply. She probably predicted my response as well.

“Say, Kazuma, hasn’t life been just too perfect over the past two weeks? Haven’t you had enough of their hospitality? The castle’s residents have gotten significantly less thankful—understandably so, for you only know to indulge. Do you really want to squander hard-earned respect this way?

Complained Darkness as she handed me several letters.

Since they’ve been opened, she probably meant for me to read them.

“‘For Satou Kazuma‑sama.

When I grow up, I want to be like Satou‑sama rather than a cursed sword wielding adventurer or some prince of justice. Mommy told me, while Satou‑sama has the weakest job, he still defeated many bad guys and is very strong. So, I want to be like Satou‑sama too.’…?”

They were the fabled fan mail.

I proceeded to read more.

“‘For Satou‑sama.

 Daddy read the newspaper to me. It talked about how Princess Iris was saved thanks to Satou‑sama.  Thank you for helping my beloved Princess Iris. Please let me be your bride when I grow up.’”

They’re probably from children.

Beside the childish printing was a drawing of an Iris-looking girl.

I read through the letters one by one and reached the final piece.

“‘For Satou‑sama.

I heard that Satou‑sama is very weak. That’s what my mommy and daddy told me. But they also said that although you’re weak, you still killed demon generals and are someone amazing. I don’t understand complicated stuff, but Satou‑sama must be working hard even though he’s weak, so I think that he should take a rest. Please look after your health, hope you live very long! Thank you so much for helping Princess Iris!’”

Having read these letters, my heart seemed to soften.

Darkness giggled naughtily at my reaction.

“…What do you think? Why not take that child’s suggestion and actually rest? You too, Aqua. Let’s stop with the whining and have a read.”

Darkness passed my letters to Aqua.

“Now that’s the Kazuma I teamed up with. So, please bear with me; If the worse comes to worst, I’ll still be there to praise you back in Axel.”

She continued happily yet pridefully.

“…Seems like the person only good at seduction and threats has improved. When you put it that way, I feel bad for staying. Not gonna lie, I’m hard to convince. You’d better live up to your promise when we get back.”

“Alright, you can count on me! Want me to clean your back again?”

…Seeing us happily discuss this topic face-to-face,

“Oi, there’s been a lot of PDA between you two lately. Remember where we are. Shouldn’t that wait till we get back?”

“What do you mean PDA!? Y-you see, I’ve talked to Kazuma on the trip about this, but until now, I haven’t done anything to thank him for all his help… So, as a noble, I must…uhm…”

Eyes shining red, Megumin grabbed and shook Darkness who shrunk down as her voice trailed off.

“You’re blatantly older than me, so what’s the hold up!? At this stage, rather than talking about cleaning backs, isn’t it about time for you to confess as well, Darkness? Your night raids have all gone south, so why don’t you just say your feelings loud and clear like me!? That way I’d also be justified in eliminating you!”

“I’m being eliminated!? My feelings are not like Megumin’s… Besides, I bear the name of a noble, my family would not like me choosing a partner of commoner status…”

Seeing Darkness twiddle her fingers in fetal position despite being violently shaken, Megumin finally lost it.

“Before, you were adamantly refusing to date, so aren’t you ashamed of still using familial matters as an excuse? You too, Kazuma, give her a piece of your… Kazuma? What have you been mumbling about just now?”

As the bystander, I can safely claim to be the uncontested head of my staunch harem.

I had recently also received satisfactory answers about Megumin and Iris’ feelings.

I’m anything but dense.

I always knew Darkness had the tingles for me despite constantly making up excuses.

Knowing is only half my game; I also wish to watch them compete for me.

No, can’t forget Iris after she grows up; that’d make it three.

So that’s what it feels like to be a lady-killer.

And I’ve also come to understand why romance becomes sour at the stage where the near-first base competitors become aware of each other.

After all, I wouldn’t be watching this scene had I chosen my route.

Even though I sometimes console them and break apart fights…

“Still I could watch this for about an hour or so.”

“Look at this guy!”

The moment I said that, Megumin switched her target from Darkness to me. Just as she was about to charge—

“I’ve made up my mind, Kazuma!”

Announced Aqua who had been reading fan letters this whole time,

“Let’s think back to our roots, shall we? That’s right, our hope was to defeat the unholy Demon King and bring about world peace! These children’s letters reminded me of my true duty! Alright, Kazuma, let’s go level up back in Axel! Guiding you, the weakling, from zero to hero is my obligation as a goddess! It’s time for the Goddess of Water to cast light upon these children’ future!”

I took a moment to diagnose her before remembering how easily motivated this girl was.

Although, I can marginally understand her logic now.

“I get it, Aqua. When we go back to Axel, we’ll return to our roots and do quests for the Adventurers Guild. After we get back in the swing of it, we shall show the Demon King who’s boss. People are closely watching our actions. Since the children are cheering for us, what excuse do we have to not give it our all?”

That’s right, returning to our roots.

Even though things have been hectic lately, we still must return to our roots and think about our dreams as new adventurers.

Remember the joy of arriving in another world; remember my oath of starting life from zero as a new man.

“Not bad for Kazuma, who recently got the title of ‘Lolizuma’!”

“Hey, who the hell called me that!? ‘Scumzuma’ or ‘Kazutrash’ I could care less about, but not that!”

Part 4

On that day, Darkness and company returned to Axel without me.

I planned to go with them, but ultimately succumbed to Iris’ lonely gaze.

I’ll stay for one last day.

Being praised as a hero, Iris had been busy recently; she wanted to chat with me alone tonight.

To her sincerity, Darkness and Megumin could only nod and smile bitterly.

Then…

“It’s been a long time since onii‑sama came to my room. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll go fetch Claire’s dessert.”

After dinner, I came to Iris’ room.

My eyes explored the party-sized bedroom. As if suddenly noticing something, Iris quickly swept an object on her bedside table under her pillow.

“Oi, what’s with the secrecy. My, are you hiding an ero-magazine? Actually, Iris is about the age for that stuff. Though you ought to hide it better, or else your servants will surely toss it out.”

“Not at all, it’s nothing like that! I’ve been hiding this, the ring!”

Iris hurriedly took out the ring I bought her from the trip to Elroad.

“If I wore this, Claire would certainly disapprove of its cheapness as unfitting of royalty and confiscate it. So, I could only wear it during sleep…”

Seeing Iris say that as she shyly looked up at me, I developed a sudden urge to stay at the capital. I, however, immediately scrutinized myself for bearing such a thought.

I already promised everyone that I’ll only stay for one more day.

If I told them now that I’m staying, those three would lose their minds in any case.

I avoided her stare of mass willpower destruction as best as I could and turned my eyes to the ring she’s carefully holding.

“I knew I should’ve bought a more expensive one. Money was no problem, but this was the only kind for sale. Apologies, better quality would’ve saved you a lot of hardship.”

“No, I do like it. While expensive rings have big, brilliant gems, this small one is very cute.”

Iris looked at her ring with genuine joy.

It can’t go on like this; Iris’ every move wreaks havoc to my will.

Wake up Satou Kazuma, she’s your sister, your sister.

First, I’m no lolicon. Although I’m fine with her adult form, Iris is definitely outside my strike zone for now.

Besides, didn’t I also have development with Megumin lately?

Am I really a man so easily swayed? I question myself sometimes.

“A-as long as you like it. That aside, what do you wish to play tonight? …No, hold on; I bought card game sets from Elroad, I’ll let you play with my secondary deck.”

Saying that, I went to grab my cards; however, Iris gently held onto my shirt.

“Wait, let’s not play games tonight. Since we rarely have some alone time, I want to hear onii‑sama’s stories.”

She said timidly.

“—And this is what I told him: ‘Someone who also plays this game during work or school couldn’t be my enemy. Join our guild, I say, Here you shall meet real friends…’ And that’s how the strongest, most famous hikiNEET switched to our guild, making us truly, indisputably the biggest guild yet. Ever since then… Well, many things happened that led to its collapse. What happened afterwards we’ll save for next time.”

“Wait, onii‑sama is going back tomorrow, who knows when next time will be! What really happened, please tell me at least the beginning!”

I sat on the bed with Iris, both deep in reminiscence.

Though I say that, in reality it was basically all my fault.

Iris must not have many exciting memories living in the castle, so she’s very interested in mine.

“Guess it really can’t be helped. Just the beginning, all right? …Once upon a time, our guild had a new member called ‘Dark † Angel’. This new girl was the beginning of the end for our guild.”

“Wait, this beginning is too interesting to leave the rest for next time! What did that woman do!? I can’t sleep without knowing this!”

It was a dark piece of history, but somehow Iris found it unusually interesting.

“I don’t want to go too much into detail… To summarize the gist, I guess I’ll use the singular word ‘princess’.”

“Princess, huh? …Eh!? Unless you’re saying this Princess‑sama became lovers with someone in the guild…?”

I was talking about the infamous act of girl-carrying (TL note: the act of assisting a weaker female player through much higher ranks than intended for her, often receiving romantic relationships in return) in online games, yet Iris had no trouble understanding it.

Even though my description was vague, she still saw the true meaning.

“Impressive thinking. Indeed, that princess stirred up big problems.”

“Is that so; after all, they do have a great difference in status…”

At this moment, while Iris was busy telling her thoughts, I noticed something in her hand.

As if noticing my shift in focus, Iris bashfully handed the item to me.

“Uhm, please take this. Big Boss…I mean, Megumin taught me how to make it. She says it is a traditional crimson demon lucky charm. Since onii‑sama often winds up in grave situations, I thought I might try and make one…”

It’s the traditional crimson demon lucky charm that Megumin gave me once upon a time.

From what I remember, the charm contained magical hairs of powerful crimson mages.

“Many thanks. I prefer a quiet life too, but troubles always seek me out; furthermore, the source of those troubles are often my own teammates.”

Seeing me stash the charm into my pocket, Iris happily said,

“After onii‑sama goes back, I won’t be able to adventure anymore… So please, at least take the charm with you.”

As she spoke, a lonely expression subtly veiled her face.

“—All right. We got a bit carried away with my storytelling. It’s quite late, too; I should head to bed soon.”

To lessen the bashful and bitter atmosphere left from passing over the charm, we continued chatting for a little while, barely aware that it is already midnight.

If I don’t leave soon, Claire will probably come storming in.

As I prepared to stand up from the bed…

“…Don’t.”

Suddenly, Iris clutched my shirt tightly.

“E-even if you say that, nothing could change. Don’t worry, I’ll be back. If anyone stops me, be it Claire or some guards, I still have the pendant that Darkness lent me. Although Claire retrieved her coat of arms, the Dustiness symbol is all I need to traverse the capital to my heart’s content. So…”

“I forbid! ‘Visiting occasionally’ is not enough. I know I said that you could take the charm along in my stead, but I still rather go myself. I still want to adventure together with onii‑sama, experience all the world has to offer!”

Iris’ pent up emotions, like a child’s, burst out.

“Please keep teaching me all sorts of things! In the twelve years I’ve lived in this castle, the short time I’ve adventured with onii‑sama felt infinitely more accomplishing and wonderful. Please don’t leave me. Together, we…”

Saying all that in one breath, she covered her mouth in awareness.

Iris, now shrunken with her head drooped low, didn’t look like anyone that would carry the title of “dragon slayer”.

“Excuse me, I got headstrong again… I couldn’t help but turn childish whenever I’m with onii‑sama. I’m still very much the princess of a nation; I have an obligation to protect the people.”

Born a royal, the girl must have grown up being constantly taught self-control.

Well of course, as few people have a say over the princess.

Only Claire and Darkness, essentially. Even then, out of those two, one is an overprotective bodyguard, the other lives in Axel most of the time.

“Iris, you’re only twelve, it’s fine to act cutesy. Wasn’t this said before? You’re of royalty, it’s no issue to be slightly headstrong towards the people around you.”

Tears glittered in the corner of the princess’ eyes as she let out a faint smile; the princess‑sama who is far more powerful than me yet also has great self-control.

“Onii‑sama, please don’t spoil me so. If we kept living together, I’m afraid I’d say something far more willful than wanting you to stay longer.”

…Crap, what’s happening?

I don’t like where this is going; I feel that I won’t hold up much longer.

“Until the day onii‑sama defeats the Demon King, I promise I won’t act cutesy or headstrong. So…”

Ahhh shit.

If you wonder what’s so terrible, it is that I’m terribly close to changing my heart for this little girl.

“…so, for only tonight, please spoil me just a little.”

How Iris said that before tightly hugging me isn’t any less ominous.

What’s even more terrible is her being a royal with the ability to bend marital laws at will to allow any age gap she desires.

No, no it can’t be!

Iris, my sister—I ain’t a lolicon!

If this continues, not even the best lawyers could help me.

Although it’s legal in this world, not even Megumin is allowed by Japanese common sense.

But despite my inner turmoil, Iris lightly nudged her small frame closer.

If rumours about her parents’ chronic absence were true, she’d likely have zero experience in exploiting her cuteness.

Since she is aware of her superior strength, her arms hugged around me timidly. Gradually, she began to strengthen her hold…!

“I-I don’t really mind; forget about tonight, you can be cutesy around me anytime!”

Crap! I said something awkward out of anxiety.

How could I deal with my teammates when I’m so tied up with Iris over here?

Suddenly saying that “I’ll stay instead” after so much bonding with Megumin recently would obliterate my credibility.

Besides,

“Onii‑sama…no,”

Besides, Satou Kazuma, think about it sincerely.

Didn’t you wish to return to Axel?

Think about the letters from those children; you’ve read those merely hours ago.

That’s right, the Demon King.

I must defeat him even for the sake of Iris.

Exactly, for the sake of the children, as well as Iris.

Also for the sake of this worl…!

“Onii‑chan,”

…………

“I like you so much…!”

Ultimately, I still decided to stay here.

Part 5

It has been another week since Aqua and company left.

Having decided to stay, I sent them letters.

Saying that I won’t be coming back to Axel after all.

Telling them that I’ll be residing in the capital permanently and that they can inherit ownership over any savings, luggage, and property on their side.

Also telling them that they could hopefully defeat the demon king, even without the man of the weakest job.

On the same day I sent the letter, Darkness replied.

The contents were “snap out of it” — obviously something she would write with a bitter laugh.

I’m afraid she thought that I’ll be only staying for one more day to keep the lonely Iris company.

The language of the letter was gentle; in short, it told me to go easy on Iris’ heart but still return ASAP.

—Then after another three days.

The letters grew solemn.

—After yet another two days, letters filled with rage and fury were sent to me.

Finally, today.

A loud knock sounded from my bedroom door.

“Kazuma‑dono, you have a second to talk?”

The voice belonged to Claire.

I nodded to Heidel, who was making my tea. In response, he swiftly went to open the door.

“What’s the matter Claire? Something important?”

“What’s the matter? What a great question, Kazuma‑dono, I think you know exactly why I’m here.”

Claire seems to be restraining herself out of her thankfulness for my heroic deeds. Just barely.

“You do know what people here in the castle think of you, right?”

“Obviously. Even though heartless insults fill the air, I have no problems with it, for my will cannot be damaged by such petty cause. I’m the kind of person who persisted to be a NEET despite the countless lecturing and mockery from my relatives on every New Year’s Eve and Bon festival.”

At this point Claire gritted her teeth.

“Really. Well that’s simply perfect, since I have a request for Your Excellency who has such endurant willpower and has made such great contributions to the country.”

“What’s the matter? How could I help?”

This person isn’t too bad.

Plus, she’s a comrade who shares my love for Iris.

I ought to help her to the best of my abilities, should she need it.

“Of course! It’s something only you could accomplish!”

As she said that, Claire’s face magically transformed into a brilliant smile.

“Long time no see, Kazuma‑dono.”

The person responsible for Iris’ schooling, Rain, followed inside.

What brought both of them here?

As if reading my mind, Rain said awkwardly,

“Uhm… I know how hard Kazuma‑dono worked to help Princess Iris over in Elroad, how Kazuma‑dono stayed to tell Princess Iris stories every night, and how Her Highness has consequently become quite extroverted and joyful…”

Following Rain, Claire added,

“Indeed, she looks very happy everyday, and I have you to thank for that. We couldn’t imagine how restless Princess Iris must have been in secret as someone who is so young yet lives in a castle that could be under siege from Demon King’s army at any moment.”

What are Claire and Rain really trying to say?

At this moment, another knock emanated from the door.

Since the door is open, they had most likely knocked out of politeness.

Peeking around is the once lonely-looking sister of mine whose face lit up as soon as she saw me.

“‘Sup, Onii‑chan? Sleeping in this late ain’t good, yanno? The weather’s lit  AF today, so let’s grab some bentos for a picnic, Kazzi!” she brightly said.

Hearing that, Claire and Rain drooped their heads and pleaded on the verge of tears,

“Kazuma‑dono, I beg you, please go back!” x2

Suggestion rejected; signed, Kazzi.

Part 6

“—He ran that way! Get him!”

Several hours later.

I am under pursuit by unreasonable soldiers, running all over the place.

I’ve never before had to use so much wit or engaged anyone with such ferocity.

…No, there may have been once; it also had something to do with Iris.

“Don’t underestimate him because he’s only one person! He has defeated numerous demon generals and high-bounty criminals, Eris knows what he has up his sleeve!”

Claire shouted as she chased after me.

Several soldiers blocked my way, as if they didn’t hear Claire.

“Visitor, we cannot let you proceed!”

“Please stop your futile resistance and obey…!”

Ignoring them, I stuffed my hand into a pocket.

“Create Earth!”

The swift and easy first-time strategy.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

The confused soldiers ahead of me questioned.

“Wind Breath!”

“!? Whaa!?”

“My eyes…!”

Catching an eyeful of sand, a bunch of soldiers stumbled to their knees.

Looking closely, I saw that one soldier had brought ropes, perhaps to tie me up.

I took the rope from the debilitated soldier and kept running.

I must find a way to lose these guys and get to Iris.

That’s right; no way I’m going back.

As long as I reach Iris, everything can be resolved peacefully… No, rather, I can persuade her to join forces with me.

I covered an incoming soldier’s noses with my hands.

“Create Water!”

“Wharrgarbl!”

The drowning soldiers coughed up a lung.

“K-Kazuma‑dono! That style of combat… could you be…!”

Watching my moves, Claire asked in horror as if she had discovered a grim truth.

Though I was confident about my escape, I had unknowingly entered a dead-end.

As soon as I realized that it’s the end of the line, I heard Claire’s voice from behind.

“…For goodness sake, how could I been so blind.”

I turned around to face Clair and her soldiers, all lined up in formation.

I must break through them and get to Iris no matter what.

Having made the decision, I squared off with Claire.

“Such a shame, Claire. It has been a pleasure drinking with you while listening to you tell stories about Iris’ childhood.  Had things not come down to this, we would’ve definitely made great friends.”

“Kazuma‑dono…I also regret having to bid farewell in this manner. That aside, I must thank you for one more thing: thank you for protecting Princess Iris from the dangerous divine item. However…”

“…However?”

To answer my question, Claire unsheathed her sword.

So that’s the gist of it; Claire hasn’t been her usual self today.

Then…

“However, it is unacceptable to steal Princess Iris’ ring. Please return it. The ring is not something you’re allowed to possess. Should you refuse to return it, I’m afraid we’ll have to retaliate by publicizing your secret identity. This will be necessary despite inevitably upsetting Princess Iris. If you wish to remain anonymous, obey and…”

Then, it’d be impolite if I don’t also unleash my full potential.

“There’s no way you would publicize it. After all, the fact that someone who Iris‑sama calls brother is a chivalrous thief would be a massive disgrace to her royal image. Let me pass now, White Suit, or I won’t hesitate to torture you to tears.”

I said, in response to her interruption.

“…W-what do you mean?”

Claire, who had always looked down upon me and mocked the integrity of my true power, surprisingly didn’t snap. In fact, she was trembling on the verge of tears.

What kind of personality progression is this?

Is it from her realizing that I was the thief who infiltrated the castle?

Or from eye-witnessing my true power in action?

Works either way.

Right now, I must get to Iris, to teach her some advanced lessons.

Holding that little promise in my heart, I presented the roped in my hand.

“I shall Bind you with this rope, then repeatedly use Steal until you cry in submission.”

“Eh!? W-wait! Hold it Kazuma‑dono, despite everything, I’m still a noble woman! You wouldn’t do…something…that extreme in public…would you?”

I replied to the terrified Claire while whipping my rope threateningly.

“By the way, I’ve done things like tying Darkness up and dragging her after a carriage and blasting her with icy water. Decide for yourself whether to believe it or not.”

“Retreat!!!”

Claire’s face stiffened and made a sound somewhere between a screech and a howl.

But contrary to her orders, the soldiers only crept closer.

Against the sheer number advantage, I can’t win with strength alone.

“Leave this to us, Claire‑sama! We’ll take on that man…!”

There are four opponents.

Furthermore, they’ve all seen my earth breath combo from afar.

That way, there’s no way they’d fall for it.

“Alright, Mr. Guest, please comply now and—!?”

“Bind!”

I rapidly improvised and tied up the soldier who’d been talking.

That soldier tried to deflect the bind with his sword, but flying ropes aren’t exactly easy to parry.

While the binding wasn’t neat, the soldier was still entangled along with his sword.

The bind was loose, so at this rate he’ll break free momentarily.

However, a moment is all I needed!

“Got you!”

I held up a hand towards a soldier who yelled as he charged me.

“Wind Breath!”

Although it only staggered him, it was still enough to make a gap in the formation.

“They’re all but little tricks! No fear, push on!”

Those words most likely came from the head of the squad, or someone like that.

“W-wait up! Don’t, he is…!”

Claire desperately yelled something, but it was too late.

I dashed before my next opponent and stuck my hand out in position for a handshake.

For no good reason, the guy reflexively shook my left hand. I mercilessly used Drain Touch.

“!?”

Seeing the man collapse, the remaining soldier and the one on the floor hesitated, watching me warily.

Seizing this opportunity, I dashed around the soldiers…!

“Stop right here Kazuma‑dono, you have been surrounded! I shall teleport you back with magic; see you in Axel!”

Outside of the dead end, I ran into a dozen more soldiers.

Their leader, Rain, said that with a somewhat pale complexion.

As I stood still, Claire and her two soldiers also closed in from behind.

Damn, is there really no escape!?

Rain’s squadron has me surrounded from every nook and cranny, my hope quickly drained.

Crap, this is not a number I could deal with.

But I still have so much more to teach Iris…!

“Come on, Kazuma‑dono. Please surrender and leave… During this hour-long chase, many were injured by slipping on frozen floors, many are still incapacitated by Bind, and some are even unconscious from being drained of mana using unknown methods… What an accomplishment for a lone adventurer; you’re almost like the thief that infiltrated the castle some time ago…”

Rain said with a tinge of sarcasm.

“Ha…Ha…Wh…what an unbelievable guy… It’s no longer hard to see how Mitsurugi‑dono lost to you twice. Still, just what abilities would one need to detect our movement, escape ahead of time and disappear to nowhere whenever he gets cornered…?”

Claire, whom I had evaded numerous times, exhaustedly said.

She’s probably talking about Detect Enemy and Sneak.

In addition, I’ve also used Farsight and Lip Reading to intercept their orders; even if they got close, Escape easily solves the problem.

Despite my efforts, I still ended up in this situation.

However, if I’m so ordinary as to fail in this situation, I wouldn’t have been a match at all for the Demon Generals.

Seeing me not moving, Claire might have thought that I surrendered. She relaxed and slowly approached me…

“Say, Rain, why don’t we make a deal.”

I kept up my peaceful appearance and said to Rain smoothly.

Hearing me, Claire’s face stiffened.

Meanwhile, Rain twitched her eyebrow.

“As I recall, Rain came from a minor noble family, right? As you know, I have deep, emotional ties with Darkness, even her father has a good impression of me. He appreciates me enough to entrust Darkness with me. They trust me to the extent of lending me all the pendants and coats of arms of the Dustiness family.”

“Quiet! Don’t listen to his bullshit, don’t be deceived by that man, Rain!”

Hearing my exposition, Rain gulped as Claire objected hysterically.

“…Besides, I’m close enough to Iris that we call each other by first names. Do you really wish to tear the man Iris admires so much away from her? Is that what Iris wants? Letting me go now would in turn earn you respect from the Dustiness family and Iris. In other words, all this links intricately to the brightness of your future, Rain.”

“Don’t listen, Rain! You might look slightly better to the Dustiness family, but it’ll leave a gaping gash in my image of you! Nothing good ever happens to my enemies! Besides, in the name of Princess Iris’ future, we have to separate this man no matter how much Iris idolizes him! You know this very well, with this man around, Iris‑sama will only become increasingly scummy! Just look at how Iris‑sama’ been acting lately!”

Caught between Claire and I, Rain’s face twisted with indecision.

The dozen soldiers Rain had brought were probably her personal guards or something similar.

Seeing how conflicted their leader, Rain, was, the soldiers refrained from capturing me.

Additionally, with Rain’s personal guards halted, the soldiers with Claire wouldn’t act either.

Dripping with cold sweat, Rain looked back and forth between Claire and me.

With her on the horns of a dilemma, there’s only one thing left to do.

“Say, Rain, think carefully. Couldn’t I, who have extensive experience with defeating demon generals and bounty criminals, become great help for the armed forces? Haven’t you witnessed the extent of my abilities in this short moment? I’d be Iris’ playmate, and I can also help defend the castle as needed. Not gonna lie, I’m highly skilled at finding the enemy’s weakness… How does it sound? There aren’t any negatives to this, are there? With a playmate, Iris would be joyful. I’d live here happily. The country would also benefit from having a strong adventurer at service. Finally, you, Rain, would gain positive views from Iris and the Dustiness family. Isn’t that right? Don’t you like such a win-win scenario?”

“……”

“Rain, don’t fall into silence! I beg you, don’t just agree with a ‘so that’s how things are, no problem!’ …I-I get it, Rain, I recall your family having some unpaid debt, right? How about letting my family pay for you? Wasn’t it about several tens of millions? How does that sound, not bad, right!?”

Claire’s offer seems to have brought Rain back right from the edge.

Rain mumbled apologies as she lowered her head.

Hearing that, Claire finally relaxed as her expression softened.

—Had I been an ordinary adventurer, the topic would’ve seen its end about here.

However, I couldn’t go without showing some gentleman attitude.

“Listen here, Rain; my net worth surpasses a billion. You know how…”

“G-get him! Don’t let him say any more!”

Before I could finish, Claire’s soldiers, who had sneaked up close, pinned me down from behind.

“D-damn despicable scum! I was in the midst of negotiation, you can’t just interrupt! Hey Claire, do you not cherish your panties!? A while ago you mentioned how nothing good ever happens to your enemies, but I assure you that being my enemy isn’t any better!”

“I know, I know, Kazuma‑dono! Truthfully, I think you’re more terrifying than any monster! Not only combat wise, but you also have superior charisma and expansive connections. I already knew you were rich, but since then you have progressed unimaginably well…!”

Said Claire as she commanded her soldiers to pin me down even harder.

“Rain, I presume you had brought the memory wiping potion as I told you?”

What memory wiping.

Now that I’m startled by a horrifying term, the soldiers pressed me down even harder.

“I didn’t initially want to resort to such drastic measures, but letting you stay with Princess Iris creates a real risk for negative influence. Besides, being subjected to as extreme a measure as repatriation would undoubtedly leave you hateful impressions of us. Honestly, I truly fear what you might do out of vengeance. So, while we sincerely apologize, we must ask that you forget everything that happened after the night when Lady Dustiness invited you to return to Axel. Indeed, that’s when you read the children’s letters… Proceed, Rain!”

Hey, wait a second.

Forgetting everything after the day I decided to leave?

In other words, what Iris said about liking onii‑chan so much would also…

“I-I understand. Should we really use this? The potion was banned for having side effects as severe as causing dementia for the unlucky, after all… A-are you sure it’s fine?”

Rain approached me with the potion in hand while saying such inconceivable words to Claire…!

“S-stop it! Don’t feed me strange stuff like that! Remember, you’re lucky that it’s daytime, for only at night could I unleash my full potential. Night-vision with Detect Enemy and Sneak means I can infiltrate any stronghold; using a bow, I could also snipe you from any distance! You’ll do well to remember that! Remember!”

“H-hurry up! Make him drink the potion already, Rain! He’s terrifying! This man is scary as hell! That wasn’t even his final form! Just think, he didn’t even use the vicious freezing magic that choked Mitsurugi‑dono; he’s been merciful to us! Rain, quick! Completely erase all his memories from today now!”

“I’ve also been a bodyguard for quite some time, but this is also the first time I’ve seen someone so terrifying—! Q-quick, drink the potion…! Kazuma‑dono, open your mouth please…!”

Sandwiched between soldiers in a corner of the royal castle, the two noble ladies desperately tried to pry my mouth open.

It may look like a cuddle fest from afar, but the reality is no joking matter!

“Tinder!”

“Hot! It burns! Ahhh, it burned a hole in my favourite expensive cape!”

“This man, still resisting under this circumstance…! I’m absolutely horrified of you, Kazuma‑dono! Rain, I’ll buy you a new cape later, please start chanting the teleportation spell! I’ll deal with the potion!”

Claire, having taken the potion from Rain’s grasp, approached my face with a strained expression.

Why are you putting on such a strenuous face!? I’m the one at the end of the line here!

Rain rapidly chanted the spell as the potion was shoved in my face—when suddenly.

“Onii‑chan!”

The noise must have brought her here.

Iris cried out from afar as she charged straight toward me.

A princess being saved by a knight in shining armor from imminent violation.

It accurately depicts the current situation, if not for the swapped roles.

Iris yelled towards the floor-pinned me.

“Claire, what the hell are you trying to do to my aniki!? I’m angry AF right now! Cut the crap or else I’ll really hold a grudge, from the bottom of my heart!”

“Princess Iris, please don’t use terms like aniki or ‘AF’ anymore! I’ve already prepared to face your inevitable wrath. Right now, I’m making this man drink the memory wiping potion and repatriating him to Axel!”

Iris shouted as she shoved aside the soldiers blocking her way.

“That’s unforgivable AF!”

“It’ll be my turn to get angry AF if Iris‑sama doesn’t stop using that language!”

“Even Claire‑sama got infected! The teleportation chant is finished, commence repatriation at will!”

Damn, so close!

“Onii‑sama!”

Knowing that she won’t make it, Iris stopped to catch her breath before screaming at the top of her lungs.

“Onii‑sama, if chance brings us together again, I’ll never leave you behind!”

My adorable little sister shouted with determination.

“Iris, onii‑san will return! I promise I won’t leave the castle next time; I’ll live here in leisure everyday—!”

“What the hell is this man saying under this circumstance!? Now, swallow! Rain, teleport him as soon as he drinks the potion!”

With that, Claire poured the potion into my mouth.

Unsure if the effect is immediate, a wave of dizziness washed over me as my consciousness swiftly faded…

“Write me letters when you remember me! Onii‑sama, I’ll be waiting for you! I believe you’ll someday defeat the Demon King for sure—!”

Chapter 2: Jinchū on this Housemate!

Part 1

When I came to, I was inexplicably standing before the gates of Axel.

……?

With no memory of what had happened.

What the hell, why do I feel as if I had lost something of great importance…?

As if I had lost a family member that I’ve worked so hard to unite with.

What is this feeling of emptiness?

I remember Claire, my greatest enemy, doing something to me…

By Claire?

What happened? Since when did Claire become my greatest enemy?

That girl likes Iris, just like me. If anything, we should be comrades.

Yet for some reason, I feel obliged to take my revenge on Claire.

Say, what happened was probably me staying for one additional night under Iris’ persuasion. After Darkness and company had left, Iris probably told me something very important.

I recall Iris saying…

She… said what again?

…Huh?

What the hell, something is indeed amiss.

I’m not sure what. Nevertheless, I must take revenge against Claire.

It’s as if my primal instinct compels me to do so.

Nevermind.

After all, I’m currently determined to fight after reading the children’s letters.

Those people must feel the same way right now.

I made wide strides towards my long-vacant mansion.

We’ve spent several days in Elroad.

I clearly stayed for only about two weeks at the capital, yet it felt like ages since I had left. Why is that?

Contemplating, I arrived at the front door.

Then, as I tried to open the doors…

I found them locked.

“…?”

How could this be? It’s usually unlocked when people are home.

Taking that into consideration, everyone’s probably out.

They might have gotten too excited and had gone to the Guild for quests.

Although, it shouldn’t be a long wait before they came back.

Or rather, I’d be in big trouble if they don’t come back soon.

I had given all my luggage to Darkness; having not much cash at hand either.

…Eh?

“Huh, my wallet’s gone? Crap, did I lose it somewhere? I don’t remember running much, I must’ve left it somewhere.”

Because I had just returned from Elroad, my wallet was mostly empty from buying gifts.

I could easily buy a new wallet.

Whatever, I shall wait here for a while.

—As I pondered blankly, the sun is already setting.

“S-still not back…! What are those people doing!? Should I go check the Adventurer’s Guild? No, it’d be terrible if I missed them on the way. Plus, going to the guild after waiting adamantly for so long gives me a sense of defeat…”

So, I started messing with Emperor Zell at the pen that’s inside the mansion yard.

The pen has a bed made with many layers of soft, fluffy towels—makes you feel warm just looking at it—as well as food and water. A chick sleeping in such a VIP grade pen is a stark contrast to me who’s locked out of his own mansion.

…Then I suddenly noticed.

“You look bigger than I remember.”

Observing the sleeping Emperor Zell, I knelt before the pen.

Shouldn’t this chick be growing extremely slowly due to his high magical potential?

Although, this is nothing strange coming back from a long trip.

Suddenly.

“Dragon thief!”

The second-floor window of the mansion flew open as someone yelled at me.

I was tempted to retort by asking what they meant by dragon thief, but then again, I only knew of one person who calls Emperor Zell a dragon.

“Who are you calling a thief? It’s about time you accepted that it’s only a chick. Why not open the door when you’re home? Making me wait thinking that nobody was inside.”

Hearing my reply, Aqua glared at me silently.

……?

“I’m not quite sure what you’re talking about. After talking with Megumin and Darkness, we decided this mansion belongs to the beautiful goddess Aqua‑sama. Darkness has her own mansion in this city, Megumin has her home over at the Crimson Demon village, so the house ended up in my hands. That’s how this mansion became my property. Weren’t you going to live in the castle? Get out! Get out of my yard now!”

……!

“I know you’re usually stupid, but today you’re plain ridiculous. Look at you, what happened to your brain? How about using a little healing magic on your head? If that doesn’t work, I’ll send you to the hospital right away.”

In response, Aqua slammed the second-floor window shut.

……

I went back around and banged on the front door.

“I’m home! Darkness, Megumin, open the door if you’re home! That idiot Aqua locked me out!”

After my knocking and hollering, the balcony windows directly above me opened.

I thought it was Aqua again, but instead, Megumin and Darkness poked their heads out.

What a relief.

…That feeling was short lived, however.

“If it’s not for the great Kazuma striding leisurely here to see us. Had a great week at the capital?”

…Week?

Darkness confused me.

“Hahaha, we really are nothing to you…! Being a poser aside,  you dare get us to return early then stay alone at the capital… ! Is there a limit to how much of a scumbag you can be!? I never thought you would have the audacity to do that when the mood was so encouraging !”

Said the unreasonably infuriated Megumin from the window as she swung her staff around wildly.

No, wait a second.

“Hey, hold on. What’s that about me staying a week at the capital after you guys returned? What is that supposed to mean? I stayed for another night at most, how did it turn into… huh?”

So weird, I have matters lingering on my mind.

What’s up with this desperate feeling?

Hearing my response, Megumin got even angrier.

“Hey, you’ve got some nerve playing dumb. Wanna see how far my explosion magic can propel someone!?”

As Megumin said such horrifically alarming words, Darkness suddenly tilted her head in confusion.

“…Kazuma, what did you stir up at the capital? You’re likely drugged by the forbidden memory wiping potion that’s seldom used even by the royals. That potion erases memory proportionally with dosage, with a side effect of causing dementia if you’re unfortunate; although, it seems we have nothing to worry about in that department.”

“To me, this guy is already spewing demented lines… Although, memory wiping potion, you say? …Sure enough, Kazuma’s attitude has been strange just then… He couldn’t be faking memory loss to avoid commotion, could he? …However, in case he really did lose his memory, it feels wrong to keep judging him in this state…”

While Megumin still retained some dissatisfaction, she sighed and showed a more forgiving expression.

Even though I still have no clue what went on, by Darkness’ analysis, I seem to have had my memory erased.

…Hmm.

“My memory goes as far as bidding farewell. I remember being called to Iris’ bedroom, then…”

To say, although Iris is only my sister, I still went into a girl’s room. How could I have no memory of such an event?

…So that’s how; memory wiping, is it?

Must be due to me discovering some massive national secret out of exceptional luck.

And as a result, the royal court must have argued over how they should sentence me.

Ordinarily, any adventurer who knows a national secret would simply be executed.

But the one with the intel was me.

Leaking such secrets to outsiders would be terrible.

Yet naturally, I was too valuable; there was no benefit in killing an adventurer as crucial to the nation’s well-being as me.

And thus, they had reached a compromise: erasing my memory.

Mhm, it must have been that.

Even I’m gradually starting to trust my own hypothesis.

“Hey, while I can’t be certain, given my tendency to get dragged into grave matters by chance, in all likelihood I must have stumbled upon some important national secret. Then, the royal court probably spent many days deliberating the proper treatment for someone as important as me. During that time, I’m guessing they would have sent half-assed letters under my name to keep you from worrying about my extended stay… Finally, they realized they’d be worse off without me, so they ended up letting me off after wiping my memory. How does this theory sound?”

Having said it aloud, I grew even more confident in my conclusion.

Furthermore, I suspect I knew who was behind it all.

“Hmm… It’s possible…? Besides, I can’t really think of another reason for them to use the memory wiping potion in particular…”

Said Darkness as she forked her fingers against her chin and fell deep in thought.

“Wh-who knows? My instinct tells me that this man may have stayed merely out of his inability to withstand Iris’ cuteness… Although, that wouldn’t explain why his memory was wiped. Hmm…”

With that, Megumin also fell into contemplation.

I then told those two the only idea that came to mind.

“Wasn’t there someone called Claire in the capital? I always had a feeling that she’s the source of all evil. I had gotten along with her quite well thanks to Iris, yet I have an inexplicable hatred and sense of vengeance towards that bitch.”

Hearing my reasoning, Darkness grew serious.

“…Indeed. The head of the Symphonia family does indeed have rights to use the memory potion. Besides, she’s an important figure in the kingdom’s government. I do also remember you being great pals with Claire‑sama… Hmm, this makes the hypothesis even more believable.”

Following Darkness, Megumin said,

“Forget it, having you back safely is good enough. Although, since you haven’t been accompanying me for my explosion walks, you’ll have to start tomorrow as punishment.”

—Starting tomorrow, you must come along for my explosion walks, alright?

That’s probably what Megumin was originally trying to say. (TL note: he means without the ‘as punishment’ part)

“What are you two talking about? Busy being stupid? How braindead do you have to be to believe this shameless, vile NEET? Mark my words, I bet this loliNEET conveniently stayed after hearing something like ‘onii-chan daisuki’ from that Iris. Since life surrounded by maids and butlers is so heavenly, he thought he might as well live his carefree life at the capital and not give a damn about us anymore. It must be true!”

Just when I thought I had wrapped up this matter, that annoying hag messed it up.

I looked up at the three faces on the second storey and said to the unwavering Aqua,

“Hey, don’t be so pessimistic. How could that kind of thing hap…pen…… Huh?”

What was that? Hearing her words just now made me vaguely recall something important.

Observing my reaction, Aqua proudly said,

“See that? For now, you are forbidden from entering the mansion. If you really wish to enter, prostrate before me and say, “I’m sorry Aqua‑sama.”; in addition, you must offer sincere prayers of worship three times a day from here on out. If you won’t, get out of my face! Leave, now! The hell was that, would you stop trying to trick my Darkness and Megumin!?”

As Aqua said such utterly antagonizing lines, she slammed the windows shut.

“What kind of joke is that!? Wait!”

I yelled in a hurry; Aqua, however, was gone, as if she had nothing left to say.

…That despicable woman!

I walked to the ground-floor windows in attempt to simply break in…

“Huh, what’s this?”

The sight before me made me speechless.

From what I could see, all first-floor windows had been boarded up from the outside.

Should I spend time prying them loose, Aqua would definitely be alerted and intervene.

Huh…

Even though I’m the victim here, I still ended up in this situation.

Despite the situation, I absolutely refuse to prostrate before that obnoxious woman.

I shouldn’t have done anything unspeakable.

…As I pondered, a small item suddenly landed near my feet.

Looking up, I saw Megumin’s shadow, having discreetly tossed something out her window.

I turned my attention toward the object that fell, which appeared familiar…

Ah, could that be it?

It was Megumin’s beloved wallet.

Megumin seems to have given me some change in fear that I burned through all of mine in Elroad.

On second thought, the bank book had been left home, too; so truthfully, for someone who had lost his wallet, this was a lifesaver.

In the end, Megumin left expressionlessly without a second look.

I picked up her wallet when another shadow appeared on the ground.

Looking up once again, I saw a cloth-wrapped object being dropped down, landing with a poof.

Through the window, I could vaguely recognize a head of flowing golden hair gleaming in the sunset.

Darkness seems to have also smuggled something out for me.

While I’m thankful for them, I still wish they had used this time to convince that idiot instead.

Inside the package Darkness threw down were my familiar bow and quiver.

It also had my often-used grappling hook arrow. With this, Darkness’ plans became clear.

To buy dinner with Megumin’s cash, then use the bow and hook Darkness dropped to climb my way home through the second-floor windows at night… That’s likely the intention.

…I would never have thought I’d be forced to infiltrate my own home.

Part 2

Now, how would I pull this off?

“900 Eris in total.”

Back when I infiltrated Darkness’ household, my strength had been buffed by Aqua’s magic, making the job significantly easier.

While I do have the bow and hook thanks to Darkness, could I still sneak in as silently as before without Aqua’s strength buff?

Finishing dinner at the pub, I opened Megumin’s wallet to pay…

“…”

From the wallet chock-full of coupon and gift cards, I pulled out an 1000 Eris bill and paid.

“Here’s 100 Eris of change. Thank you for visiting, come again soon!”

Why do I feel so inhumane spending Megumin’s money?

While her coupon stash suggests that she will make a great wife, spending her money still hurts my conscience.

The girl usually lets me handle all the money.

The share I do give her were mostly sent home. When I get in, I ought to return her money in excess, even if she refuses to take it.

…But one thing still concerns me; this time, Aqua is the biggest roadblock to my infiltration.

Being normally dumb, she chose an inopportune time to be smart.

Plus, she has better night-vision than me.

It’d be easy if she fell asleep early from drinking, but that mood-blind imbecile is most likely wide-awake at this inopportune hour.

While I can’t be sure, that’s certainly what my experience with her so far is telling me.

While I felt that Aqua wouldn’t be a problem once inside, being caught by her mid-climb would surely end horribly.

As I schemed my infiltration, I killed time by waddling slowly along the streets, hoping the girls would be asleep by the time  I arrived.

“Oho, long time no see, the gigolo who had just enjoyed a succulent meal paid by the girl who fancies him. Nice to see thee on a walk tonight. The full moon filleth the air with magical power, making the perfect environment for walks! After a walk, I plan to climb atop an Axis church and replace their symbol with this particularly erotic radish. Mindst thou coming along?”

“…I’d rather not. Careful not to get torn to shreds when they find out.”

I met Vanir on the way.

Within his hands is a sensually-shaped radish.

Since devils don’t sleep, he must have a plenty of free time every night.

……

“Say, Vanir, you’re free right now, aren’t you? Could you help me?”

To invade a house protected by a goddess, I turned to the dark side for help.

Couldn’t help but feel immoral…

“Ohh? To ask that, thou must know of the trade-offs in dealing with a devil, dost thou not? I only offer assistance at a price. As a powerful devil, I expect a hefty payback in return. Dost thou understand?”

Vanir put on a very fittingly devilish smile.

Sure, he’s a little scary by himself, but I’m much more concerned about this sexy radish he’s holding. Terribly concerned.

“Next time I head to Wiz’s, I’ll mass purchase all the garbage and overpay.”

“Praise this customer! Thou canst count on me! …Wouldst thou also have this radish as a bonus?”

“I’ll pass.”

—Deep in the night at three-quarters past one, silence surrounds us.

The perfect time for NEETs and devils alike.

“Muahahaha! Muahahahahahaha!”

“Hey, don’t laugh at such a time! What made you so hyped tonight!?”

While everyone dreamed under the stars, Vanir and I arrived at the mansion.

“Muahahahaha! I am unnaturally hyped tonight! Striking a goddess under the full moon; how could I possibly calm myself?”

I have a feeling that this guy wasn’t the best choice.

Anyways, here’s the plan.

First, I attempt infiltrating normally.

Although I have no support magic, if I make it, job well done.

However, if I was unable to climb up alone or was discovered midway, Vanir would assault the mansion.

Like that time when she caught the succubus, Aqua would surely have an anti-demon barrier set up.

To distract Aqua, Vanir simply needs to touch the barrier.

And I shall use that chance to sneak in.

The primary objective is to completely enter the mansion, and use whatever means necessary to make peace with Aqua. If unsuccessful, secure and defend the mansion.

The backup objective is to retrieve the passbook from my room.

Frankly, with money, I couldn’t care less about being locked out. I could simply rent a unit and live leisurely until she gets a grip.

Well, rather, living that way may even be better than blatantly squandering time as I had before.

But nonetheless, the plan is settled. As Vanir spectated, I took aim at my bedroom window and…!

“…Eh?”

I suddenly felt violated.

My bedroom window had been boarded up from the inside.

I frantically checked the other windows, only to find those boarded up, too.

I only know of one person who is useless and petty enough to do this.

My plan has already hit a roadblock. As I started to panic, I suddenly noticed that not all windows have been fortified.

The windows of occupied rooms weren’t boarded up.

Presumably from steadfast objection by Megumin and Darkness to have their windows obstructed.

And Aqua likely trusted Darkness and Megumin to prevent my entry.

By the fact they had passed me a wallet and my bow, I could safely assume that they’re on my side.

“Vanir, could you use your foresight on me real quick? See whether Megumin’s or Darkness’ room is a better choice.”

“Ohh? A pungent aura still lingering around you blinds my vision a little. Although…from what I could tell, infiltrating either room yields the same result; however, choosing the Crimson Beggar girl’s room is better overall. Thou shalt enjoy a little bonus there. Go ahead.”

Vanir answered my question confidently.

So, entering either rooms gives the same ending. But what is the bonus he speaks of?

“Megumin’s window it is. Okay, I’m off!”

Part 3

I walked directly under Megumin’s window and fired my grapple at the roof.

To minimize noise, I had aimed at the furthest corner.

At this distance, missing is impossible with a combination of Snipe and Farsight.

The grapple hooked the roof flawlessly. I tested the dangling rope by giving it a few forceful tugs.

Scanning the perimeter, I saw no sign of alertness within the house.

I turned around to signal Vanir that I’ll start climbing.

The next step would be climbing along the rope up to Megumin’s room…

Climb up to…

“…Huff…huff…!”

Climbing without magic buffs is unexpectedly difficult!

Either the rope is too slippery or my arms are simply too weak.

Even then, I still gripped the rope tightly, eventually reaching the top.

I grabbed the rope with my left hand as my right held onto the roof.

I took a deep breath; after calming down a little, I knocked on the window.

A short while later, Megumin came to open the curtains; seeing me, she ever so slightly smiled.

As if an illusion, Megumin appeared cheerful. She clicked opened the window, when suddenly…

“Room check! Megumin, are you awake as told? I have a feeling that man will likely try to infiltrate Megumin or Darkness’ bedroom right about now! You guys may feel sleepy these days, but try to adapt alright?”

Aqua’s voice came from Megumin’s room.

Out of all the moments she could and should have used her brain cells, why did she have to use them now…!

Just how much trouble would be saved had she been this clairvoyant in daily life!?

Hearing the commotion, Megumin frantically closed the curtains.

“I’m awake, Aqua. It’s all fine, no problems here. Why don’t you take a rest too, Aqua? Besides, a slight infiltration couldn’t be that bad; after all, Kazuma seems to have had his memory wiped, shouldn’t we go easier on him…?”

Immediately following Megumin’s comment, the door violently slammed open.

“No way in hell, Megumin! Zero tolerance for that dirty hikikomori! I get it now, Megumin must be the type that would walk a thousand miles for the man she loves even though he’s total garbage! And no matter how many times he screws us over, you’d always forgive him out of affection—that’s what my all-seeing eyes are telling me!”

“W-w-w-what are you talking about!? I-it’s nothing like that…!”

Aqua’s confrontation shocked Megumin into panic mode.

Seeing Megumin’s reaction, Aqua hmphed as if she has heard enough…

No, please drop it.

Normally, I’d happy to hear more on that topic, but please leave it for now!

“Megumin, Megumin, you couldn’t possibly be…”

“What!? Possibly be what!?”

As Megumin and Aqua took their time to bicker, the rope turned slippery from my palm sweat.

Now that I’m hanging  , my hands began to tremble…!

Can we save these romance drama scenes for later!?

“Megumin… You! That Dust thug, could you possibly be…!”

“Not at all.”

Screw you!

My sweaty hands are losing grip on the rope and window sill. I began to slip as my balance also failed.

Damn, someone help me!

The one who answered my prayer…

…was neither the useless, self-proclaimed goddess nor the true goddess whom I only meet after death.

“Muahahaha! Muahahahaha! Come out, come out and fight, toilet goddess! Tonight, the moon is waxed, a priceless moment for the great I whose magic power is at its absolute peak! As a duke of hell, I’m here to send thee back to whence thou came’st!”

The perpetually deficit-stricken magic tool shop assistant announced his presence from the front door.

Part 4

“Now, Kazuma! Aqua’s storming to the front door, quick, grab my hand!”

I grabbed Megumin’s outstretched hand and used my other arm to push myself up.

Having a higher Strength stat than me, Megumin lifted me into the room.

—Some voices came from afar.

“You’ve finally shown your true self, you mentally defective devil! Right back at you; I’ll send you whence you came first!”

“Bring it on, bring it on! I’d like to see thee try! Take this, Vanir-style—!”

While listening to those two holler…

“Haa…Haa…!”

I slipped into the room holding Megumin’s hand, barely catching my breath.

Megumin, also still holding on tightly, closed the window.

Finally infiltrating the room, I took ragged breaths as I remained in Megumin’s tight embrace, hands still held.

“Haa…Haa…! Megumin…Megu…Megumin…Haa-aaah…!”

“Wait…! K-Kazuma, your breathing! Your breathing sounds so wrong! The mere scene of us hugging as you’re gasping and repeatedly moaning my name just looks terribly wrong!”

I wanted to express my gratitude, but couldn’t catch my breath.

Indeed, judging by the setup, any sane person would think this is a night raid.

“Aqua, what’s all this fuss about… Vanir, what do you want from us at such an hour!? Everyone’s been irate lately, now with you here…!”

“Haw, aren’t thou the little girl who’s been restless over the brat for being apart for a week? She who suffers from loneliness, she who craves fulfilment and is left somewhat anxious ergo? Well, tonight—“

“What do you meaaaaaaannnn—!”

Darkness and Vanir’s joyful conversation echoed from the front door, but I couldn’t care less.

I should control my breath and get off Megumin first.

But Megumin only tightened her hold.

…Huh.

“Well done, Darkness! Keep holding him down! Sacred Exorcism!”

“Gahhhhhh!? No, that’s impossible! I…I have been defeated…even under the empowerment of the full moon, at my absolute peak…!”

“W-we did it…!” x2

The outside was very noisy.

That bunch is fighting as always, making Megumin’s calm embrace seem like a remarkable feat in comparison.

This gives me the vibe of skipping class in school as everyone else studies to hide alone somewhere discreet—like a sports equipment room—with a girl and…

Of course, I’ve never actually experienced that.

“Ahahahahaha! Didst thou think thou hast won? Unfortunately, what thou hast killed was only an erotic radish! Thou canst have it as a participation award.”

“……” x2

“Oho, please refrain from pursuing in silence! After much wait, I’ve finally tasted such delicious negative emotions! Having accomplished my goal, I shall call it here. So long!”

“Darkness, flank him from behind! Take him out! Tonight, we’ll remove this clown that trolls for a living, once and for all!”

“A-Aqua, what should we do with the sexy radish…!?”

Amidst their cheerful bickering,

“Welcome home. Although life in the capital was great, only everyday conflicts and arguments like this can breathe life into the mansion. Please don’t leave us on your own accord again, alright?”

Keeping me in her arms, Megumin gently patted my back.

…It feels…heartwarming.

Part 5

Taking a deep breath and composing myself, I decided to break contact with Megumin’s body.

…Yet she won’t let go.

“Hey, Megumin, I’m not going anywhere. I’m already home, so isn’t it time to let me loose?”

Should we keep hugging like this, I was afraid spicy things might end up happening.

Yet, Megumin only kept her tight grasp and replied,

“Had you let the much stronger Darkness pull you up, I think your entry would’ve been much easier. Despite that, you specifically came to my room; so,  ”

She giggled.

However, I only chose her room because Vanir told me so; nothing about strength passed my mind either. Since we’re here, I’d better keep the truth hidden.

Although, he really lived up to his name of Devil of Foresight. This must be the “bonus” he spoke of.

Next time I ought to gift his store with a clear-out sale.

By the way, what exactly is my current relationship with Megumin?

Sure, we confessed, but it has been at a standstill ever since.

No, it’s understandable with all this bodyguard business happening in Elroad along with other nonsense. But isn’t it about time for some development now?

In the end, nothing really happened between me and Iris. that makes me a pretty faithful man.

Since Megumin herself seems to tolerate hugging, I guess I should get on the offensive this time.

Just as I was about to dramatically return her embrace…

“Hurry up and make up with Aqua, alright? She kept saying everyday ‘is that wanton NEET still not home? Still not home!?’ While you were away, she always seemed bored, a bit lonely, even.”

……

“She also prepared dinner for Kazuma every night, calling it ‘the portion for the wanton NEET who’s still out-and-about’. In the end, she force-fed Darkness the extra food.”

So Darkness also sustained her share of the fallout.

Hearing Megumin’s thoughts, I turned my would-be hug into a hold on the shoulder.

Even though I rarely get such a wonderful opportunity, such a perfect atmosphere…

“…Let me go tie up the loose ends with that idiot. We’ll continue once I get back.”

“N-not continuing, definitely not!”

Though saying that, her face showed a tinge of disappointment.

But more importantly, she looked glad for her teammates.

“Go on now!”

She said to my back as I went out to look for Aqua.

“—Ahh! Burglar! Darkness, a burglar just broke into the beautiful goddess’ mansion! Go catch him!”

I ran into a screaming Aqua on my way to the front door.

Her reaction on seeing me together with her bare feet and pajamas did little to corroborate the title of a “beautiful goddess”.

Hearing her command, Darkness only glanced back and forth between Aqua and I conflictingly.

“…Hey, Aqua, isn’t it about time that you made up with Kazuma… Owieowieowie! Cut it out, Aqua, don’t pull my hair!”

Darkness cried aloud from having her hair yanked.

“Darkness, do you really enjoy being abandoned by this NEET so much? When you received letters saying that he wanted to live with Iris, you breathed heavily and complained about being cucked. If we all keep spoiling Kazuma, there’d truly be no saving this despicable man! Hell, I think he’s far beyond saving already!”

This damn woman.

“Hey, not that I want to pick a fight, but I must make myself clear. I never betrayed you guys. Think about it, am I that superficial of a man? Did you think I would ditch my dear companions for Iris? I’m neither trashy nor lolicon-y enough to do that. While Iris is precious to me; at the end of the day, she’s still my sister. Do you honestly believe I’d make moves on girls that age?”

Aqua was briefly taken aback by my outburst, but—

“Thou , as the useless trash whose only abilities in the previous life were rock-paper-scissors and gaming, should reflect on how thou died in the first place. Remember whom thou were trying to protect before entering this world. Had the person in question been a senior, thou probably wouldn’t have batted an eye. Set aside that surficial dignity and tell us thy true self: My name is Satou Kazuma, and I am the loliNEET!”

“Since when did saving a high school girl make one a lolicon!? Don’t you get all cocky for conquering my home, either; tonight, I’ll teach you a lesson!”

I could no longer bear Aqua’s insults.

“Darkness, protect me! Come shield me against this dangerous intruder!”

“Hey, what!? Wait a minute…!”

Aqua immediately hid behind Darkness. Meanwhile, I clenched my fists and started eyeing their distances.

“Watch as I Drain Touch all your stamina, Bind you up then throw you into Emperor Zell’s pen! Repent!”

“Come at me then, you damn NEET! Do you really believe an undead skill can hinder me!? Mind you, this is a 2v1, so don’t expect to win!”

“W-wait, I never agreed to fight Kazuma…!”

Before Darkness could finish, I lunged at Aqua.

“—I-impossible…!”

Lying on the carpet and pinned by Aqua, I groaned.

Beside me lies Darkness, bound in ropes, limp with eyes rolled back due to the effects of Drain Touch.

Aqua can easily undo debuffs like Bind, and Darkness can block any close-up attacks.

Like so, I was pinned down by Aqua after she buffed herself.

I underestimated her. Her superior base stats don’t lie.

And skills like “God’s Blow” or “God’s Requiem” really make you wonder if she’s in fact the goddess of bar fights.

I truly, sincerely hope this girl would put at least a fraction of her potential to use on a daily basis.

On a side note, Darkness only fell because she was caught between Aqua and I.

“Huff…huff…! You…you were a tough one huh, Kazuma? But still, since the victor is clear, come on! Apologize to me! Just say sorry and I’ll forgive you!”

Aqua claimed proudly, as she straddled me.

I said to Aqua,

“…I did nothing wrong this time. Forget trying to satisfy Iris’ final wish, even my memory’s gone; therefore, I have no reason to apologize! Do you not realize that I have one last trick up my sleeve? Mark my words: tomorrow, you’ll be begging for my forgiveness in tears!”

Having no wrongdoings to be ashamed of, I refuted honorably.

“Haw, fighting to your last breath, huh? I was about to call this a wrap here, but you seem to want more. No problem! You have your schemes, and I have my measures. Kazuma, I hereby swear as the Goddess of Water to never let a step inside this house without an apology! You are now banished! I can already see you crying while saying sorry tomorrow!”

Part 6

Next morning.

I fell deep in thought as I viewed my mansion from afar.

There’s a common cliché in mangas where the good-hearted male lead gets subjected to violence from the female lead due to a misunderstanding.

Or in other words, the male lead had no bad intentions, yet he still gets miserably beaten by the female lead for peeking at something out of curiosity.

In some cases, even though the female lead isn’t in a relationship with the male lead, she still gets unreasonably salty just from seeing him walk alongside another girl.

In a way, scenarios like these could spell great fun for manga readers.

As the onlooking audience, not only do you feel zero pressure; but perhaps even a bit of schadenfreude.

However, my opinion is different.

“Kazuma‑san!  !”

If I were the male lead in question, I would strike back against those illogical females in an instant.

“Waaaaah! K-Kazuma‑san! Master Kazuma!!”

There exists a powerful force of justice in this world, specifically to control these unsensible yet violent actions.

Innocent civilians can rely on this power and use it freely. Those who are unreasonable, utilize unjust violence or commit crimes yet feel that they “should be forgiven due to being female” are the ones that ought to feel ashamed.

“Kazuma‑sama! I’ve…always thought that Kazuma‑sama was in fact a very—well, a generally amiable man! Plus, from all the time we’ve spent together, you should know that mutual understanding is the key to solving conflicts…!”

I pointed at Aqua, who’s crying and yelling from the upper window.

“Officer, it’s her.”

“After surveying the real estate office, we’ve confirmed your ownership of this property, Satou Kazuma‑san. Next, we shall proceed to reclaim your illegally occupied housing.”

I fulfilled my duty as a citizen by calling the police on the criminal in my mansion.

“Kazuma‑san! Master Kazuma! Waaaaaaaah! Kazuma‑samaaaaa!”

Seeing the police rush in, Aqua entered a state of panic, repeatedly calling my name.

“I-I-I-I’m um, Kazuma’s housemate, so…!”

“Is that true? It’d be big news indeed if the Lady of House Dustiness turned out to be a criminal.”

Inside the cordoned mansion, Darkness, who failed to escape in time, was being questioned.

Megumin had an ominous feeling long before the law enforcement arrived and slipped away early.

And here I thought she was the most trustworthy of us. Guess I was mistaken.

Then…

“Waaaaaaah! Kazuma‑sama! Kazuma‑sama! Please forgive me, Kazuma‑sama! I’m sorry, it’s all my fault! please forgive me Kazuma‑sama! Are my apologies not enough Kazuma‑sama!??”

Wailing apologies, Aqua was being taken into custody.

I walked up beside her.

“Good morning, Goddess of Water. Are you sure you’re not going to let me back in before I’ve said sorry?”

“I’m sorry, Kazuma‑sama! I’ll be obedient from now on! I won’t ever doubt you again! Please forgive me!”

Aqua cried for forgiveness as two police officers dragged her away.

I put on an incredibly smug look and exclaimed,

“AHHH, WHERE WOULD YOU ALL BE WITHOUT ME!?”

Part 7

I sat down in my long-awaited VIP spot on the living room sofa.

“Kazuma‑sama, your tea’s ready.”

I leaned back, dangling one arm behind the sofa and stretched out my legs. Meanwhile, Aqua delivered my tea.

“Thank you.”

I expressed gratitude for Aqua’s attentive service and took a sip.

“You useless maid! The hell was that!? Wasn’t that pure water!? How many times do I have to tell you: don’t even slightly touch the tea otherwise it’ll turn to water, so be careful! Remake it! Right now! Go re-brew my tea!”

“Ahhh, my sincere apologies, Kazuma‑sama! Your tea will be remade shortly!”

Hearing my complaint, Aqua hurried away with surprising fervor.

She seems unconcerned, as if playing some new, whacky game.

“The problem appears to be solved. To be truthful, I’m just happy that everyone can all sit together in this living room once more.”

Said Megumin as she leisurely sipped Aqua’s tea beside me.

That bastard evidently can make people regular tea, yet mine is always water. She must be deliberately looking for trouble.

As if her real goal is to be yelled at.

Staring somewhat jealously at Aqua, Darkness said,

“All aside, it’s all good as long as you’re here in one piece… And please don’t call the cops so rashly again…”

She shot me an accusing look.

Well, don’t be criminals then.

“Your tea’s here!”

“I appreciate it.”

Aqua brought forth her new tea, made with uncharacteristic efficiency.

I took a cup and sipped from it to find…!

“What did I say? This is pure freaking water! Couldn’t you use your brain for once!?”

“Ahh! I’m extremely sorry Kazuma‑sama! I, your servant, will go remake it right away…!”

Aqua responded with a tinge of joy. Darkness then said,

“Aqua, if you mess up every time, just let me do it. That way, Kazuma won’t have to yell at you anymore. Then… I’ll be the only one he needs to yell at…”

She had stood up to take action when…

“Hey Darkness! I’ve finally caught this rare chance to play the Dustiness Maid game, so step aside!”

“!?”

Aqua replied rudely.

“Hey, so the real reason you kept purifying my tea on purpose was to imitate Darkness’ perverted maids?”

“Not exactly; I’ve always directly poured you hot water.”

“Hold on a second you two, there’s nothing wrong with the maids of my family!”

Just as Darkness objected, Aqua took out a pre-dipped brush.

“Kazuma‑sama, to punish this useless Dustiness maid, please doodle all you want on my body!”

“Er…”

“As I said, our maids would never ask for something like that!”

I ignored Darkness, picked up Aqua’s brush and scribbled a few lines on her face.

Then, all the ink trails quickly faded to water.

Watching it all take place, Megumin couldn’t help but smile.

I turned to face her and smiled back when…

“Ahh! Ouch ouch ouch…”

I covered the rib that was hurt by Aqua during last night’s melee.

Suddenly, Aqua gasped in shock.

“That must be an injury from last night. So sorry, Kazuma‑sama! Well, today, I’ll go out of my way and use the most powerful healing spell in existence.”

“Sacred Highness Heal!”

With that, she casually casted the restoration spell.

Restoration magic…

“…………Ahh.”

I instinctively murmured after being healed.

“What is it?”

Aqua tilted her head in confusion.

“What’s wrong Kazuma‑sama? That was the strongest healing magic I know of, was it not enough?”

No, rather—

“Err…Ah, no. It was great. Th-thanks a lot, Aqua. Now I feel much more relaxed. And by the way, since we’re mates, stop calling me ‘Kazuma‑sama’, just ‘Kazuma’ is fine; otherwise, I’d feel isolated.”

I tried my best to act normal.

(Darkness) “…What happened to you? Nonetheless, that was an admirable thought after having said ‘since Aqua suspected you for a week, she shall call you by ‑sama for another week’. After all, you’re right about us getting closer as teammates.”

With that, Darkness smiled gracefully.

Megumin followed suit, but then…

“……”

Aqua pushed her face directly in front of mine and stared into my soul.

“…Wh-what is it?”

“…Nothing. I just promised to never suspect Kazuma again.”

Though saying that, she continued to stare at me point-blank.

It must’ve been Aqua’s restoration magic.

It had completely restored all the memories that had been erased; and now, I couldn’t look at her straight.

What do I do?

Only a while ago, I had been righteously asserting my innocence; but now, I couldn’t even fathom how trashy I was.

To the point where I couldn’t even deny titles like “Scumzuma” or “Kazutrash” anymore.

As a last-ditch attempt, I took out the letter.

“Aqua, remember this? It must’ve been from a week ago for you yet it feels brand new to me, who’s suffering from amnesia. Now, let’s see the passion you felt! Think about the real cause we’re here for!”

Even when given the letter, she still persisted.

Gradually losing composure, I abruptly stood up from the sofa.

“Anyways! Let’s head to the Adventurer’s Guild! We’ll take quests—for the safety of Axel, and the world!”

“………”

Aqua continued to stare from mere centimeters away. Non-stop.

—Five minutes later, my façade of humility crumbled as I prostrated to beg for everyone’s forgiveness.

Chapter 3: Goddess’ Grace on the Pious Follower!

Part 1

At a time earlier than high noon yet too late to be called “morning”.

About that time when one would prepare lunch.

I entered the living room with a bedhead, holding back yawns. Everyone’s busy making lunch.

“Morning. What’s for breakfast? I won’t be wanting miso soup for a long while after eating weird things everyday in the capital.”

As I tapped my bowl, Darkness glared at me.

“Didn’t you get your memories back? You do remember what the children wrote to you, right? Waking up this late isn’t the way to be. Forget breakfast, we’re having lunch soon. It’ll be lobsters, because when I had Megumin’s secret Crimson Demon lobster dish in Elroad, I was captivated. This time, I’ve finally convinced her to prepare the raw ingredients after numerous attempts.”

Having heard Darkness’ somewhat passionate explanation, I turned to Megumin, who avoided eye contact.

She must have chickened out because she didn’t expect a noble lady to enjoy such a basic lobster recipe.

Hopefully this noble lady who only minds her own business wouldn’t order lowly dishes like lobsters in galas.

I decided not to break the truth to her after seeing her happy expression while preparing the lobsters.

“W-well then. Megumin’s dish is indeed quite delicious. Anyways, what are we doing today? …Are we really going to the guild?”

Having regained my memory, I once again remember the time I spent with Iris after my team had departed.

I even remember Iris saying, “I really like onii-chan.”

Had she not said that, I would likely be bursting with enthusiasm at this point from the children’s fan mail.

“Whatever you like. In Kazuma’s absence, we’ve calmed down a bit… So, if Kazuma is absolutely determined to take quests, I’m all for it.”

“Don’t mind me. Ask if Aqua is absolutely determined to go.”

Aqua and I pushed responsibilities between us. Having little passion left, she probably feels the same way.

Watching this scene unfold, Darkness gained an anger vein as she slammed her fork against the table.

“Didn’t you two gain any motivation from the letters? Hey, Kazuma, you’re no less than an admired idol for those children! Aren’t you going to be a role model for them?”

“I can understand why they admire me, but after calming down… Well, you know the rest. Think again carefully. Since experience can be earned by merely eating special cuisine, there’s no need to do dangerous adventuring.”

Darkness shook her head, as if saying “this guy is hopeless”.

“Hey Aqua, you get along with children too, right? Don’t you often play with kids in the neighbourhood? Don’t you also call yourself a goddess, like you did at the capital? Then, shouldn’t defeating the Demon King be your duty?”

Darkness’ pampering voice grabbed the attention of the self-proclaimed Goddess of Water.

“I am indeed the Goddess of Water, Aqua-sama… Although it’s strange considering how you guys don’t usually believe that at all. Hey, are you all realizing my godhood from heart? Then, since I’ve lived with you for so long, I must be more important than that Eris, right? Why not switch to the Axis cult?”

Aqua has become skeptical due to my earlier incident.

Having thought that Aqua would be a low-hanging fruit to trick, Darkness was shocked to find her firing back.

“…B-but, every generation of my family had been loyal defenders of the nation and its religion. My duty prevents me from believing any cult other than Eris cult…”

“Liar! You still don’t believe me! Darkness, I really am the Goddess of Water! Don’t you ever wonder how a normal person could stay submerged for so long and turn any solution to water with a touch!?”

Pounced on by Aqua, Darkness turned her eyes away.

“A-about that… I heard that Axis priests are very powerful due to the devotion of their followers, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they could turn whatever they touch to water; besides, Axis cultists probably don’t even need to breathe…”

“Apologize, now! Apologize for making my children sound like monsters! On another note… Everything Darkness wrote in those letters were compliments for Kazuma. I believe it’s about time to redeem the name of the Axis cultists; more specifically, I also want fan mail!”

Hearing Aqua’s demands, her eyes glowed…

“I-I understand! I’ll just go there again if that’s all you want, so— “

…and spilled some important truth.

“…Hey, you were saying…?”

Darkness immediately covered her mouth.

But alas, it was too late.

“Go where again exactly? …Oi, Darkness, the letters you showed me earlier were supposed to be from children, Right?”

Under my pressure, Darkness slammed the table and shot up.

“That’s indeed how it happened! Problem!? I even paid the kids to write them! Did you think I had a choice!? You wouldn’t come home any other way!”

When Darkness made such a baseless accusation in response, I stood up as well.

“Way to blame the victim! I even treasured my first fan mail as a memento!”

“W-were you that elated by them? I sincerely apologize for that…”

Darkness mumbled apologetically.

This bastard, acting increasingly noble.

“Back then you were still an honorable woman who refused to abuse her status. Since when did you learn scams like this!? You have been trigger-happy with abusing power lately, threatening this and seducing that. And now you…!”

Indeed, the old Darkness tried her hardest to keep her familial matters separate.

But now that she’s learned to use her power and wealth, it’s as if she’d been swapped for a corrupt old noble.

Is that what growing up is like?

“W-well, whose fault do you think it is!? That’s right, it’s all you! I’ve only fallen this low because of you!”

Darkness is now shamelessly going all-out. Aqua and I decided to strike back.

(Kazuma) “Why the hell am I the scapegoat!? Who are you kidding, bitch!? Your character doesn’t seem at all that different from when we had met!”

(Aqua) “Apologize, now! Those letters really touched me! Not only to Kazuma, you owe me an apology, too!”

(Megumin) “Quiet down everyone, eat the food before it gets cold. I spent a lot of effort in this.”

As the situation turned hairier—chaotic, even—knocking came from the front door.

I’m honestly tired of arguing with them.

So, I swiftly went to greet our guests.

(Darkness) “Oi, Kazuma, we’re not finished yet!”

(Aqua) “Shut up, you deceptive woman! Go eat your crayfish!”

(Darkness) “What are crayfish?”

While Darkness tilts her head in confusion, I opened the door.

(Funifura) “H-hello!”

(Dodonko) “ Meagerm—! I mean, M-Megumin-san, is she home?”

Before me stood two familiar-looking crimson demon girls, and holding their hands was Megumin’s sister—Komekko.

Part 2

“Only the finest tea for our respected guests.”

“M-many thanks!”

“Thank you very much!”

Sitting on the sofa in the living room, the two girls were offered tea by Aqua.

That’s right, I’ve met them before in the Crimson Demon village. They were…

“So, what brought Punyfura and Dodumko here with my sister in tow?”

“How about you get our names straight first! I’m Funifura, Fu-ni-fu-ra!”

“I’m not Dodumko but Dodonko! Could you be holding a grudge just because I nearly called you Meagermin!? I merely bit my tongue!”

Megumin’s reply reminded me.

They were the duo of Yunyun’s circle in the village.

“Anyway, these are Funifura and Dodonko, two insignificant Crimson Demons. Just keep them in mind for the time being.”

“How could you!? How could you use terms like ‘insignificant’ and ‘the time being’!?”

“While we’re indeed usually treated as a pair and aren’t that important, I still can’t tolerate being judged by Megumin!”

Hearing Megumin’s half-hearted introduction, the two got emotional.

“Here, have a taste of this, too! Don’t worry, we still have a lot; take your time.”

“Komekko, there’s dessert afterwards…s-so, please don’t be so aggressive, you’re worrying me.”

As Megumin and I took the responsibility of dealing with the girls, Aqua and Darkness fed Komekko next to us.

She seemed incredibly hungry as she devoured the food at a dangerous pace.

Still a bit nervous visiting a different home, Funifura then said,

“Long time no see, Megumin. Your sister suffered tragic events, so we brought her here.”

The assertive girl with twintails called Funifura informed Megumin as she gazed at Komekko.

“Yes yes, we’re unsure if it applies only to your sister or your whole family…but needless to say, Komekko has encountered a disaster and has nowhere to seek refuge. We then heard that Megumin and Yunyun are both in Axel, so we’ve escorted her all the way here.”

The girl with the ponytail called Dodonko puffed out her chest in pride.

“What matter could be so grave? What happened to Megumin’s home? By the way, we’ve talked before when I visited the crimson demon village, right?”

Hearing my question, the two shuddered, suggesting they’re highly inexperienced with talking to males.

“Aren’t you Megumin’s boyfriend? Er, do you live with her? Actually, forget your home, the whole village has been hit by a disaster.”

“Yes yes, it’s nonetheless a bit difficult to express…”

Megumin couldn’t stand their dancing around the issue any longer and gazed at the feasting Komekko questioningly.

As if sensing her sister’s glare, Komekko gulped down whatever she was chewing.

“A ’boom’ and my home was gone.”

Her rather unhelpful summary shocked Megumin stiff.

“What did you mean by ‘boom’? Please elaborate!”

Seeing Megumin confused, Funifura and Dodonko shared a glance and hesitated—

“The army of the Demon King’s daughter is invading the Crimson Demon village.”

Funifura started.

Hearing that, Megumin became unusually serious.

“The Demon King’s daughter… Does that mean the village’s secret has finally been exposed?”

The Crimson Demon village’s secret.

Crimson Demons were genetically engineered humans made by a lost technological superpower, so their very existence is a mystery.

Is that the reason the Demon King attacked them?

Although, by now the technology used to create Crimson Demons is long gone.

Therefore, that can’t be the motive behind their attacks.

“Kazuma, don’t worry too much. It’s fine. Many Crimson Demons know teleportation, we won’t be dealt with so easily. Even if the whole village burns down, we can still magically repair it in a jiffy.”

As if mistaking me for actually sympathizing the Crimson Demons, Megumin suddenly said such a thing.

“No, while I am quite worried for Megumin’s parents, I’m mainly interested in the secret of Crimson Demons. Don’t you have the tendency to collect…uhm, ‘evil goddesses that had been sealed away’ and other dangerous things to your own village? You also tend of have some sort of doomsday device in store. So, I was wondering if that’s the reason the Demon King’s daughter is attacking you.”

At this stage, whatever that bunch may be hiding won’t surprise me.

So, I hope she could be succinct about it.

“I understand. It seems necessary to tell Kazuma the truth now.”

As if reading my mind, Megumin gazed at me seriously.

“Actually, one of the tourist attractions at the Crimson Demon village is a watchtower that can spy on the Demon King’s castle.”

Watchtower?

“Indeed, there is a watchtower upgraded with powerful magic items on a mountaintop near the village. Although it hasn’t reached the stage of ‘Omniscience’ yet…”

Funifura followed up Megumin’s explanation with equal seriousness.

“Us Crimson Demons can observe the Demon King’s castle anytime. His daughter seems to have found out…”

Looking troubled, Dodonko also filled in some details.

…So that’s what happened. Being spied on must be no joking matter for the Demon Army.

After all, intelligence is crucial in war.

So, the Demon King’s daughter wants to destroy the offending watchtower, huh…

“The original selling point for that thing was that it ‘could see into the Demon King’s daughter’s bedroom’. But now that our victim knows about it…”

“Mhm, the Demon Army’s information warfare capabilities are not to be underestimated.”

“What did you just say?”

I put a pause to Funifura and Dodonko’s exposition.

“As they have said, the watchtower can not only generate revenue from tourism but also provide entertainment for NEETs in the village. A piece of equipment this valuable…”

“…would obviously be attacked by the Demon King’s daughter. Hey, I’ve always wanted to ask: why is the Demon King at war with humans? To be brutally honest, aren’t you Crimson Demons and the Axis cultists the main reason we’re still fighting?”

As if agreeing with my logic at heart, the three Crimson Demons averted my gaze.

“Oi, are you girls feeling guilty?”

“Wh-what do you mean, Kazuma? Why are we always to blame…? We just have the Crimson Demon barbeque festival every four years…”

As Megumin’s voice trailed off, Aqua, who’s feeding Komekko, tilted her head in confusion.

“Barbeque?”

Funifura answered,

“All teleportation-capable Crimson Demons would gather quadrennially and have a barbeque near the Demon King’s castle. After the feast, us Crimson Demons then unleash a whole mess of magic upon the barrier, only returning after the Demon Army comes charging out.”

“You guys are sincerely annoying. Can we stop with these troublesome activities already!? …Nevertheless, I understand the situation now. Thank you for bringing Komekko over, we’ll keep her refuge; alright?”

Funifura and company exhaled in relief.

“Since the child doesn’t really have another home, we sincerely thank you. We ourselves have duties to attend to…”

“Mhm, as the Crimson Demons, how could we refuse free meals delivered to our doorstep?”

Hearing those terrifying statements, Megumin joined in and courageously said,

“Daughter of the Demon King, show yourself! I call dibs on the first strike with my explosion! Funifura, Dodonko, let’s move!”

“How could you even help? Next, we’re going to meet up with the other Crimson Demons and engage in guerilla warfare with the Demon King’s daughter, now that she’s occupied our village. With only explosion magic, you’re at most a backup.”

Feeling betrayed by the term “backup”, Megumin’s eyebrow twitched.

“Yes yes, we were recruited as soon as we learned advanced magic. Feel free to watch in jealousy as we put on a show.”

Now with a second knife in her back, Megumin’s eyes lit up with crimson.

“Ah, speaking of which, Yunyun should be in this city too, right? Do you know where she is? She’s also invited, although we haven’t been able to find her.”

“Mhm, and I remember Yunyun describing in her letters what the friends she made here looked like. Even though we told her in advance that we’d be coming today…”

Yunyun’s friends? Gotta be the masked devil and the delinquent she had been hanging out with.

As for why she couldn’t be found, she probably didn’t want to introduce her so-called “friends” despite desperately wanting to demonstrate her social abilities.

“—L-look, Megumin, we wanted to ask you something.”

Said Funifura as if it were her final words before deployment—

“Yunyun wrote in her letters that she had made a guy friend in Axel… She’s really exaggerating and has no friends in reality, right?”

“I-is that true? Yunyun possibly has more friends besides us! Forget Megumin, please don’t tell me that even Yunyun has more friends than we do…”

Megumin then answered bluntly,

“As for her male acquaintances, first we have Kazuma over here, plus…the chick-magnet Vanir down the street and the notoriously degenerate blonde delinquent adventurer Dust…”

Watching Megumin count with her fingers as she spoke, Funifura and Dodonko panicked.

“Ha…Haha! L-look, she’s already trying her best given her abilities! Unlike the Crimson Demon village, there’re many people here! So, having one or two weirdos befriend her is nothing unexpected!”

Funifura adamantly denied her loss while Dodonko also tried to convince herself…

“E-exactly! By the way, Megumin, what’s up with this guy here? You talked a lot about him back in the village; but on a second thought, it didn’t make much sense. No way Megumin can possibly be this lovey-dovey. Be honest with us, Megumin. The shared bathing, sleeping together and events of the sort are all accidents, right?”

This question spells disaster.

Besides, Aqua and Darkness had just left to take Komekko to brush her teeth after desserts.

Only us four remained.

In other words—

“Uhmm… How should I put this… Er…”

Megumin blushingly glanced over at me, mumbled, then lowered her head.

How strange, this chick doesn’t usually act this timid.

“You…hey, you gotta be joking, right!? How could you possibly react so girlishly…!”

“N-no, I can’t lose to even Megumin… How could I lose to that chronically airheaded Megumin who’s the least likely to touch romance…!”

The two Crimson Demon girls backed closer and closer to the door.

Hope drained from their faces as if they’ve seen the world’s end.

Megumin shyly scratched her cheek…

…then said troublingly,

“Please keep this secret from my parents.”

“AHHHHH! We’ll never…!”

“…lose to you!”

Megumin savored the sight of them tearfully running away.

Then cracked a evil smile of victory.

—After sending them off, we bought a bunch of necessities for Komekko’s stay and returned home.

As soon as we were home, Aqua occupied the sofa as if as a display of power.

Within her grasp was Chomusuke, who had been neglected recently due to our travels and is currently struggling for her dear life.

“So, I’ll share my bed with Komekko. It’s been a while, you must have felt lonely. Here, let me compensate you with some long-awaited bedtime companionship.”

“Onee-chan must have been lonely without me…”

“K-Komekko!”

As she responded Megumin’s bed-sharing invitation with a roast, Komekko stared intently at Chomusuke in Aqua’s arms.

“Looks tasty…”

“Komekko, we have an abundance of food here, so please leave Emperor Zell and Chomusuke alone!”

Megumin advised worriedly, to which Komekko nodded as she wiped the corners of her mouth.

“You’re right, we must wait till they grow fatter.”

“No, that’s not why, Komekko! Those are our pets!”

Seemingly alarmed by Komekko’s heartless requests, Aqua reflexively took Chomusuke away.

“Since we rarely gather, let’s host a welcome party. Onii-san will bring you all sorts of delicacies!”

“Onii-san is so handsome!”

As Komekko cheered, she took out a small notebook.

“What are you writing?”

Megumin leaned over to see what she’s writing…

“mm/dd/yyyy: successfully seduced onee-chan’s boyfriend. I seem to have shifted his target from onee-chan to myself… Komekko! What do you mean by ‘seduce’ and ‘boyfriend’, who taught you these words!?”

“Buzucoily.”

“That damn hikikomori huh!? The NEET really has zero redeeming factors!”

What’s happening? Why do I feel hurt for this totally unrelated man even though I’m no longer a NEET but an adventurer?

“Say, what is this, really? A diary?”

“Mom told me to use this to keep track of onee-chan’s relationship with her boyfriend.”

I completely didn’t expect there to be a spy among us.

Part 3

The next day.

Sleeping in till noon, I went downstairs for brunch.

“Onee-chan, another one!”

“Komekko, we always have enough food here, so you can stop stuffing yourself like there’s no tomorrow.”

Before me was Komekko who hopped around to condense the food in her stomach and Megumin who looked worried for Komekko.

And then—

“Oi, Darkness, why is the rice somewhat salty…?”

“Hmm… because I’ve been crying buckets…”

…there were also the two people who watched Komekko with teary eyes.

They seem to be strongly empathic about Komekko’s poverty.

“Because she rarely has the chance to fill her stomach!”

“That may be the case, but as your older sister, I’d feel ashamed. Here, have some pudding for dessert.”

“Nom!”

After feeling conflicted for a brief period, Aqua pushed her own serving of dessert to the adorably gluttonous Komekko.

Unbelievably, even the most scrupulous person in terms of “food awareness” has been converted.

“Onee-san is full, you can have my pudding, all right?”

“Is that really okay? Wasn’t pudding a super precious snack we only eat on birthdays? Don’t you want it?”

While speaking, Komekko stared intently at Aqua’s pudding. Buckling under empathy, Megumin and Darkness also donated their share.

“Komekko, we’re the most famous adventuring party in the whole nation; no worries for money. Tomorrow I’ll make you a whole tub of pudding. For today, just say thanks and eat all these.”

“Thanks everyone!”

Komekko bowed deeply in gratitude as she received the pudding, as if it were some priceless treasure.

Aqua and company then continued to dote on her.

Just now, Megumin noticed me spectating.

“Huh, you’re up? Are you here for breakfast?”

“Oh please… Megumin, go ahead and tell me when you need money. You always let me handle most of the income, only taking some change and tax money every month. How about I allocate a portion specifically for your personal spending?”

Indeed, this girl normally has no greed to speak of.

She occasionally gets infatuated with high-tier robes or fancy equipment, but from what I recall, the priciest item she actually owns was the staff she bought with our cabbage quest money.

I felt extremely sorry, like the time I saw all the discount tickets and reward cards in her wallet.

“Thanks for your consideration, but I’m fine. I only send a portion of my savings to my parents every month. Speaking of which, should I send too much money home, my dad would definitely blow through it all making useless magic items.”

“I didn’t know your daddy was that irresponsible.”

As we talked, I began eating my belated brunch.

“Onee-chan onee-chan, your boyfriend is finally here. Can we go to the guild now?”

“Komekko…! K-Komekko, uh… Could you stop calling him ‘onee-chan’s boyfriend’!?”

Aqua watched the bickering sisters with a graceful face as she sipped her after-meal tea. Suddenly, she thought of something.

(Aqua) “Right, so Komekko wants to visit the guild? Since you’re interested, why not let this famous onee-san take you there?”

(Darkness) “That’s right, I had returned here to start from zero, to keep doing quests. Taking Komekko along while we look for suitable quests isn’t a bad idea. By the way, why would you want to go there anyway? That’s no place for fooling around.”

Komekko then said something confusing in response to the unusually pampering duo.

“I want to visit the guild to see how strong onee-chan is.”

However, Megumin seems to have understood it very well. Her whole body trembled.

“In her recent letters, onee-chan told me that she is well-respected within the guild. People would often compliment her and bow down at the mere sight of her.”

Komekko said something I can’t overlook.

Silence fell.

“Oi.”

My single-syllable complaint intensified Megumin’s shuddering and made her stand up.

“Komekko, why don’t we go play in the yard? You can meet Emperor Zell in the pen there. Besides, it must’ve been long since you last played with Chomusuke, right? So, take her with you and go feed Emperor Zell!”

“Understood! I’ll feed it till it’s super fat!”

After resolutely sacrificing the cat that was sunbathing near the window, Megumin sent Komekko off with a pressured expression. She sighed.

Seeing she has no intention to face me, I then prompted her again—

“…Oi.”

“It’s not what it looks like.”

Megumin spun around, jumped into seiza (TL note: a formal resting position) and defended herself at the speed of light.

Even though I can’t see how it could happen otherwise, I still decided to hear her excuses first.

After we’ve all taken seat, Megumin stared off into the distance as if reminiscing her past.

“Let me explain; this matter has deep history… That’s right, it dates back to when I first left the Crimson Demon village…”

And thus she proceeded to explain the roots for her stories—

“—Nothing earth-shattering to speak of, is there?”

Hearing the story, I didn’t find anything too worrisome. She merely postured several times in her letters home.

She even took it further and explained it as to prevent her parents from worrying about her struggling in this cruel world.

Now that she mentioned it, I remember how her parents made many exaggerated comments when we had visited the Crimson Demon village.

“I wish I had another way. Should my parents become too worried, they might come take me back—that’d be terrible news. Plus, without me, wouldn’t Kazuma also be distraught?”

Having spilled the beans, Megumin stood up abruptly, flared out her cloak and struck a smug pose as if saying “what do you have to say now?”.

“No, uh…… Eh? If Megumin gets taken away…?”

Would I really be distraught?

“Oi.”

Megumin fired back, now that I’m the one deep in thought.

“I’d very much be distraught if Megumin left! Because that way, I’d have to remake the chore distribution charts and do even more work! On top of that, I’d have one less friend to play with!”

Aqua’s careless response only salted Megumin’s wounds as she fell to all fours in grave depression.

Darkness stroked her back to provide consolation.

(Darkness) “L-let’s put that aside for now. You’d better tell Komekko the truth first. Since you can’t hide it forever, confessing sooner rather than later could save you a lot of trouble.”

Seeing us all nod in agreement…

“B-but my pride as an older sister…! No, Darkness is right. Originally, I only wanted to lie about my conditions to keep my parents calm—at first, I wrote the letters sincerely, but my mother was still too overprotective… After all, since we live in a mansion now, boasting about being a frontline hero is redundant. There’s no reason to take me home either at this point. I’d better come clean with Komekko.”

Megumin smiled in relief after seemingly making up her mind.

“—Komekko… I have some serious matters to discuss with you.”

After getting the dirtied Komekko who seemed to have had a great time to sit down, Megumin faced her and told her seriously.

Hearing that, Komekko was aghast.

“Could the tub of pudding onee-chan promised to give me…be a ruse?”

“It’s nothing insignificant like that, the pudding isn’t a trick! I’m here to tell you something far more important!”

Seeing that her pudding is genuine, Komekko sighed in relief.

“Komekko,”

Resolutely, Megumin began,

“You remember how I claimed in my letters that we were the strongest party in Axel, right?”

“Mhm, that onee-chan is a super-duper mage that can kill any monster in a single hit and she’s well-respected by other adventurers because of it…”

“Right. About that…”

Hearing Komekko’s recital, Megumin nodded.

“And the blonde onee-san never backs down before any monster, she’s a reliable crusader who can withstand any attack. The blue-haired onee-san is a priest that never loses to any undead or devils; she can even revive dead people like a goddess.”

As Komekko continued, Megumin stood up in a hurry.

“Onee-chan’s boyfriend is a very lucky and smart man; he killed many strong enemies. Even though he often complains, he still stands up for his friends when they’re in danger. Very gentle.”

At that moment, Megumin covered Komekko’s mouth.

“Komekko, you didn’t have to say everything! The truth behind these descriptions…”

Just as Megumin blushingly prepared to tell her the truth.

“As expected of Megumin, at least acknowledging that I’m like a goddess—even though I am one. It’s fine Komekko, your sister ain’t lying.”

Smiling, Aqua said somewhat arrogantly.

“Er, hmm. While I’m surprised at how Megumin sees me, those aren’t really lies. Hehe… A reliable…crusader, huh…”

Even Darkness became uncontrollably flattered.

“Wh-what happened to you two!? D-don’t get the wrong idea, Komekko, what I wrote in the letters were all…!”

Before Megumin could finish, I announced succinctly to Komekko—

“…Completely true.”

Part 4

On our way to the Adventurer’s Guild.

Megumin berated us under her breath for taking Komekko along.

“You guys just had to mess up this matter even more. I was already prepared to be despised by her when I confessed…”

I responded to Megumin’s continued mumbling,

“Relax, you. I really don’t think what you had told Komekko was that inaccurate. While it was indeed exaggerated, they were true for the most part.”

“That’s right, they were exaggerated just a tiny bit. Besides, many things can’t be explained clearly in letters, so those mistakes aren’t even your fault.”

As I gave such an answer, Darkness said excitedly as she led Komekko by her hand.

“Blonde onee-san, are you really super strong? Sturdy enough to withstand explosion magic? Too powerful for even devils to possess?”

“Mhmm, those are indeed true. Hmm, er… Man, did Megumin include even these details…? Needless to say, they’re still true.”

“So great!”

The usually compliment-deprived Darkness abused this opportunity to fish for admiration from Komekko.

She must enjoy Komekko’s compliments a lot because she rarely gets to shine as a meat shield.

“So, what about me? Why not talk about me a little?”

The similarly compliment-deprived Aqua nagged Komekko tirelessly from behind.

…I should also ask her to describe me later—

—Megumin’s voice echoed within the moderately spacious guild hall.

“I have something to say!”

Megumin had yelled as soon as she entered the guild. All the adventurers turned their attention to her.

Megumin and I let Darkness and Aqua handle Komekko temporarily, and had come to the Adventurer’s Guild to explain the situation.

“Everyone, listen, we actually have a request for you all!”

As everyone still paid attention to us, I began to elaborate.

About how Megumin’s sister had come and how Megumin had been exaggerating our performance to her parents.

Having also mentioned that she had become idolized within the guild.

“So, you just have to cooperate. We aren’t sure about the reward yet, but at least for the time Megumin’s sister is around, I’ll pay for all your drinks.”

Hearing my offer for free drinks, several people seemed to light up.

However, most were still reluctant, seemingly against lying to a child.

“I know what I’m asking is stupid, but…you have my sincerest gratitude should you accept.”

I deeply bowed to the audience.

“K-Kazuma…!”

Megumin stood dumbstruck, not knowing what to say.

She then smiled at me.

“You didn’t have to go this far for me. I should better tell Komekko the truth. Compared to keeping her onee-chan’s dignity, not troubling Kazuma is more important. Everyone, please forget what he just said. Sorry for dragging you all into this mess.”

Saying that, she also bowed to the guild members.

…When suddenly.

“Don’t act like a stranger, Megumin. We got no problem with cooperating; after all, drinks are on Kazuma.”

Suddenly, one of my drinking partners from the guild spoke.

“Speaking of which, Kazuma and company were the one who rescued me when I first came to this city. They bought me meals and taught me adventuring skills. Now, take it as a return of favors.”

It was her, the newbie female adventurer I had randomly chosen to dine and share adventuring wisdom with while pretending to be a seasoned professional.

“Indeed, Kazuma’s party defeated powerful Demon Generals multiple times. That’s no exaggeration. Speaking respectfully around Megumin? Piece of cake. After all, I had earned a hefty sum fighting strong monsters with you.”

That was another familiar adventurer.

Facing these adventurers, Megumin cried tears of genuine joy.

“Uh… Thank you all very much. However, I still can’t fathom everyone lying for the sake of my petty dignity. So, while I understand your good intentions…”

Just as Megumin said that with her head down.

The door to the guild flew open.

“And here is the Axel Adventurer’s Guild! Sure, this might be a beginner’s town and everyone here are low-levelled, but it doesn’t lack in gentlemen who would eat and drink with you just for hanging around!”

Everyone’s eyes now focused on Aqua, who’s sent some mixed messages. Then, Komekko, coming in while holding Darkness’ hand—

“But onee-chan said that this city was filled with powerful adventurers!”

—said such a thing with an earthquake-inducing volume.

“She said they faced off against Demon General Beldia, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer and the Kowloon Hydra without faltering. They’re super courageous, and super handsome!”

She announced with a face full of smiles.

Following that, the adventurers all uniformly turned their gazes to Megumin, whose own face is now blushed crimson as her robe. She pulled her hat’s rim way down, avoiding any eye-contact.

Komekko found nothing weird about the state of her sister, even casting a look of admiration upon a nearby adventurer.

“So great!”

“R-really? Perhaps. Adventurers from other cities would have abandoned post instantly. We may be strong, but your sister is much more powerful!”

Seeing the adventurer smile as he spoke, Megumin turned away in surprise.

A female adventurer beside the last also said proudly,

“Mhm, even though we’re low-levelled, our passion for adventuring surpasses that of any city. But of course, we still are no match for Megumin-san!”

“So cool!”

“Hey!?”

Megumin desperately tried to stop the female adventurer from inflating the boast even more, but others have already begun racing to compliment her.

“Megumin-san was being honest, lil’ girl. The adventurers of this city are all very brave; the ones like me had charged directly at that bastard Beldia’s face only to be slaughtered by him. Hehe, while it was for the good of the city. Granted, back then I could’ve used a little more finesse… Although, courage wise, I’m still no match for Megumin-san, who had faced off Beldia one-on-one.”

Earning an admiring gaze from Komekko, an adventurer told something Megumin doesn’t know how to react to.

“When I first heard that the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, having laid waste to numerous nations, had come to Axel, I shuddered in fear. But then, I decided that I must protect the city that nurtured me for so long. Of course, that machine was also blown up by Megumin-san’s explosion magic. By the way, it was from that battle that I got this scar on my head…”

Eyes glimmering, Komekko listened intently to the scarred adventurer’s story.

“I remember the fight with the Kowloon Hydra. It was a tough one… It was supposed to be a match for only the royal knights, yet because the capital had been busy dealing with the Demon Army, they couldn’t find time. Alas, we had to take care of it ourselves. Was I afraid, you might ask? Ha, I unfortunately don’t understand what fear is. And the hydra? He was terminated by none other than Megumin-san!”

Another adventurer joined the show. Everyone nodded approvingly except Megumin and Komekko.

“Onee-chan and everyone here are all so great!”

Komekko’s innocent compliment brought smiles onto everyone’s faces. Megumin was in shock with horror and muttered something cryptic like ‘demonic imouto’.

Part 5

“Come, little one. Have a taste of Axel’s specialty, roast shrimps!”

On a table at the center of the guild hall—A chubby-faced adventurer placed a plateful before Komekko.

“Idiot, little kids obviously love hamburgers way more! Here, try this shrimp hamburger!”

As if competing, a female adventurer nearby served up hamburgers.

The young girl then let out a heart-melting yet sly smile and…

“I’ll take both!”

…made her call.

“—How terrifying. I’m truly worried about her future. It’d be a real problem once she starts exploiting men for her own benefits.”

Using a volume only I could hear, Megumin said as she watched Komekko get drowned in hospitality.

“Being the older sister, you’re also pretty skilled at making waste out of men. See, on the rare occasion things get steamy, you would kill the mood…Owowowowow!”

Just as Megumin pinched me for saying something unnecessary, the receptionist approached Komekko with a smile.

Judging by the plate of ice cream in her hand, she seems to have also been infected by Komekko’s charm… Hold on, something’s amiss.

Komekko silently stuffed food into her mouth like a squirrel.

The onee-san stood right behind Komekko—

“Excuse me…”

Still smiling, she took out a stack of paper.

And passed one to a nearby adventurer.

“A subjugation quest for Lucy the Spectre? Hmm, could that be…”

Hearing that, people all around shared glances.

The stack of paper that onee-san had were copies of a subjugation quest.

On top of that, the adventurers internally refer to the quest as the “durian quest” (TL note: lit. “kimchi quest”. I used durian here because it was more relatable) because nobody would touch it with a ten-foot pole. Like so, the quest fell into neglect.

To this, Aqua frowned and leaned over to me.

“Kazuma Kazuma, I have an ominous feeling. We’ll definitely end up being forced to take this hairy quest.”

“Coincidentally, Aqua, that is what I’m thinking, too.”

Feeling the perilous atmosphere surround me as I watched from afar, I backed off step by step.

Just as I prepared to run should things go awry, the onee-san said to Komekko who has difficulty standing up after finishing two meals,

“You are Komekko, yes? I have ice cream for dessert here; could you listen to onee-san for a while in exchange?”

“Sure!”

She answered swiftly even after eating so much. The onee-san then placed the plate of ice cream before Komekko.

“Yes, there was a priest called Lucy who had, due to circumstances, become a monster known as a spectre … To this day, she still spends her time in anxiety near the ruins of what used to be her church. Komekko, don’t you feel bad for spectre-san?”

“I do.”

Gulping down the ice cream she had received, Komekko agreed naturally.

The onee-san nodded in satisfaction to her response.

“Komekko thinks so, too? But worry not, for our powerful adventurers will certainly finish the quest with little effort!”

(all) “What!?”

Onee-san’s inconsiderate comment made all the adventurers exclaim in shock.

“H-hey, Luna-san, what are you talking about…”

“You guys will finish it, right?”

Luna interrupted the adventurer beside her.

Beside the onee-san, Komekko expectantly stared at the adventurers. In the end, nobody had the courage to refuse—

“—Well then, let’s fly before we also get dragged in. Look at that onee-san’s brilliant smile. She must be incredibly happy that the unwanted quest has finally been answered.”

I said as I pointed at the subject with my thumb. The adventurers that got invited looked dreadful.

Not a single person questioned my suggestion. Everyone sneakily crept to the gates of the guild.

Lucy the spectre.

In the mountains near Axel are the ruins of an old church.

It belonged to neither the Axis nor Eris cults.

While we don’t know which god the small cult followed, rumors say that Lucy was the last of their kind.

In this world, a god’s power is proportional to the faith of their believers.

Which implies that if a god loses all their believers in the mortal world, they will vanish as they’re stripped of power.

The devoted cultist Lucy didn’t want the god she follows to disappear, so she chose to continue praying for them even after death.

Because she kept praying even as a spectre, the virtuous disciples were touched by her ardent faith and are reluctant to let her pass on.

Besides, as an ex-crusader herself, Lucy has high resistance to holy magic even though she’s a spectre.

To let such a spectre pass on, an extremely powerful archpriest is needed; yet the powerful archpriests are more than often peaceful and virtuous.

Thanks to this incompatibility, Lucy still wanders around the ruins to this day.

“We need a strong archpriest to let Lucy pass on; a lousy one who’s ignorant of faith and virtue, at that. Do those really exist?”

“We do have a plenty of trashy cultists, but the emphasis is on ‘powerful’. Most of the priests in this city stink of corruption and are barely skilled.”

“What about the Axis followers? They should be happy to send Lucy into the afterlife, right?”

Facing my back to the discussion among the adventurers, we snuck over to the gates and were just about to open the door silently as possible…

“K-Kazuma Kazuma…”

Megumin’s shaky voice made me turn around uneasily…

…to find everyone’s gazes focused on Aqua.

Part 6

The next day.

Departing early, we came to a mountain north of Axel.

“Hey, Aqua, this must sound puzzling coming from a crusader, but—do we really have to vanquish Lucy? To be honest, I’m not very convinced…”

Yesterday, after all that happened, we couldn’t help but accept the subjugation quest for Lucy.

Those adventurers were feeling relieved after they’ve shamelessly pushed the mission unto us, only to be buried in countless other “durian quests”.

On a side note, Komekko seems to have figured that she could get free food from anyone, so she headed to the guild early in the morning.

“What are you talking about, Darkness? You have heard of the reason she stays on this world, right? She’s a different case from a certain earth spirit in our house who is lonely and enjoys adventure stories. Should she pass on automatically after her soul’s been satisfied, it’d be no problem. However, Lucy will forever remain on this world. That way, I have the responsibility to force her into the afterlife.”

What happened to this woman.

The rare sight of Aqua making a goddess-like oath shocked everyone. Aqua didn’t seem to notice and continued,

“While I know not of which unpopular god she worships, having fewer competitors is nevertheless better. I’ll let their final follower pass on and eliminate this reject god for good.”

“You good-for-nothing woman, give us back that feeling of slight compassion.”

We chatted as we moved along, finally sighting the remains of what seems to be a minor church.

“This has to be it, the church of the reject god! Who cares if she’s the Goddess of Vengeance and Manipulation, I’ll destroy her together with Lucy!”

“I’m inclined to agree with Darkness… Seeing that the endangered god is female only made me even more reluctant. After all, I can’t really bring myself to hate a spectre living in anxiety…”

Aqua ignored my complaint, started panting out of sheer joy and walked towards the church faster. Megumin suddenly stopped.

“…Aqua, you were saying? Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance?”

“Indeed. That’s what the receptionist lady told me. Lucy the spectre worships the Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance; she still prays to this day.”

Then, Megumin tugged my shirt.

“Kazuma, could I say something?”

“What? Don’t tell me you want to let us have mercy on Lucy because the goddess of ‘manipulation and vengeance’ sounds too cool to be lost.”

My semi-serious comment made Megumin shudder.

“…N-no. While the goddess of ‘manipulation and vengeance’ does sound cool, she is more importantly related to me.”

“Oh you, this demon that goddess… Why do you always manage to involve yourself with such insidious entities. It’s annoying enough as it is with Aqua around.”

Although I felt speechless, I still let her continue. Megumin then reminisced,

“Kazuma, remember when you went to the Crimson Demon village?”

“Mhm, I do. How could I forget such a unique place? Shared a bed with Megumin and got poked by Sylvia…” (TL note: thisis a reference to Van Darkholme. They mark homosexual innuendos.)

“I’d rather you not remember sharing a bed! Besides that, I’m asking if you remember the attractions in the village.”

“Right. Stuff like the nekomimi shrine and the Excalibur rock. What about them?”

Megumin still hesitated to tell me.

And then…

“There were also the ‘tomb which seals the evil god’ and the ‘sealing grounds of the nameless goddess’, right?”

“Mhm, I vaguely remember. Both seals were broken if I recall correctly. Sealed in the tomb was the Demon General known as Wolbach, and?”

“The seal of the evil god was accidentally broken when I was young, but at this point prosecuting me is senseless. Let’s set that aside that for now. The problem lies within the grounds of the sealed nameless goddess.”

“What do you mean by ‘senseless’? I think letting that evil god escape is poking a wasp’s nest and very significant.”

Megumin ignored my accusation and said in a somewhat casual tone,

“…Yep, it dates to when I had first learned Explosion magic. To defeat an invading evil god’s subordinate, I chanted the explosion spell as I protected Komekko and Yunyun.”

“Oi, don’t you try to change the topic, look at my eyes while you talk.”

Megumin still had no intention to turn around, instead she continued to talk to herself.

“Simply put, the target location of my explosion magic just so happened to be the sealing grounds. As a result, the Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance that was trapped there escaped, and we haven’t seen her since.”

“What the hell are you saying? Hey, just what are you implying!?”

She said nonchalantly—

“The holy being that Lucy worships must be the goddess that had been sealed in the Crimson Demon village up until that point. By now, the goddess has been free for two years; she most likely has gained new followers besides Lucy. Therefore, don’t sweat making Lucy pass on, the goddess won’t vanish even then.”

I was dumbfounded by the matters that were just shoved into my face.

“What the hell is wrong with you Crimson Demons? Bringing an evil god from elsewhere on your own accord just to seal her at your home, even making it an attraction. Aren’t your lives too lawless!? Consider at least a little how others feel!”

Now that she mentioned it, I really want to slap whoever that gave birth to the Crimson Magic Clan right across their face.

…Although, at least we know that vanquishing Lucy won’t harm the goddess.

That way, the only key difficulty left is overcoming her strong resistance to holy magic; however, that shouldn’t be a problem since we have Aqua.

Well then, time to do what needs to be done—!

Part 7

“Stop right there, Axis scum! Don’t come any closer!”

“What did you say, you damn ghost!? I feel that even using purification magic on you is a waste! Let me send you on your merry way with a God’s Beating!”

After arriving at the church, we quickly got on with our spectre-removal duty.

“Great Regina, Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance, please bring divine retribution upon this blue-haired woman! You despicable Axis cultist, taste my curse!”

“You have the audacity to curse a pure goddess, don’t make me laugh! Darkness, give me your sword! Watch as I obliterate the hell out of the ruined church that this ghost calls home!”

Lucy, the ghost that resides here, must have been a virtuous devotee to keep praying even after death.

Currently arguing with Aqua is a translucent female spectre about the age of 20.

Megumin and I watched them fight dumbly. Then, Darkness interceded.

“Calm down, you two. Aqua, we’re both disciples. Lucy, you must have been a disciple too, right? Then, let us stay calm and talk this out. The goddesses that you two worship wouldn’t want a fight, would they?”

Darkness said while bitterly smiling. The goddess and the spectre then lashed back.

“Oi, what do you mean by ‘the goddesses that you two worship’!? Didn’t you say that you recognize my godhood!? This spectre dare look down upon a goddess, don’t you think she should be destroyed as soon as possible!?”

“Regina-sama, who I faithfully worship, is the Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance! We believe in the eye-for-an-eye ideal! So, an outsider like you can go mind your own business!”

Darkness was unexpectedly counter-attacked. Those two weren’t even finished yet.

“Man, that’s what I meant when I say Eris cultists are absurd! Eris has many followers, of course she has no need to fight! Although, acting arrogant to the bone just for being the national religion couldn’t possibly be beneficial.  Darkness, why not come pray for the Axis church once in awhile?”

“I’m so envious of the amount of followers Eris has! Unpopular religions like us must fight for survival everyday! Wanting peace? Don’t bring up such a first-world problem!”

Darkness returned speechlessly after being verbally abused by the duo.

“Look at you, just had to go meddle in other people’s business. Aqua would have purified her either way.”

“I’m also a devotee, so I’ve always wanted to convince a ghost into ascending on its own device…”

As I half-heartedly consoled the depressed Darkness, the fighting over yonder intensified to the brink of major violence.

“Go repent! Go repent in the underworld for angering a goddess! Ahahahaha! Watch as I God’s Blow the reject goddess Regina along with her final follower into oblivion!”

“Grrr! The scent of a nemesis I’ve been smelling up till now… I didn’t believe that someone like you could be such a…!? Regina-sama, Regina-sama, I still have favors I’ve yet to return! Regina-sama who sent the man that wasted all my hard-earned money to hell! Regina-sama who robbed penniless the woman that married my brother only to scam him of all his wealth! I have to keep you from fading, at least in the name of all who’s unfortunate!”

Lucy prayed in tears in contrast to Aqua who wore an evil smile as she approached while swinging her fist.

Then.

“Don’t worry, the goddess that you praise was relieved of her seal two years ago. She must have garnered other followers by now.”

Megumin, who had been calmly observing this whole time, said to Lucy.

She looked like a disciple, too.

“…Really? How would you know about this?”

Lucy gazed pleadingly at Megumin as if seeking salvation.

“Because I was the one who saved the goddess you worship. Go, you can rest in peace now.”

Seemingly finding no lies in Megumin’s firm statement, Lucy smiled tranquilly as if her prayers have been answered.

“Thank you so much, kind stranger… While I want to properly express my gratitude—it seems that the sole desire keeping me on this world has been satisfied—I couldn’t stay much longer. Sorry that I couldn’t return your favor…”

Saying that, Lucy smiled bitterly. Megumin returned with one of her own.

“The essence of us Crimson Demons is to never refuse gratitude. This is quite fitting to the eye-for-an-eye teaching of yours. We seem to click well with the Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance, so you have no need to stress.”

Now relaxed, Lucy smiled gently at Megumin—

“God’s Blow!”

“Ouch!”

The utterly mood-blind True Priest suddenly punched Lucy.

“The hell are you doing all of the sudden! Why did you have to mess it up after finally reaching an understanding!? At this rate, she was in shape to naturally ascend!”

Facing the scene that is more than ‘slightly outrageous’, Darkness and Megumin stood frigid.

“Exactly because she was going to leave soon! I can’t stand being looked down upon by this questionable reject goddess and having her follower escape after defiling me!”

Lucy trembled severely as she caressed her cheek at the absolutely immature goddess before her.

“No way you’re a goddess! It’s gods like you whose followers become outcasts! Don’t you feel ashamed of having less followers than your kouhai Eris-sama!? Your kouhai’s cult has become a national religion; meanwhile, the number of Axis cultists…pfft!”

Lucy then chuckled under her breath as she pointed at Aqua.

Aqua’s eyebrows shot up.

“Oi, hold it you! I won’t accept being scolded this way by a reject cult with such few members that they might disappear any second!”

Completely furious, Aqua tried to grab Lucy, but she had nearly faded away. Her body floated up into the air.

“Great Regina-sama… As the follower of the Goddess of Vengeance, in my final moments, I have unleashed an epic roast upon the goddess that lost to her own kouhai… Having finished acting badass, I shall be on my way now. I wish you a bright future…”

And like that…

…the believer of the Goddess of Manipulation and Vengeance—

“WAAAAAAH! How could she run from this!”

Happily disappeared after successfully doing critical damage to the Goddess of Water.

Chapter 4: Showdown with this Crafty Monster!

Part 1

“Oh Komekko, you got rice on your lips.”

The morning after Aqua defeated the spectre, Lucy.

Megumin carefully supervised Komekko as she wolfed down her breakfast.

Watching Komekko eat so intently, Megumin smiled wryly after picking off the grain of rice from Komekko’s face and ate it.

“Onee-chan stole my food!”

“K-Komekko! Don’t make drama out of me eating your single grain of rice! Eat slower and steadier if you don’t want that to happen again. Your breakfast won’t grow legs and run away anytime soon.”

Hearing Megumin’s kind advice, Komekko grew serious and put her cutlery down on the table.

“When onee-chan used to steal corn from the farms, she said they would run away if we didn’t eat them fast enough.”

“Forget about that, cooked rice doesn’t run!”

Having finished her breakfast, Aqua smiled at the conversation before her.

“Being sisters seems pretty good. Ne, Kazuma, now I also want an imouto. There are gender-bending magic items in this world, you know; why not give it a try?”

“While I don’t get what exactly you’re implying, I understand your desire for imoutos. Imoutos are great, especially the cutesy ones that’d call you ‘onii-chan’—those are the best.”

Just as I basked in the bitter memories of Iris.

“Emergency! Emergency! All adventurers, arm yourselves and gather at the guild. I repeat; all adventurers, arm yourselves and gather at the guild!”

Along came a broadcast that I haven’t heard for the longest time.

I instinctively gazed over at Darkness who’s sipping her brown tea.

“Urgent broadcasts should be rare around this time, right? We’re not in season for cabbages, there hasn’t been any high-bounty targets recently either. What’s going on?”

The broadcast repeated as Darkness sat dumbstruck.

And then,

“Additionally, all Crimson Demons currently in the city must participate. I repeat, all Crimson Demons currently in the city must participate!”

In response to this unusual broadcast, Darkness and I shared another glance.

Part 2

“—What’s going on here? Oi, what just happened here?”

After we arrived at the Adventurer’s Guild, we saw a row of staff.

When Darkness asked the question, one staff member nearby told her to just get in.

Seems like they’re waiting for all the adventurers to gather before explaining.

“If possible, I want to avoid doing anything dangerous; I just want to live in peace… But, since it was an emergency, I’m afraid there will for sure be another evil antagonist…”

“And what did you mean when you said all Crimson Demons must participate? Komekko is also a Crimson Demon; although she can’t use magic yet, we’ve still brought her along for the time being…”

Megumin scanned her surroundings, visibly  alert.

“You’ve finally come!”

Suddenly, a guild staff member greeted Megumin respectfully.

“…Eh? Why, all of the sudden? Unless the guild gave me VIP status after finally realizing the true usefulness and power of my explosion magic? A bit late in my opinion though…”

Then, another staff member said to the man that was greeting Megumin,

“No, not her. Actually, her attendance is optional. The more important subject is the other young lady.”

“Hey, what do you mean ‘optional’? Is that a challenge?”

The staff, however, didn’t quite grasp Megumin’s wrath and instead bowed to Komekko.

“Welcome. We’ve prepared desserts, this way please!”

Hearing the staff, Komekko followed her leisurely. Megumin went forth to stop her.

“Hey, don’t lead my sister around all willy-nilly! What’s going on? Since when did the Adventurer’s Guild turn into a lolicon club? Depending on your answer, I might call police right here and now!”

“Th-that’s not true! We have our reasons! Ah, Luna-san, what a great time for you to arrive!”

The staff sobbingly sought help, to which the receptionist onee-san smiled warmly.

“Specifically calling for Crimson demons all of the sudden only to bait my sister as soon as we arrive, what is this supposed to be?”

Against Megumin’s interrogation, the onee-san puffed out her chest confidently.

“The Adventurer’s Guild is always on the search for excellent candidates. Reasonably, we’ll serve Crimson Demons who are born with the potential to become great mages. That said, isn’t it only logical that we show hospitality to Komekko-san?”

“Excuse me, all else aside, I’m also a Crimson Demon.”

The staff members all turned their gazes away in response.

“A-anyways, this way, Komekko-san! We’ve prepared an incredible amount of snacks!”

“No! I just said that I’m also a Crimson Demon…”

The onee-san ignored Megumin’s complaint and brought Komekko to the center of the guild hall.

Waiting until most of the adventurers have showed up, the onee-san then said,

“Welcome, everyone! Sorry about the emergency broadcast!”

She then announced with a big smile in front of the dessert-stuffed Komekko—

“So, I understand everyone’s been working hard yesterday. The success rate was very high, a rare occurrence since the Axel branch was established. Even the spectre Lucy had been subjugated by Aqua-san! As expected of Axel adventurers, you are all excellent!”

Giving out compliments like there’s no tomorrow, just what is this onee-san scheming?

The adventurers were pleased too; some covering their mouths in shyness, some scratching their heads distractedly.

“Although…”

The onee-san’s tone made a sharp turn.

Not sure why, but I have a bad feeling about what’s coming next.

“We’ve prepared a new job for you exceptional people!”

Mhm, I’m calling it.

It’s the instinct of incoming trouble that I often have.

“Compared to yesterday, the work today really is only slightly more arduous and difficult. It should definitely be no problem for the adventurers here!”

A stiff-faced man then interrupted the onee-san’s irresponsible boasting.

“Hold on, Luna-san, don’t be so inconsiderate.”

Seeing that the onee-san has no plans to stop, the other adventurers also spoke up.

“Wait a second, what do you mean by ‘more difficult and arduous’ than yesterday’s quest!? Is this the reason behind the emergency rally!?”

Other adventurers hurriedly followed suit.

“Forget it, just cut us some slack!”

“We gave our all yesterday, we’ve no strength left!”

“And I was planning to relax at the bar today…”

The onee-san continued to ignore the adventurers, still smiling gently.

“There will be no problems, since the Axel adventurers here are the cream of the crop in the nation!”

She even said something that baseless and dishonest.

“Right, Komekko-san?”

She even asked for support from Komekko, who’s currently only concerned with stuffing dessert down as fast as possible.

I get it now, it’s that tactic.

“Axel adventurers are super strong. Onee-san said it, they’re the type to never back off from any opponent, regardless of how powerful they are.”

Having reaped yesterday’s benefits, she must be trying to take advantage of Komekko and plow through the remaining quests while she’s still here.

At this point, it seems that I’m not the only one who has figured out the staff’s ulterior motive.

Color drained from the faces of all present adventurers.

Then, one of them cried dramatically in resignation.

“…Damn it! I-I’ll take it, all right!? Oi, bring it on! The hardest quest! Come at me!”

Rolling with the momentum, others also began to accept their fate.

“Just w-watch, I’ll let you witness how powerful Axel mages are!”

To be honest, they aren’t all that exhausted today.

Seeing their reaction, Megumin broke into cold sweat as she reached out to stop them.

“Everyone listen, you don’t have to be absurd…”

However, her weak voice could not penetrate their ears. Her arm also waved in vain.

“Mmm… Hmm… Although I don’t quite agree with the tactics, the adventurers have indeed been weak and lazy. Durian quests aside, even regular quests were seldom completed… But all in all—“

Darkness said as she glared at me.

“Since they have defeated quite a few high-bounty targets with you, a number of them earned more money than they knew what to do with; consequently, laziness increased overall. Especially those who adventured with Kazuma; they’ve been NEET-ified thanks to you. For the sake of Axel’s security, I could see the necessity of this measure.”

This woman and her speeches, I swear.

To be fair though, ignoring nearby monsters could indeed be a hazard.

“Anyways, let’s just take a few random quests. Gotta let Komekko witness our power, at least. Right, Megumin?”

I bitterly smiled at Megumin.

“That’s right. Only Aqua got her chance to shine yesterday; if I want to keep my dignity, I’d better display my strength.”

Just as we went about taking some random quests.

“No worries. As a commission for Satou-san and his friends, we’ve specifically prepared a job aimed at strong parties.”

The onee-san said with a bright smile.

Yet I only felt more ominous.

We’ve already completed the widely rejected mission of Lucy’s ascension.

We’re not about to take yet another troublesome quest.

I linked arms with the now familiar onee-san and led her to a corner out of Komekko’s earshot.

“Onee-san, onee-san, don’t you have a clear idea of our actual, raw power? Please have mercy on us. Flattering so much right now; what are you expecting from us? Even though you’re a beauty with a body that ticks all my criteria, I still won’t be led around like a dog on a leash.”

Seemingly used to being called a beauty, the onee-san responded happily with a smile—

“Ah, haha, I’m a beauty huh… How flattering of Satou-san. What about this; should Satou-san successfully finish this commission…we can go on a date today after work.”

“Ah, I’ll pass on that. Onee-san’s anguish for being a christmas cake has spread rather extensively among the adventurers.”

As I made an excuse, onee-san’s smile abruptly vanished.

“Excuse me, but who has been spreading such information?”

“And thus, we bid you farewell. We’ll go hunt down some stray toads.”

Before I could leave, she gripped my arm with force.

“Not so fast, Satou-san. Putting the other quests aside for now, only this one requires you in particular. I can say with confidence that out of Axel, none other than you, Satou-san, can complete the quest I’m offering.”

Seeing her stern face unseen before, I couldn’t help but halt.

Totally not because my elbow touched a certain part of onee-san’s body when she had grabbed me.

Her words caught my attention somewhat.

Specifically, the part where she said, “other quests aside for now, only this one”.

“You really do rate me highly. It might sound weird coming from me; but frankly, I’m a real scumbag in face-to-face combat.”

“Of course I knew.”

Huh, she didn’t deny it?

As the adventurers hurried left and right across the guild hall—

The onee-san said staring directly at me,

“The quest that only Satou-san can complete, is—“

Part 3

Inside a small forest west of Axel grows a large tree.

This tree is infamous among the adventurers and guild staff. Although the area around it is forbidden territory, tourists from other cities still visit it constantly.

Why would people visit that particular place?

Because under the massive tree lives a monster.

Called the tranquility princess.

Probably an upgraded version of the tranquility girl I destroyed a while back—

“—Look, Kazuma, why don’t we forfeit this quest? The enemy is a tranquility princess. Do you know how she’s managed to stay rooted there for so long without getting destroyed?”

On our way to the forest that is home to the tranquility princess.

Aqua had been making a fuss behind us just now.

“Kazuma Kazuma, I actually don’t feel that motivated to destroy the tranquility princess…”

Even Megumin worked against me.

“You guys shouldn’t put all the blame on Kazuma. The tranquility princess is in fact a very benign existence to some people. For example, those who are tormented by terminal diseases can go to her and pass away peacefully—does that really count as evil? Although, also due to her existence, suicides have become rampant in that forest. Yes, that counts as suicide. As a servant of our Goddess, I frown upon suicide. Even if the subject has good intentions, I still cannot tolerate assisted suicide.”

Judging by the excuse Darkness made for me, she doesn’t get the situation either.

I dropped my backpack and looked back at them.

“How could you still have not made up your minds. Do you really think I’d destroy the tranquility princess for wealth and fame?”

(Aqua) “Of course, aren’t you the man who would brutalize cute, innocent fairies for their experience and bounty? Last time, you assassinated the snow fairy that I caught and named; I still haven’t forgiven you yet!”

This bastard even dug up the old grudges.

I breathed a long sigh.

“I didn’t do anything, all right? It must have melted when you had placed it near the heater.”

Back when we were exterminating monsters called snow fairies, she wanted to keep one as a pet.

The snow fairy she caught was gone the next day, so she firmly believed that I was the culprit.

“When we were at the Crimson Demon village, didn’t I tell you about my encounter with a tranquility girl? They aren’t at all charitable; in fact, they’re quite devious.”

At the time, they blamed me for being all that’s unholy; I had to explain myself for a long while.

And here I thought we had come to an understanding…

“I’m still skeptical after all that happened. Since the opponent was so malevolent, how then could it go unnoticed by my all-seeing eyes?”

“Are you sure your eyes aren’t marbles?”

I instantly returned fire. Aqua puffed out her cheeks in rage. I then took out a certain item from my backpack.

“Haw… Kazuma, that’s…”

It is the lie-detecting magic item that had been used on me numerous times.

If things went on like this, Aqua and her friends would definitely inhibit my destruction of the tranquility princess.

And thus, it’s time for this magic item to shine.

Using it, I could expose the lies of the tranquility princess and corroborate my account.

“So, look closely, all; I’m telling you that I’m right.”

Aqua showed a suspicious look upon hearing my confident declaration.

—We walked all the way through the dense underbrush and arrived at the giant tree.

There weren’t many monsters at all.

Rumors say that adventurers volunteered to clear the area to protect the tranquility princess from monsters.

How long had we really spent walking through this forest?

Just as I worried about having gone down the wrong path.

“Ne, Kazuma, isn’t that it? I see light over there.”

I looked at where Aqua was pointing and saw a bright clearing among the dark forest.

Heading over, I could see a giant tree and a small steam.

Trees were scarce around the stream which glimmered in the sunlight, piercing the surrounding darkness.

Suddenly, someone talked to us.

“Hello adventurers; have you come to seek a peaceful end, are you merely lost?”

The voice sounded calming, silky-soft yet clear as raindrops in water.

When I turned to look for the origin of the voice,

“Or perhaps you have come to see… me?” (TL note: soretomo wa, ta, shi? joke)

An elegant woman whose bottom half is a tree bashfully smiled at us with familiarity.

Part 4

Crap, this was beyond my anticipation.

“Ne, so you’re the tranquility princess?”

The tranquility princess tilted her head at Aqua’s inquiry.

“By ‘tranquility princess’, do you mean me? Since humans all have names, you’ve also given me a name; is that how it works?”

Having said that, the tranquility princess went on to cheerfully repeat her own name.

“Thank you. And please also offer my gratitude to the creators of my name for me, won’t you? After all, I couldn’t move in this form.”

Watching the tranquility princess talk with us so kindly and joyfully, I knew this would be problematic.

With but a few words, even Darkness started warming up to her, let alone Aqua and Megumin.

The tranquility girl we had defeated at the Crimson Demon village had been the kind which acts weak to provoke your protective instincts.

However, this one starts communicating right away to actively bond with the victim.

“Ohh, your roots are intermingled with the earth, unlike the tranquility girl which had the form of a complete human.”

Saying that, Aqua carelessly approached the princess to feel her roots, suddenly…

“Don’t!”

The so-far friendly tranquility princess yelled.

Aqua jumped, and Darkness stepped up to protect Megumin and I.

“Don’t touch my root. The roots are oblivious to my emotions and will harm you humans.”

The tranquility princess looked down sadly.

“…What is it? You can pour out any hard feelings at me, you know?”

As Aqua probed worriedly, I started to deeply question what the tranquility princess had just revealed.

I couldn’t believe she admitted to her deadliness.

What’s going on?

Is she really the upgraded version of the tranquility girl?

Something about her still bugs me…

After sharing my thoughts quietly with Darkness, she looked at me as if saying “what are you talking about after all that has happened”.

“The tranquility girl you mentioned was devious, right? However, the tranquility princess is humane—or so they say, at least. Even the adventurers dispatched by Axel to destroy her all ended up unanimously agreeing. As for whether the tranquility princess should even be eliminated, that problem is hotly debated within the guild. They argue over whether she really is harmless, whether she should be considered an enemy at all and things like that.”

“That’s why they commissioned me. Speaking of which, onee-san did mention that this was a reconnaissance mission. As a seasoned professional who had seen through the trickeries of the tranquility girl, I’m always cautious; therefore, they’ve sent me in hopes of investigating the true intentions of this monster.”

“I’m not so sure that she really trusts you, but at least she acknowledges the fact you destroyed the tranquility girl without a second thought.”

Truth be told, the existence of the tranquility girl didn’t really pose an issue. She’s mostly responsible for bidding farewell to those at the end of their lives.

The retired adventurers who had lost all friends and foes alike, who had nobody to chat with.

So, in the end, the one to accompany them for the peaceful death they craved was a monster. What an ironic turn of events.

“To pass away all by yourself in a secluded spot, or to spend your final moments hand-in-hand with a beautiful woman who truly understands your sorrows? They really had quite the debate over the better option.”

Rather die by oneself or become monster food in exchange for a gentle send-off from a beautiful woman.

So that’s the deal; can’t say she’s evil for certain when you put it that way.

…But nonetheless, that assumes the tranquility princess hasn’t a hidden, devious side.

I stared intently at the tranquility princess.

“I wanna ask, how did the recent visitors fare? How well did they take the ends of their lives?”

The tranquility princess answered,

“Everyone’s faces looked peaceful post-death.”

Her tone was indifferent, yet she forced a smile as tears welled up in her eyes.

“You seem different from the adventurers I’ve met up till now.”

The tranquility princess’ smile turned dreamlike.

“The very reason for my existence was to murder humans like you.”

Instead of making excuses, she directly told us the point of her being.

“You appear to have an iron will… While it worries me, and fills me with guilt, to ask you this…”

Her body is trembling slightly.

“For the sake of my beloved humans…could you destroy me?”

She pleaded with a troubled and bitter smile.

Crap, what was that?

Could she really in fact be a good-hearted monster?

Last time when Aqua went to purify a wizard named Keel, he had also wanted to be purified for the sake of his lover.

And now the tranquility princess wishes to be destroyed because she regrets harming humans.

But wait a second, think back to the tranquility girl.

Not sure how, but she had no problem tricking us at first.

It was a miracle that we managed to destroy her.

Had we let her live, people could still be getting caught even now.

“Don’t be that way; you should treasure your life as long as you’ve no diseases tormenting you, understand? Nothing is without use on this world. The only ones that deserve to be wiped out are the undead and unholy! There are cute and delicious monster, also kind ones like you! If even NEETs get to live happily, such a nice-hearted creature like you has no reason to stop living!”

Holding the tranquility princess’ hand, Aqua suddenly began giving speeches.

“Indeed, you’re not in the wrong. Besides, for retired adventurers, tranquility girls are normally the only hope for a peaceful death. Compared to dying a treacherously lonely death, ending their lives painlessly under company is certainly better. On top of that, as the evolved form of tranquility girls, it’s by their own choice to let you bid them their final farewell. You have no responsibility to worry over.”

Even Megumin went to hold hands with the tranquility princess and embraced her tightly.

“C-can I…really keep on living on this world…?”

The tranquility princess looked up at the two anxiously.

Only Darkness stayed and looked back and forth between the tranquility princess and I with a conflicted expression.

This scene is basically identical to what had happened near the Crimson Demon village.

How obnoxious. Using that item would surely earn me more lecturing from them.

“Kazuma, about the uh, tranquility princess, I say…”

Darkness was about to continue when she saw what I was holding.

“Y-you’re…”

Yes, it was the lie-detecting magic item.

Seeing me steadily make my way towards the tranquility princess, Darkness looked as if she has slightly given up on me.

As an adventurer, I merely want to carefully prod the true intentions of my target. What’s with the hate?

“Oi, don’t look at me that way, even I can be sensitive.”

Noticing our conversation, Aqua and Megumin also gazed at me.

“Ne ne Kazuma, what are you holding? Could it be that dingalingy thing from before? I know what it is.”

“K-Kazuma? Are you still skeptical? Even without things like that, we could…”

The two gave up on me just as much as Darkness had. I took in their stares of “please don’t tell me he’d go there” as the tranquility princess innocently put on a confused face.

“What is that?”

I answered to the truly bewildered tranquility princess,

“Ah, this is a lie-detecting magic item, it rings when it hears a lie.”

The tranquility princess and I stared at each other amid the dead-silent forest.

Aqua and company revealed looks of “this guy really has the audacity”.

I anxiously continued to approach the tranquility princess.

“Don’t fret, as long as it doesn’t ring, I’ll trust you 100%. This way, it’ll also be easier for the Adventurer’s Guild to decide their diplomacy with you. “

That’s right, everyone here are witnesses.

Therefore,

“Makes sense. As a monster, I’m untrustworthy.”

As I’ve said, please don’t look so bitter.

I’d also feel bad, so please don’t.

“Look, Kazuma, right now I feel like you’re totally the paranoid and inadequate guy who suspects that his wife is committing adultery when she cheerfully announces her pregnancy even though he’s been saturating himself with other women on a regular basis.”

“You went too far, Aqua. However, I do agree that he is one crafty man who’s also despicably shrewd and chronically paranoid…”

As if realizing halfway that she wasn’t exactly paraphrasing Aqua’s point, Megumin’s voice trailed off.

“Thanks, you two. I’m fine; as a monster, I’ve gotten used to being doubted. Please take it lightly. And sir, don’t look so depressed, either. Please go easy on yourself…”

Only the tranquility princess consoled me. That fact alone jerked my tears.

Damn it, why did the onee-san have to shove this job down my throat?

Do I really appear that heartless in the eyes of others?

Though unironically, I am indeed very hurt…

As I stood devastated with the magic item, Darkness kindly spoke up.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I agree with you. Let me use the magic item, I can’t let you do all the dirty work.”

No, my instincts still telling me to not easily trust the tranquility princess.

Don’t act so kind towards me.

For the whole time, the tranquility princess’ eyes had been glued to the magic item.

When she had asked at first about what the magic item did, I felt that she knew very well its mechanics and the extent of its abilities.

Not sharing the same thoughts, Darkness took over the magic item.

“Dear tranquility princess, I wish to ask you a question. What do you think of us humans?”

“…Humans are incredibly important to me; I’d even go so far as to say they’re a necessity.”

Aqua and Megumin stared at the magic item, which didn’t ring.

Darkness breathed a large sigh of relief.

“Sorry for suspecting you. Please forgive me. But this way, we can officially put our skepticism to rest… See, Kazuma? Be more positive. It’s a rare opportunity for us to end a mission peacefully.”

I ignored Darkness who smiled generously as if she has seen the rainbow after the storm.

“What happened to the adventurers and visitors who died here, after you’ve accompanied them for their final stretch? Did you absorb their bodies for nutrients?”

My statement chilled the air around us.

(Aqua) “Y-you…!”

I ignored the appalled Aqua and instead continued to question the equally shocked tranquility princess.

“As you’ve said, us humans are supposedly very important to you; however, is that because we provide nutrients for your own survival?”

That question seems to have hurt the tranquility princess, who began to cry.

Crap, my conscience has been successfully damaged.

But judging by her reaction, she must know perfectly well the power of the lie detector and has deliberately crafted responses that wouldn’t trigger it.

All is well, believe in yourself.

According to my highly alert NEET-sense, I believe she has a dark side—even though it hasn’t been confirmed yet.

“I will ask this again. What did you do with the bodies of the adventurers? Did you absorb them? Yes, or no?”

The saddened tranquility princess answered in a lonely voice,

“Yes, they did become my food. They’ve become a part of me… They will live on inside my body. I’ll never forget them… Are you satisfied now?”

The tranquility princess shot me a glare.

Under this mood, I’m somehow feeling more and more antagonized.

“Kazuma, you’re a villain after all. What happened to your humanity!? Tell me where you left it so I can go fetch it for you! Same deal as when you had your memory erased; did you even forget how to be civilized!?”

“Kazuma, not sure if I should criticize your way of speaking or form of questioning… She did stop Aqua from touching her roots earlier, so she definitely absorbed those people unintentionally.”

Ah, so they won’t accept it, huh.

I, however, have gotten a clear grasp of the situation from her answer.

She is indeed acting in spite of her guilt.

Thoroughly understanding the mechanics of the magic item, she searches for white lies that exaggerate her kindness.

“…Look, I have a request for you all. Could I have some alone time with her?”

I requested to talk one-on-one with the tranquility princess.

“As a fiendish, heartless NEET, why would you want alone time with the innocent and pure tranquility princess!?”

“Could you be planning to pull off what you had done to the tranquility girl at the Crimson Demon village? Killing her off while we’re gone to victoriously inform us that she’s dead?”

“Am I that incredible? I will not chop her down while you’re away. See? The magic item agrees.”

Accepting the magic item’s silent confirmation for now, Megumin and Aqua left.

“Kazuma, I know that it is our duty as adventurers to eliminate monsters—a necessary one at that. But please, don’t push yourself too hard and dig your own grave!”

Darkness was still mistaken in strange ways. On the upside, they finally left.

I asked the tranquility princess as I watched their backs.

“So, be honest now. I know your true form. No need to play dumb, just tell the truth.”

In response, the tranquility princess said—

“…Man, isn’t it exhausting to live with paranoia?”

She’s a monster, a creature blatantly unrelated to humans; yet she started talking about my life.

Part 5

“Showing your true self at last? Little plant lecturing a human?”

“What a narrow-minded man. No wonder you’re a virgin.”

…

“Hey, I’m not okay with being called a virgin by a plant. Where does a monster learn vocabulary like that? Which adventurer taught you?”

“Living so long this way makes you wise… What about you? Which of those three shall you mate with?”

The hell is this thing saying.

“See that’s why I hate monsters; no manners whatsoever. Plus, they’re all friends, don’t look at us through such an indecent lens. Don’t tempt me to uproot you entirely.”

Facing my threat, the tranquility princess smiled placidly—

“Your friends would charge in if you were to do that. Do you not even mind hurting their affinity levels? Besides, stop making excuses; male humans should be in heat all year round, shouldn’t they?”

“What male humans; what breeding; what heat!? Change your vocabulary already! Us humans employ a graceful and patient approach to the subject matter. Humans are intricate creatures—worlds apart from you monsters.”

The tranquility princess cocked her head.

“Well, weren’t you staring at these when we first met?”

Saying that, she cupped her ripe, plump and barely fabric-covered fruits.

“That’s instinctual for male humans. Just like how you plants photosynthesize and release seeds carelessly during spring—it’s a reflexive process.”

“Putting aside photosynthesis, the way in which we reproduce has much more finesse than just crudely spreading seeds. Don’t compare me to the uncivil, inferior regular plants that reproduce without control. We tranquility monsters spread by convincing humans to transport our saplings faraway for us. I was once rooted elsewhere, and requested a human to bring me someplace where monsters and adventurers are both weak. Thus, I settled here.”

She was tougher than I imagined.

“In addition, unlike you constantly breeding humans and goblins, we germinate once every century. Unlike your mindless multiplication, we seek harmony and balance with nature.”

“Don’t drag us down to the same level as goblins! Now that you mention it, life as a plant is sure hard.”

Besides, how often does one encounter a monster as environmentally friendly as you?

“…so, you’ve found my true self, very well. What will you do about it?”

In stark contrast to a moment prior, the now alert tranquility princess looked at me with a villainous gaze.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m an adventurer and you’re a monster. We’re blatantly enemies and not compatible whatsoever.”

The tranquility princess then answered,

“What in the world did I do wrong? Everyone who came here did so on their own accord! They’d much rather have me send them off to meet their Gods than die alone! It’s only fair that I feed off their bodies in exchange. The adventurers passed away without pain, without loneliness; it’s a blessing! I, in turn, also live a wonderful life having quality nutrients at my disposal. Why are you so ticked off by this positive cycle of mutual benefit? What a faux-humanitarian!”

This bastard is really troublesome.

Nothing gets worse than a Dunning-Kruger effect-stricken monster.

(TL note: https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect)

“Did you think dropping your shell would make you any less a scorpion? I’ve come to kill you. According to the Adventurer’s Guild, because you’ve converted this forest to a suicide paradise, their reputation took a hit. To prevent more people from seeking their doom here, they’re putting up an eye-catching warning sign at the entrance.”

“Hold on a second, don’t jump to conclusions yet. All aside, you do know that you can’t harm me, right?”

The tranquility princess smiled viciously.

What does she mean I can’t harm her?

“I’ve rooted here since nearly a hundred years ago. Do you honestly believe that no one before has found my true self during all this time? Do you know what became of them?”

That statement made me regret shooing away the others.

I forgot how strong she was as a monster.

Besides, the tranquility girl’s home was near the Crimson Demon village, amid remarkably powerful monsters.

Having come out on top in an environment where survival is for the fittest, she was surely no weakling.

As I reached for the sword on my waist.

“Oh, chill out there. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t planning to assassinate you in the dark. Rather, it was supposed to be an incentive for you.”

The tranquility princess pointed at the earth below.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Dig down. You’ll find valuable things in there.”

It suddenly struck me.

The tranquility princess consumes the bodies of adventurers for nutrients.

But where would their equipment and cash end up?

The answer is: under her body.

In other words,

“Aren’t you a little too human-esque? Even trying bribery.”

“Isn’t it nonetheless a good trade for both? You’d get the money, and I’ll be spared. Guess this is a win-win. As I’ve said, we aim to live in harmony with nature.”

So, she’s been accumulating money ahead of time for situations like this?

How depraved. What does she want, as a monster who saves up for bribing in the nick of time to avoid being killed by humans?

Although…

“You’ve found the wrong guy. Name’s Kazuma, Satou Kazuma; the adventurer from Axel who has exterminated numerous Demon Generals. Please don’t put me on their level, alright? My excellence so far has earned me more than enough money.”

Saying that, I put down my backpack. The tranquility princess was finally intimidated.

“Hey, hey, hold it, calm down. I understand now that you’re a strong man not prone to greed or lust. No, I frankly underestimated you. You’re the cleverest adventurer I’ve met thus far; a real adventurer with admirable virtue.”

I paused at such a compliment.

“Trying to butter me up after your bribery failed, huh. It’s a shame, for as someone who has showed off his skills plenty of times, I’m no longer swayed by such meager compliments. After all, just recently, I’ve been making the maids in the city list out at least 10 good points about me on a daily basis.”

“What in the world is wrong with you!? Even as a monster I find you insane.”

Right after the confused tranquility princess had fully processed my message,

“…Hey, what’s that? Wait a second, what are you doing?”

Her face turned green when she saw what I was taking from my backpack.

That said, calling a plant’s face green just now was rather awkward imagery. I decided to ignore my ironic mental description and focus on what’s currently at hand.

“Behold, herbicide.”

“I get it, let’s pause for a moment and keep chatting. If you aren’t okay with me living here, go ahead and move me to someplace in those faraway mountains… Also, please note, I’m making it clear that I did not encourage humans to shorten their lifespan; furthermore, I’ve even helped old adventurers with their toilet businesses. To be honest, much of the contents from their stories I’ve had to hear countless of times over and over. My life is filled with hardships, too! Don’t I deserve at least a little benefit?”

This time she hit quite close to home; I halted.

“How should I go about moving you? Isn’t this big tree a part of you?”

“My body consists of this whole forest. Since my roots are everywhere, you only have to dig it all up…”

“How is that possible!? You do know how big this forest is, right!?”

I uncapped the herbicide bottle by bottle and placed each one on the ground.

“Okay, I’m begging you, please spare me—take all the treasures if you want; should you spare me, I’ll remember you for life—I still recall every adventurer I’ve euthanized so far. Even those whose lives were cut short can live on within my memories. I’m willing to  treasure even the ones who aren’t able to lose their virginity; how does that sound? I beg you, let me live—“

This petty plant has quite the talent in speaking.

Enough, better end it quick and easy.

I stopped listening, picked up a bottle and aimed it at her trunk.

“Oi, is this a joke? Didn’t you say you wouldn’t harm me? The lie detecting magic item didn’t ring, did it? Unless you changed your mind? Isn’t this a bit too suspicious!? You’re only threatening me, right!?”

“I never said I wouldn’t harm you. Remember how you cleverly cherrypicked your words? What I said was, ‘I will not chop her down while you’re away.’ I didn’t chop you down, did I? I wasn’t lying.”

Hearing this, the tranquility princess seriously started to panic.

“You gotta be joking, right!? I-I understand, we can talk! I’ll do anything I can! …Look, for example, I can let you play with these things you’ve been constantly staring at all you want!”

The tranquility princess lifted her ample bosom and gave it a jiggle.

(TP) “Oh please, I couldn’t really help it, could I? Putting the remains of the dead to use is a type of recycling–an environmentally friendly process. They’d turn into dust anyway, so why not let me absorb them?”

The tranquility princess who had been talkative thus far briefly fell silent.

“…Say, don’t these excite you at least in the slightest?”

“Not at all.”

Jiggling melons do indeed attract my gaze, but aren’t enough to excite me.

Even though I somewhat lack in morals, I’m still more civilized than being aroused by plant monsters.

All I need are the succubi.

“Look, why don’t we both speak truthfully? Nobody is around, see? You still are interested just a little, right?”

Is this what the boss of the most difficult durian quest is like?

More than a little deceptive and persistent. Satou Kazuma, don’t you falter.

Your opponent is a plant comparable to the sexy radish that Vanir showed you earlier.

“Siphoning nutrients from the earth is what makes us plants, just as how your urge to grab boobs is a defining attribute of males. Why criminalize basic instincts? Monsters are living, you’re also living! Come on, follow your instincts, let nature guide your life!”

Follow instincts, follow nature.

As expected of plant monsters, acting all enigmatic about the natural order.

I abruptly quelled myself when I noticed my hand unintentionally drifting towards her chest,

“The hell was I doing!? You’re too dangerous; you almost made me cross the line of humanity!”

Seeing me snap out of it, the tranquility princess realized that sex appeal has limited effect.

“YAAAAAAGH—!”

She let out a shrill cry that echoed throughout the entire forest.

Part 6

“What what? The hell happened!? Hey Kazuma, what did you do!?”

“Kazuma, what are you spraying? Could it be weed killer!?”

Aqua and company rushed back upon hearing the tranquility princess’ screams.

“You came at just the right time! Help me out here, this bastard is indeed something shady!”

My victorious expression only earned looks of disapproval.

“What in my own name did you do while we were gone? You must have exploited that dingalingy magic item, right? Explain the situation at once!”

“Do as Aqua had said, explain yourself.”

I complied and described the conversation we had. The tranquility princess then moaned teary-eyed,

“This guy suddenly tried to do unspeakable things to me…!”

“Enough! No more from you!”

I raised the herbicide high to threaten the big-mouthed tranquility princess.

Darkness tapped my shoulder in confusion.

“Kazuma, this really is difficult to digest. Why don’t you explain what exactly happened here?”

“She is indeed devious, rambling on and on when we were alone. Watch. –Say it aloud before the magic item, why don’t you? Did your attitude make a 180 degree turn while Aqua and company weren’t present? If your face didn’t flip, go ahead, and tell it to this thing!”

Interrogated by me with the magic item in hand, the tranquility princess remained silent and only made despondent faces.

“Oi, out with that attitude, you’ll worsen their impression of me! Stop resisting and tell the truth!”

Though I underestimated her.

I forgot that she’s an expert at seducing and degrading humans.

The tranquility princess did not answer, but instead played her greatest trump card.

“This gentleman had always been strongly interested in my chest area…”

“What are you talking about all of the sudden…”

The tranquility princess’ killer testimony made the trio stare intently at what I’m holding.

The magic item did not ring. The air around us chilled to absolute zero.

“You’ve got some skill! That was honestly unexpected. Although, I’m also experienced at using this magic item to my advantage. Everyone, watch this: this tranquility princess, right here, fell utterly indecent when you guys had left, spewing obscene remarks constantly. It was truly hard to watch!”

The lie-detecting magic item stayed silent once again.

Aqua and company are absolutely befuddled.

“I-I do admit that my language was unbecoming; however, please allow me to explain!”

The detector still did not ring. The girls acted as if saying “what in the world did you two talk about” and kept their distance.

They’re starting to question who’s more trustworthy.

Sensing that she’s in danger, the tranquility princess busted her killer move.

“Y-you; weren’t you poised to cop my breasts a while ago!?”

No dings.

“Because you told me to! You were the one who let me squeeze them to my heart’s content in exchange for sparing you!”

“I didn’t say it so lewdly, don’t put words in my mouth!”

The magic item still made no noise. The gazes from the trio felt increasingly judgemental.

“Damn, what a waste of time! Talking to you is fruitless, I should have taken action immediately! That’s the treatment you deserve! Taste my weed killer!”

I picked up the herbicide beside me and sprayed it around the tranquility princess’ roots.

“S-stop it! What a despicable move against an immobile monster! It’s so low of you to resort to brute force after losing the verbal battle!”

“You’re too noisy, a mere monster is in no place to talk reason! Hey, are you trying to resist? Take it in or I’ll shoot you!”

The tranquility princess clutched my arm in fierce protest to prevent me from spraying any more herbicide.

“Stop right now! Don’t be ridiculous! Stop putting such dirty stuff on me! I’m getting polluted! Save me, I-I’m being polluted by all this fluid on my nether regions…”

“How could you make everything sound so obscene? I’m merely spraying weed killer near your base!”

I kept spraying more herbicide as we bickered.

The chemical came into effect quicker than expected, because…

“—Terrible sign; I feel like vomiting yet I couldn’t—nor do I have the required internal organs to do so—nonetheless, I’m feeling extremely sick…”

Having absorbed the herbicide, the tranquility princess rapidly became dazed and fell limp.

Much like a drunkard, her face turned green and her body swayed uncontrollably.

“Great, here’s your chance; you girls, help me spray more herbicide!”

I turned around excitedly only to find everyone staring back blankly.

“D-don’t look at me that way; I was right, see? While she didn’t lie, she didn’t tell the truth either. Even I’m not low enough to be attracted by the bosom of a monster.”

Ding.

The gazes from those three became unbearable.

“Ohohohoho…”

Even though she was ill, the tranquility princess giggled triumphantly.

“Watch, little adventurer, as you are called by the shameful title of ‘monster-con’ for life! Spraying such disgusting stuff on me, you’ll go to hell for that, petty virgin!”

She started to spew curses nonstop. That’s pretty much the true personality of the tranquility princess.

“Says the one getting drunk off weed killer! If I’m going to hell, you’re coming with me!”

Blood boiling, I again approached her with the bottle in hand. The tranquility princess tossed out her last shred of dignity and began throwing insults manically.

“Again, turning to physical assault when you know you’re losing! Can’t you spell ‘shame’!? Did you finally erupt out of humiliation!? A while ago, you even claimed to be a professional adventurer; how embarrassing, a professional adventurer who’s still a virgin! Being a virgin despite having three females around you, are you sexually defective or what? You even called them friends; well guess what, you might very well be the only one who thinks that way. They probably are comfortable with you yet possibly too close to be ‘just friends’…”

Before the tranquility princess could say any more, I sprayed herbicide around her as rapidly possible.

“So disgusting! So…disgusting…! Damn this petty virgin! My roots span across the entire forest! Removing me entirely would take decades! Do you hope to eliminate me in your lifetime? Fine! Even though it’ll be way more trouble than what the treasures are worth, you can go ahead and dig as you wish!”

Even at the brink of death, the tranquility princess persisted to leave scars on my heart.

Part 7

“—Kazuma-san, you’ve worked hard. Thank you for subjugating the tranquility princess!”

“That really was deathly exhausting, took too much effort!”

We reported back to the onee-san as soon as we returned to Axel.

“The tranquility princess is so scary, I’m not going anywhere near her forest…”

Beside me, Aqua had been sobbing the whole way.

After showing her true form, the tranquility princess went berserk and caused much collateral damage.

“Say, Kazuma… Am I really that insignificant? Do people really not care about me? A lot of things make sense when she puts it that way… Aqua and Megumin both had their chances to shine yesterday; and today, you single-handedly defeated the tranquility princess. Is she really right about me being useless? According to her, I might as well be a snail made of adamantite; is that really true?”

Darkness is more depressed than ever. It seems that the verbal massacre did a number on her—she couldn’t even walk straight.

“Waga na wa Megumin, the number one genius of the Crimson Demon Clan and the apex archwizard in all of Axel. It’s all fine; I’m unmatched; It’s not like I’m bottom-rung in the clan. Words of a monster mean nothing to me, including the ‘you call yourself a resilient lone-wolf when in fact you just can’t make friends’ part. It’s all fine, I have friends here, I have my dear friends. It’s all fine, all fine, all fine…”

Megumin had been dropping flags non-stop, too. She seems to be more scarred by the tranquility princess than I thought.

(TL note: Flags are a troupe for foreshadowing very predictable secrets. Eg. “Nothing can go wrong” means “something will definitely go wrong). In this case, Megumin’s denial is blatantly the “I’m fine but not actually” troupe.”)

“I knew Satou-san could do it for sure! That was none other than the tranquility princess! The tranquility princess that many adventurers had given up subjugating! Because a number of people had claimed that the tranquility princess was harmless, the bounty is very small… however, having a monster close to the city still had a large impact on the guild’s image! Furthermore, even though the quest for Satou-san had only been reconnaissance, you still went ahead and subjugated it. We’re truly thankful for this!”

With our self-esteem shredded, we were smiled at brilliantly by the onee-san.

Komekko also gazed at us respectfully from beside her.

…Then I remembered something.

“I only defeated her upper portion, please also remove all the roots under the whole forest without trace. Speaking of which, why do you trust that I’d be able to defeat the tranquility princess?”

The onee-san paused a moment at my inquiry.

That’s right, the tranquility princess is immobile; technically, anyone can destroy her.

It’ll only shred your conscience to do so.

“Could it be because you see me as a man so heartless that he won’t have moral issues killing even the tranquility princess?”

The onee-san chose not to answer directly but instead passed me the bag of rewards.

“Well then, Satou Kazuma-san, you’ve done well this time! Goodbye Komekko! Come play again tomorrow!”

“Not so fast, I’m not done yet! In addition, I will not be bringing Komekko again. In fact, starting tomorrow, I won’t be coming either! I’ve grown tired of all this business. Now that I’ve finished the toughest of the durian quests, you guys can’t complain anymore!”

Ignoring what I had said all in one breath. The onee-san—

“I’ll be preparing a huge cake tomorrow.”

“I’ll come.”

Tossed aside all subtlety and blatantly baited Komekko with food.

Part 8

We returned home after finishing our businesses with the guild. To heal our immense psychological trauma, we went to take a break.

By the way, Aqua and Darkness went to visit the pen hoping that playing with Emperor Zell might console them.

“Come here for a second, Komekko. I have something to tell you.”

While I lazily sprawled on the sofa, Megumin—who seems to have recovered the quickest—patted her sofa across from me, gesturing Komekko to go to her.

“I’m not sure what went on, but onee-chan looks angry, so I don’t wanna.”

“Komekko!”

Komekko felt something with her powerful sixth sense. Megumin then continued—

“Listen closely. How many times did I tell you to not ask food from strangers? Both today and the day before. How could you, a Crimson Demon, be so easily baited by food…?”

Megumin, who had claimed that she ate nothing for days and begged us for food when we first met, started to lecture Komekko.

“Back in the village, onee-chan told me to nag anyone I see for food.”

“Oi.”

I couldn’t help but interject. Megumin evaded my gaze.

“That is that and this is this. In a small community like the Crimson Demon village, the people we meet are most likely familiar. In cities like this, however, you should never naively accept meals from strangers. After all, we don’t know what they might possibly demand in return.”

“I refuse.”

Komekko answered instantly.

“Komekko! This is not something you can ‘refuse’; what would you do when everyone knows that you’d obey anyone who gives you free food? I’m only telling you this because I know you dumbly follow strangers.”

“Of course I would dumbly follow strangers and let them feed me.”

Seeing her words bounce right off Komekko, Megumin repeatedly banged the table in frustration.

“Stop being stupid and listen carefully!”

“Onee-chan is so irritable.”

Megumin instantly stood up and Komekko ran for her life.

“Hold it Komekko, running is no use! Watch as I teach you a grave lesson today!”

But Komekko had escaped to the kitchen.

With a click, the door was locked from the inside.

“Komekko, get your butt out here at once or else there will be no dinner for you!”

“I’ll come out when there’s no food left in here.”

So that’s the strategy; she didn’t choose the kitchen randomly.

“Komekko, stop saying nonsense! We’d have no dinner if you don’t open the door; we must start cooking now, so open up… Komekko, what are you eating in there!? Don’t make rash moves and come out! Or else, I’m tearing this door down!”

“No need to break the kitchen door for a mere sibling fight.”

Since we’d all have no dinner if Komekko keeps dwelling in there, I started to help Megumin persuade her.

“However, Kazuma, if we don’t teach her right now, we’d regret it sooner or later. We can’t afford to be too late.”

Indeed; Axis priestess Cecily had also talked about how Megumin submissively followed her to church upon mentioning food when they first met.

“Real convincing from someone who had been corrected ‘too late’ herself.”

“Oi, if you want to fight, I’m all for it!”

“Let’s show ‘em, onii-san!”

“Komekko! Stirring up fights while hiding inside is too despicable! Come on, get out of there!”

Should this sibling relationship count as good or bad?

…Well, only siblings with a healthy relationship would fight, right?

“I found a big chocolate in the cabinet!”

Komekko’s gleeful voice came from the kitchen.

Megumin’s expression instantly changed.

“Komekko!? That’s not for eating, I prepared that specifically for… Komekko, I understand! I won’t be mad, so just come out! Let’s make up!”

I listened to the healthy siblings’ conversation.

“I’ll come out as soon as I finish this.”

“Komekko—!”

I experienced once again how great imoutos are.

Chapter 5: Starting Over with the Adventurers!

Part 1

The next day.

“Komekko! Komekko where are you!?”

I was awoken early in the morning by Megumin’s noisy shouts and darting around.

“What’s going on at such an hour? What are you screaming about?”

Ever since that young girl came here, I’d been consciously getting up earlier.

She’s seemingly still on the mission of reporting her findings to her parents; therefore, I must not show any signs of degeneracy.

“Good morning, Kazuma. I’m looking for Komekko. Get a load of this kid. She probably didn’t even bother waiting for breakfast and took off after grabbing some food from the kitchen.”

“How should I put this? Your sister really is a wild one.”

Growing up with a sister who mastered crayfish cuisine, her becoming this way isn’t hard to imagine.

“I don’t remember bringing up such a wild child either. Who is she trying to become?”

Though I badly wanted to respond with “who else besides you?”, I barely managed to keep my mouth glued.

“On the other hand, since she’s never been outside of the Crimson Demon village, Axel must intrigue her. She should be back soon if she went to prance around the town.”

“Makes sense. I myself had been overwhelmed by this city on day one, so I can relate…”

Megumin sighed, still worried.

If anything, at least this city is very secure.

There’s probably not much to worry about even with a little girl out and about by herself.

So, we went ahead and had breakfast first.

“—Say, Megumin, where did Komekko go? I lost to her last night, and I was just about to take revenge.”

Said Aqua with a board game under her armpit, like a little child looking for playmates.

“You lose to even little girls? As an adult, don’t you feel ashamed at all?”

Aqua had been getting along with Komekko terribly well lately.

Probably because of their similar mental ages, they appear highly compatible.

“Don’t be dumb, Kazuma, haven’t you heard of ‘handicapping’? Since she’s a child, I thought, I should be more merciful. Ultimately, my hubris was the end of me. I started the game one piece down—the weakest piece, Adventurer.”

“That’s hardly a handicap.”

Surprisingly, perhaps out of her fondness of children, Darkness had also clicked well with Komekko over the last few days. She interjected impatiently.

“Although, since she hasn’t been back for this long, could she be playing with other kids somewhere or begging for snacks at the guild again?”

“Possibly. Although, I don’t think she will get along very well with other kids of her age, so she’s unlikely to be anywhere besides the guild. After all, didn’t they say something about preparing a fruit cake for her?”

Running away to the Adventurer’s Guild filled with crude old men at such an age, this little girl’s future is looking bright already.

One would expect her to cling tightly to her sister in this unfamiliar city, yet Komekko shows complete independence from her onee-chan.

This kid has the potential to surpass Megumin and become the next scariest character.

“Although, it was all thanks to Komekko’s presence that the adventurers got the willpower to clear out all the durian quests. They have the right to invite her over for snacks; it’s only reasonable.”

As Darkness had said, the completion rate for quests in Axel hadn’t been in good shape… All in all, the result speaks for itself.

That said, I have a feeling that after Komekko leaves, the situation would probably revert to the old state.

“Well then, let’s also head for the guild after we eat.”

Said Megumin restlessly, who on the flipside still hasn’t gained “independence from her little sister”.

—After arriving at the Adventurer’s Guild, we were greeted by a puzzling sight.

“Here, try this too, onee-san made this herself.”

We can understand Komekko’s being here.

However, we cannot understand why the onee-sans from the succubus shop were eagerly feeding her snacks.

“Over here, young lady, also try this.”

“Thank you!”

Komekko is currently tastefully munching down the snacks she’d received from the onee-sans who have inexplicably showed up.

I motioned for a familiar onee-san to come closer, and exchanged under our breaths,

“You’re the onee-san from that shop I frequent, right? But this is the Adventurer’s Guild! What do you intend to do here!?”

“Ara! Why, isn’t this our renowned customer? We’ve had our lesson, of course we know it’s dangerous here…”

As she spoke, the succubus onee-san cast a motherly gaze upon Komekko, watching her eat.

“We’re not sure why, but we just couldn’t leave her alone. It’s most likely her unusually high demonic potential. She’ll certainly become someone highly important… So, if we win her over early…”

Having heard such strange words uttered nonchalantly, I couldn’t help but glance over at Komekko.

The succubi’s strongly attentive gazes directed at Komekko were indeed curious.

What’s with this sense of failure?

I also want talents of an evil demon as opposed to luck or business.

Meanwhile, Aqua stared motionlessly at the succubi from behind a pillar.

Actually, Aqua had stirred up a huge mess a while ago when she had found out about the succubus shop.

My blood boiled when I found out that she had attempted to bust the succubi. Ever since then, she has refrained from lashing out, lest she gets on my nerves again.

She might also fear becoming the arch nemesis of all male adventurers for committing succubus genocide.

All in all, should she cause any trouble this time around…

“So uhm, since Aqua-sama has blessed us with her presence, we shall take our leave.”

“Customer-san, please keep an eye on Aqua-sama and Vanir-sama for us! So, Komekko, I guess we’ll see you later?”

Being especially aware of Aqua’s gaze, the succubi looked back at Komekko while stealing discreet glances at Aqua as they reluctantly left the Adventurer’s Guild.

(Darkness) “…Say, Kazuma, what exactly is your relationship with those people? This is the first time I’ve seen such pretty women in your friend circle…”

“They are employees of a café run by some beautiful ladies. Though the dishes are only ordinary, they’re peculiarly popular, which leaves me baffled. Still, why would they be so attracted to my little sister?”

Megumin showed confusion as the adventurers bowed to her still.

“Greetings, Megumin-san.”

“Megumin-san, we’re essentially finished with the quests. Within the span of the last two days, all the notable missions have all been dealt with in a rapid succession.”

Said the adventurers, now completely used to calling Megumin-san by “Megumin-san”.

“Really. Then I need not worry about being forced to take difficult quests. Everyone’s been working their butts off, and I’ve been stressing out lately.”

Megumin-san showed a relieved smile.

Komekko then smiled back and said to Megumin-san,

“Onee-chan, the adventurers of this city are so strong!”

“Indeed, indeed. After all, they’re from the city that I live in.”

Upon hearing such conversation, people around us turned away shyly.

Judging by their attitude, they seem to have enjoyed it quite a bit.

“The blue-haired onee-san is also very powerful!”

“That’s right. As expected for being my friend. She purified a spectre that’s been around for a long time. So, while Aqua is usually dumb like that, I encourage you to see her in a more positive light.”

Hearing Komekko and Megumin’s discussion, Aqua also turned completely smug, not a shred of shame on her face.

“And, the onii-san is also powerful!”

“Mhm, he’s nonetheless the leader of our party. There’s no way he’s not powerful… Although, I still question whether he was truly ‘victorious’ given the tactics he used…”

Sheesh, is this person trying to rain on my parade of flawless victory against the tranquility princess?

“…Eh? Uh-um, what about my big moments…?”

“You didn’t have any, did you?”

Feeling hurt, Darkness sulked by herself—

“See, Komekko? My friends are powerful, right? The adventurers of this city are all very cool, right? When you get back to the village…be sure to brag about us all.”

As she spoke, Megumin smiled embarrassedly at the adventurers.

“Say, Kazuma, the tranquility princess was right, wasn’t she? That I’m no more useful than an adamantite snail?”

“Please stop stressing over losing to a plant, leave it behind.”

As I consoled the depressed Darkness alone.

“Except onee-chan isn’t powerful.”

Komekko dropped the bomb.

“…K-Komekko, what did you just say? You said that I, your mighty onee-chan, isn’t powerful?”

Megumin questioned shakily.

The guild instantly went dead silent.

“Mhm, only onee-chan isn’t really powerful.”

“K-Komekko! What’s going on, have you entered the age of rebellion!? You’ve been learning strange words and have been disobedient to me lately; you are making your older sister feel heartbroken, you know!?”

Leaving the teary eyed Megumin behind, Komekko walked over to the receptionist onee-san.

“I have a request for you, big-breasted onee-san.”

“Komekko, I’d prefer if you don’t call me ‘big-breasted onee-san’, if you please.”

Having given the receptionist such an incredible nickname, Komekko went on to say—

“Please give us a quest that can make my not-so-powerful onee-chan more powerful.”

Who knows whether she’s being considerate for her sister or what with this suspicious demand.

“Komekko, let’s go home! My true abilities can only show at the key moments; so normally, I’m pretty lackluster. Let’s go, I’ll put on an explosion firework show tonight after we get home.”

Blurted Megumin embarrassedly as she attempted to lead Komekko away by her hand.

Komekko still gazed pleadingly at the receptionist even as she was dragged away by her sister.

“Hmm~… To be fair, there aren’t many big quests left. The remaining quests are mostly giant toad subjugation… After all, this city isn’t exactly known for its livestock industry; with toad meat also being delicious, there’s never been a lack of demand. So, this is the only reliable, always ongoing quest.”

“That will do.”

Komekko answered instantly, leaving her onee-chan troubled.

“That will do? But giant toads are very weak monsters, they’re only loved for food…”

“That will do.”

Megumin pulled her to the side as Komekko took quests irresponsibly.

“Why are you taking quests!? You even accepted a giant toad subjugation quest which is not hard at all. You chose it for the toad meat, didn’t you? Well then, onee-chan will let you witness her true power! Come on, there must still be some big quests left, right? Bring them on, go big or go home. Mind you, I’m feeling incredibly competent today; so, bring whatever you have to me, be it Demon Generals or dragons!”

Megumin exclaimed excitedly. The onee-san appeared troubled.

“Be it Demon Generals or dragons…huh? If you put it that way, we actually do have one durian quest left…”

The onee-san had a mental battle for whether she should say it aloud.

“Hey, don’t embarrass Megumin-san!”

“That’s right, she clearly said she wanted to do it, is that not enough?”

“Yeah yeah, they aren’t a hesitant bunch, so what’s with the hold-up at this point?”

Suddenly, the adventurers around us spoke up.

Hearing them, Megumin turned slightly bashful.

“Like the adventurers said, I already claimed “I’d do it”, so it’s fine. I’ll destroy any monster Axel can throw at me. Or are you implying that the monster is stronger than a Demon General?”

Other adventurers proceeded to boo. In response to Megumin, the onee-san shook her head.

It’s reasonable. Monsters that show up near a beginner town shouldn’t be stronger than a Demon General.

“Onee-chan must be very powerful!”

Komekko’s eyes glowed in anticipation for her sister’s impending moment of glory. Succumbing to her attack, the onee-san passed the quest to Megumin with a bitter smile.

“Understood. In that case, I shall reserve this final durian quest for Megumin-san.”

Megumin retrieved the quest and filled the guild hall with her booming voice.

“Waga na wa Megumin, the elite archwizard of Axel, the master of Explosion Magic! In any duel, all shall succumb before the power of my explosions, be it Demon Generals or dragons!”

“Ooohohohoho!”

“Let’s go, Megumin-san! Let’s go!’

“Oho! Then we shall go lend a hand, too!”

Basking in the cheers of the adventurers, her excited eyes shining red, Megumin briskly flared up her cloak in a marvelous pose…

“This final quest…isn’t the subjugation of a single monster, but a duo consisting of the griffon and the manticore that have been fighting over territory for ages…”

Hearing the onee-san’s explanation, the guild suddenly fell silent. Megumin, too, froze solid mid-pose.

Part 2

The griffon and the manticore.

The two pretty overleveled beasts settled near Axel around two years ago.

The manticore didn’t come into existence naturally but was instead magically fabricated.

Nobody knows whether it had been set free by some wizard as a cruel joke, or whether it had escaped from some secluded ruins on its own.

Nevertheless, the manticore of mysterious origins one day settled on a mountain near Axel.

Following that, as if clockwork, sightings of a griffon near the same spot were reported.

When people first encountered the griffon, its wings appeared heavily wounded and its whole body was in a disastrous condition.

After seeing how badly wounded it was, the Adventurer’s Guild declared the region forbidden for entry. By barring access to the injured griffon, they hoped that it would remain crippled from lack of medical attention.

Furthermore, they quarantined the area—if they were lucky, the manticore living in the vicinity would battle it to the death…

However, the griffon let the guild down big time. It ended up in a stalemate with its equally entrapped manticore roommate, threatening even Axel’s suburbs.

The trouble stirred up by one beast was doubled. Ever since, the guild had been formally requesting their subjugation; however, to prevent uninformed people from further escalating the situation, they set the reward very low. Ultimately, the quest was never taken from the board.

—Currently, we’re on our way with the other adventurers to the territory of those two monsters.

I followed them half-heartedly at the very back. Aqua then said,

“Manticore and griffon. Now that you mention it, I do remember seeing a quest like that before.”

What does this girl have to say now?

(Kazuma) “Don’t you recall? When we were still buried in debt, we even considered taking this quest.”

Indeed, we were still newbies back then.

Anxious about our economic situation, she brought me the quest that everyone avoided like the plague.

“Was that a thing? I’m a forgiving and forgetful woman; I don’t linger over past matters.”

“A cool line like that should’ve been by said by someone more likeable than you.”

Out of all the durian quests, not even the guild has faith in the completion of this one.

However, more than a year has gone by since we last considered this quest.

So, we’re kind of avenging our past selves.

Our circumstances are different now; we were no longer being dragged around at fate’s mercy.

It is time for me to prove that I’ve emerged as a skillful elite adventurer after my time as a newbie.

“Still, we’ve come a long way. Back when we were little ducklings, we couldn’t have dreamed of taking on tasks like this.”

“Yeah, back then we constantly went on missions just to pay our debt. I couldn’t even believe myself, but compared to the leisurely life saturated with wealth we have now, the times plagued by debt when we had to work our butts off everyday felt more satisfying…”

Megumin said nostalgically.

“That is called rose-tinted retrospection. Most people tend to glorify the past.”

While Megumin basked in nostalgia, as a man who had suffered gravely due to poverty, I prefer to stay far away from such a life.

“Don’t put it like that, Kazuma. It’s not like I can’t relate with Megumin at all. We really were newbies back then, being tortured by all kinds of monsters including giant toads. But in hindsight, those memories are really…”

As she reminisced the past, Darkness gradually began blushing bashfully. It looked as if she remembered something important.

An adventurer next to Darkness then told her,

“Nah, you guys haven’t changed much. Though you did in fact defeat several Demon Generals and tough monsters, Aqua-san cried a while ago when a neroid she had chased into an alley lashed back at her.”

“Oi, didn’t I tell you to not spread stories like this!? Why did you think I spent my own precious cash to buy ice cream for you!? That was a bribe for non-disclosure! Since you’ve broken our contract, you better give me my ice cream back!”

Aqua went nuclear against the adventurer who had exposed her own ungracefulness.

“I helped you get rid of the neroid; I’ll take the ice cream as a show of gratitude.”

In response to being utterly humiliated by the adventurer, Aqua retaliated with “if you ever get hurt and need my healing magic, you’d have to pay me, too.”

We all used to be shy and asocial, but now gossips with other adventurers like this are commonplace.

Days in this world are long and busy like this.

Although I don’t quite agree with Megumin and Darkness, the debt-ridden, chaotic, and constantly busy days might not have been that bad.

…No, I may have instead come to the realization that this strange world isn’t that terrible in itself.

I looked down at Axel city from the mountainside. The expansive, blissful scenery presented ahead emotionally inspires me.

Ara, after all we’ve been through, who’s to say that I haven’t fallen in love with this world already?

Just as I pondered with a self-mocking smile…

I noticed a shadow looming overhead.

I swiftly flicked my head to look—

There it is, the razor-toothed head of a beast with colossal wings.

A gigantic creature with the head of a vulture and the body of a lion.

Then, the ferocious mystical monster—the griffon—charged at us.

Part 3

“The griffon has showed up—!”

Even the courageous adventurers who came in high spirits wanting to help Megumin beat the hardest quest were shocked stiff by the very sight of the griffon’s enormity.

“Kazuma! This one’s even bigger than we imagined! With a beak this fabulous, could it be a relative of Emperor Zell?”

“Would you stop spouting n o n s e n s e! M-Megumin, go chant your spell! Put the unseen manticore aside and take care of the griffon first! This thing has top priority!”

“G-g-g-g-got it! Leave it to me!”

And of course, the adventurers weren’t the only ones shocked stiff.

Megumin began to chant. Hearing her, the adventurers regained composure and prepared their weapons.

“Alright, I’ll be the meat shield! This will be my big moment; I must convince Komekko to say that the onee-san in armor is also very powerful! Even though we’re facing a griffon, it’s by itself! We have numbers, if we concentrate our will, we’ll definitely prevail!”

Only Darkness charged forth fearlessly directly towards the griffon.

As if empowered by her bravery, the adventurers at the front streamed after her. The mages also each chanted their own spells.

However, with perfect timing, a shadow thrusted itself between the griffon-fighting group and us back liners the moment Darkness charged.

“Ara, that’s no way to be. Although the griffon is incredibly bothersome, without it, you humans would have invaded this mountain.”

A creature with a human head, a lion’s body, the tail of a scorpion with the wings of a bat.

That is the demonic beast that was as disgusting as Frankenstein’s monster, the manticore.

Darkness and the other warrior adventurers were sandwiched between the two hideous beasts, isolated. The sudden cut-off also sent the mages into panic.

Just as Darkness unsheathed her sword at the manticore saying “I’ll handle this”, the monster merely glanced at her briefly then…

Took to the air swiftly with a flap of its wings and set course for—!

“I-it’s headed here! Hey, Megumin, that damn bastard is coming for you! Stop chanting for now; if we don’t keep our distance, it’ll wreck us!”

“W-w-w-wait a second, Kazuma! Don’t shake me! The manticore has high intelligence. It was alerted by the threat of my dangerous spell, so it raised our priority. A-ah, it’s c-coming!”

No way, even if we called for help, the adventurers would be too tied up with distracting the griffon to protect Darkness.

However, I’m not the type to panic!

I pulled out the bow on my back and steadily took aim.

“Eat this! Snipe!”

I quickly charged my bow and launched an arrow at the manticore.

Then the arrow precisely—!

“…The hell is this?”

The arrow I shot was effortlessly brushed aside mid-air by the manticore’s tail.

“Megumin—! My arrow was deflected, what now!?”

“It was simply not strong enough! Manticores are high-tier monsters that shouldn’t be around here! To it, beginner adventurers’ attacks are only that: an annoyance!”

Shouted Megumin as she restarted her explosion chanting.

I won’t let you interrupt the chanting this time—gah, shit!

“Aha! You sure give the gentleman vibe, little boy! Oi, wanna see what I can do with this meat whip!?”

“Eh!?”

The manticore said something alarming in every sense, then whipped out a giant scorpion tail and dove down at me.

To protect Megumin, I stood before her and uttered a spell.

“Create Earth!”

No matter how strong the opponent is, hurting their eyes will definitely hold them back.

After the manticore is blinded, we’ll only need enough time for Megumin to finish her chant—

“Leave this to me, Kazuma! Large monsters like manticores and griffons need magic to fly! What I’m saying is, without magic, they’ll fall right out of the sky!”

Aqua suddenly said as she jumped out from nowhere.

“Hey wait, nothing good ever comes of anything you do! Just let me use the blinding combo like usual and…!”

Before I could finish…

“Sacred Break Spell!”

Aqua unleashed a holy ray of light that shot into the air and struck the manticore.

I guess the manticore did indeed use magic to stay up, like Aqua had said.

Having lost its flight ability, the manticore diving towards me obeyed the laws of inertia and—!

“Whooooooooaaaahhhh!?”

“Owowowowowow!”

The falling manticore came crashing down, threatening to crush me.

Probably from the resistance buff that Aqua casted earlier, I wasn’t hurt much.

But…

“Not bad, boy! You really are something, if I do say so!”

“Not bad my ass! Same deal with Sylvia; why are hybrid monsters all like this!?”

The manticore laid on top of me and pinned my arms down with its front legs…!

“Come on, just try taking a shot from my meat whip…!? Gah, wh-what’s this now!?”

I activated Drain Touch and started sucking the life force and mana out of the manticore!

“Anyone, please come save me—! I’m about to lose some very important things!”

To be specific, my other virginity; but above that, my life!

“!?”

After being sneakily assaulted from behind by the thieves, the manticore quickly backed off.

Having retreated, the manticore paid no attention to the thieves but instead stared at me in terror.

My Drain Touch was probably the more surprising attack.

The mages on the other hand had distanced themselves from the manticore and I, instead focusing their magic on the griffon.

I don’t have the time to investigate what’s happening on the other side; but since they’re paying less attention to us, we’re in a dire situation.

My Drain Touch seemed to be quite effective as the manticore now appeared cautious. I took this chance and unsheathed my blade.

However, I have no intentions to take him head-on.

Having the weakest profession, my goal isn’t to engage in melees but to make time.

“Bring it on, bastard; you’ve been acting weirdly for a while now. I actually have a phobia for the likes of you! Now, watch me overcome my fears and tear you up!”

I boasted to enrage it and in turn mess up its concentration.

After all, I have other adventurers nearby aiding me, so as long as I give them enough time—

“Gah! Another manticore! It’s female, a female manticore!”

“Did she follow along!? Female manticores are stronger! Let’s take her on!”

The adventurers that were rushing my way all changed courses for the female manticore after seeing it ambush the mages at the back.

…………

“Boy, you’ve got some nerve. A duel, is that what you want!? A duel!? How manly; well, allow me to pierce♂the♂heavens from your backyard!” (TL note: same reference as last chapter)

“Spare me! Please spare me!!”

That was blatantly asking for trouble!

“Kazuma, I’m ready! Leave this to me!”

Having finished the incantation, Megumin announced from behind.

But the manticore is too close for the attack; to blow it up, we must make room…!

“Don’t waste such a spell on the manticore! The griffon is far stronger, so leave this cannon fodder be and strike over there!”

“U-understood! I’ve indeed heard rumors saying that the griffon’s level is higher!”

I taunted the manticore again. Megumin, while holding her mana at the tip of her staff, also helped in insulting it.

“Ohh? You dare say I’m weaker even after years of sustained combat?”

My duty is to buy time.

Right now, defeating either one of the monsters will be enough to turn the tables…

“Lalatina!”

“Hey, is everything okay!?”

“Lalatina is under heavy assault from the griffon! No, wait, she appears somewhat happy; she seems very calm and serene…!”

…or so it would seem. Will our chances really improve?

I’m counting on you, Axel adventurers; weren’t you supposedly super powerful!?

As if my prayers have been answered, I heard a voice from afar as I stood deadlocked with the manticore.

“Yes, it’s working! Hey, Kazuma—! We’ll come help as soon as we get rid of the other manticore!”

Of course, the manticore before me also heard it.

The manticore lost its cool and fell into panic.

“Oi, if you want to save your wife then go ahead. The archwizard holding her magic behind me is the best in Axel. Keep fighting here, or go save your wife? The choice is yours.”

In response, he showed a surprised expression—

“Things aren’t going too well today! I’ll leave you alone. What I’m saying is, I choose to help my wife…”

Saying that, the manticore quickly turned and dashed off.

The adventurers around the female manticore were completely helpless against the full-speed charge of the aforementioned beast and were knocked airborne.

“They got Lalatina!”

Hearing that, I looked at the source and saw the griffon raising its body with Darkness in its mouth, preparing to take off.

Darkness, meanwhile, relentlessly hammered at it with her bare fists having apparently lost her longsword.

But of course, such retaliation has limited effect against the hard beak…

“Kazuma-san, please do something quick! Darkness is about to be abducted! This reminds me of how Emperor Zell caught worms from the yard this morning; Darkness, in her current state, uncannily resembles a worm that’s about to be eaten by Emperor Zell!”

“Stop with the negative foreshadowing at this critical moment; why must you always do unnecessary things!?”

As we spoke, the two manticores broke our encirclement and made a dash for the griffon, the remaining adventurers in pursuit.

They may very well be trying to use the griffon to cut the adventurers off and secure their escape.

Such a strategy is too crafty even for monsters with human heads.

“Darkness, hang in there! Megumin, get ready to unleash your spell!”

I pulled my bow back again and aimed for the griffon’s eye.

“Hitting such a big target should be no problem! No tricks up your sleeve this time!”

I enabled my sniping skill and launched the arrow towards the griffon’s monstrous eyeball.

It must have been distracted by Darkness’ fierce resistance and couldn’t react to the incoming arrow in time.

“Eeeeeeeeek!”

With an arrow plunged into its right eye, the griffon screeched sharply.

Seeing the arrow in the griffon’s eye, Darkness mercilessly hammered it in.

Likely due to the unbearable pain, the griffon flung away Darkness who had “you deserved it!” written all over her face.

“Megumin, go! By the power of the best archwizard in Axel, blow all three of them asunder!”

Before I could finish, Megumin pointed her staff at the griffon.

“After we return to Axel, this glorious moment of mine must be told word for word to my little sister. Waga na wa Megumin! The elite archwizard of Axel, the master of Explosion Magic! …Now, have a taste of the ultimate attack I’ve been holding all this time! E x p l o s i o n—!”

Thus, Megumin unleashed her Explosion Magic.

A fireball of unimaginable proportions burst out from the mountain range, engulfing the griffon along with the two manticores passing by it—!

Patt 4

“I’m calling quits. Look, Kazuma, I’m declaring a break from quests.”

After an arduous battle, we completed the subjugation of the griffon and the manticore.

“Say, Kazuma, I want to ask: did we really improve at all? We’ve never matured one bit since we formed the party, have we?”

“Don’t ask me; that’s what I want to know.”

Carrying Megumin, I walked shoulder-to-shoulder with the battle-scarred Darkness and other adventurers. Together, we made our way back to Axel.

I stared towards the setting sun at the far end of the street as I walked. Megumin said from atop my back,

“I want to apologize to Kazuma-san for something… I can never fathom the idea of returning to the olden days again.”

What did I tell you?

“—Thanks for the work, everyone! Also, congratulations! With that, every durian quest in the city has been completed! On behalf of all staff members of the Adventurer’s Guild, I thank you all sincerely!”

The staff welcomed us as we returned to the guild in decrepitude.

Seeing this scene, the adventurers who came along to help all smiled in satisfaction as if they’ve tasted the fruit of their hard work.

And in the middle of the row of staff members.

The onee-san who seems to have become the icon of our guild pushed her out.

“So great! Everyone is so great!”

Komekko’s eyes gleamed.

“Yeah, we’re great, aren’t we? It’s because we’re adventurers of Axel! Although, your big sister is the greatest. After all, Megumin was the one who killed the griffon and the manticore en masse!”

The rough-faced man with a warrior spirit laughed openly; no longer did he add “-san” after “Megumin” but rather commended from heart.

Hearing the truthful words from the adventurer, Komekko showed the happiest smile we’ve ever seen to date.

“Onee-chan is the best!”

Epilogue

Part 1

That night.

After taking our time to do our great deed, we split the rewards for the griffon quest amongst others, feasted at the guild and didn’t return until now.

Komekko fell asleep halfway home from being too full, so Darkness piggybacked her for the remainder of the way. She’s currently sleeping on Megumin’s bed.

Hiking in addition to the intense battle.

While it was tiring, in the end we enjoyed that rare feeling of huge accomplishment.

Slipping under the sheets, I was about close my eyes and embrace that alcohol-fueled good night’s sleep when—

“Kazuma, are you awake? If you are, may I interrupt for a second?”

Megumin’s voice came from the door.

“I’m still awake; about to sleep, though.”

“No… It took massive effort for me to visit, don’t be so quick to fall asleep!”

Megumin opened the door and entered as she complained.

I didn’t sit up from the bed but poked only my head out instead.

“What are you here for this late in the night? Komekko rarely stays over, are you sure you don’t want to accompany her? Although I haven’t a clue when your parents will come pick her up, she can’t stay here forever, can she?”

Though personally I see no problem in letting her live here.

Not that I want to make moves on a loli.

The vivid memories of my time with Iris at the capital are still on my mind.

Right, Iris told me to write letters to her when I remember what had happened.

Even if I do head to the guild tomorrow, I’d only find quests like toad killing. So, I should better write that letter.

As I planned mentally, Megumin started quietly giggling.

“No, um… Actually, Yunyun came to me just a while ago.”

It has indeed been a few days since we last saw that girl; where did she go?

Funifura and Dodonko also said they couldn’t find her anywhere; could she really have gone into “hiding”?

“And then? What happened to Yunyun? Did she come to play with Komekko?”

“Nope. She was here to pass a message from the Crimson Demon village, that the Demon Army occupying the village has been successfully repelled.”

What a battleborne race.

As expected of the strongest mage clan, the Crimson Magic clan.

It’s only been a few days. Couldn’t they reserve their potential for something more practical?

“Isn’t that good news? Although, that would also mean…”

“That’s right, I heard that my mother will be picking up Komekko tomorrow.”

Megumin showed a lonely smile.

“All the more reasons you should sleep by her side tonight; are you sure you would rather be here?”

“It’s fine, no problem. She’s a tough child. Or rather, I’m afraid I’m the one who gets hurt more if I stayed with her any longer.”

Speaking of which, this girl really is a bit of a siscon.

Then, Megumin lowered her head.

“Kazuma, thanks for all your help these past few days, I’m extremely grateful.”

She suddenly thanked me.

“Don’t be such a stranger. Mhm, even though I nearly lost something precious due to my laziness and degeneracy, it makes me happy knowing that everything’s like when it started.”

I smiled wryly as I spoke. Megumin also giggled in return.

“Indeed, the battle we had today felt akin to the ones we fought long ago… Say, this counts as a sign of growth, right?”

Darkness had asked the same question on our way back to the guild; however, I didn’t agree with the phrasing.

Frankly, since I last leveled up, my stats have been rising even more slowly.

It’s possible that my stats are close to being maxed out—a reality that I’m not too keen to accept.

There are no cheats here, so it really is no joking matter when I get stuck with the same stats regardless of my level.

Not understanding my pain and sorrow, Megumin cheerfully chatted with me instead.

“By the way, do you still remember? That time when we first met?”

She asked in a strongly sentimental tone.

“Of course I do; you told me a confusing and awkward name as complete strangers, then abruptly fell to the floor. On top of that, the next thing to come out of your mouth was something about not having eaten for three darn days. Who in the world can forget an experience like that?”

“Oi, how many times do I have to say this: if you have a problem with my name then tell it to my face.”

Seeing the red glow in Megumin’s eyes as she approached me, I, too, felt a wave of nostalgia as the memories of this banter we used to share returned.

It could be that my face did a poor job hiding that thought, or it could be that Megumin isn’t really mad at me… But she chuckled. And so did I…

“Kazuma, I actually knew you before then.”

Megumin suddenly said something important like that.

“Perhaps Kazuma and Aqua don’t know about this, but I was in fact familiar with the two of you before I joined the party.”

“Haw.”

Implying that Aqua and I stood out that much?

“……Let me explain; it’s because of all the fuss you two had made. Getting in trouble at every turn, raging and crying all the time. Be it working at the guild vineyard, working at the grocery; you two managed to get yelled at everywhere. And that’s how I memorized you two.”

“Oi. So you’re saying that we left basically no good impressions?”

Megumin then laughed happily.

“However, despite everything, the two of you always seemed to be enjoying yourselves. That was the real reason I chose your party; at the time, I was thinking of all the fun I could also be having if I adventured with you.”

Since she put it that way, I could no longer stay mad.

“Although, if someone told me at the time that ‘I would take a liking to Kazuma’, there’s not a chance that I would have believed them either.”

“Huh? Was my first impression that bad? It’s quite hurtful of you to describe me that way.”

She again giggled happily.

“Kazuma Kazuma,”

“What now? I’m getting very sleepy, so could you stop bothering me? The alcohol is really taking a toll on my ability to stay awake.”

In response to my little tantrum, she—

“It’s about time for us to advance our relationship to somewhere between friends and lovers.”

—flung me a fastball out of the blue.

Part 2

“—Sorry for the trouble Kazuma-san, thanks for taking care of my daughters.”

“No no no, it was nothing. I should thank your daughter for taking care of me…”

The next morning.

I got no happy ending after her unilateral declaration; instead, she plainly bid me goodnight and returned to her room.

And when we ran into each other this morning, she greeted me as if nothing had happened.

Even though I understand we shouldn’t be too reckless with Komekko in the house, what is she playing at by leaving right after saying something like that?

Thanks to her I got almost no sleep last night.

Their family is truly full of demons; both sisters are demonic.

“When you said ‘thank your daughter for taking care of me’, in which context did you mean by ‘taking care’? Though I wouldn’t mind whatever it might mean. After all, my daughter has reached the age to seek romantic partnership…”

Megumin’s mom Yuiyui-san started saying these strange things.

For some reason, upon hearing “age to seek romantic partnership”, Darkness shuddered as she said her farewells to Komekko at the door.

I guess as a noble, she must be self-conscious about people possibly thinking that she’s reached the “unwanted age”—if she doesn’t marry soon.

“Taking care as in while fighting and adventuring; I didn’t mean anything strange by it.”

“I know, I know; I’ve heard everything from my daughter. I understand you very well, Kazuma-san. Everything’s fine as long as you can take the responsibility.”

Hearing such things from Yuiyui, I jerked my head towards Megumin and shot her a glare; however, she shook her head panickedly.

Which means… that the “daughter” she spoke of was…

Under the collective gaze of Megumin and I, Komekko took out her notebook.

It’s that notebook she used to record everything happening around me…

“The blue-haired onee-san is so great, she punched a ghost with her bare fists. The armored onee-san is also very great, she got eaten by a giant bird. Onee-chan’s boyfriend is also super great, he killed a woman with weed killer. Onee-chan is also super-duper great, not sure why yet.”

Eh.

What was that last part supposed to mean? Even though Megumin explained her strengths countless of times to this young girl, she still doesn’t seem to understand at all.

At this point, Megumin was overwhelmed with sadness and she fell to the carpet on all fours. Yuiyui then took the notebook and continued to read.

“Onee-chan isn’t with me tonight, I think she went to her boyfriend’s room, then when I went to check, I heard her saying something like being between friends and lovers.”

“Komekko! So you were awake that entire time! How dare you eavesdrop on me!? When did you start listening in!?”

Megumin abruptly leapt up from the carpet, yelling with a fully flushed face.

Her mother answered with a gentle smile.

“There’s no need to hide it; as a mother, I’m satisfied so long as you are happy.”

Megumin once again dropped to the carpet and rolled around with her head in her arms.

Yuiyui no longer paid attention to her.

“Well, Kazuma-san, we’ll be calling farewell now… On another note, though I’ve heard rumors about it before, I didn’t believe your mansion would be this luxurious. With that, I can now entrust my daughter to you without reluctance.”

Saying that, Yuiyui started an incantation, which is probably the teleportation spell.

“Goodbye onii-san, I want to eat frogs again the next time I visit.”

“Yuiyui, ancestor of mine! Dost thou honestly have no better topic to discuss during this precious reunion with your beloved daughter!?”

Megumin asked desperately.

“Hurry up and have a kid.”

It’s hard to imagine something like this being told to a teenager.

“Hey, mom…!”

Before Megumin could fire back, Yuiyui took Komekko into her arms…

“Live a great life, all. I’ve already thought of a name for my grandchild.”

…And like a gust of wind—

“Teleport!”

They disappeared without trace.

“—Good morning! Hey, I’m really craving chicken this morning…eh? Where did Komekko go?

After sending Yuiyui off.

Because the farewell had been so anticlimactic, we were still stuck in the mood. And just now, the one who could read anything but the mood—Aqua—finally got up.

“How much longer were you planning to sleep? Komekko has already left.”

“Eh!? Why!? Didn’t we agree to go catch neroids together today?”

Weren’t you crying because of them a while ago?

Neroids are very weak; even children can fight them, so to say. However, I didn’t think she’d take it literally.

After finally snapping out of it from Aqua’s comment, Megumin said—

“I’m really sorry for the trouble I brought upon everyone this time… really sorry for everyone having to deal with my mother and sister…”

“Come to think of it, wasn’t everything caused by your heroic posturing before your parents?”

Facing my insult, Megumin awkwardly turned her gaze away.

“Since I’m happy, I’ll let it slide. We could invite her over anytime anyway; we’ll have go catch neroids together next time.”

Said Aqua cheerfully.

“Oi, Kazuma… About what Megumin’s mother said a while ago…”

After Darkness anxiously fidgeted and struggled to decide whether she should speak up, she managed to find enough courage to say it in the end.

We still stood by the door after Komekko had left; unbelievably, someone knocked on it.

Thinking that Komekko might have left something behind, we opened the door to find a young girl with blue eyes and blonde hair.

By her appearance, she should be slightly younger than Komekko…right?

Her face feels somewhat familiar.

She cautiously looked up at us, then spotted Darkness beside me.

“Mommy——!”

She then excitedly yelled such a thing before tightly embracing Darkness—